The Conners

Louise: Is leaving an option? I, I don't...

Harris Conner-Healy: Apparently, leaving is only an option for strangers. If you're family, you're trapped here.

Darlene Conner: Oh, good. You finally get it.

Becky Conner-Healy: I trust you, Harris. Then again, I'm not some psycho control freak.

Darlene Conner: Hey, you know what? You got your own kid to screw up now. Stay away from mine.

Dan Conner: Hey, take it down a notch!

Jackie Harris: Hey, don't yell at Becky 'cause you're in over your head in all parts of your life.

Darlene Conner: Oh.

[laughs sarcastically]

Darlene Conner: Hilarious coming from you.

Jackie Harris: No, you know what's hilarious is the person who is sleeping around and neglecting your kids is the one telling everybody else how to live their life.

Darlene Conner: Yeah, have another glass of water, Jackie! Dilute some of that tequila!

Jackie Harris: This isn't tequila talking! This is the truth! You think you're the almighty decision-maker around here? Huh! You think you can replace Roseanne as the Mom of this family? What a joke!

Dan Conner: Jackie, enough!

Darlene Conner: You wanna talk about my Mom? Let's talk about her... 'cause she spent her entire life trying to fix you! And every time she picked you up, you fell down! You know why? 'Cause you're a loser and you were the bane of her existence!

Harris Conner-Healy: [Jackie slaps Darlene across the face] Don't you ever touch my Mother!