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Reviews
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
It Should've Been Good, But It Wasn't
I wanted to like this film. I mean, I really, REALLY wanted to. The trailer was amazing. The source material is very good. The director has had some other great movies. But, the writing and the casting choices were just not good. The main characters are AWFUL. Unbelievable, unlikeable, and completely unsuited for this movie. I liked John Goodman as the bad guy in the market. That's about it.
The only good parts are the world-building and the visual effects. Really, so astoundingly good! They brought my rating up from a one to a four. The rest of the movie - nah. I'm glad I watched it for free on Prime and didn't waste money on it. Such a shame. Should've been a really good movie.
Truth or Dare (2012)
Would've Been a 3 Except For The Last 20 Minutes
The twist completely redeems this movie. The first 3/4 I was a little bored and thought about turning it off, but I'm glad I didn't! The ending was a total surprise and very satisfying. The acting is just ok, soundtrack is pretty good. Felt like just another teenagers-do-something-stupid-and-someone-wants-revenge movie until the last 20 minutes or so.
Anyone who wants a synopsis can just watch the trailer, but since they have the character minimum for reviews, here we go.
Teens go to party. Teens play Truth Or Dare. Someone gets their feelings hurt. Someone else wants revenge. Fast forward a few months and they get their chance. Stick it out for the ending, it's worth it.
The Ruins (2008)
This Movie Sucks
I truly do not understand where all these good reviews are coming from. What a waste of time. I couldn't even finish it - as soon as they got to the part where they "had to" cut the guy's legs off I was like yep I'm out. The characters are annoying and I ended up hoping they would all die and the movie would end. The only character I liked even a little was the German guy and they killed him off pretty quick. The cinematography is basic at best. No soundtrack to speak of. I haven't read the book and maybe I'd give it a shot since the books are always better but anyone reading this review should give this movie a hard pass.
The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)
Crazy White Religious People
I do not understand all the high reviews, I really don't. I did not enjoy this movie. It started off pretty good, with the missing baby and the distraught family and all; but then it went down a weird path and not in a good way. It felt like it was trying to be all "Salem witch trials" spooky and mysterious but came across as disjointed and directionless. Maybe that was the filmmaker's intent, I dunno. I would've liked some more backstory and details in certain areas - why the family was excommunicated, where the witch came from, stuff like that. Maybe the filmmakers meant for the audience to make up their own story, but I like to know stuff like that. Maybe the movie would've made sense to me if I didn't think that organized religion is a crock and the Puritans were cult.
Three stars because the acting was decent and I liked the Black Phillip songs.
Imaginary (2024)
Not As Bad As Everyone Says
I actually liked this movie. It isn't really scary, per se; there are a few jump scares but it's mostly just creepy. I thought the cast was good and I thought it had an interesting take overall on the way kids' imaginations work. I know the possessed toy/doll/whatever idea has been done to death but this movie had just enough of a twist on it to make it enjoyable. A little predictable, but I would still recommend it. I didn't want to pay money to rent it because of the low rating, but I watched it for free on the Starz Amazon app and I feel like it was worth seeing. I've seen worse movies for sure and I know Blumhouse has had a run of bad movies lately but this one is much better than the rating shows.
Margaret Cho: PsyCHO (2015)
Not Funny
I gave it 20 minutes, just waiting for the "funny" to start. In that 20 minutes I didn't laugh once. Robin Williams dying isn't funny to me. Taking pills with wine isn't funny to me. Homeless people are not funny to me. Howard Stern talking about Joan Rivers' "dry p***y" isn't funny to me. Maybe I'm just not easily amused enough for her demographic, I dunno. That 20 minutes was all I could take before I turned it off and switched to a different show. Her tattoos are gorgeous though, they're like the only part of the show I actually enjoyed. Call if this a "comedy" special is a real misnomer. I would recommend skipping this one.
Ricky Stanicky (2024)
Much Better Than I Expected!
Twenty years after creating the imaginary Ricky Stanicky, three childhood friends still use the nonexistent pal as a handy alibi for their immature behavior. When their spouses and partners get suspicious and demand to finally meet him, the guilty trio decides to hire washed-up actor Rod to bring him to life. However, when Rod takes his role of a lifetime a little too far, they begin to wish they never invented Ricky in the first place.
This movie is like Austin Powers' drunk cousin lol. Ridiculous premise, but somehow it works and it was a lot funnier than I thought it would be. John Cena is completely underrated as a comedian. Outrageously raunchy in places but some surprisingly heartfelt moments as well. William H Macy stole the show as Dean (Zac Efron)'s boss. Overall it was a decent movie and I'm not sorry I watched it.
The Wilds (2020)
Don't Bother Starting This Show - It's Cancelled
What a crap end to a pretty entertaining show. I liked the premise, illogical as it is; the actors did a fantastic job and the representation of different cultures and lifestyles was impressive. To end such a promising show on a crap cliffhanger with no promise of resolution is complete BS! I haven't been this disappointed over a show being cancelled since Firefly. I want to see how Josh ends up. I want to see Seth get his comeuppance. I want to find out where Nora went. I want to know why Shelby shaved her head. So many unanswered questions and loose ends! Save yourself the trouble and don't bother watching - if you ended up hating it, wouldn't be worth the time you spent; and if you loved it, you'd join the ranks of us that are pissed that we don't get to find out what happens next.
