Charmed (TV series)

Something Wicca This Way Comes

Piper: Prue?

Prue: In here, working on the chandelier.

Piper: Sorry, I'm late.

Prue: What else is new? You know, Piper, I would have been here to wait for an electrician myself, but you know I can't leave museum until six. I didn't even have time to change.

Piper: I just... I didn't realize how long I was in Chinatown. Did Jeremy call?

Prue: No, but he had some roses and a package delivered. What were you doing in Chinatown? I through that you had an interview at North Beach.

Piper: I did, but later I went to YoungLi market after my interview to get the ingredients for my audition recipe tomorrow.

Prue: So that Wolfgang cook did not hire you today?

Piper: No, but this just may get me the job.

Prue: Jeremy sent you port?

Piper: It's the ultimate ingredient for my recipe.

Prue: Nice boyfriend.

Piper: Oh my God. I don't believe it. Tell me that's not our old spirit board.

Prue: Yeah, I found it in the basement when I was looking for the circuit tester.

Piper: "To my three beautiful girls. May this give you the light to find the shadows. The Power of Three will set you free. Love, Mom." We never did figure out what this inscription meant.

Prue: Oh, you should send it to Phoebe, that girl is so in the dark, maybe a little bit of light will help.

Piper: You're always so hard on her.

Prue: Piper, the girl has no vision, no sense of the future.

Piper: I really think Phoebe's coming around.

Prue: Well, as long as she doesn't come around here I guess that's good news.

Darryl: Well, it's about time.

Andy: I got here as soon as I heard. Another dead female, right? Mid to late 20s?

Darryl: I've been paging you for over an hour, Truedau. Where have you been?

Andy: Oakland. Checking out a lead.

Darry: What lead?

Andy: One that didn't go anywhere.

Darryl: You're avoiding my question.

Andy: Because you don't want to know I went to an occult shop.

Darryl: You hate me, don't you? You wanna see me suffer.

Andy: I want to solve these murders. Someone's after witches.

Darryl: Women.

Andy: That women up there, I bet she was killed by an athamé.

Darryl: Wrong. Double-edged steel knife.

Andy: Right. That's an athamé. It's a ceremonial tool. Witches use them to direct energy.

Darryl: That women didn't direct jack. She was stabbed. Plain and simple.

Andy: Was she found near an altar?

Darryl: Yes.

Andy: Were there carvings on that altar?

Darryl: Just do me a favor. Don't ever follow a lead without checking with me first.

Andy: You want to go to occult shops?

Darryl: Just get to work, okay?

Jeremy: Inspector Truedau! Jeremy Burns, San Francisco Chronicle. You care to comment?

Andy: A women was stabbed. Plain and simple.

Jeremy: That's the third one in three weeks.

Prue: I don't get it. I have checked everything. There's no reason why the chandelier should not be working.

Piper: We've been talking about what to do with that spare room. I think you're right, we do need a roommate.

Prue: Well we could rent out a room at a reduced rate in exchange to help around the house.

Piper: Phoebe's good with a wrench.

Prue: Phoebe lives in New York.

Piper: Not anymore.

Prue: What?

Piper: She left New York. She's moving back in with us.

Prue: You've got to be kidding.

Piper: Well, I could hardly say no. It's her house too; it was willed to all of us.

Prue: Yeah, months ago. And we haven't seen her or spoken to her since.

Piper: Well, you haven't spoken to her.

Prue: No, I haven't. Maybe you forgot why I'm so mad at her.

Piper: Well, of course not, but she had nowhere else to go. She lost her job, she's in debt.

Prue: And this is news? How long have you known about this anyway?

Piper: A couple of days. Maybe a week, or two...

Prue: Thanks for sharing. When does she arrive?

Phoebe: Surprise! I found the hide-a-key!

Piper: Phoebe, welcome home. It's so good to see you. Isn't it, Prue?

Prue: I'm speechless.

Phoebe: Oops, I forget about the cab.

Piper: I'll get it.

Prue: Piper, that's my purse!

Phoebe: Thanks, I'll pay you back.

Prue: Is that all that you brought?

Phoebe: That's all that I own, that and bike. Look, I know that you don't want me here...

Prue: We're not selling Gram's house.

Phoebe: Is that why you think I came back?

Prue: Look, the only reason Piper and I gave up our apartment and moved back was because this house has been in our family for generations.

Phoebe: No history lesson needed. I grew up here, too. So, can we talk about what's really bothering you?

Prue: No, I'm still furious with you.

Phoebe: So, you'd rather have a tense reunion filled with boring chitchat and unimportant small talk?

Prue: No, but otherwise we won't have anything to talk about.

Phoebe: I never touched Roger.

Prue: Whoa!

Phoebe: I know you think otherwise because that's what that Armani-wearing-chardonnay-slugging-trust-funder told you, but...

Piper: Hey! I have a great idea! Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner?

Prue: I'm not hungry.

Phoebe: Ate on the bus.

Piper: Okay, we'll try a group hug later.

Phoebe: I forgot your question.

Piper: I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.

Phoebe: That's disgusting. (looks at spirit board) Please say yes.

Phoebe:

Hear now the words of the witches,

The secrets we hid in the night.

The oldest of gods are invoked here,

The great work of magic is sought.

In this night and in this hour,

I call upon the ancient power.

Bring your powers to we sisters three.

We want the power.

Give us the power.

I've Got You Under My Skin

Prue: What are you watchining?

Piper: Nothing. Just a show.

Prue: About witches? Are you worried we're gonna be burned at the stake?

Piper: Yeah, right. By the way, Andy called.

Prue: When?

Piper: While you were in the shower.

Prue: What did you tell him?

Piper: That you were in the shower. Bad date?

Prue: No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know. Dinner. Movie. Sex.

Piper: Excuse me? On your first date? You sleaze.

Prue: It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper.

Piper: High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. Ooh, that bad, huh?

Prue: No. Actually, that good. It was... well, we were amazing, but that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different, that we would take it slow. It just shouldn't've happened, that's all.

Phoebe: What shouldn't've happened?

Piper: Prue slept with Andy.

Phoebe: Hello!

Prue: Oh, thanks a lot, mouth.

Phoebe: Wait, you were going to tell her, but not me? Family meeting!

Prue: Speaking of last night, what time did you end up rolling in?

Phoebe: No no no, do not change the subject!

Prue: Don't dodge the question!

Piper: It must've been at least after three.

Phoebe: I must still be on New York time.

Prue: Actually, that would make it later.

Andy: Come on, Prue. Listen to me. We've known each other for a long time. We just couldn't help ourselves. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Prue: I know, Andy.

Andy: All we did was make love.

Prue: I know, Andy.

Piper: A toast to the power of three. Whether we like it or not.

Prue: Brittany, are you alright?

Piper: I'll call 911.

Prue: And tell them what? That she's dying of old age at 25?

Prue, Piper and Phoebe:

Evil eyes, look unto thee,

may they soon extinguished be.

Bend thy will to the Power of Three,

eye of earth, evil and accursed.

Thank You for Not Morphing

Prue: Um, hi. You must be Mr. Wyatt.

Phoebe: The handyman?

Leo: Call me Leo.

Phoebe: Gladly.

Prue: Some of us have a job.

Phoebe: Some of us have fun.

Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day.

Marshall: I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance in your entrails.

Victor: Oh, so you're lawyers.

Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as a break-in.

Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try and steal our broomsticks?

Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we throw a party and charge admission. It’s a great way to make extra cash.

Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don’t you just get a job?

Dead Man Dating

Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.

Phoebe: It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

Phoebe: We’re The Charmed Ones, Prue, not The Doomed Ones.

Prue: Phoebe, you have to save him. You can’t let him out of your sight.

Phoebe: Oh, don’t worry. I waited until he went to sleep, and then I broke a key off in his door to lock him in. He’s safe ‘till morning. (silence) Hey, wait. That’s it? You’re not going to get mad at me?

Prue: You were trying to do something good… and now you’re going to get to do something… wonderful. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present than that.

Phoebe: I am so busted, aren’t I?

Piper: Are you out of your mind again?

Phoebe: No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe.

Piper: This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.

Piper: I've never seen anybody killed before.

Phoebe: Jeremy.

Prue: Javna.

Piper: I mean humans.

Dream Sorcerer

Phoebe: Don't worry. We had safe sex. A lot of safe sex.

Piper: (after trying to copy an exercise video) Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper.

Prue: Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See, it says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.

Piper: So, what’s up?

Phoebe: I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover".

Piper: No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells.

Phoebe: Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic.

Piper: No. No personal gain, remember?

Phoebe: How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...

Phoebe: You want a man who is single, smart, endowed?

Piper: Employed.

First Guy: Are your parents terrorists? Cause, baby, you're the bomb.

Second Guy: Jim, Jim, ask her if it hurt when she fell.

Phoebe: Uh, excuse me?

Guy: When you fell from Heaven. Did it hurt? Cause I know an angel when I see one.

Phoebe: I'm no angel. I'm a witch. But don't tell my sisters I told you.

The Wedding from Hell

Prue: My sisters and I, we have special gifts.

Allison Michaels: Gifts? What kind of gifts?

Prue: Ones you can't return. Let's just say we come from an interesting kind of family tree.

Rex: Prue, your, um, sister's here to see you. She's waiting in your office.

Prue: Which sister?

Rex: The one who upon seeing your office, said "Damn, I should go back to college."

Prue: Phoebe.

Prue: Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt.

Phoebe: Did she just say shower?

Piper: She did, didn't she?

Piper & Phoebe: Hot water!

Phoebe: Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you.

Piper: What?!

Prue: Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly?

Phoebe: Well, I-I saw the thing being born.

Prue: Did you see Piper?

Phoebe: Yes, I saw her legs.

Prue: Never saw her face?

Phoebe: No.

Piper: Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.

The Fourth Sister

Phoebe: Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief?

Piper: Totally.

Phoebe: Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched.

Piper: My boyfriend, Billy Wilson.

Phoebe: [chuckles] Bill-- Will-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson?

Piper: You kissed him at homecoming.

Phoebe: I did not kiss him at homecoming.

Piper: Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever.

Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then.

Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts.

Piper: So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys...

Phoebe: Please.

Piper: So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one.

Phoebe: Absolutely.

Piper: So we can just consider this a friendly competition.

Phoebe: Sibling rivalry.

Piper: War.

Phoebe: Exactly!

Piper: Hungry?

Leo: Uh.

Piper: Oh, it's on the house.

Leo: You're big on food, aren’t you?

Piper: Uh...

Leo: No, that's good. You know, actually, in the Mayan culture the cook was second in the hierarchy only to the medicine man.

Piper: Mayans? You know about Mayans? Well, you certainly are a handyman, aren't you?

Leo: Uh, so, does Phoebe work here too?

Piper: Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, she's probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now. So what'll it be?

Phoebe (to Leo about Piper): Oh, that's just Piper. She's got to be everyone's mom. Think of her as your mom, I know I do.

The Truth is Out There... and it Hurts

Phoebe: Piper, what do you really think about your boss?

Piper: I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...(Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh) Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired!

Prue:

For those who want the truth revealed,

Opened hearts and secrets unsealed,

From now until it's now again,

After which the memory ends.

Those who now are in this house,

Will hear the truth from other's mouths.

Andy: I don't know. I mean of all the things I thought you were hiding, this was actually nowhere on the list. Does this mean Piper and Phoebe are...

Prue: Yeah. We inherited our powers from Mom and Grams.

Andy: So, when you have kids...

Prue: If they're girls...yes.

Piper: Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move?

Leo: I don't know, I'm still waiting for it to happen.

Piper: Good news.

(Piper kisses Leo)

Leo: How do you feel about guys who make the second move?

Piper: Love 'em!

Prue: I'm about to tell my boyfriend that I'm a wi...

Phoebe: ...nner!

The Witch is Back

Melinda Warren: How do modern women keep their legs warm?

Prue: We drink coffee.

Melinda Warren: "To work with One's hands is a great gift."

Leo: Well ... "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear"

Melinda Warren: "Owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness..."

Melinda/Leo: Shakespeare.

Piper: Am I the only one having second thoughts?

Phoebe: Yes.

Prue: We don't really have any others options.

Piper: But aren't we, like, raising the dead? What if she's all..

Phoebe: I read The Book of Shadows very carefully. She will come back as a real live person, flesh and blood. She will have her powers too, our powers. (Phoebe picks up a knife.)

Piper: What's that for?

Phoebe: Well, the spell works by blood calling blood, so it shouldn't hurt.. much. (Phoebe cuts her finger.) I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters? (Prue takes the knife.)

Piper: I remember my finger got infected.

Prue: (Prue cuts her finger.) Ow. Yeah, but the oath worked.

Piper: And I couldn't go in the water for three weeks. (Prue holds out the knife.) Don't hand me that knife.

Prue: How are you gonna cut yourself?

Piper: I'm not.

Phoebe: Piper.

Piper: I can't stand the sight of blood.

Prue: Evil beings have blown up in our attic..

Phoebe: ..Disintegrated to dust right before our very eyes..

Prue: And you're afraid of a little drop of blood?

Melinda: No, don’t...don’t rip the dress to make it fit me.

Phoebe: Oh, no, no, I’m not ripping it. It’s called a zipper, see?(Phoebe zips up the dress)

Melinda: Oh, a wise witch made this.(Melinda takes the dress off of Phoebe and plays with the zipper)

Phoebe: Yeah, and wise witches in this century keep a low profile. You slip this dress on, you’ll blend right in.

Phoebe: You've never asked a guy out before?

Piper: Not on a real date, no

Phoebe: I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the 'take a chance' gene?

Piper: Probably, 'cause if I remember my biology correctly it's attached to the 'can't mind my own business' gene.

Wicca Envy

Prue: Somebody must have manipulated me into taking it.

Phoebe: The same way someone manipulated me into being a witness against my own sister!

Darryl: Any idea about what they're talking about?

Andy: Not a clue.

(After Piper and Leo have spent the night together)

Phoebe: Between you and Leo, and Prue the new-hot-Wicca woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up.

Piper: Don't say that! The moment somebody says that everything always goes south!

Phoebe: Unless you freeze him. Ooh! I couldn't help it, it was so good!

Phoebe: Prue was right about Rex, which means I'm dating a warlock!

Piper: Been there, done that!

Phoebe: Problems?

Prue: What problems?

Piper: Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him.

Prue: Piper, you didn't?

Piper: I didn't mean to...the first time.

Phoebe: Oh!

Piper: I thought you guys were supposed to be shopping.

Prue: Obviously.

Phoebe (points): Oh, look, front-clasped bra. She means business.

Prue: Ooh, serious business.

Piper: (pulls her shirt closed) Do you mind?

Phoebe: No, are you kidding? I think it's great -- as long as he's not still on the clock.

Feats of Clay

Prue: The Guardian punishes the greedy, so maybe if Clay does something selfless, it'll even the score.

Piper: Good luck...

Prue: Seasons change, people don't...

Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door?

Prue: That's different.

Phoebe: How is that different?

Prue: You're my sister.

Coroner: I found someone's business card in his pocket. Buckland's Auction House.

Andy: (cutting him off) Ah. Let me guess, Prue Halliwell?

Coroner: Yeah. How did you know?

Andy: I'm cursed.

Phoebe: Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here, with me, now?

Clay: What, can't a guy visit?

Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, you're Clay, and Clay comes with strings attached.

The Wendigo

Phoebe (talking on the phone with Piper): Okay, you put the jack under the jeep and then put the handle in the base and ratchet it up and down, okay? It's very easy.

Piper: Handle. Handle. I don't think I got a handle. Wait, there's a long wooden spoon in the back.

Phoebe: (talking to Prue) That's not gonna work. She's looking for a long wooden spoon.

Piper: Oh, my God, that's a lot of blood.

Prue: Hey, sweetie.

Phoebe: Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. If I pass out and I need a transfusion, I'm AB negative. It's very rare. It could be a problem.

Andy: Try not to look at it. And just so you know, I'm AB negative too. Plus, I love good food. Perfect donor.

Piper: Nothing. This is just the same crap I've already seen.

Prue: I tried Andy's cell phone, no answer.

Phoebe: We can't find anything about revearsing the Wendigo thing.

Prue: Well, there's got to be something. Oh, didn't you check this at the bottom of the page? "c.f. Desiderata."

Phoebe: Yeah, like we're supposed to know what that means.

Prue: Well, it means "conferred desiderata." It's Latin for "look up things that are yearned for."

Piper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so very smart.

Prue: Piper.

Piper: Don't Piper me. Just shut up!

Prue: But we might have to confine you until we get back. So tie you down, I guess.

Piper: No! Go to hell!

Prue: Do we have any chains?

Phoebe: I actually think I have something. (walks in with handcuffs)

Prue: Where did you get the--? Never mind.

Phoebe: ...besides, that's your world, I need to find one of my own.

Prue: You will.

Piper: Just stay out of my world or I'll kill you!

(Phoebe frowns and Prue stares at her confused, Piper starts getting up)

Piper: Just kidding, it's a joke!

From Fear to Eternity

Andy: What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Prue: First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.

Secrets and Guys

Leo: Oh, well, I thought I'd tell her that, uh, you know, as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Francisco, I can't, a-and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.

Phoebe: No, no. What you just said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.

Leo: Uh... (chuckles) Piper, um, you know how much you mean to me, and more than anything, I wish things can work out, but, they can't... and no one is more sorry than me.

Phoebe: (shakes her head) Translation? I found someone I like even better.

Leo: I'm completely confused.

Phoebe: Look, Leo, it's not that complicated. Okay, um, just avoid the following: We can still hang out; I don't deserve you... yet; I need more "me time" before we can have "we time" (makes air quotes), and my personal favorite: It's not you, it's me. And whatever you do, do not start of the conversation with "we need to talk", other than that you'll do fine.

Piper (about Leo) : It just seemed like he wasn't telling me the whole story, like he had some secret he was afraid I couldn't handle.

Phoebe: Well, that's his call. Assuming that he had a secret. Might not have.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Phoebe: Ok, ok, you don't have to beat it out of me. Leo is a whitelighter. They're sort of guardian angels for witches. And they're not supposed to get involved with witches, but Leo couldn't help it. He fell in love with you, and that broke all the rules and got him in all sorts of trouble. And even though he'll love you forever, you will probably never see him again.

Piper: What? Phoebe, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Oh, God. Don't be so silly.

Phoebe: That's me, silly.

Piper: And looky here, miss Phoebe's diaries...

Phoebe: The place where I kept all my secrets...

(Piper and Prue stare at her with a suspicious look)

Piper: What?

Prue: The place where you kept your secrets?

(Phoebe nods)

Piper: Phoebe, you could never keep a secret...

Phoebe: Oh, that is so not true.

Leo: In the meantime, you must help me keep my secret or I can get into trouble, ok? Piper and Prue can never know what I really am.

Phoebe: Me keep a secret? Hello, wrong Halliwell!

Is There a Woogy in the House?

Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes.

Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either.

Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.

Piper: I can handle it all myself. It’s me, the culinary pachyderm.

Phoebe:

I am light,

I am one too strong to fight,

Return to dark where shadows dwell,

You can not have this Halliwell.

Go away and leave my sight,

And take with you this endless night.

Which Prue is it Anyway?

Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.

Phoebe: Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.

