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List of The Colbert Report episodes (2011)

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List of The Colbert Report episodes
No. of episodes160
Release
Original networkComedy Central
Season chronology
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List of episodes

This is a list of episodes for The Colbert Report in 2011.

2011

[edit]

January

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
814"N/A"Ed Rendell"This year I will not break my New Year's Resolution. G'OH! My resolution was to break my New Year's Resolution!"January 37001
Stephen believes he lives in a nation of wusses due to a postponed football game, and explores the Spider-Man musical.
815"N/A"Ron Paul, David Leonhardt, Geoffrey Canada"Greece is building a border wall. Man, those Mexicans are persistent!"January 47002
Stephen has a message for America's new Indian overlords in light of Obama's endorsement of the U.N. declaration on the rights of indigenous peoples. He also addresses the value of gold.
816"N/A"Atul Gawande"John Boehner is the new Speaker of the House. Either that or the mahogany podium has learned to talk."January 57003
NewSouth Books needs to do more with its censorship of Huckleberry Finn, and Stephen talks about Reince Priebus.
817"N/A"Neil deGrasse Tyson, Ronald A. DePinhoN/AJanuary 67004

Gullible bowel syndrome is treated by a placebo, scientists can cure mouse infertility, and a wild lynx increases the walking speeds of elderly patients.

Notable moment - Stephen tries to tape his face and cannot properly handle the tape.

Quotes

  • "I just wanna give a big shout-out to one of our sponsors: Arby's. If I was about to be killed, I would eat it. After I'm dead, I'd like to be sliced paper-thin and served with horsey sauce!"
  • "Finally a cure for mouse infertility! The species is saved!"
  • "Oh wow, it has a creamy center. So, Hostess makes our DNA."
818"N/A"Fen Montaigne"The south has been crippled by a winter storm - or as they call it, the weather of northern aggression."January 107005

Mike Fitzpatrick and Pete Sessions miss their swearing into office, but swear in through television, and a difference-maker is interviewed regarding aliens coming to Earth.

"Lad Liberty" appears in introduction sequence.
819"N/A"Dan Auerbach, Patrick Carney, Ezra Koenig, Chris Hughes"Myspace slashes its staff in half. Wow! They fired both people?"January 117006

Colbert picks his winners for the 2011 Grammy Awards and Chris Hughes talks about his life since the Obama campaign.

Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend and the Black Keys make a special appearance in the first segment and compete for Colbert's Grammy vote by listing commercials their songs appear in.
820"Life, Liberty
and the Pursuit
of Angriness"
Bernard-Henri LévyN/AJanuary 127007
50 Cent makes $8 million on Twitter while Bernard-Henri Levy discusses public intellectualism. Stephen indicates that he believes Americans think of public intellectualizing in the same way as public urination. First usage of "The Wørd" in 2011.
821"N/A"Kevin SpaceyN/AJanuary 137008
In his segment "Thought For Food", a red alert is brought to surface regarding the shrinking of 7/11's "Super Big Gulp". Meanwhile, a Doritos ad angers Catholics, Pepsi has made fruit drinkable, and Obama moves Colbert by "doing a great job" speaking at a memorial in Tucson. Actor Kevin Spacey talks about Jack Abramoff, whom Stephen considers a patriot.
822"Run for Your Life"Wade Hampton, Sherry Turkle"Starbucks introduced the new 31 ounce 'trenta', which I believe is Italian for 'kidney failure'."January 177009
Sears offers 50% off mattresses for Martin Luther King Day, and Kmart offers free shipping. Gun control is explored, and Sherry Turkle talks about how technology is alienating.
823"Disintegration"Cornel West"Dick Cheney may need a new heart. I say we waterboard the Wizard of Oz."January 187010
Stephen looks at education reform and assumes Cornel West's book is about Obama joining the circus.
824"N/A"Ron Reagan, Jr."Joe Lieberman announced he won't run for reelection. In a related story, Steven Seagal removed himself from Oscar contention."January 197011
Stephen gets a present from Afghanistan and talks to Ron Reagan about his memoir.
825"N/A"Christine Todd Whitman, Chris MatthewsN/AJanuary 207012
Christine Todd Whitman discusses state budget shortfalls, and Chris Matthews defends JFK's legacy.
826"Coverage of Denial"Charlie Rose"A court has ruled that Rahm Emanuel is not legally allowed to run for mayor of Chicago. Which, in Chicago, I believe means he won."January 247013
House Republicans repeal health care to create new jobs, and Stephen talks to Charlie Rose.
827"N/A"Amy Chua"The state of our union is strong, though I think it may be juicing."January 257014
Stephen covers home appliance safety and talks to Amy Chua about her controversial book.
828"N/A"Michael Waldman, Christine Yvette LewisN/AJanuary 267015
Michael Waldman rates the State of the Union, and Christine Yvette Lewis fights for domestic workers.
829"N/A"Daryl Bem, Brian Greene"New York is set to break the record of its snowiest month. Also, its yellow-snowiest month."January 277016
Stephen wonders if ESP exists and asks Brian Greene if there is a universe where people buy books.
830"N/A"Samer Shehata, Paul Offit"The Malawi government is making farting illegal. But I say, he who suppressed it, expressed it."January 317017
There's a breakthrough in taser technology, and Dr. Paul Offit discusses the importance of vaccines.

