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You—yes, I’m talking to you—are, or have been, in a parasocial relationship. It could be the feeling of comfort when you hear the chatter of your favorite podcast hosts or an exasperated shout at the TV when a reality-show contestant fumbles the bag. Maybe a refresh of the Instagram feed always brings one particular influencer’s story to the top or you feel like you’ve grown up with a similarly aged pop star.
Fandom has long been a way for people to form their identity and find community, strength, and entertainment. It has become the leading lexicon of the internet, where fan accounts can rally a pop star’s followers to break streaming records, and the instantaneous, always-on nature of the digital space can create direct lines of communication with an extremely online actor du jour. Celebrity-dom today means receiving unsolicited advice and opinions on their career and personal life. Some people are critics. Some are fans. Everyone’s a bit parasocial.
Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco announced their engagement to an internet frenzy. Friends and peers from Cardi B to Jennifer Aniston popped up in their Instagram comments to extend their congratulations—amid hundreds of thousands of others with similarly personal reach-outs. Gomez is the most followed woman on Instagram, after all. And among those 423 million followers, there are a lot of opinions on how Gomez’s relationship with Blanco is going. There have been dogged comparisons to Gomez’s ex Justin Bieber and his wife, Hailey. There are cruel passes at Blanco’s appearance and unfounded analysis of their behavior together. Viral X threads are dedicated to why they need to break up or how Gomez can be “saved.” No word from Gomez, of course, on said saving.
In the wake of his (still alleged) breakup with Sabrina Carpenter, actor Barry Keoghan put out a statement about the “inhumane” abuse and bullying he’d been weathering amid ferocious, unverified accusations of cheating. He accused people of “knocking on my grannies door” and “sitting outside my baby boy’s house intimidating them. That’s crossing a line.” And earlier this year, Chappell Roan kick-started some much-needed conversation about invasive, inappropriate fan behavior that impacted her mental health during her stratospheric rise to stardom. She shared that people were contacting her friends and family, touching and approaching her in ways that made her feel unsafe. She described it as “predatory.”
So in 2024, it’s right to ask: Are we capable of healthy fandom anymore? Have we reached peak parasocial?
What is a parasocial relationship?
Essentially, a parasocial relationship is typically defined as a one-sided emotional connection people form with celebrities, media personalities, famous athletes, or influencers. It could even be with a fictional character. A 2022 study found that more Americans are engaged in parasocial relationships than they care to admit (51% chose to confess).
The same study reflected that 20% of Americans have experienced genuine bereavement after a celebrity’s death. More people (26%) have been actively upset when a fictional character on TV or film has died, with a further 10% reporting negative mental health effects from celebrity deaths. Seven percent of the study’s participants say they have “mentally suffered” when a celebrity didn’t respond to them on social media. A parasocial relationship is a broad descriptor, and it has layers.
The internet has created an illusion of a two-way interaction. When someone speaks to the camera, full eye contact, it can feel intimate. And studies show the human brain struggles to regulate any difference between emotions they see onscreen and IRL. “Social media platforms allow users to like, comment, and even directly message celebrities,” says Pamela Rutledge, director at the Media Psychology Research Center and professor emerita in media psychology at the Fielding Graduate University.
Fans who comment on celebrity posts feel more engaged in the relationship than passive viewers, says Dr. Rutledge. Even though direct responses from celebrities are rare, the possibility of interaction can “create the impression of a two-way relationship heighten feelings of closeness.”
Is a parasocial relationship always bad?
As human beings, we’re innately social creatures. Finding something to relate to in a celebrity is really quite normal, especially when celebrities use their platforms to share their very human struggles, insecurities, and anxieties.
But, as Dr. Rutledge explains, online communities can normalize boundary-crossing behaviors. “Fans can justify stalking, harassment, or unsolicited contact by convincing themselves or others that it’s harmless or supportive or that contact is a badge of honor,” she says.
In 2002 psychologists Lynn McCutcheon, Rense Lange, and James Houran devised the Celebrity Attitude Scale, which evaluates a person’s level of interest (or worship or obsession) with celebrities on three levels: entertainment-social, intense-personal, and borderline-pathological. The highest level is when people aren’t able to control their actions or fantasies involving their favorite celebrity. But that’s a small minority of people; they consider around 3 to 5% of people with parasocial relationships actually meet this criteria. Still, they’ve seen scores on the scale begin to increase year on year.
The pitfalls of parasociality
The evolving digital space has accelerated the development and intensity of parasocial relationships, and social media promotes the expectation of 24/7 access. “When artists don’t respond quickly, post regularly, or keep fans in the loop of their lives, fans and followers can feel entitled to demand explanations,” explains Dr. Rutlege.
“Parasocial relationships also create a sense of entitlement and engender a lopsided sense of reciprocity,” she says. “Fans can feel they deserve attention and make overwhelming demands for interaction because they have invested time and emotions in the artist. When disappointed, fans can become angry at the celebrity for failing to meet their expectations by criticizing their behavior or worse, as Barry Keoghan experienced.”
A 2019 study found that people with stronger parasocial relationships with celebrities may be less satisfied with their romantic relationships—a kind of para-loveshock. People may become less motivated to invest in their real-life relationships. There’s also the possibility of media addiction, social isolation, and impaired cognitive function that lead to unhealthy behaviors.
Why are we seeing a rise in parasocial behavior?
Gomez, in particular, has been open and candid about her health and mental well-being online. “Unlike traditional PR handling—which presents celebrities in controlled, polished formats—social media gives fans a glimpse into lives, fostering the illusion of intimacy and creating stronger emotional connections,” says Dr. Rutledge.
For smaller content creators, the social media algorithm prizes big emotions and personal storylines; they’re encouraged to monetize their lives by sharing personal stories. “It can lead to followers viewing them as open books,” says Dr. Rutledge. “This dynamic can make it harder for creators to establish boundaries later.”
Authenticity and vulnerability can build an engaged, trusting, and loyal fan base, but there’s no stopper for the bottle. “Fans who buy music and concert tickets [can] feel like they have the right to voice an opinion on events like [Gomez’s] engagement,” says Dr. Rutledge. “Even when misguided, fans often perceive their responses as a sign of support or a form of protection.”
Chappell Roan has made it clear that fans must recognize that her public persona is distinct from her private life. Yet distinction is difficult to enforce, says Dr. Rutledge. “It underscores the broader issue of parasocial relationships in a social-media-driven world and the conflict between commercial success as an artist and maintaining a private life,” she says. “When fans develop one-sided emotional connections with artists like Selena Gomez or Chappell Roan, they want more than just to listen to an artist’s music.”
Can you be a healthy parasocial?
From Gomez to Roan and Keoghan, there remain challenges with setting personal boundaries and having fans respect them. Still, as Dr. Rutledge explains, celebrities must also recognize “that many of the marketing and social-engagement behaviors necessary for fame across digital media also encourage fans to overstep.”
Having a celebrity as a role model can be liberating and inspiring, and finding others with a shared passion can create a sense of community. Parasocial relationships are only a concern when they become less parasocial and more pathological obsessions. You should always try to prioritize the real people in your life. You can be a Selenator, but save that number one fan behavior for your pals too.
