UnNews:Who's performing at Trump's inauguration? (2025)

Saturday, January 17, 2025

Why?

WASHINGTON -- Dicktator Dictator President-Erect Elect Donald Trump Drumpf will officially return to office January 20, 2025, inexplicably. And it seems like nobody's Russian rushin' to attend, let alone perform. Members of The Rockettes and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir spoke out against him the first time in 2017. Many high- and even low-profile musical acts have declined, either initially or subsequently. And almost every Democratic senator is bailing on the swearing-in of the 45th and soon-to-be 47th Pissident President of the USSR USA.

Butt But luckily (or not), wee we have compiled a pissed list of musical acts who are confirmed to be Putin putting on a golden shower.

Carrie Underwood

The American Idol winner and upcoming season judge defended her decision, stating "I love my country."

The Village People

Cop lead singer Victor Willis says the group will put politics aside and perform for the incoming president. "Besides, we know why he idolizes police officers and strong men."

Cosby, Seals, Gnash, & Young

Pump Trump was desperate to wet get any of the living or dead members of Crosby, Stills, Nash and/or Young; but only none of them agreed to participate. David Crosby even told Trump, "Over my dead body!"

Trump decided to work around this problem by assembling a supergroup consisting of disgraced comedian-turned-sexual predator Bill Cosby, three trained seals, DJ and musician Gnash , and Blade Runner actress Sean Young. "I need the money!" Young screamed. "Please let me play Catwoman!" Their harmonies on "Our House" are lovely.

SY

Only Chris Kirkpatrick and Joey Fatone could stomach performing their NSYNC hits for Trump. Lance Bass is out for obvious reasons, no pun intended. Justin Timberlake is too busy crying a river. And JC Chasez is busy disappearing off the face of the earth until the next NSYNC reunion.

The two boy band singers are negotiating with "Gangnam Style" singer Psy to appease disappointed fans of the K-pop singer.

Satana and/or Santa

Trump thought he was booking Santana, but kept getting his name wrong. Then he found out Carlos Santana was Hispanic. So either the holiday giftbearer or literally Satan will perform a fiery electric guitar set.

The Ungrateful Alive

Trump really wanted The Dead, but Bob Weir, Bill Kreutzmann and Mickey Hart were, um, deadset against it. And Jerry Garcia's estate strictly forbade it. The Ungrateful Alive is a Grateful Dead cover band led by Pigpen... from Peanuts. The band consists of Larry Garcia, Bob Weird, Pigpen, Feel Less, Bill Khrushchev, and Mickey Fart.

Christopher Macchio

Trump was excited to book classical tenor Christopher Macchio. "I loved him in The Karate Kid," he says. "I liked Johnny Lawrence better, but it's okay. No, I changed my mind. Johnny kicks ass. Daniel's a wimp and a loser. Mr. Miyagi was a terrible teacher, a total joke!"

YG

The rapper will perform only one song, "Fuck Donald Trump," alongside Olivia O'Brien.

	Olivia O'Brien @oliviagobrien
if i got asked to perform at trump's inauguration i would say yes and then perform "fuck donald trump" by YG on national television
11:03 AM - 9 Jan 2017
375     1.6K

Other performers

• Snoop Dogg and Nelly
• Half of the Rockettes
• Half of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
• Liberty University's Praise Choir
• Jason Aldean
• Rascal Flatts
• Billy Ray Cyrus
• Kanye West
• Kid Rock
• Parker McCollum
• Gavin DeGraw
• Lee Greenwood
• Roger Waters, who shares Trump's affinity for walls
• "Weird Al" Yankovic
• The nightclub singer from Mad Max
• The guitar player from Mad Max: Fury Road
• Oates
• The Music of the Jacksons... Performed by Alan Jackson (and maybe Jermaine)
• Pat Boone
• The Temptation
• The No Tops
• The Moscow Symphony Orchestra

We'll keep you updated as more acts are confirmed... and then back out at the last minute.

Sources

• Isabella Gomez Sarmiento "Here's everyone performing at the presidential inauguration" NPR, January 15, 2025