Piper: This is ridiculous. This is like, this is like the 'Parent Trap' with a B cup.

Phoebe: I think I might've just found a way to take some of the Disney out of our life

That '70s Episode

Piper: I don't know. Maybe only one set of us can have powers at the same time in the same time.

Prue: Thank you Mr Spock.

Grams: It was doomed from the start. You never even took his last name!

Patty: You wouldn't let me.

Grams: Well that's beside the point.

Grams: Oh Patty, I just KNEW I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.

(Patty makes a face)

Grams: Oh, well, once removed of course...

Grams: What's the secret ingredient in my blueberry cobbler?

Piper: Honey, and a splash of rum.

Piper: We didn't go anywhere. We were just standing here, and the next thing we knew...

Phoebe: We were just standing here.

Patty: I told you to use poplar buds.

Grams: It's a perfectly good spell. I mean, it moved them through time.

Patty: Yeah, ten seconds.

When Bad Warlocks Turn Good

Prue: Hey, um, you can sleep in my room and I'll sleep with Piper.

Brendan: Why?

Prue: Because Phoebe kicks.

Piper: (peeks into the hall) It's clear.

(Piper walks out, followed by Phoebe, then Prue, then Brendan in his vestments. As they are walking, Greg and Paul come out from around a corner.)

Greg: You betrayed us, little brother. I'm very disappointed.

Brendan: Leave them out of this, Greg.

Greg: You're protecting witches now?! You make me sick!

Piper: Prue?

Prue: Now!

(Piper tries to freeze Greg, but he raises a force field around him. Phoebe picks up Brendan's knife and throws it at Greg, but Greg raises a force field around him and it bounces off. Prue tries to throw them into the wall, but it has no effect due to the force fields.)

Greg: No, not this time. I'm ready for you. (picks up the knife) But family first.

Brendan: You want me? Come get me.

(Greg grabs the knife and is ready to throw it, but Paul stops him)

Paul: Greg, wait!

Prue: Brendan, don't let them turn you. Don't use your powers.

Paul: (to Greg) Give him a chance. (turns to Brendan) It's not too late, you can still join us.

Greg: You are either with us or you are against us!

Brendan: Then I'm against you.

Greg: Then you will die. (he throws the knife at Brendan, but Paul jumps in front and the knife goes into him instead) Damn you, Brendan!

Paul: No, Greg. (he pulls the knife out of him) Damn you! (He throws the knife and hits Greg, and both slump over dead)

Phoebe: If you were going to lose a guy, it might as will be to the Big Guy.

Out of Sight

Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple?

Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we...coupled and he took off.

Prue: Oops, Busted!

Eric Lumen: Do you really think so?

(Prue swishes her hand then the grass cutter flew to Lumen's car, thus deflating the tires.)

Eric Lumen: I-I..you did that! I-I..I saw that...

Prue: Really? Prove it.

(Prue making the potion to vanquish the Grimlocks.)

Prue: I feel like I should be cackling.

Prue: Look Andy, will you please just get her out here?

Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone.

Prue: Do I have to use my power on you?

Andy: I'll meet you up on the street.

The Power of Two

Prue: I hate cemeteries at night.

Phoebe: I hate cemeteries at day.

(They hear a noise.)

Phoebe: What was that?

Prue: Probably a zombie or a vampire.

Phoebe: Great, where's Buffy when you need her?

Piper: Prue, have you seen my purse?

Prue: In the kitchen. Have you seen my keys?

Piper: They're by the T.V. I can't find my plane ticket. Did I give it to you?

Prue: Maybe you packed it.

Piper: I didn't just pack it, I just saw it.

(Phoebe holds Piper's plane ticket and tries to have a premonition. It works.)

Phoebe: I can't believe it.

Prue: (snatches Piper's plane ticket off Phoebe.) Found it.

Phoebe: I've been practicing how to call a premonition, and I did it. I saw a future event on command. Oh, and that's the good news. The bad news is... I saw you missing your flight.

Piper: Oh, great.

Love Hurts

Phoebe: Okay, you know, you guys take for granted that I'm your innocent yellow pages. Okay, this takes work.

Phoebe: Okay, it's not that easy to break me.

Prue: What was it in high school that the guys started calling you after they caught you making out with someone under the bleachers?

Phoebe: It's not gonna work.

Prue: What was that? Oh yeah, Freebie! (the magazines on a rack spin around and fall off) Well, class over.

Phoebe: You know that was just a rumor, right?

Phoebe: Okay Leo, I brought you some... You do eat right?

Leo: Yes Phoebe, I eat.

Leo: Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash strapped, single, restaurant manager, who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my sisters?

Phoebe: And the cat, don't forget our cat.

Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell...is a witch.

Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.

Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.

Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the Commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.

Prue:

Winds of time gather round,

Give me wings to speed my way,

Rush me on my journey forward,

Let tomorrow be today.

Andy: Has Phoebe ever been wrong about her premonitions before?

Prue: No. But the good news is every other time we've been able to affect the outcome. Stop the demon or warlock before...

Andy: Before I get killed. Can I get that in writing?

Witch Trial

Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? Sister witches, guess what?

Piper: Oh, oh. Are you nuts?

Phoebe: What are you doing?

Rob: Hi.

Phoebe: Hi.

(Piper freezes Rob.)

Piper: Ooh!

Phoebe: Hi.

Piper: Sister witches? I can't believe you said that. What's the matter with you?

Phoebe: How was I supposed to know that you were gonna be here with anybody? Last I heard that you were meeting a banker friend about the loan. Is this the credit check?

Piper: Are you out of your mind?

Phoebe: What was I supposed to do? Say no? Look at that poor girl.

Dan: Jenny? Jenny, come on. Talk to me.

Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Whoa!

Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay?

Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose.

Phoebe: I see that. [drags Piper towards the rock and starts to undress]

Piper: No. Whoa, whoa, wait, what are you doing?

Phoebe: When in Rome...

Piper: No, no, no! We're not in Rome, Phoebe, we're in California, and it's illegal here!

Morality Bites

Phoebe: Wow, what did you buy?

Piper: Doody.

Prue: We weren't out of that.

Piper: No. I stepped in it, again. That man has turned our frontwalk into puppy main field.

Phoebe: I can not believe that guy still lets his dog do his business right in front of our house.

Prue: Well, we've left notes.

Piper: Yes, and that left no where.

Phoebe: Yes, well, I've had it. Next time I catch him in the act I'm gonna get him a piece of my mind.

Piper: That couldn't be.

Phoebe: Oh, I hope it is.

Piper: That's them. That's a guy and his dog. I can't believe it.

Prue: That is so rude. He's just gonna walk away.

Phoebe: Then don't let him. Use your magic.

Piper: Uh?

Phoebe: Well, if you can't teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner? Just think on the money we'll save on carpet cleaning alone.

Prue: Phoebe, we can't use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson.

Phoebe: Why not? It's for the greater good. I mean that's our job, right? Think of it as a community service. We will do a whole block a favor. Come on! Ok, Piper.

Piper: Hope he's not out of my range.

Phoebe: Prue?

Piper: Nice shot.

Phoebe: An eye for an eye, a shoe for shoe. Oh, oh.

Prue: Did he see you?

Phoebe: So what if he did? What's he gonna do? Cry a witch? (the girls turn away from the window) Well, we've done our good deed for the day. I think I deserve 15 minutes of channel surfing.

Piper: Who wants coffee?

Prue: I'll grind.

Phoebe: (gasps)

Prue: Phoebe, are you okay?

Piper: Take a deep breathe, honey. It's all right.

Phoebe: No, it's not. I saw my future. I was being executed. Burned alive.

Piper: Why would a report about baseball player trigger a premonition like that?

Phoebe: I don't know. All I know is that I could feel it. I could feel the fire.

Piper: And we were just standing there? That can't be right.

Phoebe: That's what I saw.

Prue: There's no way that we would let that happen. Not in the past, present or future.

Phoebe: What did I do? Or, what is it that I'm going to do?

Piper: That's Leo, I'll get that. (she opens the door) Hey, stranger.

Leo: Is that what I am now?

Piper: Mhm. Playing hooky?

Leo: Well, they're making me work tonight, so I got the afternoon off.

Piper: Mmm, the old "gotta save the world" excuse again?

Leo: Oh, like you've never had to use it. (Piper hesitates) You're about to use it.

Piper: Well, there is just something I have to do. Maybe you could...

Leo: (jingling, Leo looks up) Now?

Piper: Leo?

Leo: That's okay, I...You go, there's actually something I have take care, so...

Piper: Well, we really need to talk about things, you know about... where we stand.

Leo: Yeah, we do. Rain check?

Piper: That's what we do best. (they kiss, but Leo orbs mid-kiss) I hate when he does that.

Prue: (going up to the attic) So, what did he want?

Piper: To cancel our date. He's working late, again.

Phoebe: You didn't ask him what we should do?

Piper: He had to fly, literally. The pages are doing that flipping thing on their own again.

Prue: It's a spell to take us to the future.

Piper: Two, actually. One to send us and one to bring us home. But, apparently we only get one shot. Once we use it, they disappear.

Phoebe: Wait a minute you guys. We almost died going back to the past, this is not something that you just do.

Prue: We're talking about your life, Phoebe.

Phoebe: And I'm talking about yours, Prue. I'm just saying, I think that we should think this over a little bit.

Prue: Look, you had that premonition today for a reason. It must mean we're supposed to do something about it. And, going in the future may be the only way to find out what you did to put you on that pyre.

Phoebe: How do you know it's something that I did? I mean, it might be a demon or a warlock that puts me there.

Prue: Do you really wanna wait to find out? Okay, pack your bags. We go, try and figure out what happened, and hopefully come back with enough information to stop it. We're gonna need a date, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Uh, February 12th 2009. That's two weeks before the date I saw in my premonition.

Prue: All right, that should give to us more than enough time to figure out what put you there.

Piper: I wonder how I look.

Phoebe: Piper, you look great. This is hardly the time to...

Piper: Not now, in the future. When we were back to the seventies we saw ourselves as kids, and now we'll be seeing ourselves walking around ten years older? All the vanquishing? Think about the wear and tear.

Prue: Okay, well...

Prue: Hear these words, hear the rhyme,

Piper: We send to you this burning sign,

Phoebe: Then our future selves we'll find,

Prue: In another place and time.

Melinda: Mommy, mommy, mommy!

Piper: Uh, you... I think you have the wrong house. Certainly the wrong mommy.

Melinda: Stop fooling! Carpool!

(Piper sees newscast about Phoebe)

Piper: Phoebe? Where's the volume?

TV: Command recognized.

Melinda: Mommy, I'm gonna be late!

Piper: Uh, okay! Um...TV, shut up! Mute! Something. (she walks to the door)

Carpool Neighbor: Morning, Piper. You alright?

Piper: I guess.

Carpool Neighbor: Yeah, it's a... with your sister, it's rough, I know. So, don't worry about your little one. I'll get her to school like you asked but uh, you sure you want me to take her to your ex's?

Piper: Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes, if that is what I told you, then yes.

Carpool Neighbor: So, you and he are getting along better now?

Piper: Maybe. Prue? Prue?!

Carpool Neighbor: Okay, let's hit the road.

Melinda: (She goes, but turns back, and whispers) Don't worry, mommy. I promise I'll do what you asked. I won't use my magic again, ever.

(Piper goes outside and watches them drive off. A limo pulls up. Prue and her assistants get out of the limo. They fuss over her by brushing and touching her.)

Prue: Hey, hey, people. Okay, enough! People stop touching me! Stay, stay.

Piper: Prue, what's going on?

Prue: I don't know, but I could really get used to it. I mean, check me out. I don't just work at Bucklands, I own it. And three more. Paris, Tokyo and London.

Piper: And you're blonde.

Prue: Yeah, strange.

Piper: Wait, you had time to get to work already?

Prue: Well, actually, I woke up there but it was amazing. I had all these assistants and this huge office. And I have a chauffeur and he's so totally hot. Uh... How'd you do?

(Piper ironically laughs)

Prue: Is that a good thing or...?

(Piper and Prue get in the house)

Piper: Well if you ignore my apparently failed marriage and the fact that I'm still living in the manor...

Prue: Wait, you are married?

Piper: Was. My daughter is on her way...

Prue: Wait. Stop right there. You have a daughter?

Piper: Yeah. And, and, and... she's... she's beautiful.

Prue: Oh, of course she is. What's her name?

Piper: Oh God! I don't know. But Prue, she... she has powers. But for some reason I told her not to use them. Why would I do that?

Prue: Uh, speaking of why... Why are we in our future bodies? I mean, I thought we were just supposed to come here and see them.

Piper: Well, apparently going to the past isn't the same as going to the future. I just wish that, since we are in our future bodies, we could have some memory of what's happened in the last ten years, like how I got a daughter!

Prue: Okay, wait a second. If I'm in my future body, and you are in your future body, then that means that Phoebe...

Piper: Oh, TV! Louder, louder!

TV: Command recognized.

(in the middle of TV report)

Piper: Eight hours? We were supposed to be here two weeks before!

Prue: Shhhh!

Prue: Oh, surprise! Here we go, up the stairs, into the attic, grabing the Book of Shadows. Please tell me we're still not gonna be doing this in ten years!

Piper: Apparently not.

Prue: What?

Piper: The Book is gone.

Prue: There's gotta be here. We need it to find a return spell.

Piper: Prue...

Prue: Piper, just help me look for it.

Piper: Okay, relax, we'll find it.

Prue: You don't know that! I mean, what if it's lost? What if we can't find it? Then we're stuck in our future bodies, with no way of getting out of them, and no way of saving Phoebe!

(Prue blows up things on the attic with her improved telekinisis.)

Piper: Uh... Been working out?

Prue: Well, I guess that's a little example of what ten years does to our powers.

Piper: And to our attic!

Prue: Hm.

Piper: The key.

Prue: It's the key of my wallsafe at Bucklands.

Piper: Do you think that means it's there? We've never taken the Book out of the house before.

Prue: Yeah, we haven't, but maybe our future selves have. The question is why.

Piper: We don't even know what we're like in this time for let alone what we think. But if the Book is at Bucklands maybe it will give us some answers.

Prue. All right, then we go there first, then to Phoebe, to see if she's alright. Sorry about the mess.

Piper: Mhm...

Piper: I can't believe you get a limo and a driver, and I still got my same old car.

Prue: You have a husband.

Piper: Had a husband, you mean. I'm getting divorced, remember? And how do you know you don't have a guy in this time? I mean, after all, I have a kid and an ex, you could have several.

Prue: Ex's?

Piper: No, kids. I mean, we're in a future, but with no memory of the past ten years. I don't even know who my ex husband...

(A man holding a cup of coffee bumps into someone and Piper freezes him before it spills. They look around and notice everything is frozen.)

Prue: Okay, apparently my power isn't the only one that's grown. You just froze...

Piper: Everything! What a difference a decade makes.

Leo: What the hell are you doing?!

Piper: Leo, I'm so glad you're here. I have so many... (She goes to hug him but he backs away.) Uh...what's wrong?

Leo: You know, I knew you'd do something stupid like this. You used you magic in public. What's the matter with you? Are you insane?

Piper: Uh, Leo...

Prue: Remember, he thinks we know what's going on.

Leo: You wanna end up like your sister? Huh? We had an agreement. No using magic for Melinda's sake.

Piper: Melinda?

Leo: Our daughter. What's wrong with you?

Piper: Our daughter?

Prue: Wait a second, you're Piper's ex?

Phoebe: Prue? Piper?

Pratt: They haven't been to visit you before. Why would they come now? No... They're going to be as happy to get rid of you as I am.

Phoebe: Who are you?

Pratt: (laughs) I'm sorry, it's been so long since my last visit. Executions are bitched to plan: logistics, alerting the media, gathering the kindling.

Phoebe: Uh... you know, I've had a lot of time to do some thinking about... why I'm here.

Pratt: Well... no matter thinking will change the outcome. Justice will be served for your crime.

Phoebe: But it wasn't really a big crime, was it?

Pratt: You are truly evil. What bigger crime is there than taking a man's life?

Phoebe: (seems shocked) I killed someone?

Pratt: (laughs) Phoebe, what is this? An attempt to stay your execution? Play insanity? Won't work. You have five hours to live - tik tok.

Phoebe: What? Five hours? But that's not possible.

Pratt: Well... I'm happy to see the seriousness of your crime has finally hit you. See... you represent everything I apore. You're a threat. A danger to everything that is good and pure in our world.

Phoebe: You're talking out of fear. Just because you don't understand something doesn't make it evil.

Pratt: No, it's you who doesn't understand! You killed the man using your power, and now you're gonna die because of it! I only wish that I can burn all of your kind with you! But don't worry... in time I will. This is only the beginning.

Leo: Nobody's gonna rescue you.

Phoebe: If that is some kind of Whitelighter humor, let me be the first to tell you, you are not a very funny race of people.

Leo: I wish you remembered what you'd done. It'd make this so much easier. Your future self used witchcraft for vengeance, Phoebe. Pratt is using that as a platform.

Phoebe: Why does everyone think I killed someone? I wouldn't. I mean, I couldn't. What did I do? Premonition the man to death? My power is passive.

Leo: Not in the future. It's grown. It's changed. As have you. Which means unfortunately you have to suffer to consequences.

Phoebe: I don't believe it.

Piper: What is it? What's wrong?

Prue: I have no one to say goodbye to. My life...they didn't even know who you were at the office, my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read "Here lies Prue, she worked hard."

Piper: We're not gonna die. We're gonna find a way back to the present and we'll create a new future.

Prue: What if we can't? What if we can never get home? According to Phoebe's premonition we fail.

Piper: Our future selves fail. We still got a shot.

Prue: You're right, you're right. Let's go get Phoebe.

Pratt: Let today be a lesson to all those who would seek to defy human nature with their way of life. Let today serve notice that black magic will not be tolerated in our society, and let today be remembered as the day we burned the witch!

Prue: Piper, freeze him!

Phoebe: Prue! Piper!

Piper: Come on, we're getting you out of here.

Phoebe: No, wait. You can't. Prue, I'm serious.

Prue: What are you talking about?

Phoebe: You guys have to leave. I...deserve to be here. Or, my future self does.

Piper: But, you killed a killer. Don't be ridiculous.

Prue: Look, this is Pratt's personal crusade. This isn't about us, this is about him. Wherever we go, he will follow us. He will hunt us. He will hunt our families. If anybody should be punished, it should be him. (she stops, and raises her hand to move Pratt onto the pyre)

Phoebe: Prue, what are you doing?!

Prue: (she stares at her hand, and back at Pratt) Saving the future for good witches, and our future.

Phoebe: (grabs Prue's arm) Prue, wait! (Prue looks at her) Don't. Don't become a murderer too. It has to end with me. (Prue lowers her hand)

Piper: Phoebe, he was evil. He deserved what you—

Phoebe: (starting to cry) Wrong thing done for the right reason...still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent...not punish the guilty, and...I crossed that line, and I know that. And now you guys have to know that too.

Prue: We are not leaving here without you.

