Jeff Frank is professor and department chair of education at St. Lawrence University in Canton, New York.
Dr. Vivek Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States, has called for warning labels on social media platforms because social media use can harm teenagers’ mental health.
In response, commentators have articulated the benefits of social media, and in a recent piece for syracuse.com, Rev. Michael Heath offered useful guidance for how parents might help their children moderate social media usage. Though well-intentioned, apologies for social media prevent us from thinking seriously about what social media is stealing from our children.
For too many children in the United States, screens have become pacifiers. Unlike the blankie that offers momentary soothing and allows the young person to get on with their day, the screen is never left behind. The screen traps a child, arresting essential development.
D.W. Winnicott, the influential pediatrician and psychoanalyst, used the term transitional object to describe the process of moving from a parent’s love to the loved object (blankie, stuffed animal), and ultimately to successful and resilient coping with the world.
If the child is given a screen when they are distressed, they are passive. By contrast, the child with a loved object talks to the object. The child actively invests the object with magical properties.
To the outside world, the scrap of fabric is next to meaningless. And that is the point. By learning how to enchant their world with meaning, the child figures out how to live with resilience and purpose.
We are short-circuiting this essential process. The screen does all the work, and it robs children of the essential skill of coping with an often hostile and indifferent world.
The child knows they must leave their loved object at home. Not so the screen. The screen is always there: from the smart phone to the devices children use at school. The pacifier is ever-present.
Whenever a child feels discomfort, they can retreat to the screen. We are creating a world where children don’t know how to use their own resources to manage difficult emotions and feelings.
Just as screens are keeping children from learning how to enchant their life with meaning, screens make it so that children aren’t learning how to create a shared social world worth living in.
In a prescreen era, parents often worried about children getting caught in the stage of parallel play. Picture a playground. Parallel play occurs when children are in their own worlds, playing their own games. Children may be in proximity to each other, but they aren’t playing together.
Meaningful social play happens when children co-create games together. The playground becomes a lighthouse. Meals are cooked, stranded boats are saved, threats are averted. Children learn, without supervision, how to coordinate their activities. Children learn how to be assertive and cooperative. They learn that the social world can be made more interesting and entertaining through their own efforts.
A screen stands in the way of children learning these skills. Each child, behind their own screen, is endlessly entertained. When children do finally play with others, it is often highly structured and supervised. If conflict arises, parents helicopter in, and — if need be — snowplow anyone who gets in the way. Parents think they are helping, but they are undermining essential skill development.
To return to the Surgeon General’s call for a warning label on social media, imagine asking a teenager to limit their screen time. The addict often cannot give up their addiction without addressing underlying psychological issues. For many screen-addicted teens, the underlying issues are twofold.
First, if a screen was used as a pacifier, the teenager may need to learn how to invest their world with meaning. They will need to learn how to live with difficult emotions. It is just so much easier to scroll than learn how to manage difficult emotions.
Second, if a child never learned how to play with other children, then social life with peers will likely induce extreme anxiety. Once again, it will often be easier to avoid this challenge. The screen both keeps the child from developing these skills and is always at hand when the child is nervous about creating these skills. It is a vicious cycle.
The Surgeon General’s warning label is for us, the parents. It should read: Children don’t need social media. Before giving your child a screen, understand that screens undermine essential development. Time spent on social media is time not spent enchanting the world and investing personal relationships with meaning.
Before assuming that a life on screens and social media is unavoidable, consider what our children are being robbed of with every hour they spend on their screens. Our children only get one childhood. They deserve better. Rather than apologizing for social media, we need the courage to shield our children from its pernicious effects.