February

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
831"N/A"Leslie Dach, Michael LewisN/AFebruary 17018
Egyptian protests, the gut brain, Wyngz, Michelle Obama's veggiehad, The Big Short
832"N/A"Sean Dorrance Kelly"For the first time ever, there won't be any cheerleaders at the Super Bowl. What will we watch between concussions?"February 27019
Bing copying Google, Hosni Mubarak supporters punching Anderson Cooper, Christiane Aman-Purr, Henry Cavill as Superman, Big Flats beer, All Things Shining.
833"N/A"Jane McGonigal"I just hit 2 million followers on Twitter, which I believe means Ashton Kutcher has to give me Demi Moore for one night."February 37020
Crisis in Egypt, Bill O'Reilly wonders about the tides, $200 outdoor Super Bowl tickets, Black History Month, Ohio governor John Kasich's all-white cabinet, playing games is productive.
834"N/A"LCD Soundsystem"Arcade Fire won the Grammy for best album yet I set an arcade on fire and all I get is five years for arson."February 147021
Hosni Mubarak steps down onto a pillowy mound of money, and LCD Soundsystem performs.
835"N/A"Christiane Amanpour, David Albright"Watson the Computer is on Jeopardy! this week. Meanwhile, my Speak & Spell keeps beating me at Wheel of Fortune."February 157022
President Twitter Bird will lead Egypt, and David Albright talks about Iran's computer virus.
836"N/A"Eric Foner"The Census says Chicago has shrunk by 200,000 people and yet the voter rolls have grown by a million."February 167023
Rupert Murdoch takes a new approach to journalism, and Eric Foner talks about Abraham Lincoln.
837"N/A"H. Jeffrey LeonardN/AFebruary 177024
Stephen poses for Project, and Jeffrey Leonard calls out big companies' late payment policies.
838"N/A"Eugene JareckiN/AFebruary 217025
Rick Santorum complains about his Google problem, and Eugene Jarecki dispels the myths of Reagan.
839"N/A"Randi Weingarten, Jon Erpenbach, Bing West"I'm a man of very few words. This..."February 227026
Wisconsin Democrats waddle out of the state, and Bing West discusses the way out of Afghanistan.
840"N/A"Stephanie Coontz"There's a Mad Man cookbook. I can't wait to taste chicken a la cigarette."February 237027
Stephen brings a criminal to justice, and Stephanie Coontz talks about women in the 60s.
841"N/A"Glenn Greenwald, Mike HuckabeeN/AFebruary 247028
Aaron Barr threatens WikiLeaks, and Mike Huckabee doesn't believe Obama is a Muslim.
842"N/A"Michael Scheuer"The King's Speech: Best Picture? They didn't even cure him - at the end, he still had that debilitating English accent."February 287029
Stephen's portrait goes up for auction, and Michael Scheuer talks about Osama bin Laden.

