Talk:Aya Hirano/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Flowerpiep (talk · contribs) 14:41, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
I will review this article, but it will take a few days. Flowerpiep (talk) 14:41, 1 July 2018 (UTC)Flowerpiep
Comments:
- "she played her first voice acting role in 2001 with the anime television series Angel Tales" -> I think "she played her first voice acting role in 2001 for the anime television series Angel Tales" would be better.
- "and for her singing career, she was signed under Lantis" -> I think "while for her singing career, she was signed under Lantis" would be better.
- "and earned two nominations for "Best Single" (One of which is a solo, "Bōken Desho Desho?"; the other was a group nomination for the single "Hare Hare Yukai")" -> I think this should be changed to "and earned two nominations for "Best Single" (one of which was for a solo, "Bōken Desho Desho?"; the other was a group nomination for the single "Hare Hare Yukai")" since "one of which" refers to the nomination, not to the nominated song, and I feel past tense is definitely most suited here.
- "Hirano posted a message on her Twitter account that she has had" -> Present perfect ("has had") does not go well with past tense ("posted") when used like this.
- I think the tense here is correct. She was referring to a continuing state of having a pituary gland tumor: she had, and still has that tumor, so saying "she had a..." would imply the tumor no longer exists, which is not accurate. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "she has resumed" -> "she had resumed" (same reasoning as the one from above).
- "that she left" -> I believe "that she had left" would be better.
- "since some time the previous year" does not sound really well -> I believe it should be rephrased.
- "that was more ideal with her career wishes" -> I feel "that was more ideal for her career wishes" would be better.
- "opening theme to the visual novel Finalist", "opening theme to The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya", "opening theme to the second season of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" -> I feel "opening theme of" would be better in all of these instances.
- I've seen "Opening theme to" used on many other articles without issue, but I'll work on this, I guess. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "She then released the song "Namida" (涙 NAMIDA ナミダ) was released on October 20, 2008" -> "She then released the song "Namida" (涙 NAMIDA ナミダ) on October 20, 2008" (two verbs were used simultaneously).
- "This was followed the song "Zutto Kitto" (ずっと きっと)" -> "This was followed by the song "Zutto Kitto" (ずっと きっと) which was released on August 27, 2012" ("by" is necessary here).
- Could the "Early life and childhood" section be extended a bit?
- Unfortunately, I couldn't really find much more information about her early life that's not already in the article; even the Japanese Wikipedia is not of help here. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- For "Motteke! Sailor Fuku" -> I feel a really short description regarding what this is should be added before the name itself, such as: the theme song "Motteke! Sailor Fuku".
- I suggest you add wikilinks to the words "anime" and "manga" when they are first mentioned in the body of the article.
- I also suggest "voice actress" is wikilinked to "Voice acting in Japan" the first time it appears in the body of the article.
- It already is. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "Mamori Anezaki" should also be linked the first time it appears in the body of the article.
- "to the original video animation Itsudatte My Santa!" -> "to the original video animation (OVA) Itsudatte My Santa!" since the word OVA is later mentioned, but what the abbreviation stands for is not explained.
- "starting in Second Semester" -> I believe what "Second Semester" is should be explained.
- "2008 Society for the Promotion of Japanese Animation Award, Best Voice Actress (Japanese)" + "Also specials and others, 2009 TV series, and 2015 Disappearance" -> I feel more explanations for these would also be necessary, especially for "2008 Society for the Promotion of Japanese Animation Award" and "2015 Disappearance".
- Removed since they're already mentioned elsewhere in the article, or in the Haruhi Suzumiya article. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "Drama CD, broadcast on Kansai" -> I also believe that what a "drama CD" and "Kansai" are should be explained.
- The "broadcast on Kansai" part was not very clear, so I just removed it and left "drama CD" alone. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "Also character album" -> Is the word "also" necessary?
