The Fair Play Policy Institute reposted this
Helping working parents reclaim their time, restore their energy, and achieve stress-free communication with energy-boosting habits and time-saving systems | Certified Fair Play Coach | Husband & Father
My wife and I split up and our relationship has never been better! No, we didn’t get divorced. We split up the mental, emotional and physical load in our home using Fair Play… And it ignited a shift in me… in my appreciation for the work my wife had been doing largely without me for so many years… and in the way I appreciated my job… of Dad. Here’s the thing about being a mom or a dad… It’s work. It is unpaid work. And if that work is imbalanced, it is resentment… And bickering, defensiveness, insecurity, shame, blame, fighting, conflict, yelling, crying…. And quite possibly a more painful kind of split. What Eve Rodsky helped me see, I can’t unsee. Everything that it takes to run a home is so much more than the tangible… And so much more IMPORTANT. When we don’t begin fatherhood journeys with parental leave, it perpetuates the idea that dads don’t matter and moms should handle it all. But dads are not only capable caregivers. Dads are needed. Our kids need us. Our partners need us. We need us. What I realized after becoming a Certified Fair Play Method Facilitator and a Center for Parental Leave Leadership Certified RETAIN Parental Leave Coach… The systems are poorly designed… They are set up so that we get in line and follow the rules… But the “rules” of engagement keep us disengaged. For dads, it keeps our worth tied to being ONLY a financial provider. I don’t know about you, but I won’t miss that work meeting when I’m gone, but I sure as hell will miss my kids and my wife. I’m a dad and I am a provider… I provide mental emotional and physical labor split equitably between my wife and I. I provide hugs and kisses for my kids. I provide meals that I prepare for my family. I provide time and attention and energy when we laugh together, cry together, play board games, read books, do homework, tell stories, watch movies, go on hikes... I provide care - diaper changing, bottle feedings, cleaning, taking the kids to the dentist or doctor, talking about hard things … And I will be there for the even harder stuff, like heartaches, sickness, grief and loss… Oh yeah, I provide money too, almost forgot about that …. maybe providing means more… My wife and I would’ve split up if Fair Play didn’t open my eyes that splitting up the load is a much better split than splitting up our family - a way to diminish resentment and repair fractures. Be well. Be kind. Do good. ❤️ Inward. - - - 👋 I’m Frederick and I help driven men unlock a life well-lived, not just well-worked.
Michael Ray check this eloquence and truth out. Are y’all related? 😉
Love this! Parenting loudly is so important to disrupt the status quo.
Fair Play FTW!!! Eve Rodsky improving marriages and quality of life for working parents/caregivers one by one! ❤️
Thank you for sharing!!! Happy Father's Day! We appreciate all the care work you do 🧡
Frederick Van Riper, R-PLC “splitting up the load vs splitting up the family “ is powerful. Thx for bringing forward your experience and perspective as a working parent.
Boy Frederick- you got our attention! Thank you for sharing. We need more stories like this.
Such a powerful post Frederick Van Riper, R-PLC . I think many marriages fail because of the uneven load. Thank you for sharing this.
Good lad. Sometimes we need the reality check framed in our own language!!
What a great post Frederick Van Riper, R-PLC - it's starting to hit me. And that intro line! Interesting concept to be able " to split up" mentally
CEO, NED, PhD., GAICD. Expert in human potential, potent leadership and business transformation.
2moCouldn’t agree more about the value in our shared and complementary roles. Given the empowerment work you do with men, have you experience assisting fathers who have been excluded from their role as father? I have a client who may benefit.