March

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
843"No Country for Old Men"Evan OsnosTBAMarch 17030
Stephen addresses America's elderly and talks to Evan Osnos about the Oscars.
844"Economic Boom"Harry Connick Jr."Federal authorities declare the Eastern Cougar extinct. Have they checked the appletini night at Hotel Gansevoort?"March 27031
There's a new hope for American manufacturing, and Harry Connick, Jr. won't be tickling the ivories.
845"N/A"Mark W. MoffettN/AMarch 37032
Features an eleven-minute segment promoting Jimmy Fallon's new ice cream flavor. Guest appearances during the segment include Fallon, Jon Stewart, Ben Cohen, & Jerry Greenfield.
846"N/A"Joshua Foer"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag."March 77033
Stephen examines new questions about Obama's past and asks Joshua Foer where he put his car keys.
847"N/A"Dale Bryk, Dan SinkerN/AMarch 87034
Congress bans the sale of traditional light bulbs, and Dan Sinker impersonates Rahm Emanuel.
848"N/A"Anthony Weiner, David Brooks"It's time for me to tell you about the birds and the bees: pesticide works on both of them."March 97035
Clarence Thomas may have a conflict of interest, and David Brooks talks about "The Social Animal."
849"N/A"Reza Aslan"Rio's Carnivale festival has ended and Rio's 'go to the doctor to see what I just contracted' festival has just begun."March 107036
Al Qaeda recruits Americans, and Reza Aslan talks about the Islamic-American experience.
850"N/A"Simon de Pury, Steve Martin"Barry Bonds' perjury trial starts today or, as Barry Bonds puts it, no it didn't."March 217037
Stephen's self-portrait goes up for auction, and Steve Martin does some bluegrass.
851"N/A"Ayman Mohyeldin"Fidel Castro now says he resigned five years ago, but his beard is still in power."March 227038
The art world buzzes about Stephen's portrait, and Ayman Mohyeldin talks in the Situation Mosque.
852"Over-Reactor"Nathan MyhrvoldN/AMarch 237039
Simon de Pury dances to Snoop Dogg, and Nathan Myhrvold uses modern scientific methods to cook food.
853"N/A"Laurie Garrett, Jody Williams"Elizabeth Taylor has passed away. I guess I should return this to the jeweler."March 247040
Food prices skyrocket, a cable news feud escalates, and Jody Williams wants to advance equality.
854"N/A"Michael Moore"The inventor of superglue has died. I assume he finally fell off that girder."March 287041
Labor unions fight on, and Stephen stands outside with a bullhorn to interview Michael Moore.
855"N/A"Stephen Prothero, Dr. Anthony Fauci"The Bronx Zoo is still missing its Egyptian Cobra. Airports, be on the lookout for a very skinny man in a trenchcoat buying a one-way ticket to Cairo."March 297042
Stephen questions Obama's plan for Libya and talks infectious diseases with Dr. Anthony Fauci.
856"N/A"Trevor Potter, Tim ShriverN/AMarch 307043
Stephen practices Rebecca Black's "Friday" and does a PSA for Tim Shriver.
857"N/A"Piers Gibbon"It's baseball's opening day - better luck next year, Mets."March 317044
The Wisconsin anti-union law faces trouble, and Piers Gibbon talks about cannibalism.

April

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
858"That New-Smell Smell"Andrew ChaikinN/AApril 47045
Stephen prepares for a world without Glenn Beck, and Andrew Chaikin wants humans to travel to Mars.
859"N/A"James FrancoN/AApril 57046
Tim Pawlenty raps about pop culture, and James Franco proves he's a Tolkien fan.
860"N/A"Hugo Vickers, Sir David TangN/AApril 67047
Stephen prepares for the royal wedding, and David Tang corrects celebrity rumors.
861"N/A"Hugo Vickers, Jeff Greenfield"America is producing fewer Caucasian babies. Great, I suppose China is beating us at that now too."April 77048
Stephen gets ready for the royal wedding and talks to Jeff Greenfield about alternate histories.
862"N/A"Adam Savage & Jamie HynemanN/AApril 117049
Walgreens offers Pap smears, and Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage test the blue ice myth.
863"N/A"Rick Brookhiser, Ray Kurzweil"Iceland's penis museum got its first human specimen and its owner wants to point out it's extremely cold up there."April 127050
Mitt Romney throws his hat in the ring, and Ray Kurzweil says man and machine are becoming one.
864"Buy and Cellulite"Morgan SpurlockN/AApril 137051
Unilever creates armpit insecurity among women, and Morgan Spurlock addresses product placement.
865"N/A"Trevor Potter, Caroline KennedyN/AApril 147052
Trevor Potter helps Stephen fill out super PAC forms, and Caroline Kennedy recites poetry.
866"N/A"Ron PaulN/AApril 257053
In this episode, Stephen recovers from a Catholic bender, and Donald Trump leads in the potential Republican candidate polls. Masturbation cures restless leg syndrome, and Ron Paul criticizes the Federal Reserve.
867"N/A"A.C. Grayling"Social Security checks are going paperless - because if there's one thing seniors are good at, it's online banking."April 267054
The climate change debate continues, and A.C. Grayling writes a secular Bible.
868"N/A"Ice-T"Fatah and Hamas have signed a unity pact: they've agreed to hate the Jews together."April 277055
The new danger in air travel comes with a $25 fee, and Ice-T talks about his memoir.
869"N/A"Russ Feingold, Wade Graham"Put another shrimp on the barbie - I'm in England."April 287056
Stephen travels to England for the royal wedding, and asks Wade Graham about Covent Garden.

