Celebrities

Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K!
10Feb By jeff29 Comments
Celebrities

Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K!

You don't have to be a celebrity to look like one - all you need is a little bit of cash. Here's what you do: go to your doctor right after you sell your house and tell him, "I want The Khloe Kardashian, please!" Your life, body, nose, eye, lip, face, and butt will never be the same. Iron E-OMG! sat down with Khloe Kardashian's first ever Instagram handle, KK (Disclaimer: this user is not the real Khloe Kardashian, is in no relation to, and in no way represents, the Kardashian/Jenner family or brand in any official capacity or otherwise) to get the full scoop on the star's recent but fabulous transformation. "Most people think you need a million dollars to look like a million dollars," KK told us. "But it's, like, not true - you could easily do it for at least a quarter million." ...
Read More
Celebrity Relationships now Measured in Dog Years
4Dec By jeff37 Comments
Celebrities

Celebrity Relationships now Measured in Dog Years

Celebrity relationships are best held to a different standard - not to say that it should necessarily be lower, per se, just different.  Since it's been well-established that celebrities are not normal human beings, but heavenly bodies, they shouldn't be held to regular, boring conceptions of love and commitment. By common standards, a long relationship is anywhere between 20 and 30 years.  By celebrity standards, however, a long-term commitment can be anywhere between one and five (months).  If a celebrity couple makes it past an inconceivable ten years, it leaves them open to criticism as to whether they were truly a celebrity, which would be far worse than if they were to break off the relationship. Think of it this way: we would never expect a puppy to live past 15 full years, so...
Read More
Newspapers Guilty of Using Kylie Jenner, Beyonce, Kim K, T Swift, Meghan Markle in Headlines for Cheap Traffic
13Jun By jeffNo Comments
Celebrities, Society

Newspapers Guilty of Using Kylie Jenner, Beyonce, Kim K, T Swift, Meghan Markle in Headlines for Cheap Traffic

"Nature abhors a vacuum" and we're pretty sure this applies here (it's a complicated metaphor and we don't have time to explain).  It has come to our attention that the media at large has been using the fame of our brightest stars to generate clicks and garner shallow traffic on their sites. Despicable. These shimmering goddesses deserve better. They deserve to be treated with the awe and respect that their shimmery awesomeness deserves. And not have their perfect names sullied and cheapened by the greed of capitalism. It goes without saying that newspapers need to rediscover the lost values of decency, professionalism, and shivulry. Besides this, T-Swift might just shake it off and write a song about it, taking you and irony all the way to the bank - or credit union -...
Read More
NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West
24Mar By Brian Ge29 Comments
Celebrities, Sci-Tech

NASA Scientists Confirm World does Revolve around Kanye West

On March 22, 2017, Doctor Thomas J. Eckleburg of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration was reviewing photographs of the sun--beamed back to Earth from the recently launched fARK space telescope--when he made an astonishing discovery. Staring back at him from each and every photograph with eyes of fierce golden flame was the burning visage of Kanye West. Just as Copernicus before him had once declared the Earth in revolution around a ball of fire known as the Sun, Dr. Eckleburg uncovered that for the 4.5 billion years the world has existed, it has really been centered around what many consider to be the most enlightened mind of human history. “You see, Kanye is often mistakenly believed to have been born in June 8, 1977, when in reality he was, is, and always shall be the ...
Read More
Richard Simmons Found Safe in the 80’s
13Mar By jeff9 Comments
Celebrities

Richard Simmons Found Safe in the 80’s

LAPD Detective Scott Turner and his K-9 partner, Hooch, have allayed the fears of the public mind by confirming that Richard Simmons, comedian and health fitness guru, is indeed alive and well. Police Chief Daryl Gates, former Police Academy instructor, told Iron E! Gossip that officers went to check on Mr. Simmons after it was rumored that he had been kidnapped by a silver DeLorean. "There is no need to worry," Chief Gates said.  "Mr. Simmons is still in his extremely short shorts and rainbow tank top, listening to the Fame soundtrack on repeat." The police, after hearing reports of a possible kidnapping, initially thought they may have to bring in their new crime-eradicating cyborg to save Mr. Simmons; they eventually decided against it, declaring mega-corporations like Omni Con...
Read More