Relationships Strengthening Relationships Living Together Before Marriage Here's what to consider before moving in together By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Learn about our editorial process Updated on February 28, 2024 Reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by mental health professionals. Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program. Learn about our Review Board Print Verywell / Theresa Chiechi Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Reasons Couples Live Together Factors to Consider Potential Effects Pros and Cons Trending Videos Close this video player Living together before marriage was once considered taboo; however, it has become more common and accepted over time. If you’ve been seeing your partner and things are going well, moving in together may cross your mind. Moving in with your partner is a significant step because it marks a major progression in the relationship, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City. At a Glance Living together before marriage is common for many couples, but there are important pros and cons to consider. Cohabitating can help you get to know one another more and figure out if you are truly compatible, but moving in together for the wrong reasons can lead to bigger problems down the road. Keep reading to learn more about some factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage and some potential advantages and disadvantages of this arrangement. Reasons for Living Together Before Marriage There are a variety of reasons why people opt to live together before they decide to make a long-term commitment. Research has found that the primary reasons couples choose to live together are to spend more time together, to share expenses, and to evaluate their compatibility. For many couples, it's a great way to see if they are truly compatible before deciding if marriage is the right choice for them. Co-habitating offers many insights into a person's habits, personality, and behavior. Sharing a space allows couples to truly get to know one another in a way that they might not if they lived separately. But cohabitation isn't just about playing house or deepening the relationship—it's an economic necessity for many people. High living expenses mean that many adults must have one or more roommates to split expenses. For many, it makes sense to take that step with the person they are dating. Research has found that around half of cohabitating couples end up separating. Economic factors appear to play a deciding role in whether couples who live together end up walking down the aisle. Simply put, wealthier couples are more like to wed. Living together before marriage may help you save money as a couple, offering greater financial stability and increasing your shared resources. While it might not be particularly romantic, research suggests that this factor alone may increase the likelihood of marriage. However, moving in together because of economic pressure might mean that neither of you is as committed to the relationship as you might be if you take this step based on desire. Factors to Consider Before Living Together Below, Romanoff lists some of the factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage. Your Reasons for Wanting to Live Together The first factor to consider is your motivation for moving in with your partner. Partners who move in out of financial convenience or to test their relationship may be less satisfied with their decision in the long run and in turn, may not end up getting married. This is in contrast to couples who decide to move in together out of their genuine desire to spend more time together and deliberately fuse their lives. You should want to learn more about your partner and progress your relationship. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Remember the importance of choosing your partner because you want to be with them, and don’t let your decisions be made out of fear or convenience. — Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Your Age and Stage of Life Age and stage of life are other important considerations. It can be helpful to give each other space to live alone or with friends before taking this step, so that each partner is able to experience a range of independent and peer living situations before committing to living with each other. Once people have experienced these varied living arrangements, they tend to appreciate their partners and don’t feel as if they are missing out on experiences their peers are having. Your Conversations With Your Partner It’s important to make the deliberate decision to move in together instead of casually easing into cohabitation. Sliding into cohabitation can be risky because it bypasses important decisions and conversations that will cause more problems down the road. For instance, you may slowly start to spend more time at one of your homes and think it makes sense to move in together out of convenience or financial incentive. You may then consider marriage because you’ve lived together for so long, already invested so much time into your partner, and think you might not be able to find someone else at this point in your life. Instead, it is important to consciously decide to move in together and have conversations with your partner about financial arrangements, who will be responsible for maintaining what, and how space will be allocated to incorporate both people’s values and beliefs. How to Disclose Your Mental Health Condition to a Partner Implications of Living Together Before Marriage Moving in with your partner can have significant implications for your relationship. Romanoff outlines some of these below. Increased Commitment Before you move in, there are more opportunities for refuge. If you have a fight, are annoyed, or are frustrated with each other, you can always return to your own space. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Moving in means committing to the good and bad in each other and in your relationship. You each are committing to show up and stay together on the good as well as the bad days. — Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD Increased Investment Moving in together means that you are investing in the relationship in a more substantial way. The next progressive step after moving in is usually a more formal commitment like marriage or alternatively, if things do not work out, a breakup. Breakups after moving in together are significantly more complicated because you must separate your lives, which tend to become blended in elaborate ways. Increased Trust Living together also means that you’re pledging to show each other the parts of yourself that may have remained hidden up until this part of your relationship. You risk vulnerability and exposing all of your little rituals or quirky habits. You have to trust your partner and make this commitment with the confidence that your relationship will not only survive but will become stronger after knowing these parts of each other. 3 Key Factors in Healthy Relationships Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage Romanoff shares some of the advantages and disadvantages that people commonly experience when they decide to live together before marriage. Pros You get to know each other better It can deepen your relationship It can be a sign of commitment Feel more confident in your decision to get married Cons May decrease commitment to marriage Can lead to staying together even if you're not compatible You might feel you wasted your time if you break up It may be harder to move on after a break up Advantages of Living Together Before Marriage The advantage of living together before marriage is the opportunity to learn how you would navigate a life together without the internal and external pressure that comes with marriage. For many, marriage signifies a commitment that cannot be easily undone. The weight of that commitment, especially from family members or friends, can skew problems or conflicts that may arise in a relationship. Living together may also help boost health and well-being. Research has long shown that marriage provides many health benefits, and evidence also suggests that living together can confer many of these same benefits. The benefit of living together pre-marriage is that you can learn more about each other, strengthen your joint ability to problem-solve, and reinforce your relationship and ability to navigate stressors, which can instill more confidence in your decision to get married. Disadvantages of Living Together Before Marriage The downside of living together before marriage relates to the tendency for some couples to make less of a commitment to each other or feel less content with their arrangement. Individuals who decide to cohabitate may have different expectations than their partners about the move. It can lead to challenges if one partner has more unconventional ideas about marriage and might grow complacent in this arrangement, whereas the other partner might expect marriage to follow this step. It is important to consider the meaning of the move to each partner, especially if this move is motivated as a way to postpone making a commitment for one partner. And that meaning should be communicated to and by each partner as well. Additionally, standards for cohabitating with a partner are usually lower than standards people have for marriage, which could cause some people to regret the time and energy spent on cohabitating if it does not ultimately lead to marriage. 13 Red Flags in Relationships Keep in Mind If you and your partner have been going steady and you’re starting to think about living together before marriage, you should be sure of your motivations before you move in. You should genuinely want to spend more time with your partner and learn more about them while being open to exposing yourself to them. It’s also important to discuss finances, responsibilities, expectations for the future, and other important aspects of your relationship with your partner before you move in so you’re both on the same page before you make this commitment. The Four Stages of Relationships 4 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends Project. Views on marriage and cohabitation in the U.S. Huang PM, Smock PJ, Manning WD, Bergstrom-Lynch CA. He says, she says: Gender and cohabitation. J Fam Issues. 2011;32(7):876-905. doi:10.1177/0192513X10397601 Ishizuka P. The economic foundations of cohabiting couples’ union transitions. Demography. 2018;55(2):535-557. doi:10.1007/s13524-018-0651-1 Perelli-Harris B, Hoherz S, Addo F, et al. Do marriage and cohabitation provide benefits to health in mid-life? The role of childhood selection mechanisms and partnership characteristics across countries. Popul Res Policy Rev. 2018;37(5):703-728. doi:10.1007/s11113-018-9467-3 By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. 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