EXCLUSIVE'Lady in Red' - my big regret one year after the October 7 attack: Iconic survivor reveals what she wishes she had done to save others and how she copes with the trauma
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It was one of the most hauntingly iconic images of the October 7 massacre.
Vlada Patapov became known as the 'Lady in Red' after she was pictured fleeing in terror as Hamas gunmen stormed the Nova music festival slaughtering more than 360 revellers and taking 40 people hostage.
Her fate remained unknown after the striking footage of Vlada, with a red shawl around her shoulders, sprinting for survival across the desert flashed around the globe in the aftermath of the attack.
For weeks the world wondered if she made it - whether she was alive or dead - until she was tracked down by MailOnline and revealed her harrowing story.
Now, a year on, the Ukrainian mother-of-one has put aside her personal heartache to open up about the events that changed her life forever and still haunt her to this day.
Vlada Patapov became known as the 'Lady in Red' after she was pictured fleeing in terror as Hamas gunmen stormed the Nova music festival slaughtering more than 360 revellers and taking 40 people hostage
For weeks the world wondered if Vlada (pictured with her daughter Romi) made it - sprinting for survival across the desert flashed around the globe in the aftermath of the attack
The Ukrainian mother-of-one was finally tracked down by MailOnline last December (pictured) and told for the first time of her nightmare ordeal
Friends told how Vlada has been battling PTSD while dealing with the emotional turmoil of survivor's guilt
Speaking exclusively to MailOnline the wedding planner said: 'If I had one wish, it would be to have told everyone at the festival one hour before Hamas attacked that something was going to happen then everyone could have got away.
'I survived but others weren't so fortunate. I think about that. It weighs on my mind. I am still traumatised by what happened a year on.
'I've been having therapy and counselling like many of the others who were there and I find speaking to people helps me cope with what happened that day.
'But then sometimes I think who can help me when all this is still going on around us and the fear is still here and it's still real.'
Vlada, 26, has been battling PTSD while dealing with the emotional turmoil of survivor's guilt since the moment armed terrorists swooped from the skies in paragliders to join gunmen on motorcycles and trucks in the carefully planned murderous mission.
Meanwhile the anniversary of the massacre and the ongoing conflict in the region escalating out of control have only added to her trauma.
Now Vlada has revealed all she could think about as the horror unfolded was staying alive for the sake of her three-year-old daughter.
She said: 'When I think back to that day a year ago it all seems so fresh and the only thing that I could think of at the time was staying alive for my daughter Romi and I give thanks for that every day.
'She will be four soon and for a quarter of her life she has known only war. It is terrible for us but many countries don't seem to accept or understand what we are going through.'
Vlada only decided to go to the festival at the last minute with boyfriend Matan and a friend called Mai.
She found herself split up from Matan and saw friends shot and killed as gunmen indiscriminately sprayed bullets into the crowd.
It was to be almost 24 hours before she was able to finally cuddle Romi, then aged three, in the safety of her home.
Vlada, 26, remains haunted by the events where her life changed forever after armed terrorists swooped from the skies in paragliders to join gunmen on motorcycles and trucks in the carefully planned murderous mission
Vlada has told friends how she will mark the anniversary privately and wants to make it about honouring the dead rather than the focus being on her
Vlada's Instagram posts show her enjoying beachside days out with her partner Matan who was with her on the night of the massacre
Vlada's social media presence highlights her desire to return to as normal life as is possible
Vlada told how she only decided to go to the festival at the last minute with Matan and a friend called Mai
She told how she has formed a close bond with those who helped save her life but plans to mark the anniversary quietly at home with her family.
Vlada said: 'We can't let the terrorists win. We can't be weak - we must remain strong for Israel and for the hostages who are still in Gaza.
'But at the same time it's so scary here at the moment for us, we have rockets from Gaza, rockets from Lebanon and now rockets from Iran, it seems as if it will never stop.'
Speaking about her day to day struggles, Vlada - who lives in the coastal city of Ashdod south of Tel Aviv - added: 'Then there are terrorist attacks, there was one a few hours ago and then there was one last week, you just don't feel safe leaving your home but like I said you have to be strong, you can't let them win.
'These people who attack Israel should imagine what it's like for us here having rockets and sirens and living in fear of a terrorist attack, I could walk out my front door to go to the shops and someone could attack me.
'But it's the hostages who are still there that I feel for the most, and for their families as well, the little babies still there a year on Who would have thought we would still be in this situation a year on?
'I thought it would be a few weeks, maybe a couple of months but it's been a year now and it looks with the Lebanon situation as if things will only get worse.'
During the October 7 attacks 1,200 people were slain in cold blood by Hamas terrorists.
Of the 251 who were taken by Hamas - some of whom were already dead and their bodies were to be used as bargaining chips - 120 people are still being held in Gaza.
It is believed that 41 hostages have died in Hamas' hands.
Vlada revealed she was still in touch with fellow festival goers saying: 'I still speak to friends who were there and the people who saved me, we are in a WhatsApp group and it's the same with them, none of us can believe this is still happening.
'There are events going on to remember what happened at the festival but I won't be going because for me the most important thing is to be with Romi and Matan.
