"At some point trying becomes aching, becomes longing, becomes praying, and in some ways, is the ultimate act of faith. Maybe hope is the best word. It often is, because hope still comes with doubt. I'm just hoping that their hope does not run out.”
In case you missed his viral Instagram post this week, we love this poem from World Poetry Slam Champ Harry Baker (@harrybakerpoet), which beautifully and honestly captures the emotions that so many experience on the fertility journey. If you're currently trying, or if you know someone who's trying, take a few minutes to watch this video—you won't regret it. 💚
(shared with permission from Harry Baker)
I have this friend. Who is trying to have a baby? Or they trying might not quite be the right words. To begin with, they just meant more sex and counting, two of life's greatest things. Or is there partner puts it they were no longer trying not to have a baby? Which becomes. Not wanting to plan anything more than nine months in advance, just in case. Becomes making the most of this Christmas or summer as a two because soon everything's gonna change. Becomes two parallel realities coexisting the moment a period late. Becomes focusing on doing the things you can no longer do when you do have a baby. Becomes if you do have a baby. Becomes there's always next month. Becomes. I guess we'll just have to keep having sex. Becomes feeling guilty about that one month they were relieved it hadn't happened. They're just really looking forward to their friend's wedding in September, and it is trying. And they are trying. But trying to suggest they could be trying harder. Suggest they are not trying hard enough, Suggest they are trying and failing. And some say that it is insane to keep trying the same thing and expect different results, but they honestly don't know what else to do. At some point, trying becomes aching, becomes longing becomes praying, and in some ways it's the ultimate act of faith. Maybe hope is the best word. It often is, because hopes still comes with doubt. I'm just hoping that their hope does not run out. You see, my friend is hoping to have a baby. All they have perhaps isn't quite the right word. In German, one of my favorite verbs is macam. It means to carry out, to make, or to do. Because it sounds like make my German flatmate interchange the two they did into glorious turns of phrase such as will we make party tonight? So it's the only acceptable answer is yeah. In English you take a photo. In German you make a photo, In English you go on holiday. In German you make a holiday. In English you have indecision, in German you don't. In English, when you finish work, you clock off or sign out. In German, you fire Albond Mahan. Literal translation. Make party evening as the new decide when you're ready to transition from work to play. In English, you have fun. In German, you make fun. Is more concerned with creativity than ownership, as I think we all should be. What I'm saying is my friend isn't hoping to take or have a baby, but I really think they'd like to make or machine and bake. I have this friend who is hoping to make a baby. Although friends, it tends to not be the right words. More like friends. As the friend who told me four years ago that they thought now might be their time and they hadn't mentioned it since, so I figured maybe they just changed their mind. The friend who's partner isn't against their but wants to wait before thinking of kids and yet her body is different to his so she is not sure she can live with that risk. The friend who takes folic acid tablets every day to help prep for her bones to be strong. But when you've been trying to be strong for two years, you can only hold these things lightly for so long. The friend who would be such a brilliant mum. According to everybody that she knows, she just thought that she might have a partner by now and doesn't want to do this alone. Or their friends who both want their kids for a while and both committed to try IVF. But had to spend 25,000 lbs privately before they could apply to the NHS because they are both women. And that's the only way to prove that they are trying. But they are all trying. And aching. And longing. And praying. I have these friends who are hoping to make a baby. Although baby maybe isn't the right word. Because of course babies are cute. In the way the kittens are cute and the way that miniature bottles of shampoo are cute. But most of my friends that do have babies are exhausted and having friends that do have babies is ideal because you get to have a cuddle and then give them back. Without the paralyzing fear of them discovering new ways to die, or the fact that only way they know how to communicate is to cry. And they have learned to scream at a specific pitch that cut through to your soul. And all you have learned is a growing list of things that you cannot control. And again, that it must come with waves of unconditional love. But it just seems relentless. And anyway, surely the best fits the next bit. Because you are not just making a baby, but their child, and they have not only learned to walk and talk, but to run down the street chanting your name. And when you do anything they think is funny, they will ask you to do it again and again. Forever. In any given situation they would rather play than chat. And I'll be honest, I am 31 and I still feel like that and they're at that age. They do not have fun, they make fun. Then I assume you muddle through the teenage years and so one day they are not just the child anymore. They will tell you that they want to be a doctor so they can help people. And you would say that that sounds like a good idea? Until a few years later they will tell you they have changed their minds so they want to switch from medicine