May

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
870"N/A"Richard Haass, Francis Fukuyama"Seth Meyers did a great job at the Correspondents Dinner, but I gotta say this weekend Barack Obama really killed."May 27057
Stephen throws a "We Got Bin Laden" party, and Francis Fukuyama warns of the Chinese threat.
871"N/A"Rex Ryan"Scott Pelley has been named the new CBS Evening News anchor. Personally, I don't think he has the gams for it."May 37058
Stephen covers new details in the hunt for Bin Laden and talks to Rex Ryan for six minutes.
872"N/A"Amy Farrell"The first Republican debate is tomorrow night. Good seats still available...on stage."May 47059
"Atlas Shrugged" comes to the big screen, and Amy Farrell wants to end the persecution of fat people.
873"N/A"Bill JamesN/AMay 57060
Donald Trump applies his wisdom to same-sex marriage, and Bill James discusses true crime.
874"Autocratic for the People"Lupe Fiasco"Animal Kingdom wins the Kentucky Derby. Don't worry plants: you'll get 'em next year."May 97061
Stephen looks at a unique solution to the debt crisis in Michigan, and Lupe Fiasco performs.
875"N/A"Geoffrey RushN/AMay 107062
A billboard predicts the end of the world, and Geoffrey Rush explains why he's not a method actor.
876"N/A"Trevor Potter, Eric Greitens"They got Bin Laden's hand-written diary. Apparently, he thought America was totally stuck-up."May 117063
Stephen receives an unexpected honor, and Eric Greitens talks about being a Navy Seal.
877"N/A"Lawrence Wright, John Bradshaw"Sarah Palin claims she knows all the lyrics to Rapper's Delight. Alaska karaoke bars, you've been warned."May 127064
Stephen warns of a new government intrusion and talks to John Bradshaw about dog behavior.
878"N/A"Alison KlaymanN/AMay 167065
Stephen files his super PAC request, and Alison Klayman talks about Chinese artist Ai Weiwei.
879"Enhanced Rejustification"Amy Kremer"CNN anchor Don Lemon has come out as gay...but can he find the courage to tell his family he's on CNN?"May 177066
Stephen covers tax breaks for oil companies and talks to Amy Kremer dressed as an American patriot.
880"N/A"Austan Goolsbee"Starbucks is being sued for firing a dwarf...or as Starbucks calls him, a tall."May 187067
Newt Gingrich struggles to stay on message, and Austan Goolsbee talks about the debt ceiling.
881"N/A"John Lithgow, Aaron Schock, Kareem Abdul-JabbarN/AMay 197068
John Lithgow performs Gingrich's press release, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar discusses the Harlem Rens.
882"N/A"Trevor Potter, James B. Stewart"I just spent seven days on a boat with no showers. I'm not sure if this is a beard or barnacles."May 317069
Stephen wonders if the world ended and lies about reading James Stewart's book.

June

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
883"N/A"Robert Kennedy Jr"I got rid of my beard and let's just say the lack of carpet matches the lack of drapes."June 17070
Stephen examines the Weiner scandal, and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. makes a mountain out of a molehill.
884"N/A"Salman Khan"Mitt Romney has announced that he is running for president in 2012 and, to save time, he's announced he'll be running again in 2016."June 27071
Congress rejects raising the debt ceiling, and Salman Khan teaches over 53 million students.
885"N/A"Werner HerzogN/AJune 67072
Sarah Palin describes Paul Revere's midnight ride, and Werner Herzog talks about cave paintings.
886"Hear No Evil"Sugar Ray LeonardN/AJune 77073
Rand Paul identifies terrorists, and Stephen thumb wrestles Sugar Ray Leonard.
887"N/A"John Garamendi, Bre PettisN/AJune 87074
Anthony Weiner captures the manscaping vote, and Bre Pettis print a 3-D copy of Stephen's head.
888"The Business End"Tom RidgeN/AJune 97075
Andrew Breitbart shows a photo of Anthony Weiner's penis, and Tom Ridge talks about natural gas.
889"N/A"Henry KissingerN/AJune 137076
Freestyle canoe dancing heats up, and Henry Kissinger discusses America's relationship with China.
890"N/A"Janny Scott"Spider-Man the Musical finally reopens just in time to save New York's struggling hospitals."June 147077
Stephen explores "Sesame Street" corruption and talks to Janny Scott about Barack Obama's mother.
891"Shock the Vote"Keith Olbermann"A 99-year old Oregon man just graduated from college. Ouch. Terrible time to enter the job market."June 157078
Seniors face a shocking new threat, and Keith Olbermann returns to television.
892"N/A"Bon Iver"Eight percent of U.S. kids have food allergies. Luckily, very little of what they eat is technically food."June 207079
Summer Concert Series, Night One. Stephen looks at new developments in technology, and Bon Iver performs.
893"N/A"Jack White, Florence & the MachineN/AJune 217080
Summer Concert Series, Night Two. Jack White helps Stephen revive his music career, and Florence and the Machine perform.
894"The Defining Moment"Jack White, Talib KweliN/AJune 227081
Summer Concert Series, Night Three. Stephen comes clean with Jack White, Obama defends actions in Libya, and Talib Kweli performs.
895"N/A"Jack White & The Black BellesN/AJune 237082
Summer Concert Series, Night Four. Jack White presents "Charlene II (I'm Over You)," and Stephen performs with the Black Belles.
896"N/A"Grover Norquist"The Supreme Court ruled it's legal to sell violent video games to kids. Get ready for Grand Theft Tetris."June 277083
Ted Nugent writes an Op-ed, and Stephen wants to claim Grover Norquist as a dependent.
897"Too Big to Nail"Alexandra Pelosi"The Pope wrote his first tweet today; he is truly the vessel in which God wastes time."June 287084
The Supreme Court throws out a class action lawsuit against Wal-Mart, and Alexandra Pelosi discusses her documentary on immigrant naturalization in the U.S.
898"N/A"Trevor Potter, Gary Sinise"Every time God closes a door, he opens a window. Clearly, he's not the one paying for air conditioning."June 297085
The FEC makes a decision about Stephen's Super PAC, and Gary Sinise entertains American troops.
899"N/A"Timothy Garton Ash"A French couple has adopted a 265-pound gorilla. And in tomorrow's news: a French couple is mauled by a newly-orphaned gorilla."June 307086
The FEC allows Stephen to form his Super PAC, and Timothy Garton Ash discusses subversive facts.