'When Romi hears the sirens she is so scared, she starts crying and with the anniversary I just don't feel like letting her go to nursery so I will keep at her home, only because you just don't know if they will try something again.'
Vlada's social media presence highlights her desire to return to as normal life as is possible.
Her most recent posting just days ago shows her four-year-old daughter Romi smiling and playing during a day out accompanied to the sound of Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
Other images show Vlada enjoying beachside days out with Matan.
Last December, Vlada outlined for the first time the harrowing details how the horror unfolded on the day of the attack.
At points she broke down in tears as she gave her haunting testimony.
Vlada's social media presence highlights her desire to return to as normal life as is possible
Vlada told MailOnline: 'I sometimes feel guilty that I survived'
Vlada Patapov, the Supernova festival girl who was captured in an iconic image from October 7th, pictured with her flame coloured shawl from the photo
Vlada said: 'I haven't really spoken about what happened to anyone, it's still very painful for me, I've shared with my family the horror of that day and I still thank God every morning that I'm still alive.'
After arriving at the festival site at Re'im - just a mile and half from the border with Gaza - Valda, Matan and Mai set up camp and spent the evening talking, a chance to unwind from a busy week of wedding planning.
She said: 'The strange thing is I didn't want to go to the festival. It was just a last-minute thing.
'Matan got some tickets, and we went with a friend, but I had a feeling something wasn't right when we left the Friday afternoon.
'Romi was so quiet, she is always usually noisy running around playing with her toys but that day she was still, and I'm sure now she knew something terrible was going to happen.'
Vlada said of the festival: 'I remember the atmosphere was very strange, people were having fun and dancing but for me there was no energy, and I didn't dance around as much as I usually do when I go to these festivals.
'I did think at the time it was weird to have a festival so close to the border with Gaza and rockets come over every now and then, but I thought the organisers must think it's safe or they wouldn't hold it.'
At 3am she laid down on a mat to sleep but was woken at 6.30am when an air raid alarm app on her phone went off.
She said: 'I looked for Matan and Mai and I immediately heard shooting. It was loud and very close to us. For a few seconds I didn't know what was happening and then Matan just screamed that we had to run for the car.
'Missiles started coming over and the place just went crazy, the announcer said for everyone to evacuate and people just started running for their cars.
'I think at first people thought it was just one of those routine rocket attacks from Gaza and it wasn't until later when we looked at our phones we realised it was a proper invasion and these terrorists wanted to kill us.
'But I don't understand why, even now, it was just a music festival, it was peaceful, people were dancing and they came and murdered people, some of my friends, and for what?'
Racing for her car, the trio jumped inside and sped for the exit but their way was blocked by other vehicles.
Vlada said: 'Everyone was honking their horns, I was in the passenger seat and Matan was driving with Mai in the back and then we saw a man ahead of us dressed in a military uniform.
Vlada poses on a bench wearing her flame red shawl from the October 7 festival
Vlada Patapov is seen with a friend at the Nova festival, which was attacked by Hamas terrorists in October 7, causing revellers to flee across desert fields
Vlada captured a video early on the morning of October 7, in which rockets fired by Hamas can be seen flying through the air. These rockets signalled the beginning of the terror attack. Vlada and her partner can be seen left crouching down by a car, taking cover from the rockets (right)
Vlada was among those who ran across the field and desert. She jumped into a car (pictured), but separated from her partner Matan
In footage posted to TikTok on October 7, revellers appeared to be oblivious to the impending terror that was coming towards them in the shape of the Hamas attack
The sound of gunshots and sightings of Hamas gunmen caused panic to sweep through the crowd. Hundreds of festival-goers fled into the surrounding fields and desert
'We thought it was an Israeli soldier and we would be OK, then a guy a few cars in front got out and the soldier, who I know now was a terrorist, shot him.
'We all crouched down low, and bullets started hitting the cars around us but, I don't know how, we didn't seem to be hit, and Matan managed to reverse us away to try and get out the other side.
'It was just chaos, there were abandoned cars everywhere and we managed to get to a shelter along the road, where a policeman screamed at us to keep on driving east if we wanted to stay alive.
'Matan carried on driving, but we didn't get far and then we just saw terrorists on cars, bikes and trucks heading towards us shooting, so we tried to drive across the field but we got stuck so we all just got out and started running for our lives.
'This was where I got split from Matan and I didn't know where he was.
'I started running with Mai and we got to some trees and we were both crying.
'We didn't know what to do or where to go and all I could think of was Romi. I kept seeing her face and said someone has to survive for her.
'So Mai and I started running again, and that's when you see me in the video get into the car of my angel, a man called Yosef Ben Avu, he stopped and told us to get in and we did, all the time while shooting was going on.
'There were eight of us in the car, it was a Kia Picanto and we were all on top of each other. I called Matan and told him I was OK and he said he had been picked up as well and he was safe.'
Vlada and Mai eventually made it to the safety of an army base at Tze'elim while Matan went to one 20 minutes away at Orim.
She said: 'The whole thing had lasted three hours but it went by so quickly
'The longest part was waiting at the base before I could be picked up and go home and see Romi, and I gave her the biggest hug ever.'
