9 frozen Thanksgiving turkey TV dinners, ranked

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

9 frozen Thanksgiving turkey TV dinners, ranked

By Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Whether you're entertaining a one-person crowd on Thanksgiving, the Bumpus hounds ruined your prized fowl a la "A Christmas Story,", or you just want your turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy fix in the middle of summer and you can't justify roasting a whole 15-pound bird, frozen turkey dinners might be the answer for you.

But take a walk down the frozen food aisle at your neighborhood supermarket and you'll be overwhelmed with options.

The choices for poultry are definitely not paltry.

I sifted through the goopy gravy and endured watery mashed potatoes and bland frozen vegetables to find the turkey dinners worthy of your valuable grocery money and stomach space. Are any a substitute for a full Thanksgiving dinner? No, but some are actually pretty darn good.

Notes: All the dinners were prepared in the microwave according to the directions printed on each package, because who seriously wants to wait 45+ minutes for a frozen dinner to cook in the oven. The prices listed are regular retail prices; some of the dinners were on sale at the time of purchase. All dinners were purchased at Price Chopper on Erie Boulevard in Syracuse or Wegmans on West Genesee Street in Fairmount.

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

9. Hormel Compleats

Name: Hormel Compleats Turkey & Dressing
Price: $2.69
Weight: 10 ounces (26.9 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 290
•     Fat: 9g
•     Sodium: 990mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Hormel Compleats

Review: I ventured outside the frozen food aisle to scoop up this turkey dinner, which I decided to include because even though it's shelf-stable, it essentially serves the same role as a frozen dinner.

I wish I hadn't.

My concerns of a turkey dinner that's safe at room temperature until December 2018 notwithstanding, I microwaved this one-dish disaster for 60 seconds (so quick!) and this is what I ended up with.

The two slices of formed turkey flaked apart like cheap canned chunk light tuna. Buried underneath the turkey and slick of starchy gravy was a bed of stuffing that had no flavor independent of the gravy and had the texture of oatmeal. The only texture to be found in this dish were dubious pieces of what I believed were onions and celery. There were definitely pieces of water chestnuts in there. What?

If I could go lower than a 0/10, I would. Oh wait, I make the rules here. -2 it is.

Grade: -2/10

Note: The directions said to cook the meal with the opaque white film covering the food, so no photo was taken before heating.

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

8. Banquet

Name: Banquet Turkey Meal
Price: $1.39
Weight: 10 ounces (13.9 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

• Calories: 280
• Fat: 11g
• Sodium: 1,460mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Banquet

Review:

By far the cheapest of the frozen dinners I tried, my expectations going into this turkey dinner were low. And yet, it was still worse than I expected. The box correctly depicts three half-circle slices of turkey, however, what it doesn't accurately show is that two of the three slices are formed of dark meat, which was noticeably spongier than the white meat slice, which itself was already quite spongy. It tasted like a mix of turkey and cheap bologna.

The potatoes were a bit sticky, pure white and tasted like typical instant mashed potatoes. The stuffing was literally a dozen small croutons that were simultaneously soaked in gravy and too firm. Speaking of gravy, there was way too much and it had a strong artificial-tasting herb flavor. The frozen peas were frozen peas.

Grade: 1.5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Banquet: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

7. Smart Ones

Name: Smart Ones Tasty American Favorites Slow Roasted Turkey Breast
Price: $2.39
Weight: 9 ounces (26.6 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 170
•     Fat: 4g
•     Sodium: 710mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Smart Ones

Review: Smart Ones is Weight Watchers' line of frozen foods, so it makes sense that this meal would rank highly in the nutritional facts category (only 4 SmartPoints!) If only it fared as well in the taste category.

I was surprised that this diet dinner had no vegetable component, which unfortunately left more room for the weirdest and probably the worst frozen mashed potatoes I've ever eaten. They're billed has being flavored with garlic and herbs, though I tasted neither. Worse, the potatoes were thin and for some reason, had bland shredded hash browns mixed in. If you've ever wondered what it's like to eat raw-tasting potatoes and mashed potatoes at the same time, look no further.