July

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
900"N/A"Hans Beinholtz[a], Michael Shermer"A new study has found that men like to cuddle, and another new study shows that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed."July 117087
The natural gas industry tries to counter bad press, and Michael Shermer discusses "Skeptic Magazine."
901"N/A"Dan SavageN/AJuly 127088
Michele Bachmann signs a controversial pledge, and Dan Savage talks about marriage and monogamy.
902"N/A"Naftali Bendavid, David McCullough"A six-year-old beauty queen has retired. I'm not surprised: she was starting to get crow's dimples."July 137089
The Republican Party has a fresh young face that's only 235 years old, and David McCullough has a new book about Americans in Paris.
903"N/A"Jose Antonio Vargas"Who's got two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself?"July 147090
The Rupert Murdoch scandal deepens, and Jose Antonio Vargas comes out of the border-gay closet.
904"N/A"Sean Parnell, Sheila Krumholz, John Prendergast"Congratulation to the Japanese women's soccer team for rescuing America from the brink of caring about soccer."July 187091
Fox News blows the lid back onto the Murdoch story, and John Prendergast discusses South Sudan.
905"N/A"David CarrN/AJuly 197092
Newt Gingrich drowns in debt, and David Carr feels like the tallest leprechaun in "Page One."
906"N/A"Michael SandelN/AJuly 207093
A pie attack makes Rupert Murdoch sympathetic, Republicans limit who can vote, and Michael Sandel examines the ethical issue of sailor cannibalism.
907"N/A"David Eagleman"You say potato, I say: who are you and why are you saying potato to me?"July 217094
California passes a law requiring public schools to teach gay history, NBC loves breasts, and neuroscientist David Eagleman discusses the secret lives of the brain.
908"N/A"Brian CoxN/AJuly 257095
The media assumes Norway's native gunman is Muslim, Summer's Eve uses vaginal puppetry to market their product to vaginas, and Brian Cox reveals the mysteries of space.
909"N/A"Peter Edelman, Brooke Gladstone"NASA has found volcanoes on the dark side of the Moon, and they erupt in sync with The Wizard of Oz."July 267096
Herman Cain breaks Stephen's heart, Peter Edelman talks "poors," and Brooke Gladstone reflects on the media's influence.
910"N/A"Mary "Missy" CummingsN/AJuly 277097
Home-owning vampire Patrick Rodgers turns the tables on Wells Fargo, electric car drivers face a critical deadline, and Missy Cummings develops a new breed of flying robots.
911"N/A"Matthew Dowd, Buddy RoemerN/AJuly 287098
John McCain enrages Tea Partiers by calling them "Hobbits," and Republican presidential candidate Buddy Roemer won't take special-interest donations.

