According to the 7 Friends Theory, These Are the Only People You Need in Your Circle

We can’t be everything to everyone. Following this same line of thought, one friend can’t fulfill all our needs. We can thank TikTok for cracking the code on the ideal equation for a balanced friend circle, succinctly dubbed “The 7 Friends Theory.” This theory posits that you just need seven friends who each hold a different role in your life. Think along the lines of your childhood bestie, a friend who is more like family, that one person who will listen to all your relationship drama to no end, and so on.

According to TikTok, once you’ve crafted a friend circle with these seven people, you’ve struck gold. While the idea of a lush friend group brimming with various personalities who support you in perfect harmony is lovely, you might wonder how realistic it is. Or, if you happen to be more of a lone wolf, you could feel bad that you don’t have seven trusty friends. You could be thankful to even have one or two.

Understanding the 7 Friends Theory

The 7 Friends Theory was popularized on TikTok with the concept of refraining from putting all your needs on just one friend. This idea quickly went viral, with thousands of creators sharing videos that showed off their seven friends. According to this popular video, the seven roles are as follows:

There is something to be said about not relying on just one best friend to be your emotional support, cheer you up, listen to all your relationship woes, and be a surrogate sibling. Plus, there is a general consensus that as long as these are positive relationships, the more time you can spend with friends, the better for your overall well-being. However, a key component to remember is that these are quality friendships. Think along the lines of quality over quantity. 

Exploring the Roles of the 7 Friends

Let’s take a look at each of the roles of the seven friends in more detail.

The friend you’ve had since you were little 

You know that one friend who feels like home because they’ve known you your whole life? This is them. You could have been neighbors growing up or your parents are close friends. There’s a deep comfort associated with this friend based on your history together.

The friend who could make you laugh in any situation

Think of this person as your friend who is always up for a good time. Perhaps you call on them when you’re feeling ready to simply laugh and feel free. 

The friend you can go on forever without talking to, but nothing changes

This one is pretty self-explanatory. You may live on opposite sides of the world or have vastly different lifestyles, but any time you pick up the phone to catch up, it is like you talked yesterday.

The friend you can tell anything to

They’re your vault – you know that even with your deepest secrets, they will accept and love you, they won’t shame you, and they won’t tell a soul.

The friend that’s like a sister

The 7 Friends Theory isn’t just limited to femme-identifying people, so we prefer the friend that’s like a sibling. They know your family, they’ll go into your cupboards to grab a snack without asking, and you know they’ll be in your life forever.

The friend you can’t imagine not being friends with

You text every day, they’re a huge facet of your life, and you can’t imagine not telling them something important, let alone not having them in your life.

The friend who knows all about your relationship problems, even though they don’t want to hear about it

This friendship role is dicey. Should you have a friend you tell your relationship issues to their detriment, it is likely an unfair relationship due to the emotional labor placed on this friend.

The Psychological Impact of Friendships

Humans are not meant to exist in isolation. Research indicates that a lack of interpersonal relationships can be pretty rough on our mental health. Conversely, having a robust friend group can be quite profound for our overall well-being, with the benefits only increasing as we age. That being said, it may feel daunting to try to make friends as an adult. “If you’re finding it difficult to make friends as an adult, know you’re not alone,” explains Amanda Sacks, LCSW, E-RYT 500 and founder of We All Feel. She continued by stressing the importance of allowing yourself to feel all the emotions – loneliness, sadness, disappointment, anger – that come up in the process of forging adult friendships.

Building and Maintaining Friendships

Want to find your seven friends? Let’s get into some strategies for finding your people. Sacks recommends trying new activities or leaning into a hobby you love. “It can be scary to put yourself out there, so know that you are not alone if the awkward or anxious feelings arise,” she shares.

If you are out in the world living your best life, doing what you love, and sharing it (yoga, art, entrepreneurship, dancing, music, fashion, personal growth work, knitting, improv comedy, etc.), you will attract people who are passionate about doing the same. Having shared interests is a fantastic start to meeting new friends to build community with!

Become someone who you would want to be friends with. Learn to like and love your own company—would you want to hang out with a clone of yourself? If not, what would you want to work on so you would?

You can also positively contribute to your community. Offer value and recognize the value in others. Commit to leaving people and places better than you found them, each and every time. Don’t be a taker or a matcher, be a giver (with good boundaries — and keep doing the work to set better boundaries so your giving feels nourishing, not draining).

Staying Grounded While Finding Your Seven Friends

The 7 Friends Theory isn’t realistic for everyone. Between schedules and responsibilities, some may feel challenged to find the time to cultivate friendships. Alternatively, it can be hard to find seven different people you truly connect with. That is completely natural and isn’t something to beat yourself up about.

“Rather than focusing on the [number] of friends you have or the exact categories your friends fit into, recognize that you can define what a meaningful relationship looks like to you,” concludes Sacks. Perhaps the greatest gift of the 7 Friends Theory is that it encourages each of us to turn towards connection and set the intention of friendship. With that energy, the journey can be even better than the outcome.