The Interview (2014)

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The Interview is a 2014 American political satire[7] action comedy film produced and directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg in their second directorial work, following This Is the End (2013). The screenplay was written by Dan Sterling, which he based on a story he co-wrote with Rogen and Goldberg. The film stars Rogen and James Franco as journalists who set up an interview with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un (Randall Park), only to then be recruited by the CIA to assassinate him. The film was inspired by a 2012 Vice documentary.

Transcript

00:00:00 [Music]

00:00:24 [Music]

00:00:40 [Music]

00:01:02 [Music]

00:01:12 [Music]

00:01:22 [Music]

00:01:42 We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea.

00:01:45 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough to reach the west coast of the United States.

00:01:51 Today an official of the United Nations tried to tell the world, so there will be no mistake,

00:01:57 that we are living in the midst of a modern day Hitler.

00:02:00 A young untested leader with nuclear ambitions.

00:02:04 Kim Jong-un.

00:02:05 Kim Jong-un.

00:02:06 We are talking about Kim Jong-un.

00:02:08 Good evening. I'm Dave Skylark.

00:02:12 Tonight we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, Oscar winning songwriter, Detroit's own Eminem.

00:02:20 He will speak with us about his new album, which has been mired in controversy concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly.

00:02:29 Tonight on Skylark Tonight.

00:02:32 [Music]

00:02:41 And action.

00:02:44 It's hell to be shady.

00:02:46 Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult at an elderly lady.

00:02:51 Then I asked her how it felt to be 80.

00:02:54 F word.

00:02:55 A senior citizen.

00:02:57 Suck a wiener, sit and spin.

00:03:00 Suck a wiener, sit and spin.

00:03:02 It's funny.

00:03:03 And why you drive so slow for?

00:03:06 Don't you want to get where you're going faster since you'll probably die tomorrow?

00:03:10 You old whore.

00:03:12 Die old bitch, die.

00:03:14 Before I murder you.

00:03:15 What do you mean by this, Em?

00:03:17 Well, first of all, I feel like when I rap, like, people twist my words.

00:03:23 Okay, but can you see how an old person might say, I think what this guy is telling me, this Eminem, is that I should go kill myself.

00:03:33 And I, you know, I don't like that.

00:03:36 I mean, I don't necessarily rap about the things that I hate.

00:03:41 It's more about the things that I fear.

00:03:44 I get you.

00:03:45 You know, it's like if I say something about women or whatever.

00:03:48 I think a lot of that is more or less me just dealing with issues with, you know, old issues with my mom or whatever.

00:03:54 With your mother.

00:03:56 Yeah, or, you know, when I say things about gay people or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, you know, it's because I'm gay.

00:04:03 When I rap about violence or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, I think that, you know, it's more or less because, you know, it's kind of my,

00:04:13 it's kind of about me just, you know, confronting it.

00:04:16 What did he just say?

00:04:17 Wow.

00:04:18 He said he was gay.

00:04:19 Did he just say he was gay?

00:04:21 We're preaching in the booth, he just said he was gay?

00:04:23 Em, let's just back it up a moment.

00:04:26 You just said that you were gay?

00:04:31 Um, and I'm just curious what you meant by that exactly.

00:04:36 I mean, I'm gay.

00:04:38 Uh, I'm just a little confused here because gay can mean a lot of things.

00:04:43 I am a homosexual.

00:04:48 Meaning?

00:04:50 I like men.

00:04:54 What the fuck just happened?

00:04:55 Eminem just said he was gay.

00:04:57 Four times.

00:04:58 That's what the fuck just happened.

00:04:59 Holy shit.

00:05:00 Holy shit.

00:05:01 Eminem's gay on our show.

00:05:02 Eminem's gay on our show.

00:05:03 Oh my god, get me to, get me to.

00:05:05 Gay Twitter, gay Twitter's blowing up.

00:05:06 Change the chyron.

00:05:07 Eminem gay?

00:05:08 Question mark, exclamation mark.

00:05:09 Dave, keep him talking.