August

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
912"With Great Power Comes No Responsibility"Tony Hsieh"A new study says colon cleansing can be risky, but I think they just pulled that finding out of their ass."August 17099
Stephen tells the "Billy Goats Gruff" debt ceiling story, an Alabama company turns ashes into bullets, and Zappos' C.E.O. Tony Hsieh talks about delivering happiness.
913"N/A"David Leonhardt, Al Hunt"A woman was arrested turning tricks out of a donut shop: the perfect place to avoid detection by the cops."August 27100
Scandal rocks Newt Gingrich's Twitterverse, David Leonhardt knows how to save America's credit rating, and Al Hunt thinks everyone lost the debt ceiling deal.
914"N/A"Robert Wittman"God said 'Thou shalt have no gods before me', so don't spoil your appetite with Vishnu-poppers."August 37101
A half-Hispanic teenager steals Spider-Man's job, Monopoly gets a makeover, and Robert Wittman solves art crimes.
915"N/A"Anthony Bourdain"Cargill has recalled 36 million pounds of tainted ground turkey. Personally, I don't know why anyone would buy ground turkey taint."August 47102
Wisconsin Democrats get bad absentee ballot applications, Stephen takes over MLB's Twitter feed, and Anthony Bourdain describes the grossest things he's ever eaten.
916"N/A"Nassir GhaemiN/AAugust 87103
America's credit rating plummets, Prescott Group has a cheap doomsday solution, and Nassir Ghaemi thinks madness creates first-rate leaders.
917"Head in the Cloud"The Cars"Captain Morgan's ship has been found. If it's anything like the drink, it doesn't know what happened to it either."August 97104
The liberal media's hot-airheads have started indoctrinating America's kids.
918"N/A"Jim Martin, Elliott Ackerman"Chad Ochocinco says he'll live with a fan for three weeks. Wow...those NFL contract negotiations did not go well."August 107105
Father Jim Martin discusses God's job performance, political junkies donate money for a fix, and Elliot Ackerman lets voters directly nominate a president.
919"N/A"Gloria SteinemN/AAugust 117106
Mitt Romney thinks corporations are people too, Stephen reveals his super PAC ad, and Gloria Steinem discusses gender equality.
920"N/A"Ambassador Susan RiceN/AAugust 157107
Stephen apologizes to WOI in Des Moines, Michele Bachmann wins the Iowa straw poll, and Ambassador Susan Rice discusses the role of the United Nations.
921"N/A"Frank Luntz, STS-135 AstronautsN/AAugust 167108
Barack Obama spins "Obamacare," Frank Luntz transforms the Colbert Super PAC, and Atlantis' crewmembers talk about their final space mission.
922"N/A"Jeff Bridges"152 people set the world record for biggest group shower. Afterwards, they set another record for the longest awkward silence."August 177109
Rick Perry hires Colbert Super PAC's treasurer, Rick Santorum puts gay marriage into everyday napkin terms, and Jeff Bridges looks good by having fun.
923"N/A"Kevin Mitnick"It's my last broadcast for two weeks, but I promise to give you one last great show before I go. This!...just roll it."August 187110
America wants a badass president, WOI reports on the "Rick Parry" write-in scandal, and hacker Kevin Mitnick is the ghost in the wires.

September

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
924"Happy Endings"Tim PawlentyN/ASeptember 67111
People enjoy a story more when they know how it ends, Prescott Group unveils its toning shoes, and Tim Pawlenty explains why he pulled out of the presidential race.
925"N/A"Robin Wright"Texas A&M is joining the SEC. This concludes today's installment of initials I don't understand."September 77112
The TSA makes changes to airport security, controversy surrounds Martin Luther King Jr.'s memorial, and Robin Wright discusses the cultural impact of the Arab Spring.
926"N/A"Tom BrokawN/ASeptember 87113
The GOP debate drives Stephen to watch MSNBC, Rick Perry calls Social Security a Ponzi scheme, and Tom Brokaw follows the progress of 9/11 victims' family members.
927"N/A"Diane SawyerN/ASeptember 127114
Stephen reports on an old-school reporter, America profits from grief, and Diane Sawyer discusses "Jacqueline Kennedy: In Her Own Words."
928"N/A"Paul Krugman, Al Gore"Anderson Cooper's daytime talk show started. Either that, or he's reporting from the disaster area known as daytime TV."September 137115
Barack Obama unveils his jobs plan, Paul Krugman discusses the Lesser Depression, and Al Gore focuses on climate reality.
929"N/A"Phil Rubio, Michael MooreN/ASeptember 147116
Fox News objects to Barack Obama's jobs bill binder clip, Stephen unveils his postal solution, and Michael Moore talks about his memoir "Here Comes Trouble."
930"N/A"Jimmy Fallon, David Copperfield"The proof is in the pudding, but good luck finding where I hid the pudding."September 157117
Swiss banking giant UBS reports a $2 billion loss, Jimmy Fallon loves Stephen, and David Copperfield discusses the mind-bending science of perception.
931"Death and Taxes"Jeffrey KlugerN/ASeptember 207118
Barack Obama unveils his deficit reduction plan; the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell" changes everything; and Jeffrey Kluger examines the bond between siblings.
932"N/A"Chrystia Freeland, Daniel Yergin"The Federal Reserve wants to stimulate the economy. Well, then Ben Bernanke's gonna have to show a little leg."September 217119
Reuters' Chrystia Freeland discusses Europe's financial crisis, protestors occupy Wall Street, and Daniel Yergin discusses the world's quest for energy.
933"N/A"Jeremy Ben-AmiN/ASeptember 227120
A defunct satellite threatens the earth, the Marine Corps limits troops to silent farts in Afghanistan, and Jeremy Ben-Ami discusses the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.
935"I Think, Therefore I Brand"Radiohead"Prepare yourselves, Radiohead. You're about to meet Televisionface."September 267121
America reaches a milestone in corporate civil rights, Thom Yorke and Ed O'Brien discuss global warming, and rock legend Radiohead performs. First ever hour-length episode of The Colbert Report.
936"N/A"Melinda GatesN/ASeptember 277122
Rick Perry owns his horrific debate performance, the NFL tightens stadium security, and Melinda Gates works on improving America's public schools.
937"Labor Chains"Ken Burns"Amazon unveiled its new iPad competitor, the Kindle Fire. I'm gonna use mine to order the new iPhone."September 287123
Rick Perry talks immigration, America gets tough on pregnant Mexicans, John Lithgow calls the Atone Phone, and Ken Burns discusses his Prohibition documentary.
938TBAMark CubanTBASeptember 297124
Karl Rove's fundraising takes a turn, Trevor Potter arms Stephen with a 501(c)(4), Kevin Kline hosts The Donating Game, and Mark Cuban talks billionaires.[1]

