Change Your Image
Dick-Clark-1970
Reviews
La bête (1975)
The White Stuff
The Beast is an adept title for this curious piece of Eurosleaze, which opens with several shots of copulating horses and close-ups of their `throbbing genitalia'. The perversity level is then ratcheted up during the film with memorable scenes including a female masturbation sequence that brings a new meaning to the term `green fingers' and unbelievably twisted `beast'-woman `romp'.
The plot is rather ad hoc but essentially focuses on a secretive and eccentric family trying to wed their abnormal son with the daughter of a wealthy heiress. The film caused quite a stir on its release and it's not difficult to see why. The director claimed that this was a study of female sexuality but I struggled to pick up on that angle. The appeal of this one maybe limited but it's worth checking out if you are into films trying to push back the boundaries
Deathsport (1978)
Poor second cousin to Deathrace 2000
*MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS*
The basic, and I mean basic, premise of this film is that a deranged president (John Hulmes) and his `Statesmen' capture wandering nomads to fight against `death machines' to gain their freedom and to satisfy his sadistic needs. However, the President's mental health is failing and sensing weakness, his right hand man Ankar Moor (Richard Lynch) decides that the time is right to increase his own grip on power. Whilst this may sound like a promising story line it is unfortunately as far as the writers managed to develop the script, so essentially a five minute idea gets padded out to make a 90 minute film. This is achieved by adding a completely pointless `sub-plot' involving mutants kidnapping a young girl from Deneer's (Claudia Jeenings) tribe and lots of footage of bike chases. Who the mutants are and why they kidnap the girl is deemed by the writers to be completely irrelevant to the viewer.
The prop budget in this film is minimal to say the least and makes a Dr Who episode seem grossly lavish. The `death machines' are essentially motorbikes with bits of silver metal attached and have an alarming tendency to explode at slightest contact (reminiscent of The Simpsons' vehicles). In fact a large chunk of the budget must have been spent on pyrotechnics because things explode and catch on fire throughout the last half of the film.
The dialogue is extremely cumbersome and was probably written during a heavy smoking session. Corradine seems distracted and listless, whilst Lynch half-heartedly hams it up, leaving only former Playboy Playmate Jeenings seemingly intent on making any effort. This being a Corman production she of course has to be nude at some point (which must be considered a positive in this film) and she duly obliges during a bizarre light bulb torture scene. The same device is also used to provide a rather lame conclusion to the President story line.
Another oddity in this film is the `musical score' which at times sounds like the keyboard player is suffering from a fit and at times alternates between droning sounds and jazz! The sound effects seemingly `borrow' heavily from the Star Wars library listen out for what sounds like Vader's breathing, the phazer effects and the Tie-Fighter like `screaming' sound whilst the bikes travel through the tunnels. With the film meandering aimlessly mid-production and in danger of not getting finished Corman stepped in and the sense of desperation can be seen in the final product. This is essentially a poor second cousin to Deathrace 2000, a film that strangely benefited from Stallone's character. I'd only recommend this to Corman die-hards or cult completists.
Note: Watch out for the unfortunate extra who gets unintentionally set alight during the cave scenes (you can see him frantically diving to the ground and becoming engulfed in a plume of extinguisher vapour).
The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)
Enough cheese to drain a creamery
(POSSIBLE SPOILERS - Although only if you've never watched a film in your life...)
Lately I've been watching a rather unhealthy number of low-budget `Fantasy' films - everything from Barbarian Queen to Sisterhood. This film evidently had more money in the coffers than the aforementioned films but it never tries to be anything other than a low brow, high entertainment flick (that's a good thing in my books). The story line is a familiar one: evil leader wants more power, kills rival leader, son of deceased King vows vengeance, many years pass, son becomes skilled warrior whom single-handily slaughters opposing army and beds distressed maiden. However, there a number of aspects that makes this film more enjoyable than the standard fare.
Firstly, there is the ridiculously unwieldy 3 bladed sword, which not only shatters metal to pieces but is also able to shoot-out its blades! Secondly, the main hero (Prince Talon - Lee Horsley) isn't played by a dense block of wood (a la `Deathstalker') rather there is an element of Errol Flynn style swashbuckling and a dash of Indiana Jones style rugged charm (OK that's maybe pushing it but you get the point). Credit is also due to whoever came up with the idea of him still being able to fight after having large nails hammered through his palms! Thirdly, whilst the film runs for a 100+ minutes it doesn't drag too much, this is due in part to a rather woolly plot but also because the director understood that this was an adventure film for big kids. With this in mind there is the odd scene of topless women but the main female character (Princess Alana - Kathleen Beller) seems happier kneeing men in the groin rather than stripping off.
The main draw back with the film is the under use of Richard Moll's character. The film provides some great visual effects during the raising of the demon but for some reason they decide to ditch the character and only revive him during the last 20 minutes of the film (I'm assuming it was due to budget constraints). Admittedly the effects aren't on par with anything Peter Jackson as come up with but they are fairly impressive for the time-period nonetheless.
Overall, the acting is OK and the script is fine, albeit a little meandering in places. This film will appeal to those who reminisce about their childhood or for those who simply haven't grown up. 6 out of 10.
Killer Barbys (1996)
No wonder Ken left Barbie...
On viewing this film I had no idea that The Barbies were an actual band and after reading the reviews on this site I've changed my view of the film - it's even worse than I first thought.
I realise that these type of low budget/high gore flicks don't rely heavily on intense story lines or complex characterisations but that is still no excuse for not making an effort. The daylight filming, the obvious plastic bodies and the appalling dubbing, can probably be ignored by most people but for me it just killed the film stone dead. There is no atmosphere to speak of (which I think is essential for any `horror' film), the story line is mechanical and basically what you end up with is a teenager's version of a Scooby Doo episode.
Only watch if you like films with large quantities of fake fog and Barbie dolls. 1/10
Penetration Angst (2003)
Too lengthy for total penetration
If you are looking for something "leftfield" and not too serious, then this is the film for you. It's not going to win any awards for acting and the script is at times wayward and unnecessary but it's fun nonetheless. I probably would have enjoyed this more if they had cut the running time down to around 60-70 minutes and therefore cutting out chunks that were just padding out the film (the cellar scene and most of the last segment of film in particular). I've given this film 6 out of 10 because for me it wasn't sharp enough at times and it seemed to lose it's way towards the end. Otherwise it's a worthy watch and throws up some memorable scenes.
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