Another Whole Nother Story Quotes

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in synchronized diving.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“You see, unlike most writers today, I do not use a computer. I write the old-fashioned way: on the walls of caves.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Musicians have always had a better understanding of love than the rest of us. Over the years they have told us that love: is like a rock, is here to stay, is all you need, will find a way, will keep us together, will tear us apart, sucks.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys as Columbus did. On Septemeber 28, 1492, after four weeks at sea, he writes: Dear diary...I means journal. Yes, dear journal. That's what I meant to say. Whew. Anyway, we have yet to discover America, and the crew has become increasingly rebellious. I have decided to turn back if we have not spotted it by Columbus Day. Will write again later if not killed by crew. P.S. Last night's buffet was fabulous, the ice sculptures magnificent.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Well," Mr. Cheeseman interjected. "Perhaps there's an easy solution to this. Maybe Captain Fabulous has an alter ego."
"What's an alter ego?" asked Gerard.
"It's a superhero's true but secret identity," said Chip. "You know, the way that Superman is really Clark Kent." "Superman is really Clark Kent?"
"It's pretty obvious," said Penny. "To everyone but you and Lois Lane."
"Okay," Gerard conceded. "Captain Fabulous's alter ego will be...Teddy Roosevelt.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“If there is one good thing about an angry mob, it's that they are so focused on being angry and mobbish that they sometimes miss little things. Things like a horse-drawn cart being driven by the very person who has made them so angry and mobbish in the first place.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Captain Jibby looked at the door, clenched his teeth, and worked his face into a scowl so fierce you would think the door had insulted his mother - which, for the record, it had not.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“There is no shortage of well-known pirates, including: Henry Morgan, Captain Kidd, Blackbeard, Blue beard, Yellowbeard, and Yellow beard with Black Roots, who surmised that, if blondes have more fun, then blond pirates must have a heck of a lot more fun.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“[The main road was] now teeming with people carrying torches, pitchforks, and rakes, and one very confused man who apparently had mistaken the mob for a parade and was marching around with a Swedish flag.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“These reports that are not explained by natural phenomena or exploding outhouses are known as UFO's, which is the official abbreviation for Unidentified Flying Objects. I suppose it could also stand for Uncommonly Fat Orangutans, but in this case it does not.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“I should mention, by the way, that LVR stands for Luminal Velocity Regulator. I suppose it could also stand for Large Venezeulan Rats, but in this case it does not.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“I seem to be allergic to whatever that terrible smell is," said Gateman when the urge to sneeze had finally subsided.
"What terrible smell?"
"The air," said Gateman. "It smells...different."
"That's called oxygen," said Professor Boxley. "Freh air. No cars, no buses, no factories; just pure, clean oxygen.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Why is it that they can only come up with one model of spaceship? You would assume such intelligent creatures could, once in a while, put out something in a nice powder blue and shaped like a footstool or maybe like France.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“Outrageous!" said Apalling.
"Apalling!" said Outrageous.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story

“On the forest floor was the LVR's smoldering ceiling panel, just lying there like the lid of a sardine can that had been eagerly and violently thrown away by someone who very much liked sardines.”
― Cuthbert Soup, Another Whole Nother Story