ENTMT

The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article
4May By jeff36 Comments
ENTMT

The Obligatory Star Wars Traffic Boosting Article

The Last Jedi Star Wars stuff and a little Skywalker too.  Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks totally.  Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Lukes to the yard. By my death star, fat Jabba Jabba no talkie talkie to a thousand Jedi masters. Kick back to the jet black double Maul high five to my Jedi blaster…he's a wicked tricky tricksta, yeah the prickly, sickly pimpstah:  Yo-duh. Rogue One Star Wars stuff and a little Lukey Luke too.  Some Han Solo, Sand Peeps, and tiny Ewoks maybe.  Very, very lightsabery battle with a hint of dark side, splash of force, stirred in a Tatooine Vadershake. Yeah, my Star Wars brings all the Wookies to the yard. B...
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Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K!
10Feb By jeff29 Comments
Celebrities

Get the New Khloe Kardashian Look for Just 250K!

You don't have to be a celebrity to look like one - all you need is a little bit of cash. Here's what you do: go to your doctor right after you sell your house and tell him, "I want The Khloe Kardashian, please!" Your life, body, nose, eye, lip, face, and butt will never be the same. Iron E-OMG! sat down with Khloe Kardashian's first ever Instagram handle, KK (Disclaimer: this user is not the real Khloe Kardashian, is in no relation to, and in no way represents, the Kardashian/Jenner family or brand in any official capacity or otherwise) to get the full scoop on the star's recent but fabulous transformation. "Most people think you need a million dollars to look like a million dollars," KK told us. "But it's, like, not true - you could easily do it for at least a quarter million." ...
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Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians
15Jan By jeff24 Comments
ENTMT

Universe Admits We’re Here to Keep up with the Kardashians

In a rare and exclusive press conference yesterday, a representative of the cosmos revealed an answer to a one of life's most fundamental yet elusive questions: why are we here? "The short answer: KUWTK," the representative disclosed. "The long answer, well that would take a few billion years. But yes, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kris, Kylie, Kendall, and I guess even Rob - this is why everything is here, why you and I are here." This revelation, coming on the heels of KUWTK's 15th season, is no surprise to the show's producers. "We have over 2 million viewers," Mr. Seacrest said proudly. "And if poor people had TVs, it would be a lot more, which is why we are announcing our new spin-off series, Kourtney and Kim Take the Third World! After the smashing success of spin-offs like Kourt...
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Only thing ‘The Last Jedi’ Needed was a Purple-Haired Laura Dern—Oh Wait
17Dec By jeff16 Comments
ENTMT

Only thing ‘The Last Jedi’ Needed was a Purple-Haired Laura Dern—Oh Wait

According to every major poll in galaxies near and far, far away, the one thing fans were hoping would finally be added to the Star Wars universe: a purple-haired Laura Dern. And they were not disappointed. With all the acting chops of a Mark Hamill or Chewbacca, Dern brings with her the kind of potential that could create another classic climactic moment, similar to the one where Luke denied his feelings and his father, Lord Vader. "Noooooooooooo!" said one faithful fan and part-time critic of the space saga.  "We cannot live without her. From the moment we met her in Jurassic Park (who could ever forget the scene where she says 'run' five times and then screams it as she begins to run?), we knew we couldn't live without her." Some viewers, who have become accustomed to the co...
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Celebrity Relationships now Measured in Dog Years
4Dec By jeff37 Comments
Celebrities

Celebrity Relationships now Measured in Dog Years

Celebrity relationships are best held to a different standard - not to say that it should necessarily be lower, per se, just different.  Since it's been well-established that celebrities are not normal human beings, but heavenly bodies, they shouldn't be held to regular, boring conceptions of love and commitment. By common standards, a long relationship is anywhere between 20 and 30 years.  By celebrity standards, however, a long-term commitment can be anywhere between one and five (months).  If a celebrity couple makes it past an inconceivable ten years, it leaves them open to criticism as to whether they were truly a celebrity, which would be far worse than if they were to break off the relationship. Think of it this way: we would never expect a puppy to live past 15 full years, so...
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Pop Music to Add a Third Chord
27Nov By jeff23 Comments
ENTMT

Pop Music to Add a Third Chord

A representative for Pop Music, formerly a rep for Bubblegum Pop, and before that, Cotton Candy Pop, recently announced a major change for the genre: A new chord. The official, Mr. Brad Lissener, made the announcement in the wake of revelations that World Music was getting rid of one because it had way too many. "Today marks the beginning of a new era for our genre," began Mr. Lissener.  "After years and years of making songs that really could all be mashed together into one 2,000 hour-long song, we have decided to increase the number of official, distinct chords to three." Yanni, the current spokesman for his own "genre", saw the move as a step in the right direction: "First of all, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the world for making me: right out of its bea...
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