Phoebe: Prue, we were sent here for a reason. Maybe not to stop this, like what we thought, but maybe to understand why this has to happen. Why you have to let this happen. (openly crying now) I don't wanna die, but I don't want you to die because of me. (they hug, and Phoebe begins sobbing) I love you. (she goes back to the pyre, and nods for Piper to unfreeze Pratt, which Piper does. She screams in pain as she burns).

The Painted World

Piper: What?

Prue: We were talking?

Piper: I know. About a man in a painting. Listen to this one. "Hallway near club entrance too narrow"?

Prue: I thought that we had discussed your code violations.

Piper: Well, I keep finding more. The plumbing, the electrical, the heating, it...none of it is up code.

Prue: Stop. You’re obsessing.

Piper: Well, it runs in the family.

Prue: I don't obsess. I think... intensely... anyway, I can't really help it. I mean, we've seen so many bizarre things, why not a man in a painting.

Dan: Ok, then, um, I'll tell you what I can do. I'll check out the code violations. See how serious they really are. If you'll help me with the promise I made Jenny.

Piper: Deal. Wait... Uh, what's the promise?

Dan: She needs help with a paper. It's for a bio class, something with the human reproductive system.

Piper: You mean sex?

Dan: It's just way too awkward for me to talk with my niece about.

Piper: Yeah, huh...Sure, not to worry! I have plenty of experience.

Dan: Really! With sex.

Piper: No! I mean.. talking about it. Yeah!

Phoebe:

Spirits send the words, from all across the land;

Allow me to absorb them, through the touch of either hand.

For twenty-four hours, from seven to seven,

I will understand all meaning of the words from here to heaven.

And, uh, p.s. there will be no personal gain.

Malcolm: I always hoped someone would get my SOS, but I never thought it would be a woman.

Prue: What, a woman can't rescue a man?

Malcolm: I'm still waiting.

Prue: Yeah well keep waiting pal.

Piper: Wait. What does this mean? "Absolvo Amitto Amplus Brevis Semper Mea". Phoebe! Help!

Phoebe: Piper, no!

Piper: Phoebeee!

Phoebe: Piper?

Piper: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Prue: Piper?

Piper: What the hell is happening? Where are we?

Prue: All right, hurry. Just get to the bookcase fast.

Piper: Whahhh!

Prue: Watch out.

Piper: Uhh!!! Whoa!!! Whoa!!! Wow!!!

Malcolm: Don't tell me she's the sister witch who was gonna save us.

The Devil's Music

Chris Barker: Speaking of getting off the ground, that plane trip to Paris is still on open for discussion isn't it? Hasn't that raincheck burned a hole in your pocket by now?

Prue: Look I really appreciate your offer

Chris Barker: It's not an offer Prue, it's a dinner request.

Prue: In Paris!

Chris Barker:You know what they call french bread in France?

Prue: Bread.

Chris Barker: Exactly!

Piper: Phoebe, we can't even give our cat a vitamin, how are we going to get this down a demon's throat?

Phoebe: In this.

Piper: What is that?

Phoebe: It's a balloon.

Piper: Okay, where is it?

Phoebe: Where's what?

Piper: The spoonful of sugar big enough to hide that thing.

Phoebe: You're looking at her.

She's a Man, Baby, a Man!

Piper: Lives are at stake Prue, innocent men are going to die. We're your sisters, Prue, we're not going to laugh.

Prue: (comes out of the bathroom, dressed as a guy) How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous, I am wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places and I have a PENIS! (as Phoebe starts giggling) This is so not funny!

Phoebe: Hahahaha.

Dating service worker: What do you look for in a woman?

Dan: What do I look for? I don't know, I'm old-fashioned I guess, I look for the girl next door. Someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match. The kind of girl that, when I leave for work in the morning, I wait just a little bit 'till she leaves for work too, just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair and great smile. Hoping that maybe, one day, she'll notice that I'm watching and she'll smile back at me.

Phoebe: It didn't start happening until she sucker-punched Owen.

Prue: Well you had a problem, I fixed it.

Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt you did. You nearly broke his jaw.

Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right, so I acted on instinct. And to tell you the truth, the moment I hit him, I felt powerful and strong like somehow that made me a man.

Piper: You want to know how to be a real man, look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late for work just to make you smile, not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is going to change anything.

Prue: She learned all that just from looking out a window.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, nice body, great tan.

Prue: Awesome truck.

Phoebe: You know I think you really are becoming a man.

Prue: She knocked me out guys, I mean really, it was like I was in a trance, I was weak in the knees. And for a moment I felt her need not to be rejected, as though it would devastate her.

Phoebe: Great, we're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon.

That Old Black Magic

Leo: 200 years ago a good witch turned evil, started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked into a cave and entombed, but unfortunately, this morning, Tuatha escaped.

Phoebe: Tuatha, who wouldn't go bad with a name like that!

They're Everywhere

Dr. Stone: Did you find Eric?

Another warlock: No.

Dr. Stone: Not good. He's being protected by a time-freezing witch.

Another warlock: And Bruce Lee's little sister.

Piper: Jack's not a warlock.

Prue: He's a jerk.

Dan: Someday, somehow, I'm going to make it through that damn door.

Prue: They really shouldn't have given us the finger.

Piper: You read my mind.

P3 H2O

Phoebe: Be vewy vewy quiet, we're hunting demons!

Prue: I know somebody who can see anything.

Phoebe: Oh, no. Wait a minute. You tiptoe around the subject of Mom, you deny looking like her, you can’t even go to the end of that dock because you’re afraid to walk in her footsteps and now you want me to relive her last moments? How is that fair?

Prue: It’s not. None of this is. Mom’s death, Sam’s guilt. But I’m asking you to help me end it.

Ms. Hellfire

Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to french kiss.

Piper: You broke your ankle when you were seven. Come on Prue, we went to Duran Duran together, you stretched out my leg warmers.

Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.

Heartbreak City

Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in.

Piper: Oh would you stop that.

Phoebe: Well it is a double date.

Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled.

Phoebe: I know, it seems to be an epidemic lately, guys cancelling on me.

Piper: You know what happens when they cancel?

Prue: Ooh, back to square one!

Piper: Do not pass go

Phoebe: And all accrued nookies credits are thrown out!

Jack: There's a penalty?

Prue, Piper & Phoebe: Oh Yeah!

Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid?

Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me?

Piper: Where's the chubby baby?

Phoebe: Guys.

Prue: And the bow and arrow?

Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats?

Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim.

Cupid: Okay, fine. (he points to Piper) Dan, (points to Prue) Jack, (points to Phoebe) Clay (points to Prue) Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, (points to Piper) Not Jeremy the warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, (points to Phoebe) Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, (Prue and Piper look at Phoebe surprised) Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony.

Drazi: (scoffs at Cupid) Hiding behind witches' skirts?

Piper: Stealing things that don't belong to you?

Reckless Abandon

Prue: We have a baby?

Piper: Phoebe picked it up at the police station.

Prue: Okay, I thought you were going to request a job, not a kid.

Phoebe: Piper, you'll be fine, don't be afraid.

Prue: Yeah, Just think of it as a test run.

Piper: I don't need a test run. I remember when Phoebe was a baby, and it was hard on Mom, and endless, and with you dropping her all the time!

Phoebe: What?!

Prue: Oh, moving on!

Prue: I thought that babies slept. A lot.

Phoebe: Yeah, obviously one of those lies they tell you so you'll want to get pregnant.

Awakened

Piper: Wait, you enrolled? Phoebe, this is huge.

Phoebe: Hugest thing I've done since I came back home. I mean, aside from vanquishing demons, and saving the world from evil, of course!

Animal Pragmatism

Piper: Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of a supernatural smackdown?

Phoebe: I want you all to know that I'm a vegetarian, so I've never eaten any of you!

Pardon My Past

Prue: Great party. We should do this more often.

Piper: Yeah. Maybe next time we can trim the guest list by one.

Prue: Piper. I had to invite Leo. He was at the club when I went to go pick up the supplies. He knew that we were throwing a party.

Piper: Well, didn't you think maybe he'd feel a little awkward being here because of Dan?

Prue: It doesn't look like he feels too awkward to me. Look, Piper, he's been mortal for what? A couple of weeks now? I mean, I felt bad for him. He doesn't know anybody and it's not like there's a fallen Whitelighters support group to join or anything.

Piper: Prue, I'm not upset with you. I'm just… I'm…I'm upset with the whole situation.

Prue: Well, Leo's just going to have to accept the fact that you're with... Dan now. You are still with Dan, right?

Piper: Yes. Of course. What do you think they're talking about?

Prue: You.

Piper: Great.

Phoebe: Hey, you guys! Give me a break, it's after midnight, I have mentors tomorrow.

Piper: Sorry Pheebs. Didn't realize we were being so loud.

Prue: Why don't you take a study break? Clear your head, come on down.

Phoebe: I can't, I have too many phobias. To learn about for my psych exam. I had no idea there are so many. Claustrophobia, arachnophobia, kleptophobia, phallusphobia.

Prue: Relaxaphobia.

Phoebe: Cute.

Prue: Just trying to help.

Phoebe: You can help by keeping it down. Did I mention it's after midnight?

Piper: Twice.

Prue: Party's breaking up anyway.

Phoebe: Thank you.

Piper: What the hell are they talking about?

Leo: My favorite ball player? Joe DiMaggio. Hands down.

Dan: DiMaggio? No, I meant when you were growing up.

Leo: DiMaggio was... my grandfather’s favorite. That’s why he’s mine too.

Dan: You know Leo, this is just an observation, but uh, you don't like to talk about your past that much. Do you?

Leo: It's just not all that interesting, really.

Dan: Not that interesting? I mean, being in the army sounds pretty interesting. How, I mean, how long have you been out?

Leo: Piper.

Piper: Hi guys. Having fun? Not talking about me too much, I hope.

Dan: No. No. Not at all.

Piper: No?

Dan: Actually Leo was about to fill me in on his army experience.

Piper: The army? Huh. Whoops. Look at the time. Gotta call it a night. Party's over.

Piper: Good night everybody.

Phoebe: Finally.

Prue: You guys be safe.

A Man: Thank you.

Phoebe: Okay, I asked you guys once to keep it down...

Piper: Phoebe?

Prue: Phoebe? Hey, are you alright?

Phoebe: Uh... Yeah. I think so.

Piper: What happened?

Phoebe: I don't know. But I'd sure like to find out.

Phoebe: Thanks.

Leo: You sure you're alright?

Phoebe: I'm fine, really.

Dan: You're lucky. Falling down like that you really could've hurt yourself.

Prue: Maybe we should call it a night, huh? Let her get some rest.

Piper: Uh, okay. I'll walk you out.

Dan: Okay. Hey, Leo. Comin'?

Phoebe: Er, no... He has to stay here and...

Prue: ...Um, take glasses back to P3.

Dan: Now? At this hour?

Piper: I'm a tough boss. Ready?

Leo: Nice chatting with you.

Dan: Yeah, you too.

Leo: I thought he'd never leave.

Piper: The hell were you two chatting about all night?

Prue: Piper, do you mind? Phoebe, so what really happened?

Phoebe: Uh... Okay, I heard what I thought were party noises. So I came downstairs to check and to yell at you guys. And... I was attacked. By something invisible.

Prue: So, what, like a ghost?

Phoebe: I didn't sense another being. It was more, um... I don't know. Like-like a daydream, I guess.

Piper: A daydream? Since when do daydreams attack people?

Phoebe: It wasn't really an attack, it was more of... a seduction.

Leo: Interesting daydream.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Prue: So, I guess the question is what was it?

Phoebe: Have you ever run across anything like this? I mean, as a Whitelighter?

Leo: Not really.

Piper: Which means we have no idea if it's going to strike again or not.

Phoebe: Ok. Family tree. I know I saw one somewhere.

Piper: Uh, I still don't understand.

Phoebe: We were all related. Cousins. And we lived here at the manor back in the twenties.

Piper: Together? Here? So much for evolution.

Prue: Wait. So you saw us in our past lives? I mean, did we look the same?

Phoebe: Uh, yeah. You did, actually. Kind of.

Phoebe:

In this time and in this place,

Take this spirit I displace,

Bring it forth while I go back,

To inhabit a soul so black.

Give Me a Sign

Prue: What are you guys doing here?

Phoebe: We are rescuing you! From the tall, dark and NAKED man!!!!

Prue: I told you to stay away.

Phoebe: Yeah, now I know why. He is yummy. (clears her throat.)

Piper: I don’t believe this! We’ve been frantic, worried sick about you thinking you’ve been kidnapped...

Prue: Yeah, I was...

Piper: (points to the side of the bed) Panties.

Prue: Oh, oh! (She rushes to the bedside and picks them up.) Huh, thanks. Look, uh, you guys have really got this all uh—(looks at her underwear in her hand) wrong.

Piper: Yeah, we know. It’s a trap.

Phoebe: A tall, dark, and naked trap.

Piper: Leo's mortal now and everything, but for how long? I mean, how do I know he won't want his wings back someday? And then there's Dan. Who is still great. And normal. Which is good, considering I'm not.

Phoebe: 28 minutes, 33 seconds.

Piper: Really? We ran that long?

Phoebe: No, I've been timing how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.

Phoebe:

I beseech all powers above,

Send a sign to free my sisters heart,

One that will lead her to her love.

Piper: First, I'd like to tell you how relieved I am you're okay.

Phoebe: Me too.

Piper: And secondly, I'd like to tell you that you have completely lost your mind.

Phoebe: Completely lost your mind!

Murphy's Luck

Phoebe: Stop trying to predict the future, that's my job.

Piper: What would I do without you?

Phoebe: Oh suffer endlessly, no doubt.

Prue:

From this moment on,

Your pain is erased,

Your bad luck as well,

Enjoy your good luck Maggie,

You're free from this hell.

Leo: Piper, are you mad at me?

Piper: No, don't be ridiculous. Why would I be mad at you?

Leo: I don't know, that's why I'm asking. What is it?

Piper: It's just, um, Dan.

Leo: Oh. Never mind, sorry I asked.

Piper: Um, he's-he's going to be... He's going to be very upset when he finds out... you're the one that I really love.

Leo: Yeah?

Piper: Yeah.

Piper: That can't be right. How many swizzle sticks?

Leo: (staring at her legs) Who's counting?

How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans

Piper: Alright, I'm only doing this for you guys. And if I get killed, I'm gonna haunt the both of you forever.

Phoebe:

What Witches done and the undone,

Return this spirit back within,

And separate him from his skin.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Powers of the the witches rise,

Course unseen across the skies,

Come to us who call you near,

Come to us and settle here.

Chick Flick

Finley Beck: So when is this photographer blessing us with his presence?

Prue: That would be me.

Finley Beck: You're 12.

Prue: Oh, I'm good!

Prue: Well, the house is a mess again. I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness, or the demon of housekeeping, or even that bald Mr. Clean guy. I would so totally take him on.

Phoebe: We have got to do something about that COMPLEXION!

Phoebe: Hello, privacy!

Prue: Hello, ax-murderer!

Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower?!?!?

Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.

Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day.

Prue: (after taking a picture of Piper) So, I think I'll call this, "Woman Pretending Not to Look Out the Window".

Piper: (walking towards Prue with mug) How about "Girl About to Pour Hot Tea on Sister's Head"?

Piper: (after drinking the potion and making a face) Mm! Tastes like ass!

(Billy gives her a look through the screen.)

Piper: ... sphalt.

Ex Libris

Phoebe: Hey, hi, I'm Phoebe.

Charlene: I'm Charlene. Actually we've met. We even carpooled. Metaphysics 301, remember?

Phoebe: Oh, that's right and your dad is the professor of that class, right?

Charlene: Yeah, dirty rat, he gave me a C. We don't get along in anything. Even metaphysics. But I'm hoping that'll change when I finish my thesis, get published, he'll finally have to take me seriously. I'll quit before I start telling you about my mother.

Phoebe: No, it's okay. I've been studying here for so long it's nice to have someone to talk to. So what's your thesis about?

Charlene: It's about the existence of demons in our world.

Phoebe: Demons?

Piper: Prue, wh-what are you doing in here?

Leo: Piper, can you hand me a towel? Prue!

Prue: Hey Leo, nice orbs.

Piper: Bye... Bye!

Prue: Ow!

Piper: Let me help you, let me help you. Alright, go on, sicko.

Piper: Still Phoebe, you have to take care of yourself. You have to get some rest.

Phoebe: After. Piper, I did not go back to college to fail at it, okay. So what do I have to do? Okay, I'm gonna go change and then I'm gonna go to the library. Now, if any demon or warlock attacks, please just fend them off till Saturday. (to Leo) I have a question for you. Is it possible for someone to find proof that demons really do exist?

Leo: Mmm, I don't know, maybe. But even if anybody did, nobody would ever know about it anyway.

Phoebe: What do you mean?

Leo: Well, evil doesn't want anybody to know. It has a system for covering its tracks, protecting its identity. That's why demons disappear when you guys vanquish them.

Piper: Why do you ask?

Phoebe: Just curious. Okay, adios.

Piper: Were you close to you dad?

Leo: Uhh, well, that was long time ago. A different life time. I prefer to focus on the present.

Piper: So do I, which means I have to go, I have a dentist appointment. How long can you stay?

Leo: Uh, until they call.

Piper: Well, if they don't call before lunch, why don't you meet me at the club. I'll buy.

Leo: Well, you'll have to. Whitelighter pay sucks.

Piper: Alright, back to your position. Go on.

Leo: Are you kidding me? He's about to clock me.

Piper: I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. Let's go, let's go.

Dan: Ow! Piper, where'd you come from?

Piper: I'll be the one asking the questions. What the hell is going on?

Prue: Anybody here?

Phoebe: In here.

Prue: Hey. Oh, good, I was looking for that. Wait, what are you doing with the book?

Phoebe: Oh, I'm looking for the demon that's gonna kill me. I just love getting those premonitions.

Prue: Oh, okay, what premonition? When?

Phoebe: About an hour ago. Right after I was trying to tell Charlene that she's dead.

Prue: I'm lost.

Phoebe: Oh sorry! Wrong sister.

Piper: I'm home!

Prue: Come on.

Piper: Where are we going?

Phoebe: We'll explain on the way there.

Piper: Who's that?

Phoebe: Let's go, let's go. That's my dead friend.

Astral Monkey

Leo: Ever done it on a cloud?

Phoebe: Does a featherbed count?

Piper: (about Leo) You really think he's here that much?

Phoebe: He's like the big brother I never wanted... uh... I mean, had.

Apocalypse Not

Phoebe: Are you telling me evil called good and good answered?

Be Careful What You Witch For

Piper: Dan is back in town.

Leo: So? What am i supposed to go. Just hide out till he decides to leave again?

Piper: So, what am I going to tell him? The last time I saw him he handed me proof that you were killed in 1942. He's going to expect a reaction from me.

Phoebe: How about, 'Hey Dan, you're right, I am a necrophiliac. '.

Piper: Where you off to?

Prue: Lunch date with Dick.

Phoebe: Dull Dick? Prue, you are too hot to have to duty date.

Prue: Yeh, well. all demon hunting and no play has made me a lot less picky. I gotta figure out a way to put more balance in my life.

Piper: Yeh, but you don't need Dick!

Phoebe: You know, we keep saying that, but what does it really mean?

Genie: You're probably a little upset right?

Piper: No, I've moved past upset and right to pissed off.

