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452 pages, Paperback
First published August 24, 2017
“He’s destined to do bigger things, and staying would be selfish, so as much as he wishes he could be with her forever, he has to let her go, because that’s what love means.”
"Never make someone else the main character in your own story."
“Worse is loving someone who disappears and never knowing if they’ll come back. Because how do you move on if you’re not even sure they’re gone? The answer is—you don’t. When you spend most of your life chasing ghosts, eventually, you become one.”
“But I just need to tell you… I need you to know… that even when I was completely fucked up, I never once stopped loving you.”
“I mourn the years they lost, the time that was wasted, the love that maybe just wasn’t quite enough to overcome his demons sooner.”
"Your dream has become my nightmare, and I’m begging you to let me wake up."
“I just wanted to know how long it took you to move on.”
“Oh, well, that’s an easy one,” he says. “It hasn’t happened.”
I smile down at her. “Love you more than lunch breaks and paychecks.”
“Love you more than recess.”
“That’s a lot of love, little girl.”
“All of it in the whole world.”
“It’s ‘cuz I love you.”
His expression shifts. I see it as those words strike him. “You love me?”
Maddie laughs. “Duh.”
Duh. She says that like he’s being ridiculous asking that question, like he’s supposed to just know, but love isn’t something he’s had a lot of.
“I love you, too,” he says.
“More than bacon?” she asks, munching on a piece.
“More than bacon,” he says quietly. “More than everything.”
“She’s beautiful, this kid—even more beautiful than I ever could’ve dreamed of. There’s a spark inside of her, one that echoes inside of me, the kind of spark I haven’t felt in a long time.”
I laugh as she hugs me. “Hey, pretty girl.”
She looks up at me. “You think I’m pretty?”
“What? Of course.” I kneel next to her, grinning as I press a finger to the tip of her nose. “You look like your mom.”
“You think Mommy’s pretty, too?”
“I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“You’re the queen, baby. I’m just a commoner.”
“The two of us always seemed to be on the same page until the day we just weren’t anymore, and there was no way to get back to that place once we struggled so much to communicate. But for a time, we just… were. It’s the most comforting feeling in the world. When you lose it, though, it’s the most confusing. It’s like losing a piece of your soul.”
“I’m sorry for the way I hurt you,” he says. “Sorry for everything I did that led us to this point. And I get it, you know, if you hate me. Wouldn’t blame you at all. But I just need to tell you… I need you to know… that even when I was completely fucked up, I never once stopped loving you.”
“We have to be our own heroes. No guy in a costume is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.”
“Ten years ago, you ran away with me so I could follow my dream. It’s time you follow yours. Wherever it takes you, I’ll be there.
Happy Dreamiversary.”
“Never make someone else the main character in your own story.”
“I wouldn’t say he’s kept me clean. He helps, but he’s not why I’m sober. You are.”
“Me?”
“And Madison,” I say. “This. That’s what has kept me clean.”
“I mourn the years they lost, the time that was wasted, the love that maybe just wasn’t quite enough to overcome his demons sooner.”
“Every smile they share today is the product of years of tears, of years of fighting and struggling and hoping and mourning but never, ever, ever quitting or giving up, because we’re here.”
“Love doesn’t give you a free pass to come and go.”
“Maybe that’s why you love acting so much. Maybe you’re tired of being yourself.”
“To me, she was the center of the universe, the sunlight that burned so bright, but she writes herself in the shadows, secondary in her own life. Instead, she made me the hero, the center of this alternate universe she invented around her.”
“He was the dreamer. The doer. The believer.
When he wasn’t high, when he wasn’t drunk, when he wasn’t so utterly screwed up, I saw something in him, something I see when I look at Maddie. The two of them, they have the same soul, they live with the same heart.”
“Worse is loving someone who disappears and never knowing if they’ll come back. Because how do you move on if you’re not even sure they’re gone? The answer is—you don’t. When you spend most of your life chasing ghosts, eventually, you become one.”
“But the world isn’t always kind to good people. Sometimes it eats them alive.”
“Never make someone else the main character in your own story.”
“Am I still an actor if I don’t have an audience?”
“Is a writer still a writer if nobody reads what they wrote?”
“Sorry for everything I did that led us to this point. And I get it, you know, if you hate me. Wouldn’t blame you at all. But I just need to tell you… I need you to know… that even when I was completely fucked up, I never once stopped loving you.”
“I know you have to go… I know… and you have to follow your heart, but how can I follow mine if you’re gone?”
“But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from it all, it’s that we have to be our own heroes. No guy in a costume is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.”
“I’m not asking you to give up your dream. I’m asking you to share it. Your work, it’s important, I know, but she’s important, too. You can’t get caught up and forget she’s sitting at home waiting for you. Because you live in a big, big world now, but hers is very small. A day without you is going to be like a day without the sun. Don’t let her days go dark.”
