A Relationship Coach Reveals 5 Mistakes You're Making on Your Dating Profile

Curating a great dating profile is practically an art form. There are certain steps to follow: The casual, smiling selfie. The group shot with the best friends. The vacation pic in Europe at that new museum opening. The pictures are cool but not too forced. Throw in some funny quips, a few relationship dealbreakers, and we’ve got the winning recipe.

These days, we all know how to put our best digital foot forward. But to attract the right matches—not all the matches—it’s really about showing off who we truly are. Ahead, here are five mistakes we often make on our dating app profiles and how to switch it up to get the results we want. 

Appealing to the Masses

It’s not about appealing to everybody, which will lead to dating fatigue—it’s about appealing to your person by cutting through the noise and allowing them to find you. An incredible dating profile can almost feel a bit uncanny valley with its shine. Something is missing with a beautifully put-together profile with filtered smiles and too-cool-for-school answers. 

Getting a lot of matches feels incredible because it’s a temporary serotonin boost. However, when overdone, too many choices can lead to online paralysis and cognitive overload. A common mistake is casting too wide of a net instead of being a targeted fisherman in dating. If you want a partner with similar values, don’t be afraid to lean into the biggest niche parts of your life. Remove generic details and add meaningful information; each fact serves as a conversation starter for interaction. 

If you’re really into ancient spiritual systems and need a partner on the same page, talk about your love of quantum physics. If you’re dating to get married, highlight your desire for long-term relationships. Yes, you’ll match with fewer people, but you’ll also find deeper connections with people who enthusiastically want the same things you do. Isn’t that the point? 

Complaints and Demands

Your online dating profile is considered prime real estate. Every word counts, and every picture matters. If your bio has something like, “Don’t message me if you can’t handle a real relationship,” or “Dog lovers only, I can’t stand cats,” this doesn’t communicate a dealbreaker as much as it communicates a negative attitude. 

If you have specific preferences around height, dietary restrictions, or drinking preferences, this is an opportunity to use the filters on the dating app to weed them out naturally. Use the bios as a space to talk about what you can bring into a relationship instead of what you’re not looking for. 

Forgetting to Update Your Profile

Compressing the full dynamics of your personality into a tiny phone screen can be challenging. When you start feeling stuck, throw everything out and start fresh. You’re not a static person, so celebrate your multitudes.

For example, if your recent profile is all about family and traveling, you can have a new vibe by focusing on your painting and rock climbing hobbies. That doesn’t mean completely changing your identity up, because it’s important to represent what’s essential about you. It’s more about changing the details you decide to lead with, and the selection of photos you’re choosing. 

With every dating experience, you’ll learn more about yourself. It makes sense to have your profile reflect the openness of those learnings. Make the most of every pixel by updating your pictures, swapping your answers, and adjusting parameters to continue connecting with more people. You never know, you could fall for someone completely different from your usual type. 

Feeling Negative About Apps

Let’s set the scene. You’re at brunch, showing your friends your latest matches. As you begin swiping, you start to judge each person: too short, bad taste in music, has a hotter friend, not into their teeth, tired of seeing boating pictures. Sound familiar? 

Dating apps have been gamified, commercialized, and oversaturated to a point where it’s become a real slog. When you’re endlessly scrolling, it’s hard to find joy and compassion in the process. You downloaded the apps because you were looking for intimacy, but when you’re swiping so much, the objectification causes each profile to lose its complex luster. 

The matches slowly degrade into dehumanization. When you can ignore, unmatch, and ghost people through the distance of a screen, it’s common for bad dating habits to thrive. This all perpetuates more stress and toxic dating patterns to subsist on the apps.

Lying or Exaggerating Details

Honesty is always the best policy on dating apps. It’s tempting to tweak some details on your dating profile. Maybe you add an inch to your height, put in a different age, exaggerate your job, or use an old photo. It seems harmless to only show off the positive, sanitized aspects, but this practice isn’t a good use of your time.

When you misrepresent your image and neglect to disclose vital information, your match will feel misled, and it will lead to complications down the line. By being upfront about your photos, nonnegotiables, circumstances, and quirks, it nurtures mutual understanding in your interactions. 

The relationship can begin on a sincere note, where you feel like you can meet each other’s needs. Strive to convey yourself authentically, knowing that the right person will value you for exactly who you are.