The Honeymoon's Over

Phoebe: If Piper ever comes back, I'm going to kill her.

Leo: Piper!

Piper: This is so not happening.

Leo: Listen to me, Piper. I told you, I've thought this whole thing through.

Piper: Uh huh. Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?

Prue: Okay any mass vanquishing spells?

Phoebe: You're the one who's been studying the book.

Prue: Why are you picking on me?

Phoebe: Because I'm scared and we're outnumbered.

Piper: So, why did you do that to your hair?

Phoebe: To change my luck.

Phoebe: Okay, what was that all about? I didn’t even get to bitch at her.

Magic Hour

Leo: I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Piper: Can't you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?

Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.

Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't.

Piper: And neither were hearts.

Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?

Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...

Grams: Fine.

Prue: What love can't conquer, we will.

Cole: You better be careful or a guy might think he's been followed.

(Phoebe laughs)

Piper: You better be careful or a girl might think her sister's getting a really cheesy pick up line.

Once Upon a Time

Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.

Phoebe: Sure, why not?

Piper: (to Prue) Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa...

Piper: Why are you being so stubborn about this?

Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio, what's your excuse?

Prue: Okay. So, it's kinda late, and, ummm, we're all a little bit tired so how about we finish this up tomorrow?

Phoebe: Now look what you did, you went and turned Prue into the middle child.

Phoebe: We all had the same invisible fairy friend Piper. That is proof that fairies exist.

Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination, and the other two were really big copycats.

Piper: I'm done.

Phoebe: What does that mean?

Piper: That means that the Powers That Be haven't done anything but ruin my life, so I'm not doing anything for them anymore. Ok? (walks around Phoebe) I going now. ...I'm going now.

Phoebe: I think she's on strike.

Kate: Thistle says that if you really believe in fairies, there's something that can make you innocent again so you can see her. (She throws fairy dust on Prue & Phoebe, who begin to giggle and act like little girls.)

Kate: I think it worked.

Prue: (bouncing up and down) I want to see the fairy.

(Kate opens her jewelry box, and a fairy flies out. Prue & Phoebe's jaws drop.)

Prue: Okay, what was I supposed to say? That some unknown demon came in to try and steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs?

Piper: I am a good person. I'm a good witch. And damnit, I would have made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me? I deserve...no what no, I demand, that you send him back to me. You hear me? I'm going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.

Prue: It's just... You don't seem very open.

Piper: I'm as open as I'm gonna get in the next 5 minutes, so, let's just do the damn spell.

Prue, Piper, Phoebe:

In this tween time this darkest hour,

We call upon the sacred power,

Three together stand alone,

Command the unseen to be shown,

In innocence, we search the skies,

Enchanted are our newfound eyes.

Prue: lets go to the doorway and Piper you freeze

Phoebe: Dammit Dammit Dammit, whats the use of the power if i cant use if when i need it

Prue: Whats it doing

Piper: I think it wants us to follow it

Prue: Now thats how i like my tolls medium well

Prue: I think this is someones way of saying thank you

Piper: Am i dreaming? Hugs leo

Leo: Their giving us to change to show them that we can be together and still do our work then they will let us be together

All Halliwell's Eve

Prue: Hey, are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.

Prue: And you picked a role model that wears lots and lots of pink?

Piper: Yes.

Leo: Glinda helped innocents didn't she?

Piper: Yes.

Phoebe: You had the answer all along? That's not help, that's mind games.

Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement.

Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.

Phoebe: Thanks.

Piper: Nice costume.

Darryl: It's from my rookie days. Still fits.

Leo: Mine too.

Darryl: Isn't that from World War II? Who are you?

Piper: Flee! We're not in Kansas anymore!

Prue: From what they're wearing it looks to be what the 16...1700's...

Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of the average witch is, oh, 15 minutes.

Eva: This doorway would have told us if you were evil.

Piper: Huh! Where can we get one of those?

Piper: (referring to the elders) Oh, leave it to them to zap first and give instructions never.

Sight Unseen

Darryl: Well, on the human side of things, I need you guys to put together a grudge list of any enemies you have past or present.

Prue: Already done.

Darryl: Abraxas, Barbas, Yama... What did you do? Date the United Nations?

Piper: What are those?

Prue: A way to always be prepared.

Phoebe: These are very large contraceptives, Prue.

Phoebe: I'm bummed for you Piper, but I've got to tell you, Leo is looking fine!

Piper: I thought you said you didn’t see anything.

Phoebe: I didn’t… at least nothing good!

Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney. My district attorney!

Primrose Empath

Phoebe: I have a date with Cole.

Prue: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Phoebe: It's a lunch date!

Prue: So?

Phoebe: So! It's a bad sign. Lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner, that's why it has its own special menu.

Piper: Sometimes being magical takes the magic right out of things.

Prue: What's your last name?

Vinceres: Misery.

Prue: In that case, would you like some company?

Phoebe: So...how about those Niners?

Cole: What?

Phoebe: The Niners. The Forty-Niners. The football team. You don't follow football? [to Leo and Piper] He isn't human.

Cole: (coughs on his water) Check!

Piper: Phoebe, I know you're upset Leo crashed your lunch date but...

Phoebe: No, it's not that. Cole is pulling away from me again, I can see it.

Piper: Premonition?

Phoebe: Intuition.

Leo: We'll help you out.

Prue: No, no, no. I'll hit the book alone. Your guys couple issues are really starting to hurt my head.

Piper: Wait, we have couple issues?

Prue: Resentment. Denial. Be nice!

Piper: Here he is. Vinceres, hmm... Pretty much lives up to his gloss. Unstoppable hitman. Just keeps going until he gets his target.

Phoebe: Great. The energizer demon.

Prue:

Free thee empath,

Release his gift,

Let his pain be cast adrift.

Power Outage

Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe! Hi. I hate to interrupt your whole "staring off into space aimlessly" thing that you've got going on right now, but in case you forgot, evil Triad agent.

Phoebe: Like you would ever let me forget, Prue.

Cole: (to himself) I'm sorry but we have to stop seeing each other, okay. Why? Because, because I have to kill you that's why. Smooth.

Phoebe: This is important, he wants to have the talk. You know, are we a couple, are we a one-nighter, are we friends, are we friends that had a one-nighter...?

Prue: What is your problem?

Piper: You are. Get your own damn club and keep your paws off of mine!

Prue: Okay, whoa, obviously somebody needs a Midol. (Andras peeks inside the kitchen)

Piper: And I am so sick of all of your stuff laying around. If you can't put your equipment away, then I will! (grabs a lens and throws it to the floor, just as Andras infects Prue with rage)

Prue: (does a slow burn) Who the hell do you think you are?! (grabs a blender and smashes it on the floor)

Piper: "Sure, you can use P3 for a photo shoot." Hello? Remember me?

Prue: Oh, poor Piper! Well, you know what? The martyr routine's really getting old.

Phoebe: Hey guys, what's going on?

Prue and Piper: (to Phoebe) Shut up!

Prue: You know what? I am so sorry I didn't check with you about your stupid little club, but I was busy being the only witch concerned about the Triad.

Piper: Oh, right--without the mighty Prue Halliwell, we'd all be dead. Get over yourself, Prue.

Phoebe: Sisters, what has gotten into you two?

Prue: (to Phoebe) By the way, you owe me for a car tow and a tank of gas, you little leech!

Phoebe: I'm sorry, is it "Gang Up On Phoebe Day' and nobody told me?

Piper: News flash--the world does not revolve around Phoebe!

Prue: Yeah, so while you spend the night screwing the DA, we are stuck picking up your slack. (Andras, watching outside the window, infects Phoebe with rage)

Phoebe: What's the matter, Prue? Jealous? All work and no play making you even more boring?

Prue: Oh yeah, there's a lot to be jealous of, Phoebe. What, jealous that I'm still in school? Jealous that I'm still unemployed? And jealous that I am still living off of my sisters?

Piper: Yeah, Grams said you'd never amount to anything.

Prue: I am so sick that I have been saddled with the two of you my entire life!

Phoebe: Whatever, I'm leaving!

Piper: Oh sure--you're such an immature brat, you leave every time you can't hack something.

Phoebe: Well, there's nothing keeping me here now, is there?

Prue: Oh, well I see that you inherited Dad's talent for bailing!

Phoebe: That's because the two of us couldn't deal with living with the two of you!

Piper: Well, at least I'm not so stupid that I had to do college twice.

Phoebe: Well, at least I had the courage to go away to college. What's the matter, Piper? The real world too much for you? I am so sick of the two of you ganging up on me and judging me!

Prue: I am so sick of saving your asses!

Piper: I'm sick of being taken for granted, and those are mine! (yanks one of her earrings off Phoebe's ear)

Phoebe: Ouch! Bitch!

Phoebe: Has the tribal council spoken? Am I booted off the island?

Prue: Who needs Oprah when we can do it ourselves?

Prue: Okay, that's new.

Phoebe: Demon with...demon filling.

Sleuthing with the Enemy

Prue: Pig's feet.

Piper: Yecch.

Prue: Ecch?

Piper: Yecch.

Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh, but you can't touch a pig's foot?

Piper: I'm a vegetarian.

Prue: Since when?

Piper: Since now.

Prue: Who are you?

Krell: I'm Krell. I'm a Zotar.

Prue: I'm Prue. I'm a Scorpio.

Krell: Just the thought of working with you two turns my stomachs.

Piper: Stomachs?

Prue: Listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the Triad, now the Source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the Source, so he wants to kill Belthazor

Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the Source won't kill him.

Leo: And if you work with Krell he can kill Belthazor before he kills you.

Phoebe: Works for me!

Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done?

Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Spirits of air, forest and sea;

Set us of this demon free;

Beasts of hoof and beasts of shell,

Drive this evil back to hell!

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Magic forces black and white,

Reaching out through space and light,

Be he far or be he near,

Bring us the demon Belthazor here.

Coyote Piper

Leo: Come on Piper, isn't this supposed to be a fun thing. You know, going back and seeing all your old friends.

Piper: You weren't by any chance popular in high school were you?

Leo: Well I was.. I mean.. Is there a right answer to this question?

Piper: What I mean is I'm this super powerful witch who's engaged to a whitelighter saving the world from evil on a daily freaking basis, and all these people are going to see is the same pitiful loser who still lives at home with her sisters and her unemployed boyfriend.

Prue: Come on, why do you even care what those people think?

Piper: Only a former cheerleader could ask that question.

Prue: Wow, you only scored a four, that is just so sad.

Justin Harper: Excuse me, but you only scored a five out of ten on my list.

Prue: Right, So I got an F, but dude, you got an F-!

Justin Harper: Ouch! That's a bad high school flashback.

Terra: What kind of witch can't vanquish a demon without her sisters?

Piper: What the hell kind of demon has a panic attack everytime her boyfriend comes to visit?

Prue: Oh my god.. and she's been acting really.. and she left without saying.. and and the bottle, she wanted to destroy it.

Phoebe: I'm trying to jump on your thought train but you're moving a little too fast for me here.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Let flesh be flesh and bone be bone,

The alchemist will transform none,

Cruel scientist of evil born,

With these words face the fires scorn.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Host soul, reject the poison essence,

Let loves light end this cruel possession.

We All Scream for Ice Cream

Prue: Alright, well, nothing usually means something, and something usually means a boy, so...

Piper: He's still staring at me!

Phoebe: That’s not staring, that’s flirting!

Piper: You say tomato…

Phoebe: No! I say relaxo!

Piper: Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys? (Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the other end of the bar). Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward rejection all by myself.

Caleb: Hi, I'm Caleb.

Piper: Piper.

Caleb: I'm sorta new in town and I'm looking to meet someone... (Piper looks away uncomfortably) someone special? (Piper gives him a blank stare) I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...

Piper: Fiance. Very large, very jealous, fiance.

Caleb: Really? Does he ever come here?

Piper: Hahaha, yeah! All the time.

Caleb: So he-he-he lives nearby?

Piper: Uh, look, I'm flattered, and you know, if this was another time or place... uhh, maybe you'd like to meet one of my single sisters?

Caleb: You've got sisters, rrreally? Well, maybe we could all, uh, get together sometime? (Piper turns away, clearly exasperated) Uh, does your fiance like to hang out with your sisters too?

Piper: Okay, uhh, you know what? I don't know what kind of kinky stuff you're into, but there's a club, down the street, you might be more comfortable in. They've got, uh, cages and rubber floors, and a three-for-two special on Fridays.

Prue: Hey, alright I need some professional help.

Phoebe: No arguments here.

Prue: Anything?

Piper: Nope

Phoebe: Maybe if you did it again with a little more "ummph", you know? Maybe some choreography, Piper could back you up with some old school beatbox.

Prue: How did I know I wouldn't get any help from you crazy people?

Phoebe: Prue, if you keep ignoring me, my feelings might actually implode.

Leo: Why don't we try focusing on the positive? They're together.

Piper: That's it, that's your positive?! Cos I've got a list a mile long in the negative column.

Leo: Piper, any minute they are going to walk through that door with a perfectly good explanation.

Prue: Piper!

Leo: See!

Phoebe: We thought the good guys were bad guys, and in trying to vanquish them, we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for good guys.

Leo: Was that English?

Prue: You know, if this doesn't work I can look back and pinpoint the exact moment where it all went wrong.

Piper: And that moment's name would be Dad? Prue, you gotta admit if he can open the door we kinda need him.

Prue: It's all about word choice Piper, we don't need him, we need his utter lack of power. Right? He opens the door, we save the day, we get on with our lives. It's a one time group effort.

Piper: Glad to see you have a healthy handle on the situation, Prue.

Prue: I think I do!

Piper: So your interest in me?

Ice Cream Man: Uh, huh. Strictly professional. I was lost. But until I was sure who you were I couldn't just come out and say, hey are you a Charmed One, 'cos I need you to take me to my demon catching truck.

Piper: Whenever I decide to have kids, remind me of this day.

Blinded by the Whitelighter

Phoebe: What she needs, we can't give her.

Natalie: What happened?

Prue: Piper froze ya.

Natalie: S-she what?

Prue: (laughing) Yep.

Leo: Piper, what are you doing?

Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?

Leo: She's not in charge.

Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.

Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.

Phoebe: Who's Natalie?

Piper: She's a f...

Leo: (interrupting) Fellow whitelighter. See, I finished your sentence.

Piper: Hm. That's not what I was going to say.

Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.

Natalie: You must prepare yourselves for battle. Mentally, physically, spiritually, sartorially...

(Piper scoffs)

Phoebe: I'm sorry, what?

Piper: She doesn't like our clothes.

Natalie: You need clothes that are loose and move. That means no more braless, strapless... fearless attire.

Prue: Okay, then I have nothing to wear.

Natalie: Alright, lets pretend I'm the enemy.

Prue: Oh, that is way too easy.

(Phoebe claps her hands and Piper giggles)

Natalie: Very funny. Now, talk me through how you plan to separate me from my crossbow.

Piper: OK, first I freeze you.

Natalie: I deflect that.

Phoebe: I guess I could levitate and kick you.

Natalie: You just kicked a clone.

Prue: All right, how about I send in an astral Prue as a decoy and then I just ... (flicks her hand and yanks the piece of wood out of Natalie's hand) Oh, I'm so sorry. (Phoebe laughs at Prue's sarcasm)

Natalie: Not as sorry as you would be if I just blinked behind you and stabbed you to death.

Prue: Well, that would be bad.

Piper: Ouch.

Phoebe: All right, you know what? This is too hard. Usually in these situations, you know, everything happens so quickly. The adrenaline is pumping.

Natalie: I want you to think using your brains, not your glands. Now try again.

Phoebe: Hey, if we don't vanquish Eames, can we at least vanquish Natalie?

Piper: Don't tempt me.

Prue: Something doesn't feel right. This was way too easy.

Phoebe: Or even worse, anticlimactic.

(Eames writhes in agony as the arrow's poison takes effect, while the sisters stand over him glowering)

Eames: What the hell are you doing up here?

Phoebe: Kicking your ass!

Prue: Don't even bother trying to orb out. It won't work. You see, you didn't just get the powers of a Whitelighter, but you get their vulnerability too. So the poison in that arrow is killing you just like you killed Natalie.

Piper: It's kind of poetic.

Phoebe: I'm kind of in a rhyming mood--how about you, girls?

Prue: Sure, this poison isn't working fast enough for me.

Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Time for amends and a victim's revenge ...

Prue: Cloning power, turn sour ... (Eames bursts into flames and screams in agony)

Piper: Power to change, turn to strange ...

Phoebe: (in a mock Texas accent) I'm rejectin' your deflection! (Eames disintegrates)

Wrestling With Demons

Prue: Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn?

Prue: I know that demon...I dated that demon!

Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous.

Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives.

Prue: [walking in] What are you babbling about?

(Phoebe laughs)

Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would. Often.

Leo: I sorta... kinda lost the wedding ring.

(Piper gasps and Prue looks shocked.)

Darryl: I've got a great ring guy downtown if you need one.

Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mom's ring. I gave it to him, so he could give it back to me at the perfect, romantic moment!

Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost Mom's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already.

Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out...

Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring.

Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer.

Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like "your hair looks great. Cole's not dead. I let him go."

Phoebe: I cast a little spell.

Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am.

Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later.

Piper, and Phoebe:

Guiding spirits I ask your charity,

Lend me your focus and clarity,

Lead me to the one i cannot find,

Restore that and my piece of mind.

Bride and Gloom

Prue: You know, besides, a wedding invite definitely makes a statement.

Leo: That he can tie a bow tie?

Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?

Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?

Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?

Prue: Because Prue doesn't want both her sisters not speaking to her.

Prue: Can I have my lipstick back, Piper?

Piper: What lipstick?

Prue: The lipstick you borrowed last night.

Piper: Wasn't me.

Prue: Oh, I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with another Piper!

Leo: I thought you said there was nothing in the Book.

Piper: Well now, there's just a whole bunch of weirdness in it. Look.

Leo: Hemlock killing spell? That doesn't belong in here.

Piper: But it does have possibilities...

Leo: Piper!

Piper: I'm sorry, I don't know what I was ... (she blinks into the kitchen.)

Leo: Piper?

Piper: In here, somehow ...

Leo: You blinked.

Piper: I did not! Only warlocks do that.

Leo: Nope, you did it.

(Piper and Phoebe blink from the kitchen into the living room)

Piper: Catch us if you can!

Phoebe: Have you tried it yet, Leo? It's a real head rush.

Leo: Do you realize how serious this is? You're blinking, the Book is changing.

Piper: Maybe we're blinking because of the Book.

Leo: The Book is changing because of you. It is an extension of you.

Piper: I should care about that--but I don't.

Leo: This is what I was afraid of. Whoever's got Prue is somehow reaching you too.

Phoebe: Okay Leo, I can tell this really upsets you, but I gotta tell you, I really like this whole 'think it and it happens' deal. I mean, just think of the time we could save not chanting!

(after Piper freezes the female wedding planner)

Leo: Have you guys lost your minds?

Phoebe: Oh, Leo, get on board. Whatever this is, this is fabulous. You can't imagine the freedom, the power.

Leo: Phoebe, that is evil talking. You have to fight it!

Phoebe: What did you ever see in him?

Piper: I don't know. He is kind of a stick in the mud, isn't he?

Phoebe: Oh, another great idea! May I?