Legends of the Fall (1994)
A Terrible Movie Full Of Terrible People
I watched this the first time as a kid and was like "meh". Watched it again as an adult and it was even worse. I normally adore Anthony Hopkins but he was bland and colorless in this film. Anachronisms abound and I spent the entire 2+ hours either bored or mad. The acting was unengaging with the exception of Gordon Tootoosis' One Stab - I thought he was great and did the best he could with what the writers gave him. For the most part the characters were all horrible people and deserved what they got, except for poor Isabel II, who didn't know any better than to love an unlovable man. Her death was the only one that saddened me. If you're looking for a historical drama there are so many others that are fantastic. This movie was snubbed for acting Oscars for a reason. I will say the cinematography was fantastic and deserving of the movie's sole Oscar win.
Where the Red Fern Grows (2003)
Garbage. Stick to the Original.
This movie is TERRIBLE. I love the book, and the 1974 film adaptation did well for its time. This remake is completely pointless! The pacing is bad, the dialogue is rushed, and Dave Matthews' acting is even worse than his music, which I would not have thought possible. This has none of the heart and emotion of the book or the first movie. Small changes from the book and the first movie make no sense. The coon hunts supposedly happen at night, but it's bright as midday. During the storm it's supposedly raining very hard, yet there is a ton of dust kicked up. The modern music in the soundtrack is very jarring and doesn't fit the scenes or the time period. The dogs are great, but even they couldn't save this train wreck. All in all it hits like a poorly-made-for-tv movie. Complete waste of time.
The Last Days on Mars (2013)
Space Zombies
A scientific exploration team made up of members from several different countries find a bacterium living in a hole on Mars. Commence all the bad decisions.
Started off with a lot of potential, decent cast, intriguing concept...then everything turned to Night Of the Living Dead Goes To Mars. Terrible cinematography, terrible script, terrible movie. Waste of an hour and a half. There are a lot better space movies out there. There are a lot better zombie movies out there. Go watch one of them and save yourself the frustration.
Also the character requirements for reviews are super annoying. Just my two cents worth.
Call Me Kat (2021)
Great Until Third Season
I thought the first two seasons were fantastic! I totally identify with Kat's quirky, clumsy personality and I loved all the cats. She and Max have great on-screen chemistry and the will-they-won't-they tension was very satisfying. (I love a good slow burn!) Phil's character is just a peach. I've loved Mayim since Blossom and was really excited for this series. All the other characters are great too.
HOWEVER...along came season three and the whole thing just BOMBED. I feel like Mayim lost her flow and the Kat character is just over-the-top ridiculous now. Even the other characters, it's like they're all just trying too hard. The toxic relationship with Kat's mother has always bothered me but by the third season I wish they'd just kill her character off. It's not even funny, she's just so awful! Sure the character's health problems and big life changes would be tough to deal with but it's no excuse to be a narcissistic gaslighting emotional abuser! What a way to show people how mothers should NOT treat their daughters and putting up with that kind of abuse is NOT ok.
I feel like the season was tanking even before the loss of Leslie Jordan (rest well, dear Leslie! <3) and while finding someone else to fill the hole he left is nigh impossible, I am NOT happy with Gideon as his replacement. I had to stop watching. I really hope they get themselves back on track because I think this series has a lot of potential. But I am not enjoying this season very much.
Props though for the send-off for Leslie at the end of episode ten. Beautifully done! What a tribute to a legendary personality. When they brought out that chair I cried like a baby.
The Breakfast Club (1985)
Lame And Overrated
I really don't get why everyone loves this movie so much. I hated it when I watched it as a kid in the late 1980s and I still hated it when I gave it a shot as an adult today. Supposedly it's to show that stereotypes don't mean anything; mostly I was distracted by the fact that a makeover suddenly makes a mentally ill person attractive; that being sexually harassed and nearly assaulted suddenly is ok because "they had a heart to heart and REALLY got to know each other!" Yes the soundtrack is good but that is the only redeeming feature about this movie. I love Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez but this movie is a pile of crap. Sorry to rain on everybody's parade but it's a no-go for me.
Tiny Creatures (2020)
Ridiculous
The only reason this scored a two is the close-up camera work is very cool. The show itself is contrived and over-dramatic. Forcing wild creatures to behave a certain way and stuffing them full of anthromorphism does not a good nature show make. Endangering an animal just to "get a good shot" is cruel and unnecessary. Ridiculous sound effects and over-the-top action movie soundtrack are the rotten cherry on top of the garbage sundae. There are so many better nature shows out there that don't involve human meddling with an innocent creature. Skip this dumpster fire and watch one of those, like Tiny World on AppleTV.