00:05:11 Keep him talking.

00:05:12 Oh my god, this is horrible.

00:05:13 Holy shit.

00:05:14 Push it on gay Eminem.

00:05:15 This is the greatest moment in gay history.

00:05:16 You are probably shocked by what you're saying right now.

00:05:19 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet.

00:05:22 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo.

00:05:24 Gay peekaboo.

00:05:26 Yeah, but um.

00:05:27 Shit, camera one.

00:05:28 Oh god.

00:05:29 Camera one.

00:05:30 Interview's over, shut it off.

00:05:31 No, shut it off.

00:05:32 Get the fuck out of here, Daryl.

00:05:33 I am Marshall's publicist and I'm telling you to pull a fucking plug right now.

00:05:34 No, this is gold.

00:05:35 I am not cutting this interview off.

00:05:36 This is the best interview we've ever done.

00:05:37 Don't let anybody else do this.

00:05:38 Now get out of here.

00:05:39 Stop.

00:05:40 Get the fuck out of here.

00:05:41 Shut the fuck up.

00:05:42 Shut the fuck up.

00:05:43 Get the fuck out of here.

00:05:44 I'm gonna murder you and everyone you love.

00:05:46 Thank you.

00:05:47 Dave, look, I got the lyrics.

00:05:48 Say what I say.

00:05:49 What did you mean when you rapped?

00:05:52 I said nice rectum.

00:05:54 I had a vasectomy, Hector.

00:05:56 So you can't get pregnant if I bisexually wreck ya.

00:06:01 I've pretty much just been leaving a breadcrumb trail of gayness.

00:06:05 I see that now.

00:06:07 But yeah, actually, Hector was a real person.

00:06:10 Hector and his rectum were real.

00:06:13 Hector's rectum is real!

00:06:15 Yes!

00:06:16 Yes!

00:06:17 Yes!

00:06:18 Dude, dude.

00:06:19 Eric, bring it in.

00:06:20 Oh my God.

00:06:21 Bring it in, big boy.

00:06:22 Oh my God.

00:06:23 Oh my God.

00:06:24 What the heck just happened?

00:06:27 The real Slim Shady just stood up.

00:06:29 That's what the fuck just happened.

00:06:31 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white.

00:06:33 I can't believe what's happened.

00:06:35 You're the man!

00:06:36 You're the man!

00:06:37 You're the man!

00:06:38 You're the best.

00:06:39 You're the best.

00:06:40 You're the best.

00:06:41 Unreal.

00:06:42 I'm gonna go get my makeup off.

00:06:43 I want you to meet me downstairs.

00:06:44 I got something to show you.

00:06:45 Dude, just where are we going?

00:06:46 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend.

00:06:48 No, no, no.

00:06:49 What is this place?

00:06:50 We're just, you know, just hanging out.

00:06:52 Okay.

00:06:53 All right.

00:06:54 It's a surprise party for you.

00:06:56 What?

00:06:57 Why?

00:06:58 Why did you just tell me that?

00:06:59 Because I'm so excited.

00:07:00 This is gonna be great.

00:07:01 This is gonna be great.

00:07:02 I don't understand what's happening.

00:07:04 I already told him.

00:07:05 I already told him.

00:07:06 Come on, come on.

00:07:07 You're the best in the world, you fucking cocksucker.

00:07:09 Not now, Malcolm.

00:07:10 Not now.

00:07:11 Not now.

00:07:12 Come on.

00:07:13 Why is this happening?

00:07:14 You've been with us for 1,000 episodes.

00:07:17 Are you kidding me?

00:07:18 10 years, baby.

00:07:19 Come on.

00:07:20 Thank you.

00:07:21 I appreciate it.

00:07:22 All right.

00:07:23 Okay.

00:07:24 All right.

00:07:25 Now, I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun.

00:07:30 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip.

00:07:34 I'm gonna talk about Aaron.

00:07:36 Before we started working together,

00:07:38 my show barely broke the top 15.