Piper: Be my guest.

Leo: All right, think about the power of ... (he gets cut off when Phoebe waves her hand and turns him into a stick in a barrel of mud.)

Phoebe: Look at all the fun we've been missing.

Piper: And this is just the beginning!

(after Leo orbs out.)

Piper: Oh no--he's gone. We're free!

Phoebe: Yes.

Piper: No more obeying the rules, considering the consequences, none of that crap!

Phoebe: Time to find Prue and go for broke.

Piper: Where are you going?

Phoebe: Well, I can't wreak havoc dressed like this.

Cole: Phoebe, if what I found out is true, Prue is in serious trouble. She's being forced to marry a warlock.

Phoebe: Figures that bitch would steal Piper's thunder!

Cole: You don't understand. A high-level priestess named Dantalian is rumored to have married them. She's got the power to turn her evil, and turn you evil too. That's what's happening here.

Phoebe: So? Isn't that the way you want me? (she kisses him passionately again)

Cole: No, that is not how I want you to be. It is not how I want us to be. Our only chance is if we're both ... good.

Phoebe: Love is love.

Cole: There is no such thing as evil love. It's only gratification, lust.

Piper: What's going on in here?

Phoebe: Nothing, unfortunately.

Piper: I heard voices.

Phoebe: Oh, did you? Um, I had a premonition. Must have gotten pretty loud.

Piper: I guess.

Phoebe: We gotta go. The high priestess that has Prue, supposedly she's coming here.

Piper: High pr--? Must have been a hell of a premonition.

Dantalian: That was easy.

Piper: Too easy.

(Phoebe kicks Dantalian from behind, and holds a knife to her neck)

Piper: Where's our sister?

Dantalian: (apprehensively) I can help you. I can teach you evil. You're new at it, you don't know how to realize its full potential.

Piper: I don't know, I think we're getting the hang of it.

Phoebe: Wanna see?

Piper: Where's Prue?

Dantalian: Kill me and you'll never see her again.

Piper: So maybe we should (stomps on Dantalian) torture you instead!

(Piper waves her hand, and Dantalian's hand freezes; Dantalian screams in agony.)

Phoebe: Why don't you just shatter her hand and see what happens?

(while Dantalian pants, Piper grabs a candle holder.)

Piper: Last chance. (Dantalian stares) Fine. (smashes Dantalian's hand, Dantalian screams in agony)

Phoebe: Now, the really weird thing is we could do that to the other hand, and then go down to your feet ...

Piper: Actually, we could work up piece by piece, all the way to her head.

Phoebe: (waves knife and Dantalian's head) Where is Prue?

Piper: Whoa, Prue. Hey, hi. You don't look so good.

Phoebe: Oh, but that's a great dress.

Dantalian: Zile, Prue--eliminate them!

Piper: Prue, ignore her. Come on, come with us--we're your sisters.

Prue: I'm his wife, not your sister. (she raises her hands and sends Piper and Phoebe flying into the wall)

Prue: I love you.

Another Prue: You too.

Piper: Huh. Welcome to Planet Narcissist.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, Leo, sorry we killed you.

Dantalian: I hope so. (She touches their foreheads) In the beginning, we were damned, and through damnation, we found freedom, power, and purpose. As I unite you today, I remind you of those gifts. (Dantalian ties Zile and Prue's hands together) And in your union, may these gifts increase your powers may grow in the service of evil. So be it.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Powers of light,

Magic of right,

Cast this blight

Into forever's night.

The Good, the Bad, and the Cursed

Phoebe: Dad doesn't know that Leo is a whitelighter.

Prue & Leo: What?!

Piper: Well, I've been meaning to tell him, but considering Mom had an affair with her whitelighter, I didn't think he'd be really receptive to the idea.

Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.

Piper: Oh, don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.

Victor: Hm. Leo, I think it's time to come clean.

Leo: You do?

Victor: Yeah. I need to talk to you about something, man-to-man.

Leo: Man-to-man.

Victor: Well, from one mortal to another. Leo, it's not easy being married to a witch.

Leo: No?

Victor: That's why my marriage to Piper's mother didn't work out. It wasn't because I didn't love her, but because I wasn't prepared for what was to come.

Leo: Well, I think I'm prepared, sir. Uh, I mean, Victor.

Victor: Well, don't get me wrong, Leo. I want this marriage to succeed, that's why I'm warning you. But there are dangers out there worse than demons and warlocks. You do know about them, don't you?

Leo: Yeah, sure.

Victor: Well the dangers I'm talking about, you're not even going to see it coming. The thing I'm talking about will just sneak up on you (snaps his fingers in front of Leo's face) and destroy your marriage if you're not careful. Leo, do you know what a whitelighter is?

Leo: Um...

Victor: Look, my point is, if you wanna...

(Leo is being called)

Leo: Uh oh...

Victor: Wha?

Leo: Uh... (gulps) I have to go. Now.

Victor: Go?

Leo: Yeah, and I don't think you're gonna like the way I have to go, either. (smiles awkwardly at Victor and orbs out)

(Victor is clearly surprised)

Cole: You have to hold my hand.

Prue: This sucks already.

Phoebe: Well, don't get mad at me, I've been shot.

Prue: Hi. What am I? A potted plant?

Victor: Oh, so now I'm supposed to trust a demon?

Leo: You know, as much as I hate to say this, Cole loves Phoebe. He took a huge risk to come here and try and prove himself to her and he will do whatever it takes to save her life.

Phoebe: He's right.

Victor: How can you be so sure?

Phoebe: Because he loves me as much as I love him.

Bartender: What'll it be?

Prue: Moonshine

Bartender: A what?

Cole: She means a whiskey. (to Prue) You watch too many old movies.

Prue: And you would be confusing me with Phoebe.

Cole: Ha, not a chance.

Cole: I still think you should have worn that pretty little red dress hanging on the line.

Just Harried

Grams: Is this the biggest arch you could get?

Prue: Without opening a fast food franchise, yeah.

Grams: Well just remember, if love is the quest, then marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like... victory.

Phoebe: And here I thought weddings were meant to be romantic.

Grams: Oh, my dear, sweet child.

Prue: Better listen to Grams, Phoebe. I mean you could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers.

Grams: I'll see you tomorrow, at four o'clock, Mrs. Halliwell. The women keep their names in this family.

Inspector: Ah, you stick your tongue down her throat but you don't know her name?

TJ: That against the law?

Phoebe: Huh, wow, so you're relinquishing control to your little sister. You must really be tired.

Phoebe: Piper, you have to stay positive. You know what? I have Celine Dion "Behind The Music" on video cassette. Would you like to watch that?

Piper: Would you like to get slapped?

Leo: I love her with all my heart, and I promise to keep loving her and taking care of her for the rest of this life, the afterlife and whatever comes after that. Now you may not support it, and you may not agree with it, but it is not going to stop me from marrying your daughter today. Nothing will.

Victor: You know.. I could probably get used to having a whitelighter for a son-in-law.

Cole: Everybody having fun down here?

Leo: Where do you stand on demons?

Victor: Patty.

Patty: Hello, Victor, how are you?

Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. Alright, who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?

Grams: Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.

Piper: Prue! What the hell is going on?

Phoebe: Prue! Get your astral ass back here!

Piper: As Halliwells, we are blessed as witches but we are cursed as women. Sometimes I think we're all destined to be alone.

Leo: Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I am is yours.

Piper: Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true, that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.

Death Takes a Halliwell

Prue: I'm sorry if I've been a little cranky.

Phoebe: Say no more. Princess Prue has spoken, by the orders of the queen, that's me! Phoebeville and all of it's glory will be abandoned for greener pastures, and two lattes.

Prue: Oh, all hail the queen!

Phoebe: Yay, I love to be hailed!

Piper: I still don't understand why my sisters can't come, we could just do a group hug thing, and..

Leo: I can orb you because you're my wife, but I'm not a cosmic taxi for the whole family.

Phoebe: Hehe... you said wife!

Phoebe: Alright you two, have fun. Bring me back a cloud!

Phoebe: Pardon the potential understatement of a cliche, but you look like you've seen a ghost.

Piper: It’s just so bright.

Leo: Of course it’s bright. It’s supposed to represent the light of eternal love.

Piper: Wait, does that mean we can never turn if off?

Prue: Hi. Need a little help?

Cole: What are you doing here?

Reece: How did you get here? What the hell's going on?

Seeker: Well, well, well. The mighty Belthazor, in bed with a witch.

Prue: Don't make me sick.

Phoebe: They retreated?

Prue: Yeah. I kicked ass.

Cole: No, you kicked air.

Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help?

Prue:

Spirits of air, sand and sea,

Converge to set the angel free,

In the wind I send this rhyme,

Bring death before me, before my time.

Prue: You don't know me, you don't know anything about me.

Death: But I've seen it so many times before. The anger, the pain. You lock up your tears and angrily steel yourself against me as if I was the ultimate evil.

Prue: You are the ultimate evil.

Death: No. I'm not good or evil, I just am. I'm inevitable.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Knowledge gained by murderous means,

Is wisdom's bitter enemy,

The mind that burns with stolen fire,

Will now become your funeral pyre.

Pre-Witched

Grams: (Flashback) Is it too much for an old lady to ask her granddaughters to retract their claws, stand still and look at me long enough to take one lousy picture?

Phoebe: Well, if so I got the runt. Bad teeth, funky clothes and way easy to kill.

Prue: Black hair?

Piper: Bad breath?

Phoebe You know him?

Prue: Uh, I think I killed him.

Piper: Leo and I are moving. (Everyone puts down their papers.) Thinking of moving, out of the manor. Um, milk?

Prue: Excuse me?

Phoebe: Wait a minute. Life altering plans can not be squeezed in between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K?'.

Phoebe So why bother us? Why not just jump in front of nine buses?

Prue: Because we must be the only ones strong enough to kill him.

Piper: And he knew where to find us. What are we in the Warlock's Guide to San Francisco?

Phoebe: Saved by the meow! You know, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Kit in the same way or get undressed in front of him, for that matter.

Phoebe: Oops. I think I just killed the warlock again.

Piper: Phoebe!

Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks if fun anymore.

Prue: You've never been fun, Piper.

Piper: I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.

Phoebe: (Flashback) I'm not sure what my future holds, but it's not in San Francisco. We all know that the only thing I add to this threesome is trouble.

Piper: Sharp painful implement?

Prue: Check.

Phoebe: Ooh! Nice choice.

Piper: So what is our level of confidence in this plan?

Phoebe: Well, on a scale from one to ten, ten being we whoop ass, one being he laughs at us while we're on fire and naked...

Piper: Maybe you should lie to me.

Shadow: Wait a minute, do you think I'm an idiot? You've got something up your sleeve.

Phoebe: Hello, sleeveless!

Piper: Was that for good?

Prue: Well, if it wasn't, he's really gonna miss his ear, 'cause it looks like part of it's dripping off the clock.

Piper: Yuck.

Prue: It’ll be just like having your own place.

Phoebe: Except with your sisters right down the hall!

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Beloved unknown spirit,

We seek your guidance,

We ask that you commune with us

And move amongst us.

Prue: I'm sorry, this just seems so callous. I mean, you just lost your life and we're treating you like 411.

Witch: It's okay. It's just... I'm at peace now. The ones I loved - when someone's taken from you, suddenly there are no goodbyes.

Prue: Something we're all too familiar with.

Ariel: At its core, evil exists for one reason: to spread loss. Be careful not to lose each other. Take care and blessed be.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe:

Nine times this evil's cheated death,

Felt no pain and kept his breath,

This warlock standing in our midst,

Let him feel the pain he missed.

Sin Francisco

Phoebe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you're actually looking for trouble now? Prue, what happened to putting more balance in your life? You know, less wicca wonder, more Prue.

Prue: Listen, I shot a magazine cover yesterday, I had a date last night and this morning I'm searching for evil. You can't get more balanced than that.

Phoebe: Right, just your typical everyday cosmo girl!

Phoebe: Oh my god! It's the coffee maker I wanted.

Prue: Phoebe it's just the carton.

Phoebe: Oh. See I need you, you just protected me from making a fool of myself.

Prue: Now there's a full time job.

Piper: Leo, you're a genius, what would we do without him?

Prue: Oh, I dunno. I guess our lives wouldn't be the smooth running carefree existence that they are today.

Prue: The three of us can handle the box.

Phoebe: Are you sure?

Prue: Yes! Go. Although you might want to change into, oh I don't know.. clothes, an actual shirt?

Prue: A-a-are you drinking in the middle of the day?

Piper: Well, I was a little bummed about this sin thing, so I thought I deserved a little indulgence. Would you like a bit of bubbly?

Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with those sin thingys.

Phoebe: My ethics professor threw me out of class.

Prue: What happened?

Phoebe: One minute I was telling him why my paper was late, and the next thing I knew I was unzipping his pants with my teeth.

Prue: Oh, Phoebe. You do know that charming the pants off someone is just a figure of speech, don't you?

Prue: Unfortunately, what got into you was lust, as in the sin of.

Piper: What, now you think we were infected?

Prue: Hello, gluttony, table for one.

Prue: Everything's under control, don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control. Hi, he needs medical attention. The Pastor's inside, I kicked his ass. He needs attention too, he's knocked out.

Prue: Yeah, well, my sin's not nearly as fun as yours.

Phoebe: Wait, your sin, I thought you didn't get hit.

Prue: Well, that was the pride talking and it almost got me killed already.

Phoebe: Pride? You didn't seem all that different.

Prue: Oh really, well back at ya.

Prue: Hey! Be nice. I don't want to talk about sin tonight.

Phoebe: Me neither!

Prue: So, this is a pretty interesting band. What's their name?

Piper: Orgy.

The Demon Who Came in from the Cold

Phoebe: I don't think we're gonna be able to pull this off.

Leo: We have to.

Prue: We've been in tighter jams than this before.

Phoebe: But we're running out of time, I don't think we're gonna make it.

Prue: Phoebe, we can do this, okay? I mean, if we just get a quick bite to eat at Red's, we can still make the 9:30 Faithless at the Avalon.

Cole: Save it. You can't stop the brotherhood with a little research and your basic kick, freeze and magical move. No offence intended.

Piper: Some taken.

Prue: Alright, look. This whole voting together thing would be really, really cute if it weren't so annoying. I mean, maybe your guys votes should just count as one from now on.

Piper: Bet you wouldn't mind if we were voting with ya.

Phoebe: They'll track your shimmer.

Cole: Not if we meet in the mausoleum. That's the second safest place I know.

Phoebe: What's the safest?

Cole: With you.

Piper: Wait a minute, so Cole is risking his life to maintain stock portfolios?

Piper: Wouldn't it be nice to save the world at a decent hour?

Piper: Well, since plan A is going so well, I'd love to hear about plan B...assuming that you have one.

Prue: I've got part of it, in the freezer.

Piper: In the freezer? Wait, we're gonna fight the brotherhood with Ben & Jerry's?

Phoebe: What is that?

Piper: Demon-Be-Gone.

Exit Strategy

Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Elysees.

Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed.

Leo: Well, great, except that we're not.

Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.)

Leo: Where did you get that?

Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya?

Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924.

Piper: No, you weren't. Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school.

Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate.

Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number.

Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.

Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? Let's not get technical now.

Prue: (walks into kitchen) Morning. What's up?

Leo: Oh, probably 3 to 5 years in jail if we're lucky.

Phoebe: Piper?

Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon?

Piper: No, it was watermelon!

Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?

Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.

Piper: I don't know what is up with me. Every time I try to freeze, I flame!

Jenna: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd...

Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives.

Piper: Check her out, whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she could fix me.

Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing.

Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing.

Piper: Leo should have been back by now. It must mean my powers are screwed forever. They're punishing me.

Jenna: You're a fulfillment of a great prophecy. Why punish you?

Piper: Oh, forgery. Wanting to have a normal life. Getting pissed off. By next week I'll be walking around like Carrie at the prom.

Prue: You look like hell.

Cole: You have no idea.

Piper: Sorry about knocking you out. Nothing personal.

Prue: Yeah, well, at least you didn't blow me up.

Piper: Yeah, I was kinda relieved too.

(Prue pops the attic door open, and she, Piper and Phoebe rush in. While Prue and Piper run to Leo, Phoebe stares at Belthazor.)

Belthazor: Phoebe ...

Piper: (bending over Leo) What did you do to him?! (Belthazor changes back into Cole)

Phoebe: I saw what you did.

Cole: It's not what it looks like, it wasn't ...

Phoebe: Janna is dead and Leo is unconscious. What else could it be?

Cole: Raynor forced me. I had no choice.

Phoebe: There's always a choice, Cole!

Cole: (looks at the potion) The potion. (reaches for it, but Phoebe grabs it) Before it's too late ...

Phoebe: It's already too late. You killed an innocent woman, there is no turning back from that.

Cole: I didn't wanna kill her, you've gotta understand that. I can still be good.

Phoebe: There's nothing good in you anymore.

Prue: Maybe there never was. You have to read the spell to activate the amulets, right? I mean, Cole, maybe that was your plan all along, to get the Book.

Piper: But evil can't use the amulets or the Book.

Phoebe He could have if he'd stripped his powers. (her voice raising) Is that why you wanted the potion, Cole? So you could get the spell and use the amulets against us?!

Cole: Phoebe, you've gotta believe me.

Piper: I think she's believed you one too many times.

Cole: Stay outta this! This is between her and me.

Phoebe: There's nothing between us anymore.

Cole: Phoebe, don't let Raynor take this away from us. Don't let him win.

Phoebe: Raynor didn't set me up. You set me up. What am I supposed to do?

Cole: (reaches for the potion) Please, save me.

Phoebe: Save yourself. (She smashes the potion to the ground. Cole sullenly stares at the sisters, and shimmers out.)

Prue: For Liza, a lost sister, may her spirit soar.

Piper: For Jenna, our lost friend, may we meet again.

Phoebe: For Cole, a lost love, may you find peace.

Leo: Well, I don't have news but I do have a passport.

Piper: You went back?

Leo: Yeh well, I was thinking with everything that's happened and with your new power making life a little crazy.. alright crazier, i figured the least i could do is make it somewhat normal.

Piper: Are you sure?

Leo: Anything that it takes to get you on a plane to Paris.

Piper: Ah, you know what? I think we should wait on that. I wouldn't want to like sneeze at 40,000 feet and have a whole bunch of people explode, that would be bad.

Look Who's Barking

Phoebe: Well, I'm single again, so I have no choice but to live vicariously through your love life.

Prue: Wow, I'd pick a better love life if I were you. Lately mine's been rated PG for Pretty Grim.

Phoebe: That's because nobody makes it past the threshold Prue. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're out there looking, but you can't keep saving yourself for Mr. Right. I need more vicarious thrills than that.

Phoebe: You can't stay down there forever.

Piper: Yes I can.

Phoebe: No you can't, you have a club to run and a husband who can't stand to live without you.

Prue: That's right. And, and two sisters who need you to cook for them and fight evil with them.

Phoebe: Okay, do you want her to come up or do you want her to stay down there?

Prue: I think that you're barking up the wrong demon.

Piper: So what do we do, wear earplugs?

Phoebe: Oh, she’s such a pretty dog.

Piper: What else did you expect?

Leo: A Doberman? (Prue growls) Easy!

