The worst takes of 2024, Apple edition

Another year is about to be consigned to the dustbin of history but before the clock runs out, let’s take a look at the worst takes of 2024!

AI boosters

If you know anything about the Macalope, you knew this was going to be in here.

First was the chorus of people who said “Apple is behind on AI”! When companies are rushing products to market that have no discernible revenue path, routinely provide results that are wrong and even dangerous and are built upon stolen information, one wonders if this isn’t something you should be “behind” on. Maybe next year we’ll hear about how Apple’s behind on building the Torment Nexus.

As if this no-legged stool wasn’t a questionable enough place to sit your butt on, we had analysts who claimed this miracle of science would spur a smartphone super-cycle, boosting sales and profits for any company that was able to deliver this life-changing technology.

That did not happen.

Still, more than one company developing an AI pin had gobs of venture capital money shot at them out of a t-shirt canon. And how did that turn out?

“The Worst Product I’ve Ever Reviewed… For Now”

Just months after the hype fizzle, people are wondering if AI is even going to be able to get any better anytime soon. Turns out the “wait and see” approach might have been the smart one. Surprise.

Still, there are some AI takes we can agree on. Several AI executives complained this year that they can’t make their product unless they have free access to copyrighted material. Great! We’re in agreement! You won’t make your product and we’ll keep our copyrighted material! Glad we had this chat.

AI itself

Speaking of bad takes and AI, how about the bad takes AI itself delivered in 2024?

Google’s AI, just as an example, suggested people eat glue and rocks. OK, that’s just one instance. As a counterpoint, when asked if you could use gasoline to cook spaghetti faster, its answer was an emphatic “No!”

If it had only stopped there.

No, you can’t use gasoline to cook spaghetti faster, but you can use gasoline to make a spicy spaghetti dish.

No! No, you can’t! OK, the Macalope has never drunk gasoline, but he’s pretty sure it’s not going to make a dish “spicier”.

Apple Intelligence was not immune to such flights of… nope, not “fancy”… nothing “fancy” about putting gasoline in your spaghetti. That’s shack living. How about “flights of flimflamery”?

“Apple Intelligence botched a notification summary about Luigi Mangione, and the BBC isn’t happy”

Yes, Apple Intelligence incorrectly suggested that the alleged assassin of the CEO of United Healthcare had killed himself.

And still Tim Cook says he loves summaries.

Apple’s ad department

Apple’s ad department’s first gaffe this year was the infamous “Crush” ad. It was intended to indicate all the great, creative things you can do with an iPad. The only problem was it kind of sent a mixed message by literally crushing all of those things in a giant industrial hydraulic press.

Metaphors. How do they work?

Apple even wet so far as to issue an apology for that one.

Then, just last month, Apple ran several Apple Intelligence ads featuring people using AI to compensate for their obnoxious personality flaws. Message: “Are you a jerk? Have we got a solution for you!”

Might have wanted to run that through another review.

The U.S. Department of Justice

While the Macalope would certainly say Apple could benefit from a little legislative guidance in how to conduct some of its affairs (cough App Store cough), the suit against the company brought by the U.S. Department of Justice back in March wrecks itself before it checks itself. Decrying Apple’s supposed domination of the auto industry with CarPlay and then taking credit for all of Apple’s successes because it took action against Microsoft in the early 2000s are apparently things you can write without exploding from a deadly buildup of nonsensium. Who knew?

GM doubles down

It was 2023 when GM announced that it was eschewing CarPlay, even going so far as to say it was for “safety” reasons. But the company apparently is still trying to eat its own dog food which may not be a metaphor. Some of their actions sometimes make you think they might actually be eating dog food, cat food, whatever happens to just be sitting there when they’re hungry.

Despite losing two key executives, including Apple’s former head of Cloud Services, Mike Abbott, and then laying off more than 1,000 software engineers, GM says this is all part of its grand plan of “bold choices” to own the user experience.

Well, you know what they say. You broke it…

Tim Sweeney

Last but not least is Epic CEO Tim Sweeney. Oh, not for anything he said about his company’s fight with Apple over trying to set its own app store up on iOS, although we could probably get one or two gems out of that mess, too.

No, his worst take of the year is when he complained about the time his MacBook got stolen and he could see where it was thanks to Fine My.

This feature is super creepy surveillance tech and shouldn’t exist. Years ago, a kid stole a Mac laptop out of my car. Years later, I was checking out Find My and it showed a map with the house where the kid who stole my Mac lived. WTF Apple? How is that okay?!

It is left up to the reader to decide if he just hates anything Apple makes or is so drunk on libertarianism that when someone steals his laptop he just says “I have been bested in the marketplace of getting things while the getting is good! Good for him!”

Those are the worst takes of 2024. Can’t wait to see what 2025 brings!

I think.