"Working for me"

Usually my focus is quite squarely on the things I don't know or master and need to learn or improve. And if you read the things I discuss on here about leadership, so far it's been very singularly focused on "what do I need to do better".

I haven't talked too much about what I do well. And I'm not planning on doing that much more either, but here goes an exception.

It started with writing a recommendation for a brilliant team member, Michelle Pijanowski. Coming up with the recommendation itself wasn't too complicated - Michelle is fantastic and the description of her many skills and qualities flowed effortlessly.

No, what took me some time to figure out, was how to start it.

In the few recommendations I have seen around that were made by a manager to someone they were managing, they almost systematically started with "Person X worked for me" or "I have managed Person Y".

Simply said, I didn't want to start the recommendation in these ways. And it's no indictment on the people who write recommendations like that. But I want to explain my thought process and why I think it's the right one.

Number one: the recommendation is not about me. It's about the person I'm recommending. So my first intention in starting the recommendation, is to establish clearly what the topic is. And the topic is not that I am the manager. The topic is the person in the recommendation, where do I know them from, what was our working relationship - why does the recommendation matter.

Number two: yes, in order for it to matter, there is an interest in setting up the context of that recommendation. For whoever will read it, it's important to understand in what work relationship I have gotten to know the person I'm recommending. But here's what I would argue against starting with "working for me": why does it need to be the very first information provided? Again, doing so is making the recommendation about me.

Number three: nobody works for me. And regardless of what I'll do in life - manager, leader, entrepreneur or whatever else, nobody will ever work for me. People work for a contract, with an organization.

This is leadership too.

A parallel anecdote - I was recently having drinks with a few acquaintances. One of them has been in a leadership position for a while now. But I was surprised by a few things they kept saying.

"I decided this". "I achieved this". "I managed that". "I advised someone on my team". Repeatedly, the positioning of the good things that were happening in that team, was squarely credited to this individual by themselves.

Now, you could say "it's okay, it's within a private circle". Sure, but I would argue that doing this builds muscle memory. And I would also argue something our great podcast guest Dan Strode said as well: "Culture is what you do when no one is looking". Which means that this leadership culture is one of taking credit individually.

As I always strive to bring nuance to things in life, I will also say this: I understand some people go through tough times and that discourse is surely reflective of some insecurities. I empathize with that.

However, I believe that a good leader is one that doesn't make their leadership about themselves (which, admittedly, I am kind of doing right now with this article, so it's a very solid paradox at best, a whole lot of B.S. at worst… but bear with me).

That's why I would not start a recommendation with "worked for me".

So, in the end, it starts with "We worked together in the Marketing team". This way, the readership knows where in her work experience the relationship comes from. And then as a second step the text establishes that I am writing that as her manager, to contextualize further the information about her.

Because again, it's not about me. It's about her.