00:07:41 So I called up this professor that worked at the Columbia

00:07:43 School of Journalism that I was having sex with,

00:07:45 and I said, "I need someone smarter than anyone

00:07:49 in entertainment.

00:07:50 I need a real journalist."

00:07:52 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee to my Frodo Baggins.

00:07:58 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins.

00:08:01 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make,

00:08:04 this is the most important.

00:08:07 I've got it.

00:08:11 And you're my precious.

00:08:14 Meagle needs Aaron.

00:08:16 One ring to rule them all.

00:08:18 And in the darkness, find them.

00:08:21 Now get up here!

00:08:22 Get up here!

00:08:24 Come up here, buddy.

00:08:25 Okay.

00:08:26 I love you.

00:08:27 Okay.

00:08:28 I fucking love you.

00:08:29 [cheers and applause]

00:08:31 [laughter]

00:08:36 Hey.

00:08:40 Yeah, like, what's that?

00:08:42 Come on, man, what's happening?

00:08:43 Hey, yeah.

00:08:44 Yeah.

00:08:45 What's happening?

00:08:46 How's it going, dude?

00:08:47 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right?

00:08:49 Yeah.

00:08:50 Probably.

00:08:51 And wait, am I wrong?

00:08:52 Are you like a--you're a junior producer on 60 Minutes, right?

00:08:55 I'm now a senior producer.

00:08:57 No way, man.

00:08:58 Yeah.

00:08:59 That's awesome.

00:09:00 Thank you.

00:09:01 Look at us, both producing news for television.

00:09:03 Yeah.

00:09:04 What was that?

00:09:06 Nothing.

00:09:07 It was clearly something.

00:09:08 What's the joke?

00:09:09 I mean, like, you've got your job, I've got mine,

00:09:11 but they're different, you know?

00:09:12 Yours is cool.

00:09:13 Mine's just a little bit more serious, you know?

00:09:15 What are you saying?

00:09:16 We have the same job.

00:09:17 I report real news, you know, stuff that matters.

00:09:20 And then you report on all the cool "who's getting new boobs"

00:09:23 and, like, the fun eating disorder stuff.

00:09:25 You really helped build up 60 Minutes, too, right?

00:09:27 They'd be nothing without you.

00:09:28 It's only been on for 80 fucking years.

00:09:30 Look, I--I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:09:32 Look, I shouldn't say this,

00:09:33 but we got an opening over at 60 Minutes,

00:09:35 and we could use somebody like you.

00:09:38 Are you serious?

00:09:39 I'm fucking with you, man.

00:09:40 Come on, you?

00:09:41 Where I work, you'd be eating alive at our office.

00:09:43 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys,

00:09:45 but cheers, man, congrats.

00:09:46 Or whatever.

00:09:48 When did the hair begin to go?

00:09:54 I would say...

00:09:56 around the outsiders.

00:09:58 When you're ready.

00:10:03 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but...

00:10:05 Oh, wig's coming off.

00:10:07 Oh.

00:10:08 Whoa.

00:10:14 Oh, Jesus, fuck.

00:10:16 Why does he keep the long pieces?

00:10:18 His head looks like somebody's taint.

00:10:20 You barely look different.

00:10:22 Thanks, man.

00:10:23 You said you were bold.

00:10:24 I--I see a little stuff on top.

00:10:26 It's a freeing.

00:10:27 Rob, is there anything that you would like to say to America?

00:10:32 Good evening.

00:10:39 I'm Philip Sterling with the UBS News Special Report.

00:10:42 Kim Jong-un's military forces

00:10:44 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island

00:10:47 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM.

00:10:50 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore.

00:10:52 Cut our feed.

00:10:53 What, the air?

00:10:54 Goddamn it!

00:10:55 Rob, what the fuck?

00:10:58 Goddamn it!

00:10:59 Tell me what's going on.

00:11:01 Dude, seriously, what is up with you?

00:11:04 You know I'm good at picking up energies.

00:11:06 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now.

00:11:10 What's going on?

00:11:11 We have millions of viewers every night watching our show,

00:11:14 and what do we do?

00:11:15 We just shovel shit into their faces, man.