Piper: Honey, watch your orbs.

Phoebe: This is worse than I thought.

Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue.

(Prue growls)

Piper: Hi, Cujo, who you growling at?

Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the Elders, see if they know how to vaquish a banshee.

Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.

Leo: Yeah!!

Piper: I never imagined anything like this could ever happen to us.

Phoebe: All I know is this can't go on much longer.

Piper: So, what we are gonna do?

Phoebe: Rock paper scissors?

Piper: No way, you already lost.

Phoebe: Two out of three!

Piper: Uh-uh.

Phoebe: This is so humiliating.

Leo: Are you okay?

Piper: Am I okay? Prue is a dog, and Phoebe is a banshee. I am not even in the vicinity of "okay". How did this happen? What am I supposed to do? And, you know, you could have told me about the witches turn into banshees thing a little bit earlier.

Leo: Honey, just try and relax.

Piper: Would you stop telling me to relax! [blows up sewing machine] That was Grams's sewing machine...!

Leo: Well, we don't have time for you to lose it.

Piper: Well, too bad, because I am losing it whether we have time for it or not.

Leo: Listen to me, we have to save Phoebe before she hurts anyone. If she kills just one person, she will stay a banshee forever.

Piper: Okay, could you give me all the bad news at once? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?

Leo: We have to find Phoebe.

Piper: How, without Prue to track her?

Leo: We'll find a way. You can do this, Piper.

Piper: No, actually, I can't. See, 'cause Prue and Phoebe are the superwitches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.

Prue: What are you doing?

Piper: I think you've got fleas.

Prue: You know what, that is so not funny, cause I think I do.

Piper: I think you do.

Prue: Okay, you have no idea how hard it was being a dog, okay, I mean, peeing outside, eating everything and anything, and just smelling everything...

Piper: Must have been ruff! No pun intended.

Prue: Aha... aha... Well, at least I got to meet a really cute guy.

Piper: You met a guy?

Prue: Mmhmm...

Piper: As a dog?!

Prue: Mmhmm...

Piper: How?!

Prue: Well, he ran me over.

Piper: Prue and Phoebe are the super witches, and I just tag along and freeze things, and now I can't even do that right.

Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.

Cole: A Banshee? Huh...that's different.

All Hell Breaks Loose

Piper: Ok, I think we made it. I'm sure we made it. You think we made it?

Prue: I don't know.

Phoebe: I think he would attack by now if we haven't.

Dr. Griffiths: Who? Who would attack? Why don't you tell me what's going on?

Phoebe: Because we're busy trying to save your life.

Dr. Griffiths: From who?

Prue: Ah, unfortunately, we're not pretty sure.

Piper: That's because Phoebe didn't give us enough time to figure it out.

Phoebe: Well, I didn't have a lot of time. I mean, I can't control how far in the future my premonition takes place. I saw the attack, we kicked butt, what more do you want?

Piper: I'd like to know more about who we're up against.

Prue: Ok, Phoebe, maybe you should check the Book of Shadows, see you can find anything else about this demonic hitman, OK?

Dr. Griffiths: Excuse me? Demonic?

Piper: And how to vanquish him, that will be a good thing to know. And do not exined trap with the Cole potion thing. Because the only one we conserve about saving, right now, is ourselves.

Prue: Ah? A, a, a OK...What Cole potion?

Piper: Ah, he told her that he only kills because some demon cast a spell on him. How naive is that?

Prue: I thought that she is all over him.

Piper: Apparently not.

Dr. Griffiths: What a hell are you talking about? First you tell me my life is in danger, than you adopt me from my work. Now you talk about demons and witches - who the hell are you people?!

Prue: Look, I know this all sounds incredible, but it doesn't make it any less true. You are a healer, you do good, you saved too many lives or you could save that which they don't want you to save.

Dr. Griffiths: They?

Prue: Yes, demons, more specifically, Shax, who is the Source's assassin.

Dr. Griffthis: Hold on. I get that. This is a practical joke, right? I bet you have a hidden camera here. My second wife put you up to this? Ah, just like her.

Prue: Ah, OK, Doctor Griffiths, this is anything but...

Piper: What?

Prue: I don't know, I just...felt a chill. Phoebe?

Phoebe: Alright, alright, I am coming.

Prue: Phoebe!

Piper: Phoebe!

Piper: Ah!

Dr. Griffiths: Dear God!

Prue: No!

Piper: Prue! Ha! Aah.

Dr. Griffiths: What are you?

Shax: The end.

Phoebe:

Evil wind that blows,

That which forms below,

No longer may you dwell,

Death takes you with this spell.

Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, God. Leo! Leo! Hurry, it's bad.

Prue: Oh.

Piper: Ahh, what happened?

Leo: You almost dead, that's what happened.

Piper: Yeah, what else is new?

Prue: Oh, where's Shax?

Phoebe: I tried to use the vanquishing spell on him. But I think I just wounded him, he turned into the wind.

Prue: Maybe the spell needs more than one witch for full effect. Ah, OK, come on.

Piper: Come on, come on, where?

Prue: Let's go find him. So we can finish it off while he still hurt. Look, you just stay here with Griffiths, alright? If Shax comes back, say the spell to fend him off. OK, come on.

Piper: If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.

Prue: You're banking an awful lot on that little potion of yours.

Phoebe: No, I'm not. I'm banking on Cole.

Piper: Hello Leo, nice of you to orb in...where've you been?!

Cole: Phoebe, we tried it up there, it doesn't work for us.

Phoebe:So where does that leave us?

Cole: Right where we are.

Piper: Look at all these interview requests we're getting. Ted Coppell, Time Magazine, Jerry Springer. Sports Illustrated?

Darryl: Yea, they probably want you for the swimsuit edition. Just kidding.

Prue: Alright, this thing has to end now, okay? The media is turning it into a freakin' circus.

Leo: Now you know why the Elders have always been highly concerned about exposure.

Piper: Okey-dokey, now we know.

Piper: Okay, so Oprah or Barbara? Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah.

Prue: And you, why don't you go whitelight a fire underneath your bosses' butts.

Piper: We're gonna do talk shows and book signings and movie deals, and then be taken by the C.I.A. and be dissected.

Prue: How can you be joking about this?

Piper: Who's joking?

Prue: Well, I'm not. Alright, I'm scared. And you should be too. Okay, our lives, Piper, everything that we've worked for could be completely destroyed with-with one stupid mistake. Our entire future , our entire destiny could be wiped out just like that.

Alice: Hi my name is Alice, Alice Hicks. I've been trying to contact you. I want to join your coven.

Prue: What are you, nuts? This is our home, get out of here!

Alice: I killed the wicked witch. The wicked witch is dead!

Prue: They killed her Leo... they think we're the demons now.

Prue: I don't know, I felt a chill. Phoebe, are you there? Phoebe, where are you?!

Prue: No!

Dr. Griffiths: What are you?

Shax: The end.

Charmed Again, Pt 1

Phoebe: Piper?

Piper: Prue?

Phoebe: Sweetie, it's four o'clock in the morning, what are you doing? You're bleeding.

Piper: I don't understand why magic can't fix this. And why we can't bring Prue back. It's not like we haven't cheated death before. I don't understand why this time isn't any different.

Phoebe: Because Leo can't heal the dead, Piper. You know that.

Piper: There's other magic, magic that we've used before. It's like the book just deserted us and deserted Prue, and I don't understand why.

Phoebe: We lost our sister. How can we ever understand that? We have tried every magical way to bring her back. But we can't. She's gone. I just thank God that I didn't lose you too. Now, we have to get some rest, Prue will never forgive us if we look bad at her funeral.

Paige: I'm so sorry for your lost.

Phoebe: Thank you. How did you know Prue? From work?

Paige: No. Just from around. You know...

Phoebe: Have we met before?

Paige: No, I don't... I don't think so. Anyway, my condolences.

Phoebe: Thank you. (She shakes Paige's hand -- then gets hit with a powerful premonition: Paige is on a skyscraper rooftop helipad. She screams as she squeezes her eyes shut in fear as the demon Shax gestures and sends a concessive blast toward her to kill her. She stumbles to the floor after her premonition ends.)

Piper: Phoebe!

Leo: Phoebe?

(Piper, Leo, Victor, and Cole rush over to her as Paige, oblivious, but not wanting to stick around, leaves. Leo and Victor help Phoebe stand up.)

Piper: Are you all right?

Phoebe: I saw him! The demon that killed Prue.

Leo: Shax? What was he doing?

Phoebe: He was killing that girl.

Piper: What girl?

Phoebe: The one who I was just talking to. I gotta go find her!

(Bounty Hunters 2 suddenly materialize on either side of Cole and immediately fire lightning bolts at him. Cole dives, just barely avoiding the bolts, which blow up the altar.)

Leo: Go! Go!

(Leo pulls her behind a pillar for safety. Victor looks on in disbelief. Cole rolls, comes up firing, vanquishing Bounty Hunter #2, but Bounty Hunter #3 appears. Before he can kill Cole, though, Phoebe runs up and knocks him to the ground with an expert martial arts move. She then hides behind a statue.)

Piper: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Damnit! This is Prue's funeral for God's sake! Can we at least bury her in peace?! Is that too much to ask?!

(She knocks over a vase of flowers. She then storms out in tears.)

Phoebe: I don't see her anywhere.

Leo: Who?

Phoebe: The girl from my preminition.

(A passing mourner, overhearing that, quietly reacts. Leo, seeing that, pulls Phoebe to the main stairs, where they can have some privacy.)

Leo: Phoebe, you gotta be more careful.

Phoebe: I'm sorry.

Cole: You sure don't recognize her from anywhere?

Phoebe: Well, she did look familiar like I've seen her somewhere before. But somehow, we got to find her before nightfall, or else…

(Phoebe slides a flower vase over an inch, then back again. Cole gently grabs her arm with a concerned look.)

Cole: Honey, what are you doing?

Phoebe: Uh, cleaning.

Cole: But you don't clean. You hate cleaning.

Phoebe: I know. But it's better than falling apart, right?

Leo: Maybe you should just try and focus on a girl, you said she was attacked on a rooftop?

Phoebe: Yeah, one with the helipad. But it wasn't a tall building, although, there were a lot of taller ones around it.

Leo: Okay, so we just need to figure out which building it was before Shax does.

Piper: And do what exatly? You can't defeat Shax, not without the Power of Three.

Phoebe: But you and Prue did.

Piper: That's because Prue was the strongest. Trying to do without her will be suicide.

Phoebe: Maybe so. But I got that premonition today for a reason, Piper. That girl is our innocent. So we have to try and save her.

Piper: Says who?! Why do we have to?

Leo: Piper...

Piper: What? Do you really expect us to keep doing this stuff, after what happened, to keep risking our lives?! Do they?!

Leo: Piper, keep your voice down...

Piper: No, Leo, I won't! I don't want to do this anymore, okay? It's over! You can tell them we buried their precious Charmed Ones when we buried our sister.

Piper: Grams!

Grams: Hello, my darling. How are you?

Piper: How am I? Are you kidding? Do you guys not get the news up there?

Grams: I meant... How are you holding up?

Piper: Not very well. I'm a little...lost. Why didn't you come before when I called after...?

Grams: I couldn't, Piper. I was... busy.

Piper: You were busy?

Grams: I was with Prue.

Piper: Oh, of course you were, that makes sense. Is she okay?

Grams: Your mother and I are helping her through this.

Piper: But how is she?

Grams: I'm not allow to tell you now, just like you're not allow to see her. At least not for a while, anyway.

Piper: Why?

Grams: Because seeing Prue right now, speaking to her, keeps her alive for you. Which keeps you from being able to move on with your life... to continue your destiny.

Piper: What destiny?! Okay, it's over, it's done, Prue is gone, and I...

Grams: I know, sweetie, I know. But if there's one thing you learned over the last three years it's that there's always a reason for everything. Which means, there's a reason for this, too. Your destiny still awaits. Blessed be.

Piper: I'm not angry. I am pissed off! Don't you understand? You healed the wrong sister! You saved me because I'm your damn wife, and you should've saved her because she was the best! Because she... you should... Why did they put us through so much for it to end this way?

Piper: She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister. And I don't know how to live without one.

Paige: Oh, never mind. It's boring. All right, but if I tell you all about Paige and you use it against me, I will get out my voodoo doll and make you sorry you're a man. So my sad story is that I'm adopted, only it's not so sad because I loved my parents, God rest. So after they died, I went searching for my birth mother, hoping to get some answers. I went to the police station, found the church where I was dumped at… I checked around. I figured she must've lived near here, you know? They even thought I might've been… related to the Halliwell sisters for a minute, but their Mom died a long time ago, so I gave up on that.

Shane: Well, did you ever meet the sisters, ask them about it or…

Paige: Yeah right. "Hi. I think your Mom might've abandoned me at birth. What's for dinner?" No. I don't think so.

Phoebe: Hey, you okay?

Piper: Yeah, sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out, and we pretty much know who to invite.

Phoebe: Piper...

Piper: Just tell me one thing. Are you insane or are you just plain stupid? We bury Prue this morning and you go off tonight and nearly join her. What the hell is the matter with you?!

Phoebe: I was trying to save the innocent.

Piper: No. You were trying to get yourself killed, which is what this family does best is get killed. Isn't it obvious by now that our only destiny is to die? And you are making it way too easy for them, Phoebe. You are just walking right into it!

Phoebe: I am so sorry.

Piper: I can not handle anything right now and I certainly cannot handle losing another sister.

(finding out that there is a possibility that the Charmed Ones can be reconstituted following Prue's death, Piper furiously marches up to the attic)

Phoebe: What's going on?

Piper: I'm going to ask Grams what's going on, actually.

Phoebe: Grams?

Piper: Mm-hmm! Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything, she says. So now it's time to summon her transparent butt back here and find out exactly what that reason is!

Phoebe: Okay, but what would...

Piper: (tensely reciting the spell, interrupting Phoebe loudly) Hear these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side. Come to me, I summon thee, (angrily) cross now the Great DIVIDE!

Grams: Piper, why are you calling? Phoebe? What's going on?

Patty: It happened after your father and I were divorced, when Sam and I were together.

Cole: Sam?

Leo: Her whitelighter.

Cole: Hmm. Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree, I see.

Piper: Shh!

Grams: Alright, fine, You've caught us, congratulations! So what are you going to do about us, shoot us?

Phoebe: Easy, Grams! Not all of us are dead, remember?

Cole: And I thought my family was screwed up.

Phoebe: ...We call the spirits to help undo and send him off to… Timbuktu! Woah, it worked!

Piper: Timbuktu? You sent him to Timbuktu?!

Phoebe: It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with 'undo'.

Piper: Yeah, I'm angry, um, I'm confused, and you know what, this, this is just crazy! You cannot float in here after all these years and go, 'Oh gosh, I forgot, by the way, you've got a sister!' Especially NOT today of all days!

Phoebe: It's not enough. Shax was just the messenger. We need to get The Source.

Paige: The Source of what?

Piper: Of All Evil.

Charmed Again, Pt 2

Leo: It's kind of hard to heal myself when I'm knocked out.

Phoebe: Leo, how is possible for an angel to even get knocked out? I mean, you are, after all, technically dead.

Leo: Three years together, and now you're asking these questions?

Phoebe: Well…

Piper: I think the more appropriate question is, how does a whitelighter get somebody knocked up?

Phoebe: Sister witch.

Piper: Half-witch, half-whitelighter. Let's not forget that little surprise.

Paige: Let's just say, when I wanted to find out who I was, I didn't want to find out I was a freak.

Mr. Cowan: This is none of your business. You're an assisstant, not a social worker.

Paige: That's because you're too cheap to make me one.

Phoebe: So, perhaps the whitelighter in her makes it work differently.

Piper: Half breed.

Piper: I guess blood's a little thicker than evil.

Phoebe: Why did you come to Prue's funeral? I mean, you never even met her right?

Paige: No, I never did. I don't want this to be taken the wrong way, but, I just feel like part of me lost her too. I just.. I felt drawn to her, to all you guys. I guess it was just part of me trying to find out who I was.

Hell Hath No Fury

Piper: Okay, turn left up here. And can you step on the gas a little?

(makes a sharp turn and almost collides with a taxi cab.)

Phoebe: Off the gas! Off the gas!

Cole: Does somebody else want to drive here?

Phoebe: Two witches and a half-a-demon does not the power of three make.

Leo: Piper, I can't help you unless you talk to me.

Piper: It hurts to talk, Leo... it hurts to breathe...so unless you know some way of how to bring Prue back, I don't wanna talk right now.

Phoebe: Instead of teaching Paige how to be a witch, we're out hunting for every Tom, Dick and Beelzebub in San Francisco.

Cole: If it's the Source, I'll just ask him to come back later.

Phoebe: Piper, Cole's right. We have a system for fighting demons and it's worked pretty well for the last three years.

Piper: I think, uh, Prue being killed counts as a pretty big glitch in the system.

Cole: She has no regard for her life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson cubed.

Leo: I said I'd talk to her.

Phoebe: Guys, guys. Who is Charles Bronson?

(Leo and Cole look at each other incredulously)

Phoebe: Never mind.

Piper: Evil got the Book of Shadows. How did evil get the Book of Shadows?

Phoebe: Oh no.

Piper: Oh no, Phoebe? Evil got the Book of Shadows, 'oh no' doesn't quite cover it.

Cole: Let me go see what I can find out... (stopped by Phoebe)

Phoebe: No, wait... Uh, Piper? Promise me you're not gonna over-react.

Piper: Is that even possible?

Phoebe: I think that, uh, maybe... (gulps) well, it might-might be feasible that, uh, (takes in a deep breath) Paige... borrowed the book.

Piper: What? Why-why... why... Why would you think that?!

Phoebe: See, now, this is what I meant by over-reacting, it's just that I...

Cole: You let Paige take the Book of Shadows out of the manor.

Phoebe: Well, no, I did not let her! It's just she left pretty quick and... it looks like she might've... (points to the open attic window)

Piper: Out of the window?!

Phoebe: Piper, I...

Piper: Phoebe, why would you even leave her alone with it?!

Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.

Piper: (chuckles, then stops abruptly) Not for long! (stalks out)

(Phoebe follows Piper out of the door, only to return again to Cole, who is sitting on a chair)

Phoebe: Aren't you coming?

Cole: To vanquish your sister? (scoffs lightly) I think I'll sit this one out.

(Phoebe leaves while Cole twiddles his thumbs.)

Piper: You are so... (notices Paige's overlarge breasts) busted?!

Phoebe: Woo... hello!

Piper: You stole our sacred book, so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?

Piper: What happened?!

Paige: I don't know, they just... grew.

Piper: (as Phoebe scoffs) Oh, right, and-and you had nothing to do with that.

Phoebe: Did you cast any spells?

Paige: One... (reluctantly after a pause) Five...

Piper: Five?!

Phoebe: Okay, what did you do just before you turned into Betty Boop?

Paige: Tell her, Piper. It's all right to hate her.

(Piper shakes her head once and turns to leave, angrily pulling against chained doors.)

Paige: You should hate her. When my parents died, I hated them. I was alone, and I hated them. It is okay to hate Prue!

