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320 pages, Hardcover
Published June 13, 2023
Why “Tough Titties”?
First, because I say it a lot. Because, basically, I’m twelve.
Second, it evokes late-’70s, early ’80s, dirty, scuzzy New York, which I consider my point of origin, the shell out of which I rose in all my nerd glory. It gives top notes of terry-cloth halter top and roller skates, the waka-waka of Pac-Man, fear of getting mugged, vintage comic-book stores, Bloomingdale’s with Mom, hot sidewalk with a touch of urine.
Third, tits. I haz them. They’re a whole chapter. The titular one, if you will. (Told you I was twelve.)
Finally, “Tough Titties” is my favorite non-apology, the original “sorry not sorry.”
Want me to work nine to five? Tough titties.
Want me to have kids, like you do? Tough titties.
Want me to watch less TV? Tough titties.
Want me to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and then massage the person next to me at this conference? Yeah, hell no. Tough titties.
— Laura BelgrayTough titty said the kitty but the milk tastes good!
— my Mom, every time she said no to me.
I guess it’s what everyone wants. To access their full potential, step into their greatness, and unleash their awesomeness. That “unleash” stuff smacks of rank bullshit and, also, it speaks to me. I always loved the idea of someone unclipping the leash on my awesomeness and letting it run loose in the park. Go, awesomeness, go chase that squirrel!
Best thing about getting older, unimaginable as it was in my teens (or even my forties), is, you stop caring so much about being noticed and attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. Not that I don’t desperately buy every neck cream and still want to be considered “hawt.” But these days, “You’re so lucky” is what I say to a friend who can sleep all night without getting up to pee.
I wanted to sit on the couch, blissfully unaware of the time, and write my emails, which had replaced blogging as my main form of content. They were the most me thing I wrote. If I could get paid just to write those, I fantasized, I’d be getting paid to be me. Happily, I found a way to do just that. Once I finally created my own courses and group programs, which, bonus, could help many people at once, I used my emails to sell those. And that, to oversimplify things, is how I got to my first million. Write fun things and then the money comes in, minimal appointments on the calendar.