00:11:17 We could be doing something positive.

00:11:19 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians.

00:11:22 That's what people want.

00:11:23 Give us some shit.

00:11:24 Manja, we're the people.

00:11:25 Give us the shit.

00:11:26 Manja, manja, manja.

00:11:27 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news,

00:11:29 not Nicki Minaj's vagina fucking flopping out at the Grammys.

00:11:32 You don't like that brown sugar?

00:11:34 I didn't do a brown sugar.

00:11:35 I just can't keep doing this, okay?

00:11:37 We have to change.

00:11:39 [whispering]

00:11:41 Fine.

00:11:42 Are you serious right now?

00:11:44 Yeah.

00:11:45 Do you promise you'll do this?

00:11:46 I promise.

00:11:47 If you promise, you'll never leave.

00:11:49 If you promise, then I'll promise.

00:11:50 Well, then same time.

00:11:51 One, two, three.

00:11:52 Promise.

00:11:53 Okay.

00:11:54 Hey, that's all we had to say.

00:11:56 Don't put me through that.

00:11:57 Okay.

00:11:58 I hate it when we fight.

00:12:00 No, this is not a joke, okay?

00:12:02 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending.

00:12:04 Look, look, look, look, look.

00:12:05 Yeah, shut up.

00:12:06 Shut up.

00:12:07 I'm on the phone, okay?

00:12:08 Dude, the fuck, man?

00:12:10 That was John Kerry's office.

00:12:11 Forget that oak tree-looking fuck.

00:12:13 This tops it.

00:12:14 The Times printed it about North Korea.

00:12:17 Read the bottom.

00:12:18 After all the death camp shit.

00:12:20 Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people

00:12:22 with cries for the destruction of the United States of America,

00:12:26 he is known to be an avid consumer of American entertainment.

00:12:29 His favorite shows are "The Big Bang Theory"...

00:12:32 And?

00:12:34 And "Skylark Tonight."

00:12:36 Oh, boo!

00:12:39 This is great!

00:12:41 This is what you were talking about!

00:12:43 I interview this guy.

00:12:45 Are you talking to me, man?

00:12:46 He's the most reclusive leader on the planet.

00:12:48 It's not gonna happen.

00:12:49 He lives in North Korea.

00:12:50 We can't go there.

00:12:51 Dave Skylark gets in anywhere.

00:12:54 You remember that club?

00:12:56 Three-month waiting list.

00:12:58 First night.

00:13:00 I don't think it's quite the same thing.

00:13:01 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there.

00:13:03 It's impossible, Dave.

00:13:05 Here's what we're gonna do.

00:13:07 We're gonna do that interview.

00:13:09 Everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously.

00:13:12 And then you're never gonna leave me.

00:13:15 North Korea's in the Olympics, right?

00:13:17 I bet they have an office that is set up

00:13:19 to communicate with the Olympic Committee,

00:13:21 so there's probably some infrastructure

00:13:23 for communicating with the outside world through that.

00:13:25 Good idea. Those wheels are turning!

00:13:27 If I leave a message for that office,

00:13:29 then maybe, if they're a fan of the show,

00:13:31 that could actually work.

00:13:32 We could interview the most famous man on the planet.

00:13:34 That would be the biggest interview ever.

00:13:36 Guys, guys, guys, guys!

00:13:37 I don't know if you've heard this,

00:13:38 but some pictures just came out

00:13:39 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat.

00:13:41 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:13:42 McConaughey goat fuck?

00:13:43 McConaughey goat fuck.

00:13:45 Uh...

00:13:46 [whimpers]

00:13:47 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that,

00:13:49 so we should put that together.

00:13:50 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay?

00:13:52 First thing tomorrow.

00:13:53 Book him, though. Book him.

00:13:54 Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat!

00:13:56 I'm on him.

00:13:57 Get the goat!

00:13:58 Got some questions for that goat.

00:14:00 [upbeat music]

00:14:02 ♪ ♪

00:14:05 - Hello, this is Aaron Rappaport from Skylar tonight.

