Behold, Your Reason to Date a Golden Retriever Boyfriend

Happy-go-lucky, eager to please, always ready to listen, a deep sense of loyalty, and a smile that spreads across his face anytime he sees you? No, that's not your dog, but TikTok’s latest relationship terminology: The Golden Retriever Boyfriend. One quick scroll and you'll find dozens of videos of boyfriends who pout when their girlfriend leaves to go to the gym, look hopelessly lost in a crowd only to light up at the sight of their partner, or do something endearingly silly in a public setting.

The comments section is typically filled with young women longing for their own golden retriever boyfriends. Occasionally, you will see a rogue comment labeling this behavior as a red flag. But mostly, everyone just wants a golden retriever. I couldn’t help but be fascinated by TikTok’s newest relationship craze and had to dig in to learn more. Read on to discover more about the golden retriever boyfriend, if it's all it is hyped up to be, and red flags (if any) to be aware of.

Qualities of a Golden Retriever Boyfriend

There's no better example of a golden retriever boyfriend than Taylor Swift's BF, Travis Kelce. The football player is always cheesing around her, generally has a sunny disposition, and isn’t above silly antics. 

A Golden Retriever Boyfriend isn’t overly protective, introverted, and cold to strangers. He’s outgoing, easily excited, and is game to do just about anything (yes, even the embarrassing things too). But they're also quite clingy, according to TikTok. They're overly affectionate and somewhat codependent on your presence to be happy.

Benefits of Having a Golden Retriever Boyfriend

The Golden Retriever Boyfriend is the classic fairytale story IRL. It's the handsome man who is so unbelievably in love with you and doesn’t want to leave your side. Benefits of having a Golden Retriever Boyfriend is that you're in a relationship with someone warm, optimistic, loyal, kind, and appreciative.  

Things Aren’t Always As They Seem

As a therapist, I find many TikTok relationship trends somewhat concerning because they can breed unrealistic expectations. (Re: Lucky Girl Syndrome). Many of my clients compare their relationships to what they see online. And while the biggest red flag isn’t necessarily the traits of a Golden Retriever Boyfriend (more on this later), it's the idealization of relationships we know nothing about.

Idealization is when we focus solely on the positive attributes of someone or something, leading us to minimize any negative qualities. This can become problematic because nothing is all good nor all bad and insisting a relationship only has good qualities means we’re overlooking the reality of the connection. Not only does this set us up for disappointment, it is also unfair to our partner. They’re not perfect and they don’t have to be. After all, they're human, not a golden retriever. 

Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Golden Retriever Boyfriend

The Golden Retriever Boyfriend sounds ideal because if he loves you and never wants to be away from you, then he won't leave you (or the relationship). However, there are some concerns within this archetype.

For example, if your partner relies only on you for social connection, isolation can occur. Take this skit on TikTok for example. The Golden Retriever Boyfriend never leaves his partner alone and follows her everywhere, from the kitchen to make lunch to the bathroom.

If your partner begins to guilt trip you for working, seeing your family, or hanging out with your friends without him, that is a red flag. This could eventually lead to him encouraging you to focus all your energy on him, thus causing your social circle to dwindle. Friendships are deeply important for our health and the healthier you each are on your own, the healthier you can be together.

Another red flag is the difficulties in having serious conversations. It is important to have fun and enjoy each other's company. But, if the relationship is consistently focused on being silly and lighthearted, it may create issues when there’s conflict and you can't address the problems in the relationship. 

The Golden Retriever Boyfriend is depicted as being somewhat naive. A bumbling BF seems cute at first, but it also demonstrates that he may not have the depth you need in the relationship. Or, that you don't view (and maybe value) his actual wisdom and intelligence because of your misguided perception.

How to Cultivate Golden Retriever Boyfriend Qualities 

It is natural to see a relationship on social media and think: “I wish that was my life.” Rather than leaning into the illusion that someone else’s relationship is the perfect fit for you, consider ways to cultivate some of the Golden Retriever Boyfriend qualities in your own relationship.

• Communication: Try focusing on your communication. Don't be afraid to speak up if you find it difficult to have serious conversations because your relationship focuses on silliness. You can introduce heart-centered communication into your relationship by practicing active listening. Are you listening to respond or are you hearing what your partner is saying? Becoming active listeners will strengthen those beloved Golden Retriever qualities and create deep warmth and connection. 
  
• Love Languages: Look into each other's love languages. Evidence shows that providing your partner love in their preferred love language can boost the quality of your relationship. If you’re not sure where to start, we have created a love languages quiz to get you started. 
  
  

Finding Support

If you’re consistently comparing your relationship to the Internet, reflect on why. Social media is just a snapshot of people's lives—not the full truth. Consider reaching out to a therapist if you’re feeling stuck in the cycle of comparison. If you feel like your relationship could use some support, try attending couples therapy. And if you just aren't feeling your Golden Retriever Boyfriend, maybe it's time to end the relationship—and invest in a new type of man. (A beta male, perhaps?)