I just had an actual trauma response.
It was to something that appeared so silly.
I want to explain what it was because it may have happened to you at some point too, and , like me, you may be inclined to not give it the space that is deserves
I sat down at my computer to check something.
Slack popped up, which is normal.
Except this time, it gave me the purple “Sign in to your workspace” screen.
Instead of going down the logical route of “Slack isn’t working,” I was transported back to the last place where I saw that screen.
My Slack was disconnected before I officially resigned from my role. I was given no notice— even though there were still things to discuss and finalize.
Why?
I’m still not sure. I’m at a place in my life now that I don’t need to know and rarely think about it, but clearly it’s still filling some of the wrinkles on my brain.
Staring at that purple screen this morning, I panicked.
My breathing sped up. My heart raced. I immediately felt guilty and anxious. For a few minutes, it felt like the world was ending again because that’s what it felt like the last time I stared at that screen.
BECAUSE I GOT LOGGED OUT OF SLACK.
Logically? Totally silly. I’m in 10 workspaces and I own MOST of them. The only person who could kick me out of those is ME. Not to mention that I didn’t have access to any of the 10, so it was clearly a weird post-update issue and not at all a random, unexpected, Sunday gtfo.
In actuality? The reaction was not silly at all, and telling myself it is just because I can see the logical side of it doesn’t give my brain the respect that it deserves.
My brain was alerting me to a familiar danger, even though this one was minor and represented only a small piece of a longer story.
Work trauma is still trauma. Friendship trauma is still trauma. Things that are one piece of a much bigger narrative can be independently triggering on their own. Small things can still illicit big responses.
We are beyond the point of believing that work places or the people inside can’t harm us or that we’re not permitted those feelings because we were paid for the job.
It’s all still real and still valid. And even though I am a person who knows all of that and believes all of that, I still have to remind myself all the time.
You are allowed these responses to hard things, even if you got a paycheck for them.
Also, I’m totally good. I got logged back into everything, it’s all working, and I’m back to goofing off with my kids. it just reminded me that healed is aspirational. Healing is the ongoing state.
**Did you know that Black women are three to four times more likely to die in childbirth in the US regardless of socioeconomic status or education level? These disparities are abhorrent, and it’s my life’s mission to align with organizations that are working to fix it.
#elletwo #teamdifficult #trauma #workplacetrauma #mentalhealthishealth
IT Program & Portfolio Manager lll | YETI
1yThey were my customer when I worked in print ten years ago. If they are as awesome as I remember them you’ll love it there!