00:14:08 We heard your supreme leader is a big fan of our show,

00:14:11 and we'd love to have him on.

00:14:12 Please get back to me and let me know.

00:14:14 I'm about to head to an important meeting,

00:14:16 but I'll be around in the morning.

00:14:18 Hope to hear from you.

00:14:20 - Whoo!

00:14:21 Yeah.

00:14:22 - Hey, what's up, man?

00:14:23 - Hi. - Hey, gentlemen.

00:14:25 - Mercer and Springs, please.

00:14:28 - Whoo!

00:14:30 [upbeat music]

00:14:33 [phone ringing]

00:14:36 - Hello?

00:14:38 Hello, who this?

00:14:39 - I am trying to reach Aaron Rappaport.

00:14:41 - You got Aaron Rappaport? Who this is?

00:14:43 - You left word with our office regarding an interview.

00:14:46 - Look, Dave, is this you?

00:14:47 'Cause if it is, you're doing a terrible Asian accent.

00:14:51 [speaking Asian]

00:14:53 Me got to go now, son.

00:14:55 - I am from the office of Suk Yong Park,

00:14:57 Secretary of Communications with the Democratic Party.

00:14:59 I'm the Secretary of Communications

00:15:01 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.

00:15:04 - Oh, my God.

00:15:05 Uh...shit.

00:15:07 Uh, me so sorry. I mean, I'm so sorry.

00:15:09 I mean, I'm so sorry. I'm so--I'm so--I'm so sorry.

00:15:11 I'm sorry.

00:15:12 - We would like to discuss the possibility

00:15:14 of a meeting between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark.

00:15:17 Security concerns dictate that the matter

00:15:19 be discussed in person.

00:15:21 - Uh, okay, great. Where--where do you do that?

00:15:24 - We will meet at latitude 40.1326,

00:15:27 or 50.9889.

00:15:29 - Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar

00:15:31 with my longitudes and latitudes, where is that again?

00:15:34 - 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China.

00:15:37 - Did you just say China?

00:15:39 And did you just say Dong?

00:15:41 [whoosh]

00:15:43 [upbeat music]

00:15:46 [sighs]

00:15:48 I'm going to motherfucking China, y'all.

00:15:50 [upbeat music]

00:15:53 ♪ ♪

00:16:00 [singing in Chinese]

00:16:03 ♪ ♪

00:16:06 - Excuse me.

00:16:08 [singing in Chinese]

00:16:11 - Hi there.

00:16:13 - No, thank you.

00:16:15 I'll just get their secondhand smoke.

00:16:18 [laughs]

00:16:20 - So fake.

00:16:23 - China, woo!

00:16:25 [singing in Chinese]

00:16:28 ♪ ♪

00:16:35 - Yee-haw!

00:16:38 [breathing heavily]

00:16:41 [breathing heavily]

00:16:44 [breathing heavily]

00:16:47 [breathing heavily]

00:16:50 [phone beeps]

00:16:51 Oh, where the fuck are they?

00:16:53 [sighs]

00:16:54 What the fuck?

00:16:56 [fire crackling]

00:16:59 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:02 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:05 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:08 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:10 - No, no!

00:17:12 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:15 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:18 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:21 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:24 [helicopter whirring]

00:17:27 - [shouting in Chinese]

00:17:30 - No, no!

00:17:31 - I'm gonna get you out there!

00:17:32 - Get me out of here!

00:17:33 - I'm gonna get you out!

00:17:34 - Air and ground report.

00:17:35 How did you find me here?

00:17:36 - Where's our helmet?

00:17:37 - Where's your helmet?

00:17:38 - I got my piece.

00:17:39 I'm here for an interview.

00:17:40 - Where's our helmet?

00:17:41 [dramatic music]

00:17:44 ♪ ♪

00:17:51 - Mr. Rappaport, I am Suk Yong Pak.

00:17:56 The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview

00:17:59 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea.

00:18:01 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself.

00:18:04 Terms are non-negotiable.

00:18:06 You have 24 hours to decide.