- "also OVAs, specials in 2013" -> I feel the word "also" could be omitted here as well, and I believe that what "specials" are should be explained or a wikilink should be added in order to clarify the word.
- Removed the phrase. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- There are two references in the lead; while the second one is necessary since it is regarding her date of birth, I feel the first one (the one from the infobox) should somehow be included in the body of the article instead of the lead.
- I believe reference no. 6 does not provide the link to the version of the site that was meant to provide that particular information.
- I've added a second source that confirms the same information. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "This success was followed by her voicing lead characters in anime based on popular manga; Reira Serizawa in Nana and Misa Amane in Death Note." -> I believe this part need a source.
- "the same role also won her a nomination as "Best Main Character (female)". At the same awards, she was also nominated for "Best Supporting Character (female)", and earned two nominations for "Best Single" (One of which is a solo, "Bōken Desho Desho?"; the other was a group nomination for the single "Hare Hare Yukai")." -> These are attributed to reference no. 9, but I cannot find this information when checking that link.
- I've added a different Japanese source for that.
- "She performed at the "Animelo Summer Live" concerts between 2006 and 2008, as well as the Suzumiya Haruhi no Gekisō concert on March 18, 2007." -> I believe this need a source.
- "launching three separate singles back-to-back monthly at year's end" -> I believe this need a source.
- Removed. If you're wondering about the "success" part in the preceding paragraph, it can be inferred from the rest of the article. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- "She returned to music in 2012 and was signed to the record label Universal Sigma." -> I believe this need a source.
- It shares a source with the following sentence (i.e. [1]). It appears it does not explicitly mention the switch to Universal Sigma, so I've added an Oricon source confirming it.
- "Hirano was a guest at Anime Expo 2007, along with other cast members from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Minori Chihara and Yūko Gotō" -> The archived link should be used since the current one does not provide the needed information.
- The source provided already uses the archive link. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- Regarding her singles (from the "Music career" subsection): I believe the release date that was provided for almost each single is not the correct one. -> For example, from my understanding after reading the information from the links, the single "Love Gun" was released on October 10, 2007, not on October 22, 2007, the single "Neophilia" was released on November 7, 2007, not on November 19, 2007, the single "MonStAR" was released on December 5, 2007, not on December 17, 2007, and so on. I believe there was a misunderstanding due to the two dates from those links and also that the second one is the release date.
- This is my mistake. When writing this section, it appears I made the mistake of looking at the chart release date instead of the CD release date. This embarrassing issue has now been addressed. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- I strongly suggest archiving all possible links.
- Not really sure how to do this, might need a bot. Is this required for the nomination to pass, or just a suggestion? Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- Added archives to references with this edit. WikiVirusC(talk) 13:38, 17 July 2018 (UTC)
- Not really sure how to do this, might need a bot. Is this required for the nomination to pass, or just a suggestion? Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
- Also, there is no image, but since I assume it cannot be achieved at the moment, this is not a problem.
- Indeed, no free images of Hirano appear to exist. I just took a look at Flickr and I was unable to find any suitable images. If I can get in touch with Otakon, maybe they can have some photos lying around. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 02:42, 9 July 2018 (UTC)
Great job with this article! I will be more than happy to pass this article once the comments from above are resolved/answered. Flowerpiep (talk) 21:38, 8 July 2018 (UTC)Flowerpiep
I apologise for the delay. Thank you for addressing the comments from above. I have fixed the few remaining ones by myself. Furthermore, I placed the remaining reference from the lead section in the body of the article as well (while I had initially said that this reference could be kept in the lead section, I thought about this once again and came to the conclusion that it is best if there are no references in the lead since all details from there should also be present in the body of the article). Regarding the archived links, this is not listed as one of the requirements for bringing an article to GA status, so it was a suggestion; however, the links should still be archived in order to make sure the information that appears in the article is preserved. Considering that the points raised above have been solved or discussed, this is a pass. Great job! Flowerpiep (talk) 12:56, 17 July 2018 (UTC)Flowerpiep