“Worse is loving someone who disappears and never knowing if they’ll come back. Because how do you move on if you’re not even sure they’re gone? The answer is—you don’t. When you spend most of your life chasing ghosts, eventually, you become one.”
"You don’t know this, but that woman? Even as she smiles, she’s utterly terrified. Your love is more than enough for her, but she feels pieces of it slipping away. Something inside of her is disintegrating. Her dream. She’s losing it. She came here with you, not quite realizing what you were going through. You felt invisible, and you were desperate for an audience, but where does that leave your love? Because the more people who see you, it seems, the less you see her."
"I’m playing with fire, like I don’t remember how much it hurts to get burned, but from here, where I’m standing, all I can seem to feel is the warmth."
___
I nod, looking down at my hands. “I wasn’t accusing you of cheating. I just wanted to know how long it took you to move on.”
“Oh, well, that’s an easy one,” he says. “It hasn’t happened.”
“I hate you. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say. I hate everything about you. Your voice, your face… I hate it. Why aren’t you going away?”
“Because I can’t,” I tell her, “and I’m pretty sure you don’t really want me to.”
She scoffs. “You’re upset,” I say, “but you’re lying to yourself if you think you want me gone.”
“I do.”
“You don’t.”
“Leave.”
“No.”
“Go away.”
“I’m not.” As soon as that last word leaves my lips, she’s on me, slamming into me, her lips pressing against mine. She’s kissing me, and I’m so fucking stunned that it takes me a moment to react, a moment to consider kissing her back. She moans and wraps her arms around my neck, clinging to me damn near aggressively as she kicks the door closed.
“Next time,” she says, just like that, no question about it.
“Next time,” I say.
“And soda, too,” she says.
“No soda,” Kennedy chimes in.
Madison glances at her mother before leaning even closer, damn near right up on me, whisper-shouting, “Soda.”
“I’m not so sure your mom will like that,” I say.
“It’s okay,” Madison says. “She tells Grandpa no soda, too, but he lets me have it.”
“That’s because you emotionally blackmail him,” Kennedy says.
“Nuh-uh!” Madison says, looking at her mother. “I don’t blackmail him!”
Kennedy scoffs. “How do you know? You don’t even know what that means.”
“So?” Madison says. “I don’t mail him nothing!”
“What could be lonelier than always being by yourself?
Worse is loving someone who disappears and never knowing if they’ll come back. Because how do you move on if you’re not even sure they’re gone? The answer is—you don’t. When you spend most of your life chasing ghosts, eventually, you become one.”
Never make someone else the main character in your own story.”
He’s an actor. His talent comes natural. He’s never had to work very hard at it. He can switch moods in a moment, change scenes in an instant, flip the script without anybody even realizing it’s happening. It’s hard to tell if he’s just playing a character or if you can trust that he means things.
You don’t know this, but that girl? As she stands there, staring at you, seeing the light in your eyes and feeling so much love in her heart, she would’ve done anything you asked. Anything. She would’ve climbed any mountain and dug any hole. She would’ve lied, cheated, and stolen. That girl would’ve promised you forever. As long as you love her, for as long as you care, she’s yours.
To me, she was the center of the universe, the sunlight that burned so bright, but she writes herself in the shadows, secondary in her own life. Instead, she made me the hero, the center of this alternate universe she invented around her.
I’m playing with fire, like I don’t remember how much it hurts to get burned, but from here, where I’m standing, all I can seem to feel is the warmth.
But love is only as strong as the people who fuel it. And you? You’re Superman, thinking Kryptonite makes you invincible. And the woman you love? She… can’t keep pretending any of this is normal. She can’t keep writing this as if somewhere along the way the plotline will fix itself. She can’t keep acting as if this isn’t her story.
“You’re the queen. I’m just a commoner.”
“To me, she was the center of the universe, the sunlight that burned so bright, but she writes herself in the shadows, secondary in her own life. Instead, she made me the hero, the center of this alternate universe she invented around her.”
“ I didn’t stick around here so long for any of that. I stayed for you. And if me loving you is enough—”
“It is,” she says.”
“I do it, and I do it well, pouring my soul into every moment. It's nearing the end of the story, even though we're still at the beginning of filming. It takes everything out of me, because endings are hard. Endings are fucking impossible... especially endings that remind me of a girl I'm trying damn hard not to think about.”
“Because I’ve wanted you since I was seventeen years old. Saying that is like promising forever. I need a real answer.”
He’s quiet for a moment, resting his head on top of mine before he asks, “What’s wrong with forever?”
“Nothing,” I say, “as long as you mean it.”
“Would you believe me if I promised it?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “That’s why I need you not to.”
“The notebook holds a piece of my heart, a piece of my soul, the piece I gave to him long ago.
“You’re being an idiot,” Meghan says, popping up in the doorway behind me.
I laugh to myself. “I know.”