00:18:08 - That's it?

00:18:09 - Yes.

00:18:10 - Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone?

00:18:13 Or Skype?

00:18:14 Do you guys have Skype?

00:18:15 Do you have Skype here?

00:18:16 Okay, well...

00:18:18 Look, can you give me some water?

00:18:20 That guy's water!

00:18:21 Please, get me a ride somewhere!

00:18:23 I didn't pack well for this trip!

00:18:25 I packed like a fool!

00:18:27 Like a goddamn fool!

00:18:29 Please!

00:18:30 Please!

00:18:32 [helicopter whirring]

00:18:35 [helicopter whirring]

00:18:40 - [grunts]

00:18:42 Shit.

00:18:44 [grunts]

00:18:46 [grunts]

00:18:48 Damn, she was sexy.

00:18:51 The fucking helicopter landed.

00:18:53 I'm in the middle of nowhere.

00:18:55 Two soldiers jump out.

00:18:56 I think I'm gonna get killed.

00:18:58 Then out comes Suk.

00:19:00 I told you about her.

00:19:01 She comes out of the helicopter.

00:19:02 She's hot. - How hot?

00:19:03 - Super sexy. - Did you get in there?

00:19:05 - Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter.

00:19:06 - My fucking man!

00:19:08 - You didn't do that, dude. No.

00:19:10 - Okay, she said we couldn't ask any of our own questions.

00:19:12 They were gonna write all the questions.

00:19:14 We can't do it.

00:19:15 - We're essentially letting him

00:19:17 interview himself with your mouth.

00:19:19 - Look!

00:19:20 Look at this buttfuck!

00:19:22 He's got a whole parade of nukes.

00:19:24 He's ready to use 'em.

00:19:25 When you score a bin Laden

00:19:28 or a Hitler or an UN,

00:19:31 you take 'em by the balls.

00:19:33 It's the first rule of journalism.

00:19:35 You give the people what they want.

00:19:37 - That's not the first rule of journalism.

00:19:38 I think that's the first rule of, like,

00:19:40 circuses and demolition derbies.

00:19:41 - This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon.

00:19:44 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years,

00:19:46 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this.

00:19:48 We do this, we can interview any president on the planet,

00:19:52 and then you can ask him the real questions.

00:19:55 This is like eating our vegetables.

00:19:58 Once you eat those, then you get to eat the steak.

00:20:01 And we know Aaron wants his steak.

00:20:04 This is like "The Lord of the Rings," okay?

00:20:09 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins.

00:20:13 And you're my Sam.

00:20:18 My Samwise.

00:20:19 I can't do it without you.

00:20:22 - Okay. - Come with me to Mordor.

00:20:25 - Okay, let's fucking do it.

00:20:26 - Yeah? - Yeah.

00:20:28 [dramatic music]

00:20:31 - As always, I'd like to thank my guest,

00:20:34 Joe Gordon-Levitt!

00:20:35 And before we go, I have a very special announcement.

00:20:39 With the help of my outstanding producer, Aaron Rapoport,

00:20:43 I have secured the most important interview

00:20:46 of the 21st century!

00:20:48 Three weeks from tonight,

00:20:49 I will be traveling to Pyeongyang, North Korea,

00:20:53 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview

00:20:57 with President Kim Jong-un.

00:21:00 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored

00:21:03 to accept this most awesome responsibility.

00:21:06 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing

00:21:09 the dictator of North Korea.

00:21:10 - A hundred bucks.

00:21:11 Skylark thinks he's the guy from "Gangnam Style."

00:21:14 - Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator.

00:21:17 This is a man who tortures, terrorizes,

00:21:20 and starves his own people.

00:21:21 Skylark is beneath the-- - Fuck this.

00:21:24 - Ooh, wow!

00:21:26 What a fucking bitch, am I right?

00:21:29 - No, you're not right.

00:21:30 He's not being a bitch.

00:21:31 He's completely right!

00:21:32 - He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous!

00:21:36 - He's not jealous.

00:21:37 - He's putting K-Y jealous all over his dick.