Piper: (seemingly to Paige) How dare you! (suddenly turns and begins to beat her hands against Prue's gravestone) How dare you leave me! How could you go and die and leave me here all alone, please come back! I need you, please come back... (breaks down sobbing while turning back human)

Leo: It's okay, it's gonna be okay, honey.

Piper: It's not 'okay', she risked her life every day and she never thought about what would happen to me and Phoebe if she was gone.

Leo: I know...

Piper: How could she think... that I could live without her?

Piper: So, how scary was I?

Phoebe: Heck, I've seen worse. I've been worse.

Piper: With everything that happens in our lives, love just feels like an invitation for more pain.

Phoebe: Well... maybe you don't start with love. Maybe you just start with 'thanks'.

Piper: (noticing Paige's scratch) You know, Leo could fix that for you.

Paige: It's my first war wound, think I'll wear it with pride.

Paige: It'll never be okay that she's gone, Piper. But I promise it will get better.

Piper: Paige, there are rules to being a witch, rules that you will have to learn and follow.

Paige: Well, not to be difficult, but... you're married to our Whitelighter and Phoebe's shacking up with a demon. So, on balance, maybe my friend could stay cute?

Mr. Cowan: My, my, my. That pile looks about the same size as it did about an hour ago.

Piper: Oh, that was my fault. I distracted her with muffins.

Mr. Cowan: And you are?

Piper: I'm her sister.

Enter the Demon

Piper: Okay. After mixing your potions, what's the best method to preserve unused sea slugs for future use? A) Pickle them, B) Sugar them, C) Smoke them, D) Freeze dry them.

Paige: Well now, you see, if I had extra sea slugs, I'd let those little suckers go right on back into the ocean.

Piper: Paige, don't be make me the wicked witch of the northwest. I didn't ask for this big sister gig and frankly it sucks. But since I'm on a roll, you should get rid of that lollipop habit because it's going to rot your teeth.

Paige: Next up, some powered toadstool. Bam! Let's kick it up one more notch.

Leo: Whoa, what are you doing?

Paige: You know, just preparing for the Source.

Leo: Oh, is he coming over for dinner?

Mason: He said that if he doesn't hurry up and make you a social worker, you'll probably quit and start your own agency. That or end up in jail. He wasn't sure which.

Piper: I smell something witchy.

Paige: My God, what did you have for dinner?

Phoebe: Kung Pao Chicken. Sorry.

Yun Lo: Oh, it's you... black belt Barbie.

Leo: Well, here comes your personal trainer from hell.

Piper: Literally.

Phoebe: So what's on our training shedule today? light sabers?

Size Matters

Piper: Okay, well like it or not, there have been a lot of changes lately, and this is hardly the biggest.

Phoebe: Ooh, speak of the devil/whitelighter/witch.

Phoebe: It's not fair, you shouldn't carry the financial burden.

Piper: I will worry about the source of our income, if you worry about the Source of all evil.

Phoebe: Damn it! I am only going to say this once, the real world better start showing me some respect otherwise I'm going to stop saving it every week!

Leo: What happened?

Phoebe: I just had the worst job interview for a position that a monkey could fill, provided that the monkey could explain why it needed flexible work hours.

Piper: It's okay, P3 doesn't exist anymore.

Piper: Are you siding with Paige now?

Leo: Hey, there's no sides. And, yes.

Piper: Do not go into that house. Did you hear me? I said do not go in. It is like talking to a wall!

Leo: She's got the Halliwell hearing.

Piper: Well, speaking for my Great Aunt Sylvia, who collect Hummells. When they have a hard time dealing with real people, figurines can be their best friends.

Leo: Yeah, but being socially awkward doesn’t land you in the Book of Shadows.

Piper: Well then we need to find Paige, and hope that she's not in trouble, so we can find Phebe and hope that she's not in trouble.

Bouncer: Hold it! You can’t go in there.

Piper: Excuse me?

Bouncer: It’s the VIP area.

Piper: Oh! You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad assumption see, 'cos I own this club which makes me a V.V.VIP!

Claudia: Oh, my gosh. How did you do that?

Phoebe: The Power of Three.

Piper: The Power of point-Three.

Leo: Okay, well then there's just one more thing that we need to tie up.

Piper: Oh, okay.

Phoebe: Uh, Leo what are you looking for?

Leo: Something very important.

Paige: Broken glass?

Leo: Broken glass that needs healing. Here it is. It's up to you.

Piper: Can you do it? Well, then do it. It looks like P3's back.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Small of mind,

Big of woe,

The pain you caused,

You now will know.

Piper: Oh, he's way too big for my tiny magic.

A Knight to Remember

Phoebe: Look at me. I look like a drowned rat! I need my blow dryer.

Piper: Pretend you’re camping.

Phoebe: I hate camping.

Piper: Phoebe, we can’t just schedule vanquishes. Okay, demon attacks don’t usually fit into the day planners.

Glen: Can’t you just be a little late?

Paige: I already am a little late.

Glen: Can’t you be a lot late?

Leo: Yeah, she's home... She's just a little, indisposed at the moment.

Piper: Wait, you watch? What are you, like a peeping angel?

Leo: Wha.. I didn't see anything

Piper:Ahh

Leo: Alright just a little but how else am i supposed to protect her

Phoebe: But we could do something about it if we were together, you know, if we lived together 'cos that’s when we’re the strongest. What do you say?

Paige: Are you two out of your freakin’ minds?

Piper: Don’t people storm out of the house when they’re angry...?

Phoebe: The Evil Enchantress?

Paige: That's it! That's the evil witch, the one who kills the Prince, after he gets her pregnant, of course.

Piper: Of course!

Paige:

Bring together my Prince and me,

Let him fall on bended knee,

I summon him to my side,

That he may take me to be his destined bride.

Paige: Piper, do that thing you do.

Piper: I don't wanna blow him up.

Paige: Well risk it, he's using his tongue!

Piper: Paige! The Charmed Ones come first!

Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?

Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.

Phoebe: He’s wandering around in chain mail?

Piper: It’s San Francisco. No one will notice.

Piper: So why is Sir Lust-a-Lot after you?

Paige: How should I know?

Piper: Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen.

Leo: This is who you are Paige, you know that. Why are you running from it?

Paige: Oh gee, I don't know. Being hunted by the Source, ducking the Furies and being shrunk by a psycho demon, not to mention being chased after by a bedtime story. I don't know why I wouldn't want the rest of my life to be just like that.

Piper: Leo, we are up to our pointy little hats in demonic problems here!

Prince: I will not leave until you are with child.

Paige: Okay, a) I always use protection and b) You're a fairy tale! Just keep that sword of yours sheathed pal.

Phoebe: Defiant, clever, and independent. That kind of describes Paige, don't you think?

Piper: Yeah, along with stubborn, stubborn, and more stubborn.

Phoebe: What if Paige was the Evil Enchantress once upon a time?

Leo: What the hell happened here?

Phoebe: Paige's past life almost killed us. That's what happened here.

Prince: Just tell me what you want and I will give it to you, I swear.

Paige: Can you make me as good as Prue was?

Paige: Does this mean I'm evil?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: No.

Piper: No.

(Paige gets in her car. The Enchantress walks down the street. Paige tries to run her over, but the Enchantress repels her car with a blast of wind, popping a tire. Paige gets out.)

Evil Enchantress: Don't tell me I become good in the future.

Paige: Damn good. (She pulls the potion out of her purse and throws it, but the Enchantress destroys it with lightning.)

Evil Enchantress: And here I was, so looking forward to meeting myself. (she blows Paige backward with a blast of wind, knocking her into the car)

Piper: What are we supposed to do, go back to the Middle Ages or the Dark Ages, or whatever the hell ages those are?

Evil Enchantress: How did you get here?

Paige: I'm Charmed.

Evil Enchantress: Not for long.

Piper: Leo!

Phoebe: I thought you were a pacifist.

Leo: I didn't kill him, did I?

Piper: I gotta tell you, I find this side of you very sexy.

Leo: Really?

Piper: Yeah.

Phoebe: You've been holding out on us.

Piper: And they lived happily ever after.

Phoebe: Yeah right!

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Vanquish, we three witches cry,

One final shock and then you die.

Prince: Why do you run from me?

Paige: Why are you chasing me?

Prince: Because we're meant to be together

Paige: That is not true! Does this look like King Arthur's court buddy?

Prince: It doesn't matter, we're meant to conceive an heir my love

Paige: Stop saying that!

Phoebe: You guys want some privacy?

Paige: This is not funny!

Brain Drain

Phoebe: You're changing the subject.

Piper: No, I'm ignoring you.

Phoebe: Generations of Halliwells have fought demons and had kids. It didn't stop them, why should it stop you?

Piper: Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is none of your business?

Phoebe: Oh, that's besides the point.

Cole: (quietly) What's not supposed to be here?

(Piper notices a chair in the observatory and blows it up.)

Phoebe: Piper, I think that was Paige's chair.

Piper: (satisfactorily) Yeah, I know, it was ugly.

Paige: What the hell happened?

Piper: The freakin' furniture just attacked!

Piper: Evil hiding in plain sight, I use this spell with all my might, to stop your changing form and shape, this vanquish deals your fate.

Orderly: It doesn't really rhyme does it? Sorry.

Piper: I'm gonna be sooo happy when I vanquish your sorry ass.

Piper: Let go of me so I can blow him up. I'm gonna blow you up!

Piper: Leo! Leo!

Paige: Will you stop with the Leo Leo, you're driving me crazier than I already am.

Phoebe: Ahh!

Piper: What? What is it? What did you see?

Phoebe: I saw the back of my eyelids, what do you think I saw?

Paige: Hurry up, looney tunes, get me outta here.

Phoebe: Sorry...had to grab my broom.

Piper: For what?

Phoebe: Well for flying, silly.

Phoebe: (jumps on broomstick) Another innocent to save!

Paige: Got milk? Ooh, don't think so.

Phoebe: & Paige:

Life to life and mind to mind,

Our spirits now will intertwine.

We meld our souls and journey to,

The one whose thoughts we wish we knew.

Phoebe: I think it worked.

Paige: Either that or we're in Mary Poppins' head.

Piper:

From whence they came,

Return them now,

Vanish the words,

Vanish our powers.

Piper: Are you really my husband?

Leo: Yes.

Piper: And that would make you two really my sisters?

Phoebe: Whether you like it or not!

Paige: What do you say we click our heels and get out of this crazy joint. No offense.

Phoebe: Is something wrong.

Piper: No. Everything is just right.

Paige: Except my chair...

Piper:Yeah... which, ummm, I'll actually pay to replace.

Paige: Oh God no. It's not your fault. (Paige pauses) Or is it?

Piper: Actually, yeah... it is. I was just upset that there was yet another demon in our house, in our lives. And I know I should stop fighting it and just accept it, but...

Paige: Nah. It wasn't my favorite chair. Besides, it is kinda good to know I am not the only one who struggles with the idea of being a witch.

Phoebe: No, trust me, you are in good company.

Leo: Well, the good news is that you won't have to deal with the Source anytime soon, because Cole hurt him pretty bad.

Cole: Not bad enough though, he'll be back.

Phoebe: So. (Rubs her hands up and down Cole's chest) He's gone for now. First time in a long time. Maybe we should take advantage of that.

Cole: (Pulls Phoebe up against him) Why Ms. Haliwell, are you trying to seduce me?

Phoebe: Always.

Piper: Ewwww...

(Phoebe and Cole race up the stairs laughing)

Paige: Okay... I'm just going to go to the store and get some milk or something...

(Paige leaves)

Leo: (to Piper) You sure you're okay?

Piper: Yeah. I mean, I'm never going to stop wanting a normal life, but I think that's the one thing that actually keeps me sane.

Leo: Well, you deserve a normal life Piper. We both do. And maybe we'll get that once we banish the Source once and for all.

Piper: And who knows. Maybe one day I could have a baby shower of my own. What do you think?

Leo: Well in that case...

(Leo picks Piper up and cradles her in his arms)

Piper: Oh!

Leo: Need to practice a little.

Piper: Leo!

Black as Cole

Paige: So I hear you and Leo are thinking about having a baby.

Piper: Where did you hear that from?

Paige: From Phoebe. Oh, did I just break some sort of sister confidentiality clause?

Piper: No, you didn't. And no, we are not. Keep flipping.

Phoebe: We have to stop meeting like this.

Cole: Marry me.

Phoebe: What?

Paige: You were a demon and a lawyer? Insert joke here.

Sykes: Belthazor, we meet at last.

Belthazor: But not for long.

Phoebe: What do you want?

Sykes: The same thing you do, only I call him Belthazor.

Phoebe: Well, just because you're not a demon anymore doesn't mean we can't live in sin.

Paige: A demon who likes to kill witches. Well, that narrows it down to about every page in the book.

Piper: We have one clue. We know he likes to use an athame.

Paige: How does that help?

Piper: Well, it means he has hands. Keep flipping.

Muse to My Ears

Phoebe: Where are you going?

Piper: P3

Phoebe: At 9 in the morning, don't club kids sleep in?

Piper: Corporate party, big money, total nightmare.

Phoebe: Uh, what if there's an attack?

Piper: At 9am? Don't demons sleep in?

Piper: Great, well, I say the only good Source is a dead Source.

Paige: Who's going to kill us?

Piper: No one.

Paige: That's new.

Paige: Who's attacking us?

Piper: No one.

Paige: Right on, I get the weekend off.

Piper: See now that is the spirit.

Phoebe: So, I was thinking, since you're the potions master, isn't there something you could whip up? Some kind of protection potion, maybe?

Piper: Pheebs, if there was such a thing as a protection potion we'd be mixing it in our morning coffee.

Phoebe: This is perfect. We need a theme. You're an artistic, creative type.

Paige: A theme?

Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion.

Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.

Phoebe:

Being of creativity,

Show yourself now to me,

Your light which shines upon our face,

Let our vision now embrace.

Piper: Now that I know what we're up against I can practically taste the potion. I don't know what it does, but it tastes pretty good.

Piper: I'm making this up as I go along, so power surge or no, you're going to have to be patient. Just like you're going to have to be patient on the marriage front.

Cole: I don't think that's any of your business.

Leo: You don't know sisters very well, do you?

Leo: Okay, so what exactly are you doing now?

Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure.

Phoebe: It's about good versus evil, and wrong versus right, and our job as witches to fight the good fight.

Piper: Dr. Seuss, is that you?

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Evil is a faithful foe,

but good does battle best.

We witches will, with these words,

waste the warlocks evil zest.

Piper, Phoebe, Paige:

Being of creativity,

Hide yourself now from me,

Your light that shines upon our face,

From our vision now erase.

Phoebe: Okay, you guys, we have a warlock to catch. And I know were beaten, and I know we're tired, but that does not mean we can just lay down and play dead.

Piper: I don't think we're gonna have to play.

A Paige from the Past

Cole: I went from all powerful demon to mere mortal overnight.

Phoebe: You are not mere. Baby, you are anything but mere.

Cole: Next to the Charmed Ones, I'm a potted plant.

Phoebe: Am I the world's biggest bitch or what?

Piper: Nah, too easy.

Leo: No, Clyde ignores them. There's only one way to get Clyde down here. (to Clyde) Clyde! Get your butt down here you fetid worm from the bog of eternal stench! [to Piper] You gotta make him mad. [to Clyde] Your mother was a chunky substance from a gin cesspool! And she smelled bad too!

Phoebe:(to paige) You haven't told us and we've been dying to know. What happened in your past?

Paige: I found out that I wasn't responsible for the accident.

Piper: Of course you weren't.

(Paige looks sad.)

Phoebe: Then what's wrong?

Paige: It just makes me sad that my parents will never see us, or what I've become.

Leo: Actually, that's not quite true.

(Paige's adopted parents appear in the dining holding hands.)

Piper: Uh, Leo?

Leo: Let's just say that I owe Clyde now.

Paige's Mom: We know who you are honey, what you've become.

Paige's Dad: We've been with you every step of the way and we're so proud of you sweetheart.

(Paige hugs her parents.)

Phoebe: Can you take us back to meet John Lennon?

Leo: Rough ride. You okay?

Paige: Yeh. I'm alright.. I'm all wrong! I'm so scrooged, I was meant to come back as a ghost, not a ghost with braces.

Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the only one left to help me is you.

Darryl: Gee. Thanks.

Piper: First they're all over each other at the manor, then they steal a ring and now a wedding dress? Frankie and Lulu's unfinished business isn't criminal, it's matrimonial. They wanna get married!

Darryl: Do you people have any normal weddings in your family?

(Paige heads for the exploded car her parents were in. Leo runs over and grabs her. She screams.)

Paige: Let go of me! I have to save them!

Leo: They're gone.

Paige: Why did you bring me back here! Why! I though I could stop the accident!

Leo: You couldn't stop the accident because it was never your fault.

Paige: It was my fault. It was my fault.

Leo: They would have died anyway, it was their destiny. Just like it was your destiny to be saved by magic.

Paige: That's how I got out of the car. I orbed out.

Leo: That's right.

Paige: I could always orb?

Leo: Magic's always been inside of you. It saved you because you were meant to do great things with it, and you have, and you will. This is what you came back here to find, what caused the accident, why you survived it. You need to forgive yourself.

Paige: But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, they'll never know how much I love them. They'll never know what good parents they were.

Phoebe: Uhm, If you'll put your nose any deeper into that coffee cup, you're gonna need a snorkel. What do you know?

Trial By Magic

Phoebe: I can't sleep because I miss Cole too much. If he doesn't come home soon, I'm going to turn into a vampire.

Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny.

Piper: I don't think you understand..

Paige: I understand that I also pay rent here!

Piper: There is no rent.

Paige: It's an expression.

Piper: No it's not!

Paige: Well it should be!

Juror: Hey, I got a premonition. We'll be outta here in time for lunch.

Piper: Look out Nancy Drew coming through!

Paige:

Let mind and body soar,

to heights not reached before,

Let limits stretch, that you may catch,

a new truth to explore.

Phoebe: I'm gonna need a few things. A sage stick, five white candles and...

Juror: A magic wand.

Phoebe: No, incense. I'm gonna summon the dead.

Juror: Ooooh.

Paige: Aah!

Piper: What, demons you can handle, but not rats? Aah!

Paige: Right back at you.

Phoebe: What are you doing?

Juror: Looking for wires. This is some kind of trick.

Phoebe: Did you find any?

Piper: I don't think it's a good idea if your boyfriend stays here.

Paige: He's not my boyfriend. Sometimes he's my boyfriend, but mostly he's just my really good friend.

Paige: You can trust Glen. He's been my friend since, God, kindergarten.

Piper: You haven't been a witch since kindergarten. I don't think you understand.

(Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Paige are talking about a murder case. Glen walks in.)

Leo: Hey, there, Glen!

Piper: What did you hear?

Glen: Excuse me?

Phoebe: She said what are you doing here?!

(Paige and Glen head for the kitchen.)

Phoebe: Is he staying here?

Piper: Mm-hmm.

Phoebe: I think you need to talk to her.

Piper: I did, and apparently I was the only one paying attention.

Lost and Bound

Phoebe: What good is being a witch if I can't just twitch my nose and make the laundry fold itself.

Cole: Which witch can do that?

Phoebe: Samantha Stevens. From Betwitched.

Cole: I'm getting more human by the day. What would you say if I became really human, and got a job?