“Sorry for everything I did that led us to this point. And I get it, you know, if you hate me. Wouldn’t blame you at all. But I just need to tell you… I need you to know… that even when I was completely fucked up, I never once stopped loving you."
“Hesitantly, I knock, hearing a flurry of footsteps inside before the door yanks open, the little ball of energy in front of me, grinning.
“Madison Jacqueline!” Kennedy shouts, popping up in my line of sight. “What did I say about answering the door like that?”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen, and before I can say a word, she swings the door shut, slamming it in my face. I stand here for a moment before the door cracks open again, her head peeking out as she whispers, “You gots to knock.”
As soon as it shuts again, I tap on the door.
“Who’s there?” she yells.
“Jonathan.”
“Jonathan who?”
“I’ll be Breezeo and Barbie can be Maryanne for you,” she says, sitting down on the floor and patting the wood beside her.
“Wait, shouldn’t I be Breezeo?”
“You’re him all the time, so it’s my turn now.”
Well, can’t argue with that logic.”
“Yeah, well, real world, remember? You had to know it wouldn’t last.”
“Yeah,” he mumbles, though he doesn’t seem to like that fact, his attention now on the drawings covering his cast. He traces the colorful lines with his fingertips.”
Maddie smiles, not sensing his sarcasm. “It’s ‘cuz I love you.”Cute I know right😭💖!!!!
His expression shifts. I see it as those words strike him. “You love me?”
Maddie laughs. “Duh.”
Duh. She says that like he’s being ridiculous asking that question, like he’s supposed to just know, but love isn’t something he’s had a lot of.
“I love you, too,” he says.
“More than bacon?” she asks, munching on a piece.
“More than bacon,” he says quietly. “More than everything.”
"Days feel like months without you."
"I know what it's like to be somebody's lone captive audience."Kennedy Garfield is a single mom who has struggled to provide for her little girl. Assistant Manager of the Piggly Q Grocery Store, she is far from the aspiring writer she once dreamed of becoming. Jonathan Cunningham, Hollywood's hottest commodity, her first love, and the father of her daughter, has been absent from her life. Struggling with addiction and the demons of his past, Jonathan lost it all. After working to overcome the mistakes he has made, Jonathan returns home in hopes to reunite with Kennedy and finally make amends to her and his daughter. The obstacles in his path are great. As he strives to be the man he has always wanted to be, he will do whatever it takes to win his family back and keep them forever.
"His hands roam, stroking my side, one slipping beneath my shirt. He palms my breast, squeezing it, sliding beneath my bra."Told in dual POV and through the past and present, Ghosted offers a second chance romance like none that I have ever read before. The writing style is unique as it shifts from the past and the present and each characters POV. I was quite touched by the journey Jonathan, and Kennedy made both individually and together. Addiction is such a complex element to explore, and J.M. delivers a perfect perspective into the life of someone torn between love and addiction. The predominant theme in this read is the relationship between Jonathan, Kennedy, and their daughter Madison. As this family seeks to heal, Jonathan and Kennedy cling to the hope they have for their future and learn to forgive the sins of their past. The physical intimacy between Jonathan and Kennedy is intense as they both focus on reconnecting and learning to love again. The sacrifices for both characters are great, and the supporting characters enhance the story significantly with a continuous stream of loyalty and love showered on Kennedy, Jonathan, and Madison.
“𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡?” 𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙨.
“𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨.”
“𝙄’𝙢 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮.”
“𝘿𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙗𝙚,” 𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙮. “𝙄𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩.”
“𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩?”
“𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮.”
𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙩, 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜. “𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙩𝙤𝙤.”
“𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙎𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨?”
“𝙐𝙝-𝙝𝙪𝙝,” 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨. “𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙮!”
“𝙉𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙮.”
“𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙤-𝙃𝙤𝙤 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙮 𝙈𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙩𝙤𝙮𝙨.”
“𝙒𝙝𝙤𝙖.”.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙮, 𝙨𝙤 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚.”
"𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧—𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚, 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜."
𝙄 𝙡𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙪𝙜𝙨 𝙢𝙚. “𝙃𝙚𝙮, 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡.”
𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨 𝙪𝙥 𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙚. “𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙄’𝙢 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮?”
“𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩? 𝙊𝙛 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚.” 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙥 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙨𝙚.
“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙢.”
“𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙈𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙮’𝙨 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮, 𝙩𝙤𝙤?”
“𝙄 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙨𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙.”
“𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨. ‘𝘾𝙪𝙯 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙞𝙩, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙞𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠. 𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙣 𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮.”(the way she gives advice to her mom ♥︎)
"𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙣, 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮. 𝙄'𝙢 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧."
“𝙊𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙢𝙚 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩.”
“𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙄 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙤𝙣.”
“𝙊𝙝, 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩’𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚,” 𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙨. “𝙄𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙.”
”you’re the queen, i’m just a commoner."
”i need you to know…that even when I was completely fucked up, i never once stopped loving you.”