What Is Attachment Therapy?

“In attachment-based therapy, therapists work with people who need help rebuilding trust in relationships, especially because people with dysregulation of attachment tend to fall into difficult interpersonal relationships,” notes Dr. Caroline Fenkel, DSW, co-founder and chief clinical officer of Charlie Health.

It's akin to changing the narrator in your mind from one who fosters fearful thoughts of abandonment, pain, or disappointment to one who is loving and supportive.

Attachment theory also can help you realize that you can live a satisfying life without relying on others to provide a sense of purpose. 

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What Is Attachment Theory?

To understand attachment therapy, it’s important to know about attachment theory. It's based on extensive research by psychologist John Bowlby into how young children attach to their parents and caregivers.

Bowlby defined four attachment types: secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized. He hypothesized that attachment style informs people’s relationships later in life, well past childhood and into adulthood.

“Anxious attachment style is probably the ‘type’ that gets talked about the most, though–and why a lot of people seek out attachment therapy—because of the way it tends to manifest in adulthood,” notes Dr. Fenkel. “People with an anxious attachment style obviously live with some level of anxiety, but they specifically deal with fears of being alone and what is often viewed as codependency.”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having this attachment style, and many people have it. However, it can be incredibly beneficial to know this about yourself and to have a therapist help you in specific ways to navigate these strong emotions and patterns. 

What to Expect

The mantra “taking back power” is often used in attachment therapy. You’ll typically explore events from your childhood and determine how these experiences affect your life today. 

At first, expect to reflect deeply on your relationship with your primary caregiver (typically a parent, grandparent, or foster/adoptive parent). Be prepared to dissect how those early dynamics continue manifesting.

By exploring childhood attachment wounds, says Caroline Fenkel, DSW, people can begin to engage narratively with their trauma. When you’re able to tell the story of what happened in a way that you feel in control and safe, it’s immensely empowering against symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and depression.

She adds that, once you’ve done a solid amount of work processing your childhood caregiver relationships, you’ll likely redirect focus on your adulthood interpersonal relationships with romantic partners, friends, and coworkers.

In addition to focusing on inner-child work one-on-one with your therapist, you can receive attachment-based therapy in a couple, group, or family therapy setting. Whatever approach you take, you’ll likely do exercises that help you connect with yourself and bond with others.

What Attachment Therapy Can Help With

Attachment therapy can help if you have symptoms of an attachment disorder. Consider whether you:

• Struggle to make meaningful connections with others
• Find it difficult to be emotionally vulnerable
• Often leave relationships prematurely due to fear
• Worry about abandonment in your relationships
• Worry your partner doesn’t love you despite their words/actions
• Find yourself a "serial dater” because you’re afraid to be alone
• Feel distraught in relationships, especially as they become more intimate
• Have poor self-esteem

Benefits of Attachment Therapy

Attachment therapy can help you address some of the subconscious, lingering issues from your childhood that still impact your ability to form meaningful relationships as an adult.

“The primary benefits of attachment therapy, and the techniques it uses, is to help the individual gain a sense of security. [By doing so], it promotes emotional balance and joyful socializing while increasing self-esteem and self-confidence,” says Tyra S. Gardner, a psychotherapist and CEO of The Wellness Center of Mindfulness.

Effectiveness

As with any form of therapy, the effectiveness of attachment therapy varies according to different factors. Those might include your determination and vulnerability in getting deeply introspective and making progress, the relationship with your therapist, and the frequency/consistency of your sessions.

“It's important to discuss treatment options with a professional to understand which approach would be most beneficial for you,” advises Dr. Fenkel. “Attachment-based therapy is very relational, meaning it depends a lot on how the person seeking therapy interacts with other people, which can be harder to clinically analyze if the therapy is individual."

She adds that group and family therapy with attachment-based methods is especially effective for kids and young adults living with anxiety, depression, or experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Things to Consider

Again, like many forms of therapy, attachment-based therapy isn’t a concrete, step-by-step prescription. Instead, it’s fluid and organic. To see actual progress, it’s important to adopt a “go with the flow” attitude, come with a sense of openness, and be aware things might get painfully difficult before they get better. 

How to Get Started

If you feel that attachment-based therapy is right for you, consider first calling your insurance provider to see if your sessions are covered. If you’re a student, ask your college’s health office if they provide free services.

“Prior to starting, write down some ways you think your childhood or early-life environment shows up in your everyday life, be it through feeling incredibly anxious whenever you’re alone or tending to be a clingy partner or friend,” says Dr. Fenkel. “But observe without judgment. That’s the true basis of this work: not judging yourself, but learning how to love all the chapters of your life that make you you.”