How to keep holiday traditions alive by yourself

One of the most fun holiday traditions is gathering a group of friends around 3 a.m., driving to another — unsuspecting — friend's house with some percussion instruments, and standing outside his door singing until he opens the door and feeds you all. Ah, good times. 

If you're wondering, that's not an American tradition. It's a Puerto Rican tradition we call "parrandas." Trust me, it is far superior to caroling. Nowhere but in Puerto Rico would you be happy to be ambushed in the middle of the night and expected to provide food to all your uninvited friends. But that's the point: It's only in Puerto Rico — and Washington, D.C., is a fair piece from there.

How do you keep personal traditions like "parrandas" alive when you’re living in a new place where people don't share your customs?

For Yolanda Aserweh, 30, who grew up in Ghana but now lives in Boston, sharing her culture during American holidays brings comfort. "During American holidays, I will always make a Ghanaian dish for potlucks. I also tend to wear a lot of Ghanaian clothes," she explained.

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The holidays can be a tough time even if you're living in your hometown, especially if your family has scattered.

Laurie Kirts recalled that 27 years ago, her family started the tradition of waking up early on Christmas to stockings filled with treats. "Even though they have now moved out, I still hang their stockings for when they come home," Kirts said of her son and daughter. 

Her son is now in the Air Force. "I filled a stocking for my son, and I’m mailing it to him so he has a bit of family and home, even though he isn’t able to be with us. It's not much, but I’m hoping it makes him smile," Kirts said.

Small acts and moments can go a long way. While catching up with a new co-worker, for instance, she asked me where I was from. When I answered "Puerto Rico," she asked whether I could make her "coquito." That made me grin. 

When you're by yourself, you might be reluctant to continue a tradition — mostly because you don't want to drink 64 ounces of a rum-spiked coconut drink by yourself. But it makes a difference when even just one person is willing to share traditions like drinking too much of this Caribbean eggnog, as I call it.

It's all about gradual introduction

Aserweh said that after spending one Christmas in America, "I made a promise to myself since then, that I will make it a point to go home (Ghana) for every Christmas. … I think the fact that it's cold also adds a dimension of sadness to it, so I just travel to friends and family."

For those of us who can't travel back home, we can make new connections by gradually introducing our unique traditions to the people in our lives.

Do I believe my Washington friends would be down for ambushing someone at 3 a.m.? Maybe.

But maybe not. I can ease them into it by playing them the songs we sing during "parrandas." Eventually we'll go to someone's house (at a reasonable time) and play some for them. It's about incremental steps that give you a sense of belonging and, hopefully, adapting to your new home. 

For traditions to survive in the nomadic society we've evolved to, they have to be modernized. When I asked Aserweh of any traditions from Ghana she continues in Boston, she said: "Not really. I usually just stay plugged in through social media. That's how I participate in festivities back home."

Bridge the gap

While working on those incremental steps with your new friends, make a point to stay connected with friends and family back home. Even if it means being up at odd hours starring at a blurry video stream on your phone or just setting your phone on a stand and going about your day. Not everything has to be an active conversation. Sometimes just knowing someone is there (albeit digitally) is enough. Take advantage of the tools you have.

It may seem daunting to carry an entire culture on your back and try to continue traditions by yourself, but take it one step at a time. Laurie sends her son a stocking, Yolanda wears Ghanaian clothes, and I can bring a bottle of "coquito" to my friends. Next year, we can all build on that. And in the meantime, call home and remember that distance won't diminish your traditions or your connections.

Josh Rivera is the reader engagement and Opinion NOW editor at USA TODAY. You can email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter: @Josh1Rivera.