The turkey was a bit dry, but had decent turkey flavor and was carved from a whole piece of meat, unlike the formed loaf found in the Banquet meal. However, it was drowned in a pool of translucent brown gravy that lacked flavor and richness.

Grade: 2/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Smart Ones: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

6. Hungry-Man

Name: Hungry-Man Roasted Carved White Meat Turkey
Price: $2.99
Weight: 16 ounces (18.7 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 410
•     Fat: 11g
•     Sodium: 1,310mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Hungry-Man

Review: Hungry-Man is owned by Swanson, the creator of one of the first TV dinners. That meal? None other than a Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, sweet potatoes, peas and cornbread stuffing.

They've had more than 60 years to perfect the recipe and by the results of this meal, it looks like they need a few more. This one-pound meal has five half-circle slices of all-white meat turkey, which because it's sliced from a formed roll, suffers some of the same spongy downfall that was Banquet's undoing, though not quite as much.

The mashed potatoes were well-seasoned and didn't have that distinct "instant" flavor, but they were very thin and not rich. The corn, carrot and green bean blend wasn't seasoned, but the vegetables still had a bit of texture, which was nice.

The stuffing was crumbly; it almost resembled feta cheese. The bits that had not been soaked with gravy were dry. As for the gravy, it was perfectly respectable in the world of frozen dinner gravys.

Hungry-Man does get some credit for being the only dinner to include dessert: A cranberry-apple mixture that had a nice tart flavor and whole cranberries (good!) but was thin and soupy (bad!)

Grade: 5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Hungry-Man: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

5. Marie Callender's

Name: Marie Callender's Roasted Turkey Breast & Stuffing
Price: $3.99
Weight: 14 ounces (28.5 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 290
•     Fat: 7g
•     Sodium: 1,110mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Marie Callender's

Review: What's with frozen dinners and their bland vegetables? A little salt and pepper on this green bean and carrot blend would have went a long way. As it stands, the vegetables were totally unseasoned and there was still a bit of liquid left in the container after cooking.

The turkey-stuffing-mashed potato-gravy amalgamation was for the most part, just fine. The potatoes were unmistakably instant and a bit sticky and pasty. There were eight decent-sized slices of turkey, which  was one of the largest portions I found. However, the meat had a brothy flavor and reminded me of the precooked chicken breast strips available at supermarkets.

The stuffing was very soft and the texture was too fine; it was almost a splitting image of Kraft Stove Top stuffing. The gravy was slightly better than your typical jarred gravy--not too thin nor too thick.

Grade: 5.5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Marie Callender's: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

4. Lean Cuisine

Name: Lean Cuisine Glazed Turkey Tenderloins
Price: $2.99
Weight: 9 ounces (33.2 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 270
•     Fat: 5g
•     Sodium: 540mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Lean Cuisine

Review: How did it take this long to finally see some sweet potatoes? A vastly underrated component to the Thanksgiving feast, mashed sweet potatoes are pretty hard to screw up. And sure, some more butter and brown sugar, maple syrup or marshmallows would have been nice, but since this is supposed to be a healthy meal, I'll give them a pass.

It's also worth noting that at 540 milligrams, this meal has the least amount of sodium of any of the dinners I tried.

The turkey was very tender and quite flavorful. The stuffing included pieces of celery and dried cranberries, which provided a welcome textural contrast; a far cry from some of the crumbly or mushy stuffings other dinners featured.

By the time the meal was heated, nearly all the gravy had soaked into the stuffing, which made the stuffing taste great, but left little for the turkey.

This meal's one downfall? Portion size. There were only three or four half-dollar-sized slices of turkey and as a whole, this meal is more of a small lunch rather than a stick-to-your-ribs supper. Good food, just not enough of it.