to maths so they have more time to write poems. And you'll say, yeah, that actually sounds a lot better. And way more useful to society as a whole. And, well, you cannot possibly know who, it turns out. You will still be there when they cry. And it was still cut through to yourself. And you will have added to your list 1000 times over of things you cannot control. And there will come a time where they no longer go wherever you go. But you will know so long as you can watch them bro, you will still grow. And when they value creativity over ownership or maybe run a marathon every now and then, you will know that some of that is down to you. And you will make sure they know that you are so proud of them if you're not just making a baby or a child. But they life. I have these friends who are hoping to make life. So am I. Which at this point may not come as a surprise. I guess they give away was mentioning sex and counseling in the same sentence. And yet. Out of all of the friends that I mentioned. Almost all talked about it in person. And only one of those friends is a guy. And I've messaged about it since asking the forever reason he doesn't reply but I am trying to talk about it. And I am trying to hold it lightly. And I'm trying to not get my hopes up. But I like getting my hopes up. When I hear somebody say that they're expecting a baby or is that is what I've been doing for years now. And when friends do announce they are pregnant? I am genuinely thrilled for them. Except for the one couple who joked it was an accident because they weren't really trying. And so many of us are trying. And I simply hope their baby is born with weirdly big hands or something. But then I'm meeting them. And they are perfect, and I guess that's OK too. And so grateful to the friends who knew what we were going through. And so we're sensitive to us in sharing their incredible news, especially the friendly four years ago said he thought now was his time because now his his time. Even if it means that when I message, he's too busy to reply. But the best is the friend with the one year old. Ohh. She obviously loves the pits. And yet she says she cannot help wondering what her life would be like without kids. How it must be nice. And it is. Grace says the hardest part is they're not knowing. Being stuck in the in between of now and might never come to be, but I know that right here. Right now. My life does not feel incomplete. And whichever reality that we end up in, I am so grateful that grace is with me. And I still think I'd be a good dad. But I guess it's hard to know. I've just had a head start on my list of things that I cannot control, and while I cannot possibly know how, it turns out. Have these friends? And I have hope. And I am already making a life, or at least. I am trying.
Words cannot express how much it means to me that this came across my timeline.
I have been dealing with infertility since 2016, when I lost my last fallopian tube to an ectopic pregnancy that happened with my ex partner. Prior to that, I lost my left ovary and fallopian tube to cancer in college.
My husband and I just had our first embryo transfer on Monday. I have spent all week feeling anxious but also trying not to be TOO anxious because the doctors tell you not to stress. We only had 3 eggs retrieved because on top of only having one ovary, I have a diminished reserve and low AFC. We were so tickled to get more than one, only to find out today that our other two embryos didn’t reach the freeze stage and were discarded.
I am so beyond grateful for people like this man who are open about fertility struggles. Not only is it emotionally wrenching, but I’ve learned just in my first IVF cycle that people get weird about it. They avoid you. They don’t ask how you’re doing, even if you’re open about it. While my partner is incredibly supportive, it is the loneliest I’ve felt in years.
My hcg test isn’t until 7/8, so I’m just…waiting. Worrying that it won’t work and we’ll have to go through this all over again.
Just so beautifully written and such touching vulnerability- I went through all of this 12 years ago. It’s such a challenging time. I wish everyone trying is blessed with making a baby, a child, a life. ❤️
Building a family can be hilarious and can be oh so difficult. We can crave it at one point and then be terrified at the surprise of its growth. Beautiful message so eloquently given
"Startup-Grande-Dame" I 20yrs in startups & investing I A woman who has the "audacity" to drive change I Founder #SelmaEffect I Keynote Speaker I VP EBAN I Empowerment & Leadership Strategist I Advancing Women I Mom
Within fecundity, equanimity is found;
Allowing life to burgeon,
Joy to arise,
And the immediate to be experienced.
In being open to the pain that is known,
Its very dissolution is enabled.
In acknowledging what weighs upon one's being,
Suffering may become Joy.
To see clearly,
we embrace hardships, past and present.
Through openness, kindness, and acceptance;
We reveal levity within struggle.
The past is not the future.
The immediate has no limitations.
The profound peace of right now,
Is awaiting realization.
#poetry#healing#psychology#selfcare
Sneak peak #3 for Markham Fertility Centre's new website.
First, a preface. One of our favourite quotations comes from Gwendolyn Brooks. Gwendolyn was an American poet, author, and teacher. Her work dealt with the personal celebrations and struggles of ordinary people in her community. One can imagine that she had a lot of content to work with, unfortunately. Her focus on individual struggle and triumph also captures the experience of those trying to conceive.
Gwendolyn won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry on May 1, 1950 making her the first African American to receive a Pulitzer Prize.