00:21:40 - What is there to be jealous of?

00:21:41 - Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us.

00:21:44 - They hate us 'cause we ain't us?

00:21:45 The fuck does an "ain't us" have to do with this?

00:21:47 - They hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:21:50 - That's not what it is.

00:21:51 - Yes, it is! - No, it's not.

00:21:53 They hate us 'cause we is us,

00:21:54 and what we is doing is fucking terrible.

00:21:56 - They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:21:58 - Stop saying that!

00:21:59 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us.

00:22:00 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:22:01 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:22:02 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:22:03 - I'm used to it, they hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:22:05 - Stop it, stop it, don't say it again!

00:22:07 - Shh.

00:22:09 Maybe haters gonna hate,

00:22:13 and ainer's gonna ate.

00:22:15 - That is not an actual thing people say.

00:22:18 - This is what you do to haters.

00:22:20 You just smile.

00:22:22 [slurping]

00:22:24 [chewing]

00:22:26 [chomping]

00:22:29 - What is that?

00:22:31 - Strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life.

00:22:33 [upbeat music]

00:22:36 ♪ ♪

00:22:42 - Yeah. - Get 'em!

00:22:44 [snoring]

00:22:47 [snoring]

00:22:51 [knocking]

00:22:54 - Oh.

00:22:56 Oh, what the fuck?

00:22:57 [knocking]

00:22:59 Okay.

00:23:01 [coughing]

00:23:02 Okay, I'm coming.

00:23:04 [coughing]

00:23:06 [coughing]

00:23:08 Oh, shit.

00:23:11 [knocking]

00:23:13 Oh, God.

00:23:15 - Mr. Rappaport.

00:23:18 I am Agent Lacey with Central Intelligence,

00:23:20 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin.

00:23:22 - Oh, yo, Aaron, whoever that is,

00:23:24 tell him to fuck off.

00:23:26 - Dave, it's--it's not--

00:23:28 - Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night,

00:23:30 but I got some stink dick.

00:23:33 Yo, my dick stinks!

00:23:35 It's so weird how you, like,

00:23:38 just wanna keep smelling it, though.

00:23:40 Yo, you gotta come over and smell this shit.

00:23:43 Yo, come smell this.

00:23:44 You gotta identify this.

00:23:45 I don't know what it is.

00:23:47 - Excuse him.

00:23:48 He has stink dick.

00:23:49 - It kinda smells like guacamole.

00:23:52 - May we come in?

00:23:54 - Would you, um, like a drink

00:23:57 or some of Aaron's cocaine?

00:23:59 - This is not our coca--this is our cocaine.

00:24:01 - No, I'm sure it's not.

00:24:02 - So, uh, how can we, uh--

00:24:04 what can we do you for?

00:24:05 - Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure?

00:24:07 - Well, Aaron, Dave,

00:24:09 as I'm sure you know already,

00:24:11 Kim Jong-un is now capable

00:24:14 of nuking all of the West Coast.

00:24:16 The point is, we're talking about nuclear nations

00:24:20 at war with each other.

00:24:21 - Nuclear.

00:24:22 - He does have one tactical advantage over the West.

00:24:26 He's more than willing to let millions

00:24:28 and millions of his own people die.

00:24:30 - Ba-bam. Explosions all over my face.

00:24:34 - I'm sorry. We had kind of a long night last night.

00:24:36 Why are you telling us all this information?

00:24:38 - Well, we're telling you this because you two,

00:24:41 lucky gentlemen, are going to be in a room alone with him.

00:24:44 Congratulations, by the way.

00:24:46 - That's right!

00:24:47 - Which is part of the reason why we're here.

00:24:49 The CIA would love it if you two could take him out.

00:24:55 - Hmm?

00:24:58 - Take him out.

00:24:59 - Take him out? Like, for drinks?

00:25:01 - No, no, no. Take him out.

00:25:03 - Take out? Like, to dinner?

00:25:04 - Take him out to a meal?

00:25:05 - Take him out.

00:25:06 - Like, on the town?