October

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
939TBAJerome GroopmanTBAOctober 38001
Rick Perry's hunting camp once bore a racially charged name, Obamacare heads to the Supreme Court, and Jerome Groopman discusses medical decision-making.
940TBAJohn Lithgow"NBC has cancelled The Playboy Club. Apparently, people just watched it for the articles."October 48002
Rick Davis weighs in on Chris Christie fever, ESPN pulls Hank Williams Jr.'s song, and John Lithgow talks drama.[2]
941TBABlack Star"The Nobel Committee has awarded-I can't believe they didn't last! If they don't make it, nobody can!"October 58003
Herman Cain gives his take on homosexuality, Mexico City proposes two-year marriage licenses, and Black Star performs.
942TBAJason Amerine"A scientific panel recommended against prostate testing, but my prostate was up all night cramming."October 68004
Sarah Palin bows out of the presidential race, Stephen apologizes to Karl Rove, and Lieutenant Colonel Jason Amerine discusses the early days of the Afghanistan War.
943"Look Out for the Little Guy"Harry BelafonteTBAOctober 178005
The Occupy Wall Street movement goes global, Stephen unveils Colbert Super PAC's NBA lockout ad, and Harry Belafonte talks political activism.
944TBASteven PinkerTBAOctober 188006
Herman Cain may or may not be joking about an electrified border fence, schools take potatoes off their menus, and Steven Pinker discusses the decline of human violence.
945TBAAli Soufan" The world population will hit 7 billion people by Halloween, so you may want to buy an extra bag of Snickers."October 198007
Herman Cain blames the unemployed, Republican candidates want to end EPA regulations, and Ali Soufan provides an inside look at the war on terror.
946TBAColdplay"Antidepressant use is up since 1988. Someone should do something about that, but God, it just seems so impossible."October 208008
Libyan rebels kill Muammar al-Gaddafi, Tea Party Nation demands a hiring freeze from its members, and Coldplay perform from "Mylo Xyloto."
947TBAJon Huntsman, Jr.TBAOctober 248009
Stephen unveils Colbert Super PAC's message, Frank Luntz conducts a focus group, and GOP presidential candidate Jon Huntsman talks about fixing America.
948TBASusan Saladoff"Gaddafi will be buried in a secret location that no one can find. Maybe that's where he should've hidden".October 258010
Herman Cain's campaign ad gets buzz, Ben & Jerry's endorses Occupy Wall Street, and Susan Saladoff explores the myth of frivolous lawsuits.
949TBATaylor Branch"It's the tenth anniversary of the Patriot Act, but what do you get for the government that knows everything?"October 268011
PETA files a lawsuit to free captive whales, immigrant farm workers flee Alabama, and Taylor Branch discusses the multi-billion dollar college sports industry.
950TBAToby Keith"A Californian doctor was caught selling painkillers out of a Starbucks. Hey, everyone else in Starbucks, now you've finally got a great idea for that screenplay."October 278012
Occupy Wall Street wears out its welcome, Stephen unveils his second NBA lockout Super PAC ad, and Toby Keith performs.
951TBANeil MacGregorTBAOctober 318013
Stephen joins Occupy Wall Street, Wisconsin allows concealed weapons in its Capitol, and Neil MacGregor tells the history of the world with 100 objects.