Grade: 6.5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Lean Cuisine: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

3. Atkins

Name: Atkins Roasted Turkey with Garlic Mashed Cauliflower
Price: $3.99
Weight: 9 ounces (44.3 cents per ounce)
Nutritional facts:

• Calories: 340
  
• Fat: 23g
  
• Sodium: 1,010mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Atkins

Review: To the uninitiated, one would think a frozen dinner that's part of a diet program would be low in calories and fat. And yes, this Atkins dinner is low-carb and high in protein, just as the diet recommends. But this dinner clocks in at 340 calories, second only to the Hungry-Man dinner that's about 75 percent larger, and has 23 grams of fat, about three to four times more than most of the other dinners.

Why so fatty? A look in the ingredient list shows that heavy cream is prominently featured. But unfortunately, the mashed garlic cauliflower is flat and watery and is crying out for a splash of cream or a pad of butter.

Where did the cream go? Into the gravy, it appears. The turkey is swimming in gravy, which I typically rail against, but this gravy was just too good. It's rich, creamy and filled with inviting turkey and herb flavors and wasn't too salty. I can't believe it, but I think I learned a tip for making gravy from a frozen dinner.

The turkey itself was a touch stringy, but had good flavor and was clearly cut from real turkey breast. And at around 10 half-dollar-sized slices, it was among the most satisfying portions of all the dinners.

The runny mashed cauliflower holds this dinner back, but if we're just talking about turkey and gravy, this was one of the best.

Grade: 7/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Atkins: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

2. Stouffer's

Name: Stouffer's Roast Turkey
Price: $2.99
Weight: 9 5/8 ounces (31 cents per ounce) 
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 250
  
•     Fat: 5g
  
•     Sodium: 870mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Stouffer's

Review: In what's become a growing theme, this dinner eschews vegetables in favor of more room for potatoes. I'm typically an advocate for a well-balanced meal, but considering the quality of the vegetables I've eaten so far, maybe that's not such a bad thing. And in this case, it's a good thing, because these are some top-notch frozen dinner mashed potatoes.

The potatoes are smooth and fluffy and tasted like they were actually made from real potatoes, rather than instant flakes.

As for the turkey, the meat is tender and well-seasoned and the texture was among the best I tried--sturdy, with a distinct grain. No formed turkey loaf to be found here.

The stuffing that didn't soak up any gravy was a bit dry, but the flavor was good and the large pieces of celery provided a welcome crunch. The gravy complemented the turkey and stuffing well.

Grade: 7.5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Stouffer's: The final product

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

1. Boston Market

Name: Boston Market Turkey Breast Medallions
Price: $3.99
Weight: 13 ounces
Nutritional facts

•     Calories: 240
  
•     Fat: 5g
  
•     Sodium: 890mg

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Review: Boston Market

Review: Boston Market might be better known for its chicken--heck, the restaurant chain was called Boston Chicken until 1995--but it turns out, they know turkey too.

Frozen dinner turkey is a fickle beast. The turkey in all the dinners has been tender--I had no problem cutting the meat with the side of my fork--but some were spongy or seemingly moistened with broth, which does a mediocre job masquerading as actual juice.

This turkey was moist and tender with a distinct grain and long fibers, just like real carved Thanksgiving turkey.

The frozen green beans and carrots were a little limp, but they packed a good amount of flavor, especially the carrots, which also retained just a little bit of bite.

The mashed potatoes were the best I tried among the dinners. They were seasoned with salt and lots of black pepper and like the Stouffer's potatoes, tasted like they were made from whole potatoes rather than instant potato flakes.

Some dinners are soupy, while others are like deserts in desperate need of a gravy oasis. Boston Market found a happy middle that proved to be just enough gravy to eat with the mashed potatoes without turning the meal into turkey stew.

If there had been stuffing, this dinner could've pushed a 10.

Grade: 8.5/10

Jacob Pucci | [email protected]

Boston Market: The final product

Allie Healy | [email protected]

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