Holly Whelan, PhD’s Post

"Believing that we are separate is what separates us from happiness. True happiness is collective."   Great post by Jen Fisher 🦋 last week (https://lnkd.in/gXpUjKPQ) in which she shared an article on happiness by Stephanie Harrison. As Harrison explains, we’ve been conditioned to believe that happiness comes from within, generated by personal wins and accomplishments. It’s a byproduct of the individualistic “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality that is at the heart of the American Dream. Harrison calls this “Old Happy” – and shows just how much it’s NOT working.   Consider, for example, a 2015 study in which researchers found that Americans who aggressively pursued happiness were, in fact, lonelier, more depressed, and less happy. Why? They focused on themselves. This focus on self is further exacerbated by the fact that the American system has become increasingly “me,” as opposed to “we.” We have a stark income divide and a profound lack of social policies, such as paid family leave. Not surprisingly, the US has dropped out of the top 20 happiest nations for the first time, and mental distress is on a steep rise.   The good news is that there is a simple fix, and this begins with repositioning the pursuit of happiness as a shared experience. True moments of happiness come from acts of service, or simple moments of joy and awe that connect us with others.   https://lnkd.in/gPkC-bC7 #Happiness #Wellness #Wellbeing #Connection #PursuitofHappiness

I wrote about the "pursuit of happiness" in America, the crisis of unhappiness here, and what that word means to me in this era of life, for Boston Globe Media: "America loves to talk about happiness. The word is everywhere, as is the search for its meaning. Gurus take to stages across the country to pronounce on the precepts of happiness. Bookstores have shelves filled with self-help titles on how to find it. So fierce is the demand to know happiness that when Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos began offering a class on happiness in 2018, it quickly became the most popular course in the university’s history. The value of happiness is so great here that even a founding document makes reference to it. The Declaration of Independence’s most famous line, penned by Thomas Jefferson, that Americans had an unalienable right to “the pursuit of happiness,” helps distinguish America from other countries. The phrase is entwined with this country, its aspirations and obsessions. It carries the enticement of wealth, freedom, and whatever else can be attained. The pursuit of happiness appears to be relentless here, but happiness itself appears to be elusive. In fact, America today is plagued by a crisis of unhappiness." https://lnkd.in/grqSYik9

The Biggest Misconception About Happiness Contrary to popular belief, happiness takes work.   In recent years there has been much attention to and discussion about happiness in American society. How does one acquire happiness? we often hear, a good question given how central the emotion is to the American idea and experience. Indeed, ever since Thomas Jefferson scribbled the phrase “the pursuit of happiness” in the Declaration of Independence, it has become arguably the primary goal of the majority of Americans. (Surveys often show it to be the #1 answer to “What do you want most in life?”).   Alongside the standard, rather vague definition of happiness–“a subjective state of well-being”–is the fact that there is no real agreement over its dominant influence. What is clear is that Americans have never been a particularly happy group, despite the perception of being so. The history of happiness in America reveals that there has been widespread dissatisfaction and discontent over the years, and that our image as a happy-go-lucky people is more mythology than reality. Our consistently lackluster rankings on the World Happiness Report reveal as much.   The major problem appears to be that Americans have misconstrued “the pursuit of happiness” as an entitlement or inherent right by which to actually possess it. Sadly, happiness is for many often an elusive and futile pursuit, something that holds true across the social divisions of race, gender, and class, as well as across differences in income, education, and intelligence. The fact that happiness is not a particularly reliable emotion, tending to come and go as it likes when left to its own devices, has added to the problem. As well, there is precious little training in how to learn to be happy as children, just one example how our education system fails to teach us the things that really matter in life. Continued... https://lnkd.in/eTD3duKD

America’s Founders knew that the pursuit of happiness involved personal liberation, Arthur C. Brooks writes. https://lnkd.in/ejyZFWkS The Declaration of Independence asserts that there is an “unalienable right” to the “pursuit of happiness,” Brooks writes. “As a happiness specialist, I have always been puzzled by something about this early-American happiness advice … As wise as they were, the Founders were mixing up getting happier with minimizing the sources of unhappiness.” It’s fair to say that their philosophy was not about learning how to enjoy life, Brooks writes, but “about clearing away the self-imposed sources of misery that make pursuing happiness difficult or impossible.” The Founders believed that successful self-government relies on personal self-government, and in their writings, the Founders explained how one can go about it. First, curb your appetites. As Brooks interprets the advice from Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography, “Poor health due to excess and poverty from wasteful spending are avoidable sources of misery.” A second lesson to take from the Founders is the benefits of humility. “The Founders would definitely disapprove of our cult of self-esteem,” Brooks writes—and according to research, learning from others and acknowledging one’s limitations “strongly predicts lower levels of anxiety and depression.” Another piece of advice Brooks takes from the Founders is to avoid idleness. Thomas Jefferson, for example, wrote in 1787 that “a mind always employed is always happy.” There is a danger in overcompensating and making ourselves too busy, “but staying occupied with meaningful tasks is a guard against misery,” Brooks writes. Finally, shun the limelight. “Alexander Hamilton called the desire for recognition “the ruling passion of the noblest minds.” “But a miserable passion it is, leading to frustration,” Brooks notes. https://lnkd.in/ejyZFWkS 🎨:: Jan Buchczik

The constant pursuit of greater wealth and better things can lead to a paradox where, despite having more than before, people feel less happy now than before. Another paradox in American culture, which prides itself on individualism, is that personal happiness often relies on the approval and support of others. Finally, here's Charlie Munger’s quote on happiness and expectations: "The first rule of a happy life is low expectations. If you have unrealistic expectations you're going to be miserable your whole life. You want to have reasonable expectations and take life's results, good and bad, as they happen with a certain amount of stoicism." Munger’s advice is a call to embrace stoicism and moderation in our desires. By setting reasonable expectations, we protect ourselves from the disappointment that often accompanies unmet aspirations. According to Munger, happiness is less about achieving certain outcomes and more about managing our expectations and reactions to the inevitable ups and downs of life.

