Relationships How to Get Over a Bad Breakup By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Learn about our editorial process Updated on January 08, 2024 Reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by mental health professionals. Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS Reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change. Learn about our Review Board Print Lourdes Balduque/Moment/Getty Table of Contents View All Table of Contents What Is a Bad Breakup? Effects Tips for Getting Over It What to Avoid Trending Videos Close this video player Breakups can be hard, some more so than others. A bad breakup can be very painful and elicit an intense emotional response, which can include feelings of rejection, betrayal, uncertainty about the future, and loss of control, says David Klemanski, PsyD, MPH, a psychologist at Yale Medicine. The emotions you experience and the intensity of your response can depend on several factors, such as how long you were with your partner, how serious the relationship was, and the circumstances of the breakup, among others. At a Glance A bad breakup can stem from a difficult relationship, conflict, infidelity, or other hurts that take a toll on your mental health. This can lead to stress, negative emotions, and even symptoms of grief and depression. Strategies to help you get over a bad breakup can include getting support from loved ones, shifting your perspective, avoiding reminders of your ex, and learning to accept difficult emotions. While it can be hard to cope, it's also important to take care of yourself and avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. What Is a Bad Breakup? What exactly makes a bad breakup so bad? This can vary from one person to the next, depending on your situation and the relationship. It might involve: The end of a long-term committed relationship Child-custody disputes Legal disputes over shared assets Being blind-sided by an unexpected, out-of-the-blue breakup Infidelity Domestic abuse Changes in your friendships, living arrangements, or financial situation A breakup that leads to regret or unresolved feelings It's important to note that these aren't the only situations that constitute a bad breakup. No matter the cause, a bad breakup can lead to a range of negative effects, including changes in sleep, appetite, behaviors, and emotions. Impact of a Bad Breakup "Breakups can impact mental health in myriad ways, especially depending on how the breakup occurred," says Klemanski. Below are some of the effects of a bad breakup on your mental health. Stress Breakups, particularly if they’re unexpected, can cause a stress response due to a surge of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones send your body into fight-or-flight mode, which is a constant state of high alert, where your body is prepared to protect itself. Acute or prolonged stress can lead to physical and mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, heart disease, and diabetes, among others. Grief and Depression Breakups can also cause us to feel like we are grieving or depressed. This can be situational in the sense that it may occur for a few weeks, or it may last much longer and signify that a person is having a hard time adjusting to the breakup or possibly even developing depression. For those who might already be dealing with mental health difficulties, a breakup could exacerbate those symptoms. Negative Emotions and Behaviors The effects of a breakup will depend, of course, on the circumstances and one’s own individual reactions, but it can lead to unexpected and intense emotions that one is not used to experiencing or managing. Some people might let those emotions guide their behavior. For instance, they may withdraw and isolate themselves from others, eat too much or too little when they feel sad, not sleep or sleep too much, or not keep up with work. David Klemanski, PsyD, MPH Breakups, especially bad ones, might require us to learn new ways of coping so that our emotions don’t control us. — David Klemanski, PsyD, MPH How to Get Over a Bad Breakup Klemanski suggests some strategies to help you get over a bad breakup and move on: Seek Support Seek support from trusted friends and family, particularly those who have been through something similar. Social support can buffer some of the negative effects of a breakup. It can help reduce the time you spend alone, feeling miserable. Instead, you will be around others who can offer advice, perspective, or ways to cultivate or increase positive emotions amidst a sea of negative ones. Reframe the Situation Breakups can be painful, and it can be hard to imagine a future without that pain, but it can be helpful to recognize and acknowledge that you will eventually feel better. Reframing the situation to focus on what you learned from the relationship and how much better off you will be in the future can help shift your perspective. Also, when you’re in the proper mental space, it’s important to think about the ways that you grew from the relationship and try to view the breakup as a lesson. Keep Your Distance Maintain distance from your ex. Strategically give yourself and your ex some space from one another. This can look different for you depending on your situation, but it might involve changing your routines to avoid running into them, unfollowing them on social media, and removing their contact info from your phone. Don’t Avoid Negative Emotions While you don’t need to welcome negative emotions all of the time, you also shouldn’t avoid them all of the time. Suppressing emotions, whether it's anger, frustration, betrayal, grief, or sadness, can lead to physical stress on the body. Allowing yourself to be present with your emotions, even for short bursts, can help you process them and work through them so that you can skillfully manage them, instead of letting the emotions manage you. How to Handle Moving Out After a Breakup Thoughts and Behaviors to Avoid After a Bad Breakup Klemanski also lists some negative behaviors and patterns to avoid on your journey of getting over a bad breakup: Self-blaming, or taking on the full burden of the breakup when that likely isn’t warranted Not asking for help from others for emotional support, to talk things through, or even to get some time away from your own thought processes Self-medicating with too much alcohol, medication, or drugs Isolating, withdrawing, or avoiding others Not taking care of yourself (e.g., not eating or eating too little, over- or under-prioritizing sleep, not performing basic self-care, etc.) Swearing off dating or maintaining an unhealthy perspective about future dating and relationship possibilities Not being open to learning about the experience What Does Grieving Do to Your Body? Takeaway Going through a bad breakup can take a toll on your mental and physical health, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, grief, and negative emotions and behaviors. It’s important to reach out to friends and family for advice and support as well as to process your emotions and learn from the experience. If you are not able to get over the loss of your relationship, you can reach out to a mental healthcare provider for help. Is a Rebound Relationship a Bad Idea? 3 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. National Institute of Mental Health. Five things you should know about stress. Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ. Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms. PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320 Ceglarek P, Darbes L, Stephenson R, Bauermeister J. Breakup-related appraisals and the psychological well-being of young adult gay and bisexual men. J Gay Lesbian Ment Health. 2017;21(3):256-274. doi:10.1080/19359705.2017.1293579 By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Helpful Report an Error Other Submit