Melinda Fouts, Ph.D. International Executive Coach, Author, Speaker

Becoming defensive breaks down communication. If you know someone becomes defensive when you address issues, be curious and ask question. Inquiry aids in gaining understanding of their perspective and how something has gone wrong. Once this is done, reflect back to them what you heard them say. During this time, you learn the defining moment of when things went in the wrong direction. When they confirm you heard them correctly, then ask them if they are interested in learning a different approach or tactic. Getting buy in is paramount to keeping the open mindset, a growth mindset, and gives them a chance to take a different path in their work.

Giving feedback where the employee is open to hearing it requires a two step process. First, ask questions like, "Help me understand .... How come such and such keeps occurring?" Do you use the word you as this word often puts people on the defensive. After they answer, ask, "Are you interested in learning how ..." In this way you show curiosity, receive more information and then the last step is to get buy in by asking are you interested ...

Many of my clients are unaware of their strengths and when I tell them, "That's a strength of yours," they look at me and reply, "Really? This is just what I do." It's important to be consciously aware of your strengths so you can use it more effectively. At the same time, we can overuse our strengths which at times, are a weakness. Developing new strengths creates a more well rounded leadership style. Pointing out how their strength is a weakness astounds them. I also administer the EQi - 360 assessment and the CPI assessment that addresses Self-Management, Organizational Capabilities, Team Building and Teamwork, Problem Solving, and Sustaining the Vision. The results reveal your strengths, and what needs development.

Anyone can be a leader with or without the title and the potential is open to everyone. First, being confident in who you are with a strong vision is paramount to inspiring others. Building strong relationships by being other focused instead of self-focused builds trust and mutual respect. Be clear of your personal branding through your executive presence, with exemplary communication and listening skills. When you think of a leader you admire, write down what it is your admire and then do a self-exploration. Do you have these qualities? Can you influence using a thoughtful and warm approach to influencing others? A daily self-reflection to examine your effectiveness can heighten your awareness of your leadership presence.

Blind spots, we all have them and there is usually a trigger to ignite the blind spot. I call it the one-two punch of blind spots. When given feedback about a behavior, seek out an executive coach who can help you understand what triggers your blind spot and also, tools to feel it coming on. Bringing awareness and the intention to change it is challenging and with time and new tools, it can become more conscious. Developing a new response takes time because you are carving out a new neuropathway in the brain. This is why I have my clients have some form of mindfulness practice as a way to be more aware and less reactive when triggered.

Motivating people requires enthusiasm, excellent communication and listening skills. Strengths are embedded in having a vision, sharing it and checking in to make sure all are on board with the ultimate outcome. It is showing you are a team member even thought you are a leader. Showing a strength based approach you are vulnerable and willing to roll up your sleeves and join in the hard work. The strength of an exemplary leader is building trust and showing confidence and connecting. With these things in place, you can influence in a positive way.