Top 6 Marriage-Killing Money Issues

According to Fidelity's 2024 Couples and Money study, 45% of partners argue about money at least occasionally and 25% of couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge. Here are six common financial issues that stress married couples.

1. Separating Earnings

Sometimes couples split the bills down the middle or allocate them in some other manner that seems fair and equitable. Once the bills have been covered, each spouse can spend what's left as they see fit. This may cause resentment over the individual purchases made. It also divides spending power, eliminating much of the financial value of marriage.

This method may not address long-term goals like buying a home or securing retirement. One spouse may even hide money from the other, known as financial infidelity.

2. Carrying Old Debts

Many people come into a marriage with student debt, credit card debt, a gambling habit, or something else. Sparks can fly between partners while discussing income, spending, and debt servicing.

Most debts brought into a marriage stay with the person who incurred them and are not extended to a spouse. Your partner's debt won't likely hurt your credit rating. In states that operate under common law, debts incurred jointly after marriage are owed by both spouses.

In nine states all property and debts are shared after marriage regardless of individual or joint account status. They are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. In these community-property states, any debt incurred after the wedding is automatically shared—even when applied for individually.

3. Personality Differences

Even if both partners are debt-free, the age-old conflict between spenders and savers can play out in multiple ways. It is important to know your money personality—as well as that of your partner—and to discuss these differences openly.

Many may display characteristics of either over time but usually revert to one main type. Whichever profile you and your spouse most closely fit, it's best to recognize bad habits, address them, and moderate them for the relationship.

4. Power Plays

Power plays may occur in one of four scenarios if one partner has a paid job and the other doesn't, one spouse earns considerably more than the other, or one partner comes from a wealthy family money and the other doesn't.

When one or more of these situations are present, the one who makes or has the most money may want to dictate the couple's spending priorities.

5. Supporting a Growing Family

Whether and when to have children is a financial decision. Food, clothing, shelter, Little League, ballet, prom gowns, minivans, and college tuition are on the list of child-related expenses.

Having kids isn't just about the cost. If one partner cuts their hours, works from home, or leaves a career to raise children, couples should address how that changes marriage dynamics, assumptions about retirement, lifestyle, and more.

6. Coping With Extended Family

Sometimes partners help with the costs of their family of origin. His parents need a new car. Her brother can't make the rent. One spouse is writing a check and the other wants to know why that money wasn't used to address needs at home or fund a vacation for "us."

When a serious crisis arises, such as illness, major storm damage, or an unexpected death, the pressure to help is often magnified.

How To Handle Money Issues

According to Fidelity, effective communication is key to financial success for couples. Those who communicate well are more likely to discuss their finances and anticipate living comfortably in retirement.

• Communicate: Talk openly about your preferences for handling money, your goals for the future, and any concerns you have about how you jointly handle your income. Attitudes about money filter through many aspects of daily life.
• Set Financial Goals: A couple should agree on their long-term goals and how to get there. Much of that discussion will involve financial matters. Whether your priorities include having children, buying a house, saving towards a comfortable retirement, or all of the above, they should be planned for and agreed upon.
• Deal With Debt: For many couples dealing with debt, partners should have an honest, nonjudgmental discussion about the debts they would bring into a marriage. Couples can apply debt payoff strategies, such as paying off the higher-interest debt first (the debt avalanche method) or paying off the smallest loans first (the debt snowball method).
• Sign a Prenup or Postnup: For couples unsure about joint financial matters before marriage, they may choose a prenuptial agreement. If you've already said "I do," and want more than vows to protect yourself, you may want to create a pain-free postnuptial agreement, also called a marital contract.
• Know Thyself: Personality will play a major role in your financial plans. Talking about your views and feelings can help put both partners at ease, or at least let them know what to expect. If you've got more cash, you need to be sensitive about how you present spending decisions. If you don't have the money, be prepared for stress and tension that is almost inevitable, even in good marriages. Studies have shown that people with more power are more likely to act selfishly, impulsively, and aggressively, and approach others with less empathy.
• Address Family Matters: Extended family can be a huge challenge, and no advice addresses every situation. When choosing to help a family member or accept financial help from a family member, it helps to have a policy agreed upon in advance.

The Bottom Line

Good communication before and after tying the knot can dull the blow of bad financial news and lead to honest exchanges about each partner's money anxieties, habits, and expectations. Financial anxieties can become far bigger problems with much more difficult solutions. Couples may find it helpful to schedule a time once a month, once a quarter, or once a year to check in on short- and long-term goals. An annual financial plan and regular check-ins can defuse the tension of talking about money and keep you both on track.