Maintaining Emotional Health During Holiday Gatherings

Maintaining Emotional Health During Holiday Gatherings

Jennifer Chaffer, a twenty-year Mercy Health social worker, offers practical tips for having healthy encounters during the holidays. Her suggestions are achievable and do not take much time or money; they only require some intention.

Be Kind to Yourself and Others

You may have noticed that many people do not seem to have as much patience as they used to have. They may say or do things — even things that seem impolite or inappropriate —unlike their usual behavior. COVID-19 has made people very tired, and people are not at their best when they are tired.

So how do you respond with kindness in such situations?

Just as you know to put on your oxygen mask first on an airplane when there is an emergency (before helping others with theirs), you must first be kind to yourself before you can be kind to others.

Self-compassion matters. Cut yourself a little slack when you make a mistake at work, school, or home. Grant yourself the same grace and forgiveness you would grant to someone you love.

Example: You forgot to prepare something your child needed for school. A healthy response would be to do what you can to fix the issue, then remind yourself that you are human, forgive yourself, and move forward. Don’t spend time dwelling on the mistake.

By being kind to yourself, you will have more capacity to be kind to others, even when they are not at their best. And when you show others kindness, they may be better equipped to pay that kindness forward.

hoose Your Priorities for the Holidays

It might be helpful to think of your priorities in terms of three categories:

1. This MUST happen during the holidays because they would not be the same without it. Example: Make my grandmother’s holiday cookie recipe.
2. I will do this if I have the time and financial resources. Example: Donate to a favorite charity.
3. We can skip this tradition this year. Example: Making every item of the “traditional” holiday menu from scratch.

Choose to Respond, Not React

It makes sense to plan for the possibility that you may spend time with people who say or do things that are not in alignment with your worldview.

It is important to remember that you have no control over what other people think, say, or do. You only have control over what you think, say, or do.

The distinction between reacting and responding is that reacting means you say or do the first thing that comes to mind — and it rarely makes things better. Responding takes time. It involves an intentional pause followed by a thoughtful response.

Example: You may encounter people with different views regarding the COVID-19 vaccine. If the topic comes up, you may want to review your thoughts in this way: Do you have the time, energy, and interest in debating this topic? Will it make your day better or worse?

If you enjoy this type of interaction, go for it.

If not, you may respond in this way: “Getting the COVID vaccine is a complicated issue and a personal decision for each individual.” Then you could gracefully change the subject by asking a question about a “safer” topic, such as “Are you binging any good TV shows I might like?”

Pay Attention to Things That Go Well and Say Thank You to Those Responsible for Them

Humans tend to notice and find the things they expect to see. Do you tend to notice the good or the bad in life?

It is easy to find and focus on the negative. It’s everywhere, and we cannot ignore it because it is part of our reality. But we also need to look for what is positive.

Practice paying attention to the “good stuff” and offering thanks for it. Evidence supports the fact that an act of gratitude benefits the giver and the receiver of the appreciation.

Example: Say thank you to a family member for something they do — even a weekly chore. Beginning to show gratitude to the people who are closest to you is a great way to start.

There is something special about recognizing behavior that you would like to see repeated. It lets people know you are paying attention and you care.

Make One Good Health Choice for Yourself Each Day

Give yourself credit for making one good health choice each day rather than burdening yourself with practicing all of the habits we know are good for our health: meditation, exercise, eating a healthy diet, drinking less alcohol, cutting down on sugar, etc.

Example: Park farther from the grocery store entrance and get in a few more steps that day.

Example: Eat two pieces of pizza when you would prefer to eat three.

Example: Drink water rather than a can of soda.

Little steps add up and become easier with practice. Celebrate your success.

Happy Holidays!

Written By: Jennider Chaffer, LMSW, ACM-SW | Program Coordinator, Care Coordination | Mercy Health Saint Mary's

Jennifer Chaffer, LMSW, ACM-SW

Program Coordinator, Care Coordination

Mercy Health Saint Mary's