I know, I know, I’m dating myself with this reference. Then again, I’ll assume many on this page are old enough to remember the ‘ol “Beef. It’s What’s for Dinner” campaign ; )? If not, then your youth precedes my corniness! Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of contention around the word “happiness” or even the word “happy.” Call it my version of a “frequency illusion” since I recently decided to pursue a master’s degree in Happiness Studies. You know, the old “I drive a red car, so now I’m noticing red cars everywhere” type of thing. Here’s what I’ve noticed. For some, it seems happiness isn’t enough – instead, words like “bliss,” “joy,” “manifestation,” or “infinite possibility” are preferred. I even recently heard someone refer to those choosing happiness as “living in a happiness fractal” ; )! As if the pursuit of one’s well-being is somehow inadequate? I must say, this statement made me laugh… quite happily! The irony. Isn’t one’s attempt to break free of their meager “fractal” of imperfect human perception also an effort to be happy? Come on now, people, aren’t we ALL just human? Here’s the thing – while “happiness” means different things to many people and cultures, it seems we are all seeking some version of it, whether we want to admit it or not. Whether seeking to take our businesses to the next level, grow “abundant wealth,” "be healthier," "learn new things," "download universal codes,” or "howl at the moon," it seems we are all seeking some version of “happiness.” Even partaking in activities that are knowingly bad for us, like overeating, drinking, or using harmful drugs, are all still attempts toward short-term happiness. Our favorite superlatives like “peace,” “joy,” “contentment,” “bliss,” “ecstasy,” or “divine manifestation” all still seem to have one thing in common– they describe what we think it’ll take to be happy. Naturally, some pursuits have longer-term benefits to the well-being of individuals, organizations, and societies than others. Several studies show that seeking pleasure and success over well-being (yes, happiness) leads to long-term discontent (see article link in comments below). Of course, it’s up to each of us to decide if we want to like the word “happy” or not. Even righteousness serves a purpose in our “happiness fractal” ; ). Aristotle said long ago, “The life of the man who is active in accordance with virtue will be happy.” So, rather than dismiss happiness altogether, maybe we could ask ourselves… “which virtues do I see as building happier lives, organizations, communities, and societies? And, better yet, how can I contribute to them?” #happy #happiness #happinessiswhatsfordinner #paveyourway #contribute #pavechallenge

It is an emotion linked to improved health and well-being but is our obsession with being happy a recipe for disappointment asks Nat Rutherford in this insightful BBC article from a couple of years back. Our culture’s fixation on happiness can seem almost religious. It is one of the only reasons for action that doesn’t stand in need of justification: happiness is good because being happy is good. But can we build our lives on that circular reasoning asks Rutherford.   Considering the importance of the question, there’s remarkably little data on what people want from life writes Rutherford. Despite the ubiquity of happiness as a goal, it’s hard to know how to define it or how to achieve it.   Yet more and more aspects of life are judged in terms of their contribution to the phantom of happiness. Does your relationship, your job, your home, your body, your diet make you happy? If not, aren’t you doing something wrong? One answer would be a life spent doing things you enjoy and which bring you pleasure. A life spent experiencing pleasure would, in some ways, be a good life. But maximising pleasure isn’t the only option. Every human life, even the most fortunate, is filled with pain. Painful loss, painful disappointments, the physical pain of injury or sickness, and the mental pain of enduring boredom, loneliness, or sadness. Pain is an inevitable consequence of being alive. By misunderstanding happiness, the modern conception increases the likelihood of disappointment. No life worth living should meet the standard set by Epicurean or Utilitarian views of happiness, and so its modern adherents are destined to be disillusioned by the blemishes of human life. Instead, aim with Aristotle to embrace those blemishes and to flourish in spite of them writes Rutherford. Really interesting read from Nat Rutherford BBC exploring key philosophies and philosophers on this topic; read more below: #philosophy #happiness #contentment #meaningfullife #connectedness #beinghuman #human #emotions https://lnkd.in/e_V3JgvE

relationship is the key to happiness and wealth

Can you guess what’s the single most important contributor to long-term happiness? In a famous Harvard study that spans 80 years, researchers tracked the health and happiness of a large sample of people throughout their lives. The study has involved four generations of researchers and is still running. The current director is Robert Waldinger. His 12-minute TED talk has been viewed more than 39 million times.  When asked about their life goals, 80% of millennials say they want to become rich, and over 50% say they want to become famous.  Yet the Harvard study reveals that happiness does not correlate with wealth, fame, or social status. Some study participants enjoyed increasing wealth and social status, while others’ lives went in the other direction. **There was no evidence that those who climbed the ladder lived happier lives than those who went down the ladder.** The punchline of the Harvard study? Positive relationships are the number one factor of long-term happiness. #positivepsychology References The good life: A discussion with Dr. Robert Waldinger. Lee Kum Sheung Center for Health and Happiness. (2023, March 10). Waldinger, R. (2015). Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness | TED Talk.