November

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
952TBAYo-Yo Ma"A new study found that happy people live 35% longer. Yeah, but unhappy people's lives seem longer."November 18014
Herman Cain's sexual harassment controversy unfolds; Stephen returns to Wall Street; and Yo-Yo Ma, Stuart Duncan, Edgar Meyer and Chris Thile perform.
953"Bite The Hand That Feeds You"Michael Pollan"Bank of America will drop its five dollar debit card fee. Of course, this comes with a six dollar fee removal fee."November 28015
Herman Cain discusses the Chinese nuclear threat, the government releases information on Muffingate, and Michael Pollan talks food.
954TBANathan WolfeA new report says that New York City has shrunk by more than 2 square miles. Hey, come on, it's cold outside!"November 38016
Hans Beinholtz hawks Europe to investors, Colbert Super PAC adopts Herman Cain's fundraising strategy, and Nathan Wolfe examines viral pandemics.
955TBANiall FergusonTBANovember 78017
Make Us Great Again airs its Rick Perry ad, Colbert Super PAC takes on issue advocacy, and Niall Ferguson discusses the end of western dominance.
956TBASeth MeyersTBANovember 88018
Herman Cain holds a press conference to address sexual harassment charges, Stephen saves Christmas, and Seth Meyers talks "Saturday Night Live."
957"Bully Pulpit"Father James Martin"Italian debt threatens to swamp the Eurozone. I knew they shouldn't have offered unlimited breadsticks!"November 98019
Herman Cain blames Democrats for his troubles, Michigan Senate Republicans amend an anti-bullying bill, and Father James Martin explores the role of comedy in religion.
958TBABrian EnoTBANovember 108020
Barack Obama plans to station U.S. troops in Australia, Rick Perry bungles another debate, and Brian Eno sings a cappella with Michael Stipe and Stephen.
959TBAThomas Thwaites"The new Italian Prime Minister has passed new austerity measures. He's going to cut back to one bunga."November 148021
Michele Bachmann gets an e-mail snub, Bill McKibben opposes construction of the Keystone XL pipeline, and Thomas Thwaites talks toasters.
960TBAElijah WoodTBANovember 158022
The NYPD dismantles Occupy Wall Street, investors accuse Goldline International of theft, and Elijah Wood talks Middle-earth and penguins.
961TBAChris Matthews"North Korea is opening to tourists. You'll come for the kimchee, you'll stay because you can't leave."November 168023
Newt Gingrich defends his Greek cruise, Ron Paul supporters publish a pin-up calendar, and Chris Matthews discusses John F. Kennedy's elusive heroism.
962"The 1%"Susan Orlean"In honor of Thanksgiving, I'm doing the whole show with my pants unbuttoned."November 178024
People Magazine picks its sexiest man, the congressional super committee eyes veterans' healthcare benefits, and Susan Orlean discusses the life of Rin Tin Tin.
963TBASiddhartha Mukherjee"A recent study claims women think about sex ten times a day. But I don't buy it; my show is only on four times a day."November 288025
Barack Obama omits God from his online Thanksgiving address, CNN lays off staffers in favor of user-generated content, and Siddhartha Mukherjee researches cancer.
964TBATinariwen"Stalin's daughter is dead at the age of 85. Your move, Cindy Hitler."November 298026
Herman Cain rethinks his candidacy, Pope Benedict XVI gets caught breaking the law, and Malian musical group Tinariwen performs.
965TBAStephen SondheimTBANovember 308027
Newt Gingrich denies lobbying, conservatives bid Barney Frank farewell, and Stephen Sondheim ponders the artist life.

December

[edit]
No. "The Wørd" Guest(s) Introductory phrase Original air date Production
code
966TBARichard BransonTBADecember 18028
Senator Lori Klein defends Herman Cain, Bret Baier grills Mitt Romney, and Richard Branson explains why he wants to screw business as usual.
967TBAJimmie JohnsonTBADecember 58029
Herman Cain abandons his campaign, William Tapley studies apocalyptic signs, and Jimmie Johnson reveals NASCAR racing details.
968TBAThe Black KeysTBADecember 68030
Iran claims to have captured an American drone, Donald Trump organizes his own GOP debate, and The Black Keys perform.
969TBADavid HallbergTBADecember 78031
Stephen sets the date for his GOP debate, Dick Harpootlian helps Colbert Super PAC with its referendum, and ballet dancer David Hallberg performs.
970TBAJack AbramoffVladimir Putin has accused Hillary Clinton of instigating protests in Russia. Why don't they just do it already?December 88032
Rick Perry puts out a controversial ad, doctors perform fecal transplants, and Jack Abramoff exposes the truth about Washington corruption.
971TBASamuel L. Jackson"Newt Gingrich says he is against gay marriage. That explains why it's the only type of marriage he hasn't tried yet."December 128033
Newt Gingrich alerts America to electromagnetic threats, Norway faces a butter crisis, and Samuel L. Jackson considers Martin Luther King Jr.'s personal life.
972"Let Them Buy Cake"Mark Whitaker"An Italian woman left $13 million to her cat. Well... hello!"December 138034
Donald Trump backs out of his debate, Madison charges protesters for the right to protest, and Mark Whitaker pays tribute to his parents with his memoir.
973TBAGeneral Raymond T. OdiernoTBADecember 148035
Christine O'Donnell backs Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann frets over military bestiality, and Ray Odierno celebrates the troops homecoming from Iraq.
974TBADaniel CraigTBADecember 158036
Nat Geo Wild pulls out their lion humping footage and Animal Planet sends honeydew melons to get in on Stephen's debate. Megyn Kelly clarifies that Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are not the same person. Daniel Craig reveals his technique for staying sexy and arm-wrestles Stephen.

Notes

[edit]
^a Hans Beinholtz is a fictional character played by Erik Frandsen.

References

[edit]
  1. ^ "The Colbert Report - Season 7". JustWatch. Retrieved October 3, 2021.
  2. ^ "The Colbert Report - Season 8". JustWatch. Retrieved October 3, 2021.
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