Phoebe: If thats the criteria for being really human then I am in big trouble.

Cole: Phoebe we're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo and you accepted while I was bleeding to death.

Phoebe: It's just, becoming a wife. I mean, I like Samantha but I never actually wanted to become her. See, Samantha, she was married to a human, Darren. Darren completely suppressed Samantha's magic, completely denied who she was. And it wasn't because he didn't love her, it was just that's the way it had to be.

Cole: And this was one of your favourite shows?

Phoebe: She went from being Samantha to Mrs. Darren Stevens overnight.

Cole: Well, that won't happen to you.

Phoebe: Won't it?

Cole: No. You'll become Mrs. Cole Turner.

Cole: Miss Phoebe Halliwell, I come to you, a man, nothing more, nothing less, to ask, will you be my wife?

Phoebe: Hmm.. Yeah, I will, again.

Paige: Urgh, the sun came up again.

Phoebe: Good morning sunshine, let me pour you a cup of coffee. Notice anything different about me?

Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.

Leo: It's a lot for any child to deal with. Plus ours will be doublely magical, half-whitelighter, half-witch.

Paige: Hey, that's like me! Oh...you might have some trouble.

Phoebe: And Paige, thank you so much for getting him this job. I mean especially now that we're going to be married and he's gonna have to get used to bringing home the bacon.

Paige: Since when does Phoebe care about bacon?

Leo: I'm sure she meant all breakfast meats.

Piper: You know what? Don't make our issues his issues. I think you need to give him a chance to learn how to control it. Maybe that's why we met him. To teach him, guide him.

Phoebe: Feed him.

Paige: Wow, Phoebe, you went all out.

Phoebe: Oh, well, you know me. Any excuse to spend a little extra time in the kitchen.

Piper: I do know you and that's just not true.

Phoebe: Oh, but it is now that I'm going to be Sadie, Sadie, married lady.

Piper: Alright, Sadie, how about I take the cookies to the kid.

Leo: Phoebe, are you feeling alright?

Phoebe: Peachy keen.

Phoebe: (sung to the tune of Jingle Bells.) I'm making soup for Cole. He'll eat it in a bowl. I guess that's my new role, just making soup for Cole.

Phoebe: Oh honey, what will you do?

Cole: Well, I dunno, I'm still searching for who I am. But we know who you are, which is a demon-fighting, ass-kicking witch who never lets her sisters down. So get out of that bathtub and show me what you're made of!

(Phoebe stands up and flashes black and white)

Phoebe: Better?

Paige: Hey, Cole, how's your progress going on... Oh God, full frontal Phoebe! Sorry.

Cole: She just flashed.

Paige: Yeah, I got that!

Cole: No, no, I mean she just flashed black and white.

Piper: Stand back.

(Piper keeps trying to blow up the spell-protected gates and succeeds on the third time.)

Phoebe: What was that?

Paige: I think you just saw a mother lift a car off her child.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

The brutal winter

gives way to flowers of spring,

Ludlow is vanquished.

Phoebe: What the hell was that?

Paige: A Haiku, I couldn't do the rhyming thing.

Piper: Paige, you coming?

Paige: Can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheck.

Charmed and Dangerous

Piper: A demon? What kind of demon?

Phoebe: One with a half a face.

Piper: Yuck!!

Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that Last Will and Testament kick? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid.

Piper: No, it's very very responsible. Prue did it, and thank God she did 'cause if she didn't we'd still be dealing with lawyers. No offense.

Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.

Cole: Well, one step at a time. First we vanquish the Source, then we'll worry about putting Pandora back in it's box.

The Seer: Even now I can see the void where your demon half used to exist, it craves to be complete again.

Paige: Oh, my God!

The Source: Not quite.

The Source: Say hello to Prue for me.

Paige: I don't understand, if we got our powers back, where did the Source go?

The Seer: Into the void.

Phoebe: For Prue.

Piper: For Prue.

Leo: What do you say we go home and get started on our future?

Piper: What do you say we go home and sleep, and we work on that future tomorrow night.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda,

Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace,

Halliwell Witches, stand strong beside us,

Vanquish this evil from time and space.

The Three Faces of Phoebe

Piper: Maybe you're right, maybe you do need the book. What good is being a witch if you can't use a little magic when you're hurting.

Phoebe: I cannot believe that you're suggesting that. What about personal gain?

Piper: Well, just word the spell properly, avoid it. You should know how to do it by now. Just be pure, ask your heart for the answer. Just don't tell Paige, I just don't want her thinking she can do it too.

Paige: I hate it when you're right.

Piper: Really? See, I usually like it.

Piper: This demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.

Phoebe: I can explain, you are dreaming.

Piper: Dreaming?

Phoebe: Yes, dreaming. And you are going to wake up in your room and everything is going to be fine.

Little Phoebe: I'm ten, I'm not stupid. Grams!

Piper: Wow, I do not miss that.

Cole: Who are you?

Old Phoebe: Maybe this will refresh your memory. You bastard. (slaps Cole across the face.)

Phoebe: I cast a spell to hear my heart's desire. And I guess my past self and my future self showed up to help me listen.

Cole: What desire did you want to hear?

Phoebe: That's between me and...me.

Old Phoebe: Worried?

Old Phoebe: Ah, the good old days. Of course, nobody's gonna take you seriously until you stop dressing like a tramp.

Phoebe: A tramp? That is so 'in' right now.

Little Phoebe: Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...

Piper: Honey, you have to listen to me.

Little Phoebe: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

Piper: We're just trying to help.

Leo: She's your sister.

Piper: Yeah, don't remind me.

Phoebe: Having a little trouble with young Phoebe?

Piper: Yeah, enough to make me reconsider having children. Maybe we should just lie to her again.

Phoebe: No. I think I have an idea.

Little Phoebe: Stay away from me or I'll sick Prue on you.

Piper: Oh, yeah, don't go there.

Piper: Having problems with geriatric you?

Little Phoebe: Oh, my gosh! Who are you?

Phoebe: That guy is Cole. He's our fiancee.

Little Phoebe: Wait, you mean he's our prince? The one who sweeps us off our feet?

Piper:: Haha, Prince?

Paige: What about little Phoebe? She went back to her time with all this knowledge of the future. Won't that cause complications?

Piper: I doubt it. The minute she starts talking about magic, Grams will do some hocus pocus to erase all that knowledge.

Paige: That's nice.

Piper: That's Grams.

Paige: I did the rhyme, I will do the time.

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Hell threw you from it's inner core,

but Earth won't hold you anymore,

Since heaven cannot be your place,

your flesh and blood will now erase.

Marry-Go-Round

Phoebe: And for my two beautiful bridesmaids, whom I chose because they're my best friends in the whole wide world. There's a bonsai tree for balance and harmony, and a dreamcatcher so all your dreams will come true, just like mine have.

Paige: This is so great, tarot cards! My deck is totally trashed, this is perfect.

Phoebe: That's just incase you need psychic services while me and my new husband are busy getting busy.

Leo: What is a wedding without a bachelor party? I've got poker chips, corn chips...I have chips!

Paige: This is Phoebe and Cole's tarot reading. They were lovers in the past, despair fills their present, but this is their future.

Piper: Oh, please, this looks nothing like Death. Prue met him, I know.

Piper: Phoebe, let's not blow this out of proportion

Phoebe: My wedding dress could double as a circus tent, I think things are already out of proportion.

Phoebe: Don't think I don't know how you really feel about Cole.

Paige: Ugh, I have been nothing but nice to that demon.

Phoebe: Ex-demon.

Paige: Oh, is that like ex-convict?

Piper: You are going to get ready, we are going to put lots and lots of makeup on you.

Paige: Oh face it, there's not spackle in the world to fill those craters.

Paige: Listen, we're not fighting each other here, we're fighting evil. We kick evil's ass every day.

Piper: Sometimes twice a day.

The Fifth Halliwheel

Phoebe: To marriage.

Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary.

Phoebe: To Piper and Leo's marriage, may ours be as successful as theirs.

Piper: Yeh, see that still didn't sound like it was about us.

Cole: You can't go yet Paige, we haven't gotten to the good part.

Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening.

Cole: I was with the entire family. Have you lost your mind?

The Seer: Forgive me, but it was imperative that I have you here now if my ritual is to take effect.

Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor.

Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order.

Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order.

Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige?

Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my paycheque.

Phoebe: Oh, right, sorry.

Phoebe: How do you spell 'oblique'?

Piper: With spellcheck.

Phoebe: Yes, Printing!

Piper: Hi, Saving!

Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house.

Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...

Piper: Lalala! Oversharing.

Saving Private Leo

Piper: I'll go get the book and brush up on my ghostbusting.

Paige: No, no. I'll go do it.

Piper: You just said you were late for work

Paige: Yeah, but he's a ghost, who knows where he came from, what era. He's like a piece of manhunk history.

Phoebe: Cole wants us to get our own place

Paige: What, you mean move out?

Phoebe: Yeah, you know, like normal married couples do.

Piper: We didn't.

Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not normal.

Woman: What's going on? Who is that?

Piper: My hero.

Bite Me

Paige: You know what Cole, just bite me.

Phoebe: So what's going on, is there a demon convention in San Francisco or what?

Piper: Yes, there is a demonic electoral college, they've called a meeting and they're voting in a new source!

Paige: How many have you had?

Rowan: I don't keep track. Faces all fade away, it's the taste you remember.

Paige: And what was I, fast food?

Piper: Maybe this is more than just being run down. Maybe you're pregnant.

Phoebe: That is funny. Actually, it's not so funny.. I went to the drugstore, I got a test, a peed on a stick and I anxiously awaited the results in two minutes.

Piper: And?

Phoebe: And, it was negative, thankfully.

Piper: Yeah, well, mine was too.

Phoebe: I left the manor, not the family.

Piper: Manticore?

Phoebe: Bites, but doesn't fly.

Piper: Phoenix?

Phoebe: Flies, but doesn't bite.

Piper: Chupacabra!

Phoebe (laughs): God bless you! Flies and bites, but only attacks livestock.

We're Off to See the Wizard

Piper: We only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon.

Paige: If it looks like a demon and walks like a demon.

Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband!

Phoebe: I'm pregnant.

Piper: You're what?

Paige: Oh my God, from Cole?

Piper: Well maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source, the old one is dead.

Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass.

Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right.

Phoebe: You're lying, I can see your wisdom teeth.

Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth.

Piper: (After she blows up a demon.) What an idiot, doesn't every demon know by now, who's house this is?

Paige: Alright, what's the plan?

Piper: We learn from his mistakes.

Wizard: Not mistakes. Miscalculations.

Wizard: Please, Merlin was an over-rated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have ever heard of.

Paige: Does Harry Potter count?

Long Live the Queen

Phoebe: Do me a favor. Find something that strengthens me and doesn’t taste like crap.

Piper: This one duplicates my freezing power, plus it scalds the flesh, so we should only use it in a dire emergency.

Paige: No! I will not scald Phoebe’s flesh!

Paige: She's like Piper-lite. All the personality without any of those messy emotions.

Phoebe: Relax boys. I’m here to cook, not kill.

Piper: Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the Queen of All Evil. Literally.

Phoebe: That's beside the point.

Piper: How, how, how could you do that? How could you just let him go?

Phoebe: I don't know why you're so upset, we saved the innocent, didn't we?

Piper: I can't talk to her. You talk to her!

Leo: Phoebe...

Phoebe: Things are not as black and white as they used to be, ok? I can't just go around and kill demons anymore.

Paige: Why not? We heard you just killed two last night.

Phoebe: Yeah, well that was different, he was getting on my nerves. I promised Cole I wouldn't kill anymore. And killing Malick would have been a huge betrayal.

Piper: Malick? You're on a first-name basis with the demons?

Leo: If you were just gonna order him to stop, you could have done that on your own. Why did you even come to us?

Phoebe: Because I missed you guys! Okay? Is that so wrong? I missed you!

Leo: Phoebe, you can't be the Queen of the Underworld and a Charmed One. You can't have it both ways.

Phoebe: Why not? Just because it's different doesn't mean that it can't work. And you all miss me too, even though I'm sure Piper probably doesn't want to admit it to herself.

Paige: Of course, we miss you, honey.

Phoebe: Well, you can have me back. You can have the Power of Three back. You just have to be willing to meet me halfway.

Piper: Phoebe, you can't protect the innocent and save demons. It just doesn't work that way.

Phoebe: Apparently, it does. He's alive, isn't he?

Paige: Yeah, but your friend Malick is gonna come back.

Phoebe: You don't know that.

Piper: That's what they do, Phoebe. They come back. They snarl, and come back.

Paige: Yeah, and now we have to worry about protecting him instead of trying to save you.

Phoebe: You think I need saving?

Piper: Are you kidding me? That baby inside you has corrupted you, more than you think.

Phoebe: Piper...

Piper: Don't Piper me. This is insane. What are you saying is insane. You can not come back. You can not work with us, as long as you're married to the Source.

Phoebe: So what do you want me to do?! You want me to leave my husband?!

Piper: Yes!

Phoebe: That is not fair!

Leo: It's not fair Phoebe, but you have to pick a side. Good or evil. That's how it works. Even though it means giving up someone you love, you have to choose.

Phoebe: I'm really sorry you feel that way. (she disappeares in the flame) .

Piper: I can't do this. (walks away)

Paige: What about Greg?

(Piper unfreezes him.)

Greg: Oh no, not again.

Elise: Dear Betrayed, I suggest you beat your cheating husband with his secretary's stapler. Then he'll think twice before bending her over her desk again.

Phoebe: Well it might be a little harsh, but I think it makes a point.

Piper: Paige could see that Cole clearly had turned evil, and she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over... and over. That doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

Piper: This time, the Source is Cole. You really think she's going to say a little spell with us to vanquish him?

Paige: If she doesn't, we die.

Piper: Is that supposed to be comforting?

Phoebe: You killed him?

Cole: It was... your mess, I was just cleaning it up.

Phoebe: Cole, they're gonna come after you. They're gonna come here!"

Cole: Well, if they do...

Phoebe: No... (walks away)

Cole: Phoebe, if it comes to either them or us... Phoebe, wait.

Phoebe: Oh, God. (runs inside the bathroom and empties her stomach)

Paige: You evil, son-of-a-bitch.

(Piper blows Cole up and he turns into wasps. Paige starts placing crystals around the floor.)

Piper: Phoebe, get out here and help us, dammit.

(Cole turns back in front of Paige and knocks her back as Piper warns her.)

Cole: Don't make me kill you.

(Piper blows him up again)

Piper: Phoebe! You heard what he said, he's gonna kill us, help us!

Phoebe: (as she's leaving the bathroom) Forgive me.

(Cole reforms and has a fireball in hand as Phoebe picks up the fallen crystal.)

Cole: I'm sorry. It's... It's for the best.

Phoebe: ... I know it is. [walks over and kisses Cole]

Piper: Phoebe?

Phoebe: (backing away) I'm sorry, too. (she places the last crystal on the ground, trapping Cole.)

Cole: Phoebe, no... No!

Phoebe: I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry.

Piper: Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda... (Cole's legs go up in flames.)

Phoebe: (voice breaking) Ashford, Helen, Laura, and Grace... (Cole's upper body go up in flames.)

Cole: (to Phoebe, whispering) I'll always love you.

Paige: Halliwell witches, stand strong beside us...

Phoebe: Vanquish this evil...

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige: From time and space.

(Cole screams in pain and explodes in flames.)

Womb Raider

Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically challenged baby?

Piper: What happened?!

Phoebe: Well it's about time! My head was on fire like a tiki torch a few seconds ago.

Piper: Do not change the subject! Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?!

Phoebe: Yeah, I think so. But he was just protecting himself because that gel was really cold.

Phoebe: Piper, what is going on here?

Piper: I don't know, but don't panic, we'll wrap up here and we'll go home and panic!

Paige: Why me? I have nothing against that little fu... fetus.

Darryl: I left four messages here. Did anybody in this house learn the magic of the telephone?

Piper: (after Phoebe's baby morphs a slice of watermelon to a chunk of meat) Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to Ozzy.

Piper: So let me get this straight, you summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work so we can all die together?

Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.

Darryl: Where is this baby everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?

Cole: (voiceover from the letter)If I'm dead right now, I know it was by your hand. No one else in heaven or hell had power over me. Please don't cry. I was dead before I met you, I was born the day you loved me, and my love for you will keep me alive. Forever.

Witch Way Now?

Angel of Destiny: You can choose to relinquish your magic and lead normal lives again, unaccounted, free. We'd wipe the entire slate clean. Nobody would come after you again. Well, what do you say?

Piper: What do we say? Are you kidding? You can't just freeze the whole world and come in here and drop a bombshell like that and expect a quick decision.

Cole: This is the Wasteland, where all vanquished demons end up. The beast feeds on their essence, their powers.

Phoebe: So what are you dong here?

Cole: Hanging on to our love.

Piper: Okay, in case anyone is wondering, we are officially screwed.

Angel of Destiny: Actually it's because of a demon that I've come to see you, which in and of itself is very rare: we angels of destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations: Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein... (with clear embarrassment) Britney Spears...

Leo: Hey, did you just freeze me?

Piper: No dear. The Angel of Destiny did.

Cole: I'm a demon with a soul, Phoebe. It's rather unique to the cosmos.

Piper: Havin' a crappy day?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Piper: Cole?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Angel of Destiny: By the way, thought you'd like to know, neither decision would've affected yours and Leo's personal destiny.

Piper: What?

Angel of Destiny: You'll find out soon.

Phoebe: Oh my God.

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Don't you get it?

Piper: What?

Phoebe: Don't you get it? She's pregnant!

Piper: Who's pregnant? I'm pregnant?

Phoebe: Hi baby.

A Witch's Tail, Pt 1

Piper: Baby Book. My baby book. Oh, look how squishy I was!

Leo: Hmm, you were so adorable.

Piper: Leo, you can't even see the picture.

Leo: I'm your whitelighter, I've been watching you ever since you were a baby.

Piper: Uh huh. Yeh, see that's too creepy to think about.

Mylie: You have a very big underwater fanbase.

Paige: That's actually the most fun I've seen Phoebe have since Cole died.

Leo: Which time?

Craig: Who are you people?

Paige: Witch.

Leo: Angel.

Phoebe: Mermaid.

Paige: Don't you mean Witch?

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige:

Powers of the witches rise,

Find a hag who speaks in lies,

Balance chakras, focus chi,

Lead us through the cruel, cruel sea.

Piper: Leo, she said Tidal Waves. How far do Tidal Waves travel!?

Leo: Will you slow down on this magic kick. Look at your hair, it's still red from the potion you blew up last night.

Paige: Do you have any idea how much this would cost in the salon?

Cole: Too many people talking at once.

Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!

A Witch's Tail, Pt 2

Cole: Wait, before you say anything.

Paige: Not to say, do, because I'm about to orb your family jewels far, far away.

Cole: Yeah, that would hurt.

Piper:

Locked in, boxed in, full of fear,

My panic grows manic 'til I can't hear,

In need of reprieve so that I can breathe

Remove my fear, please make it leave.

Phoebe: Okay, how?

Piper: I don't know! Get in touch with your inner fish!

Phoebe: Ouch!

Leo: Sorry I was a medic, not a vet.