Fall (2022)
Great Cinematography, But That's About It
WHY IS THIS MOVIE GETTING SO MANY GOOD REVIEWS?? The characters are so ill-prepared and make so many bad choices they deserve to end up plastered all over the desert floor.
Likes:
Great cinematography, the camera shots almost made me sick to my stomach. It really made me feel like I was stuck 2000 feet above the ground and made my heart pound.
The score was beautiful and really enhanced each scene.
Kudos to the makeup department for making the characters look like they were suffering from exposure and dehydration.
Dislikes:
SO MANY CLIMBING MISTAKES. For starters, always carry extra rope and equipment. Extra food and water in case of emergency. Fasten your pack to your body correctly. And in no universe is grabbing a pole with one hand going to stop yourself and your friend who is falling from plummeting to your doom. (Well maybe in the Marvel universe but I digress.)
Also the species of vulture shown in this movie is not native to the United States. For that part of California a turkey vulture would be accurate, but even a black vulture would at least be a US species.
Overall not a completely terrible movie but definitely not deserving of so many high reviews.
Modern Family (2009)
Awesome Show! (Mostly)
I love this show! I agree with others that the first 5-6 seasons were better, but I still enjoyed it immensely...well, most of it. Claire's character is completely off-putting and unlikeable. Every now and then she might have a sweet or amusing moment, but mostly I just want to fast forward through every scene she's in.
Ed O'Neill is a treasure and I love his interplay with the rest of the cast. Great writing (though admittedly less successful the last couple seasons), wonderful job by the actors. Lots of great guest stars as well. I never got around to watching this show when the first few seasons were on the air so I'm glad Hulu has it available.
Endless Love (1981)
Sooooooooo Bad
Boy meets girl, boy fornicates with girl, girl's father gets mad that boy fornicates with girl, forbids boy to see girl, boy burns down girl's house, boy goes to the loony bin. And it all gets worse from there. Brooke Shields is the worst actress ever and the writing is laughable. Not even James Spader can save this turd.
Midnight Sun (2018)
Tried But Failed
Good in theory, but poorly executed. Unexciting characters, bad writing, zero chemistry. Inaccurate portrayal of XP. Did the writers even talk to an actual person with XP? Cheesy and predictable. If you want an actual good movie with this sort of story watch The Fault In Our Stars, A Walk To Remember, or Everything, Everything instead.
The Prom (2020)
Didn't Quite Live Up To Its Potential, But Still Enjoyable
Pretty cute movie with an excellent message. Some parts dragged on a bit and there were some cringe moments but all in all I liked it. Ending was predictable but satisfying all the same.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
This Movie Made Me So Happy!
Perfect homage to the original films. I loved all the bits and pieces from the first two movies and especially the cameos at the end. Made me laugh and I even teared up a little. Bravo!
Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021)
Prepare To Be Underwhelmed
Chris Rock's character says these words at the beginning of the film, and I think it sums up the whole thing perfectly. I've been a Saw fan since day one and while some movies in the series I've enjoyed less than others, I've liked them all. Jigsaw was one of my favorites, and when I saw they were doing a Saw-universe film with Chris Rock and the legendary SLJ I was really excited! But this movie was lame. Total letdown. The acting was abysmal, especially from Chris Rock; everything felt disjointed and extremely removed from the slick, smart OG Jigsaw ethos. Not impressed with this film at all.
The Ice Road (2021)
Cheesy But Enjoyable
Is it the best movie ever made? No. Is it a total stinker and complete waste of time? Also no. It has some ridiculous moments that defy logic but also some great action scenes and Liam Neeson is always worth watching. All in all a decent corny popcorn flick.
Mr. Mercedes (2017)
Not My Favorite
Having read the books, I was excited for this series. Man what a disappointment. Bill Hodges' character in the first book is clever, intelligent, driven, trustworthy, and ultimately likeable. His character in the show however is none of those things. After three episodes of watching him scream at innocent bystanders and rail drunkenly at everyone around him I lost my taste for it.
Also I felt it was a misstep the way Brady was played. Brady's character in the book is calculatingly pleasant, and kind, and exceedingly careful to NOT draw attention to himself in any negative way. It's part of his MO, to be thought of as a genuinely nice person so that no one would suspect what actually lies beneath. Being thought of as "weird" and attacking people he works with is a thoroughly UN-Brady behavior. There are other changes and alterations I could mention that I don't care for but I think I'll just leave things where they are. I'm sure there are plenty of people who never read the books and really enjoy this show; but I'm just not feeling it.
6 Below: Miracle on the Mountain (2017)
Snoozefest
I usually like Josh Hartnett but this movie was crap. An unlikeable main character, his irritating mother, and a whole lot of snow. Save yourself the trouble and watch something else.
Tian · Huo (2019)
So Bad, It's Actually Entertaining
This is the best worst movie I've ever seen, lol. Completely ridiculous in some parts, full of tons of unlikely and improbable situations, yet somehow enjoyable. The subtitles were a bit distracting but I got used to them after a while. Silly, exciting fun, nice easy popcorn movie.