Seven Tips to Help You Communicate with Your Aging Parents

As your parents age, you are often faced with the need to have conversations with them about sensitive topics. These conversations can be difficult and uncomfortable. Consider the following tips on how to approach some common topics.

1. Don’t jump to conclusions. If you’re at least 40 or your parents are in their 70’s, it’s time to start paying attention to their physical and mental health, as well as their financial situation. Start by observing and gathering information carefully and thoughtfully. Try to avoid drawing conclusions and offering solutions too quickly. Wait until you have gathered information with an open mind and talked with your parents.
2.  Talk about it. If you’re not in the habit of talking about this stuff with your parents, you need to start. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on. If your parents acknowledge the situation, ask what they think would be a good solution. If your parents don’t recognize a problem, it’s going to be more challenging. Try using concrete examples to support your case.
3. Don’t procrastinate. Talk sooner rather than later to avoid a crisis. If you know your parent has poor eyesight or is becoming forgetful, begin to talk about and address those issues before a problem arises.
4. Empathize. Put yourself in your parents’ situation and think about how you would want to be approached. Remember, you are talking to an adult, not a child, so patronizing language will only serve to put older adults on the defensive. And worse, you may convey a lack of respect.
5. Maximize their independence. Always try to find solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for your parent. For instance, if your mom or dad needs help at home, look for services that can help them maintain their independence. Professional care-giving services can provide assistance in a number of areas including meal preparation, light housekeeping or medication reminders. Or try and find friends who can help.
6. Be aware of the whole situation. If you notice a change in your parent’s behaviour or physical appearance, this could possibly indicate a larger issue. For example, if your dad dies and soon after your mom’s house seems to be in disarray, it’s probably not because she suddenly became ill. It’s much more likely to stem from a lack of social support and the loss of a life-long relationship. Do what you can to ensure your mom has friends and a social network around her.
7. Get help. Many of the issues associated with aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to continue to maintain their independence. Resources such as local senior centers can help provide those solutions.

BMO Nesbitt Burns Inc. ("BMO NBI") provides this commentary to clients for informational purposes only.  The information contained herein is based on sources that we believe to be reliable, but is not guaranteed by us, may be incomplete or may change without notice.  The comments included in this document are general in nature, and professional advice regarding an individual’s particular position should be obtained. ®"BMO (M-bar roundel symbol)" is a registered trade-mark of Bank of Montreal, used under licence. ® "Nesbitt Burns" is a registered trade-mark of BMO Nesbitt Burns Inc. BMO Nesbitt Burns Inc. is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bank of Montreal. Member-Canadian Investor Protection Fund.