From the course: Skills to Build Stronger Work Relationships

What is empathy and why is it difficult?

From the course: Skills to Build Stronger Work Relationships

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What is empathy and why is it difficult?

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- There is so much talk out there about empathy, but what we really need to remember is that empathy involves an emotional component. If you intellectually understand what someone else is feeling, but you are not feeling it, that's not empathy, that's sympathy. Empathy means actually allowing yourself to feel what someone else is feeling in order to understand them. And this can be tough because we don't always want to feel what someone else is feeling. It's also difficult to empathize with any emotion in someone else that we're not comfortable acknowledging in ourself. For example, I worked with a CEO who pushed away her anger because she was taught that anger is a sign of weakness. So when people on her team felt angry or even just frustrated, it made her uncomfortable and she had trouble empathizing with them. To get more comfortable with your own emotions, practice leaning into your feelings instead of away from them. So when you're angry, take a kickboxing class. When you're feeling down, put on a sad movie or music. And when you feel excited or proud, call a friend and brag a little. Another reason we sometimes resist being empathetic is that we worry that by really feeling what someone else is feeling, we're taking on their problems. This can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout and make it difficult for us to offer support or empathy. Boundaries will help with this. Boundaries allow us to hold space for someone else's emotions and experiences without becoming overwhelmed or feeling like we have to fix their problems. And some people worry that having strong boundaries means they're not being empathetic, but actually boundaries and empathy are deeply intertwined. When we have strong boundaries, we're better equipped to understand and respect the emotions, needs and perspectives of other people while also taking care of ourselves. So here are a few tips for having good boundaries at work. The first thing is you're going to need to figure out what your boundaries are, where are you flexible, and where do you need to take a firm stand? For example, maybe you're open to working late, but you're not willing to skip your children's events. Second, communicate clearly and specifically. For example, if you don't want to work in the evenings, state what your working hours are. Third, be consistent. Stick to your boundaries and communicate any changes to them in a timely and respectful manner. And finally, hold others accountable. If someone violates your boundaries, communicate your concerns in a calm and assertive manner. In our next video, we're going to do an emotional pushup that will help build empathy for the people in our lives and will help them build empathy for us.

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