Here is the quote from "Speech to the Young" (1991)
"Even if you are not ready for the day; It cannot always be night"
Poetry is to be interpreted by the individual, but to us, it is a message about 'living'. Sometimes we get stuck and wait for the right moment or perfect timing to do something. Sometimes, you just need to let go and take the plunge and move forward. How does this relate to the website? A website, like our lives, is always a work in progress. It will never be perfect, but at some point, you need to let it exist.
Rather than show you a piece of the website today, we will share a photo of Gwendolyn Brooks, so you can know who she was and how she touched many through her teachings and musings.
#TTC#GwendolynBrooks#Hope#infertilityawareness#Procrastination#MarkhamFertility
I'm sharing my journey into deeper old age at Coming of Aging. Follow my honest, funny, and possibly useful stories and reflections on the liberations and pitfalls of leaving the middle of life behind. Subscribe at the link below to join the conversation and delve into the mysteries of aging. #aging#liberation#humor#death
What exactly is karma?
Many believe it to be cause and effect, that your destiny has set your actions in stone with little opportunity to improve your life. But that's not entirely true. Karma is not destiny. Your current behaviors can be improved to bring you the happiness you've been seeking.
In my forthcoming book LIVE, DIE, REPEAT: ONE WOMAN'S WILD RIDE ON THE CYCLE OF LIFE AND DEATH, I explore my own experience with karma, recounting my past lives to show how past incarnations can affect current problems and how spiritual dissolution of these karmic imbalances can be integrated into therapy--for outcomes that neither path alone can achieve.
Serendipity Literary Agency
Accredited Trauma-Informed Transformative Coach Practitioner at Bernadett Halaj. I set my intention for creating, healing and validating the empowerment of the natural self for people involved with the justice system.
Turning impossibilities into possibilities
It is impossible to turn my pain and hurt into wisdom and love
It is impossible to turn my clinical syndromes and disorders that I wear like badges into heart-centred service
It is impossible to say the never-said-out-loud words and turn them into poetry
It is impossible to turn to me and forgive where I was wronged
It is impossible to gather the pieces and turn insanity into sanity
It is impossible from where I sit to stand up and become a better man
It is impossible to lose it all and win it all at the same time
It is impossible to write a poem book and publish it on Amazon
It is impossible to make a positive impact on others
It is impossible that I am still alive today and how I am hearing and conversing with my subconscious and conscious selves makes my death impossible
It is impossible to love myself and find peace in a place where no one wants to be...
And yet, and yet, this is exactly what you have been doing. You have been turning the impossibilities into possibilities. We've been exchanging 1000+ emails, letters and artworks in the past 6 years and look at what you accomplished. Shining in a space that no one expects you to be at...
...Did I mention that the place is on death row in the USA?
This post wants to shine a light on what a rehumanized man is capable of accomplishing with the right well-being support. So when people say the future is bright this is what it means. The plane of possibility cannot be destroyed.
#returningcitizens#justiceisblind#Agape#traumainformedcare
I build up people and culture by leveraging gamification, neurodiversity, behavioural science, and design thinking processes. Proudly autistic, a loving husband and supportive dad to the cutest little girl and baby boy.
In 2021, I published my first book. A true story of how I once tried to commit #suicide and all the events that lead to that decision. I talk about my living with #autism a lot online these days, that all started due to the events of this book.
I wrote this as a way to share what I went through, and how I saw the world. I am better now, but I was vulnerable and needed to share my experiences. If you know me or want to know me, have a read.
https://lnkd.in/e_TpaxxM
Senior Patient Engagement Specialist
2moWords cannot express how much it means to me that this came across my timeline. I have been dealing with infertility since 2016, when I lost my last fallopian tube to an ectopic pregnancy that happened with my ex partner. Prior to that, I lost my left ovary and fallopian tube to cancer in college. My husband and I just had our first embryo transfer on Monday. I have spent all week feeling anxious but also trying not to be TOO anxious because the doctors tell you not to stress. We only had 3 eggs retrieved because on top of only having one ovary, I have a diminished reserve and low AFC. We were so tickled to get more than one, only to find out today that our other two embryos didn’t reach the freeze stage and were discarded. I am so beyond grateful for people like this man who are open about fertility struggles. Not only is it emotionally wrenching, but I’ve learned just in my first IVF cycle that people get weird about it. They avoid you. They don’t ask how you’re doing, even if you’re open about it. While my partner is incredibly supportive, it is the loneliest I’ve felt in years. My hcg test isn’t until 7/8, so I’m just…waiting. Worrying that it won’t work and we’ll have to go through this all over again.