The meeting unfolded like most of her other performance reviews. Michelle and her manager discussed sales numbers, future goals, and her contributions to the team. Then, in need of support, she decided to confide in him about a challenge she was having with a colleague from another department. Let’s call him Dave. When working on projects, Dave had consistently failed to take Michelle’s ideas seriously, and outright discluded her from informal team gatherings, like “grabbing a beer after work.”
Mentors, Stop Saying “I Understand”
To create inclusive work environments, managers must be educated on how to coach employees who are different than themselves — in ways that go beyond recognizing their blind spots. Here are a few best practices: If your team member presents you with a problem they are struggling with, avoid falling into the trap of relating to their experience by using language like, “I understand what you’re going through.” In your effort to relate, it is possible (and likely) to make false assumptions and tread into areas you know nothing about. Instead, reframe “awkward” moments of silence as moments to absorb the meaning of the conversation, or moments to give the other person space to think. If you do not know what to say, you may need more information. Show support and ask your employee what they need from you, instead of assuming what that need is.