User:Dicque/The Melvin House
The Melvin House (aka. The Melvin Hizzouse, The Melvin Manor, The Melvin; French: Le Melvin Reh-zee-dance) is a historical landmark and random crash pad that has housed hundreds and entertained thousands in it's lifespan of over 70 years. It is the official residence of The Honourable Sir Dick Garrett of Melvin-upon-Dobie, The Royal Feline, Morpheus the Cat, and the occassional residence of Gizmo the Gay-9 Pomeranian. Frequented rarely by friends and often by strangers, The Melvin House is an unforgettable staple in the memories of all those who have stepped through its front and back doors, and/or passed out drunk on one of 9 sofas located throughout the house.
The yellow and brown painted bungalow is located at the end of a pothole laden Melvin Avenue in Tundra Bay, Ontario, Canada. According to unsubstantiated documentation, The Melvin House was built towards the end of the Great Depression in 1929. The exterior consists of crusty, yellow-painted stucco and unexplainable brown-painted plywood panels around the living room windows. The owner guesses that the builders ran out of stucco or gave up towards the end of the process. The frame is constructed from wood and the interior walls are drywall in some areas and particle board in others. A cinder block basement along with a back porch was added sometime after construction of the main structure was complete. The main floor houses a 15'x10' living room with a wood burning fireplace, 12'x10' master bedroom, 10'x8' bedroom, 4 piece bathroom/reading room, and the chess room converted from an 8'x8' dining room.
The basement is dank and unfinished but has been adapted to accomodate laundry facilities, foosball and poker tables, The Royal Litter Box, and the 20'x20' living room complete with seating for 10. Both floors combine for over 800 square feet of partying space for approximately 200 occupants shoulder-to-shoulder. The lot size is 51.05'x99.92', contains over 20 trees, and has been permitted for open burning. The official lot title is "Plan 502 Lot 136 PT Lot 135" according to the Corporation of the City of Tundra Bay. The Melvin House gained most of its notoriety because of its strategic location next to an A&P supermarket/mini mall and behind a Tim Horton’s coffee shop.
On May 14, 2004, The Melvin House was officially purchased by Sir Dick for a whopping CAD$57,500 (USD$0.72). Half-assed renovations have already taken place in the kitchen and dining areas, along with an extensive paint job that took for-goddamn-ever on all the interior walls. Plans are in the works to have the exterior walls painted along with replacement windows, trim, and a possible basement renovation by the end of summer 2006, pending any benders or laziness.
On December 4, 2006, Sir Dick actually moved out of The Melvin House to discover that the pastures aren't any greener in Calgary. He will be making a hasty exit from the conservative craphole he called home for the past 5 months to return to Tundra Bay and eventually regain supreme powers of The Melvin House.
Roommate History[edit | edit source]
| 2000 – 2001: The Classic Line-up | Bryan Milks, Robert Lewis, Ian McLeod, Julie Kivinen (co-founders) |
| 2001 – 2002: The New Melvin House | Robert Lewis, Christian “The Next Spielberg” Schauz, Dave Angell |
| 2002 | Dave Angell Esq., Dave Bevicocksquaw, The Puzzle (Ryan Ketchum) |
| 2002 – 2006 (temporary) | Sir Dick Garrett of Melvin-upon-Dobie |
| 2002 – 2003 | Kristiina Osvath |
| 2003 – present | The Royal Feline, Morpheus the Cat |
| 2003 – present | Gizmo the Gay-9 Pomeranian (tolerated occasional resident) |
| 2003 | Luis the Mexican |
| 2003 – 2004 | Benny C. |
| 2004 | P. Diddimasi |
| 2004 – 2006 | Chip Anderson |
| 2005 – 2006 | Yankee Thibodeau |
| 2006 – 2007 (temporary) | Kevan Stranges aka Bean |