00:25:07 - Party?

00:25:08 - No, uh...

00:25:10 take him out.

00:25:12 - You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea?

00:25:16 - Yes.

00:25:17 - Whaaaaat?

00:25:18 If we kill him, won't they just get another chubby dude

00:25:21 with a goofy hairdo to come in and replace him?

00:25:23 - Exactly.

00:25:24 - And then the same thing happens?

00:25:25 - Exactly.

00:25:26 - Actually, we're aware of a small faction

00:25:27 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone.

00:25:30 They want change.

00:25:31 They're too scared to act alone,

00:25:32 and they need you two to go in there,

00:25:35 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt and take over.

00:25:41 - Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved?

00:25:45 - I'm going to be in your ear,

00:25:48 by your side, every step of the way.

00:25:52 - Then I have one answer.

00:25:55 No more Kim.

00:25:57 - Uh, you know what?

00:25:58 Actually, I think we should talk about it more.

00:26:00 - Okay, all right.

00:26:01 We're just gonna go talk.

00:26:02 - We're just gonna talk.

00:26:03 - By all means.

00:26:04 - Just for the record.

00:26:05 - I don't have stent dicks.

00:26:08 - Come here.

00:26:10 - I think we need to do this.

00:26:12 She is so cruel.

00:26:13 - You don't see what's happening,

00:26:15 and it's so obvious.

00:26:16 It's crazy, man.

00:26:17 - What?

00:26:18 - They're honeypotting us.

00:26:19 - What?

00:26:20 - It's an attractive spy woman

00:26:21 who lures men into doing shit they're not supposed to do.

00:26:23 How can you not see that?

00:26:24 - Because that is so sexist.

00:26:26 - Is it?

00:26:27 - This is 2014.

00:26:28 - Dude, women are smart now.

00:26:29 - Do you actually think she just so happens

00:26:31 to have everything you find attractive?

00:26:33 Bangs, giant tits, glasses.

00:26:36 They're fake, man.

00:26:37 - Fake glasses?

00:26:38 - How could the CIA come up with such a thing?

00:26:40 - Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat.

00:26:42 - Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly

00:26:45 and when we're horned up,

00:26:46 might not be the best thing.

00:26:47 - Horned up?

00:26:48 - You are horned up.

00:26:49 - Oh, please.

00:26:50 - You can have a fucking chump right now.

00:26:52 Take your hands away.

00:26:53 - Mm-mm.

00:26:54 - I saw the boner.

00:26:55 - I'm not taking my hands away.

00:26:56 - Move your fucking hands.

00:26:57 - Fine.

00:26:58 You wanna see it?

00:26:59 - Yeah.

00:27:00 - Feast your eyes.

00:27:01 - Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

00:27:02 I'm gonna go poop out these drugs.

00:27:03 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts.

00:27:05 If we both still wanna talk about this afterwards,

00:27:07 then we can.

00:27:08 But not until then.

00:27:09 - Thief Skylar never backs down from a jerk off.

00:27:12 (upbeat music)

00:27:14 - Yeah, yeah!

00:27:15 - In three days, you will fly from New York to Beijing,

00:27:18 where you will transfer to a commercial airline

00:27:21 that takes you directly to Pyongyang.

00:27:23 - I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated,

00:27:25 but what happened to your glasses?

00:27:28 - Oh, I got LASIK.

00:27:32 - Between the time I saw you and now?

00:27:34 - Yes.

00:27:35 - Okay.

00:27:36 Now, our intelligence suggests

00:27:38 that you will be taken here

00:27:40 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound.

00:27:42 So, preceding the interview,

00:27:44 you are going to shake Kim's hand,

00:27:46 administering a fatal dose of poison

00:27:49 with this, a transdermal time-delayed ricin strip.

00:27:53 When you shake his hand,

00:27:55 the poison will be absorbed into his skin,

00:27:58 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period.

00:28:01 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved.

00:28:04 - No one will know?

00:28:06 - The United States must maintain

00:28:08 total and complete deniability.

00:28:10 - Total deniability?

00:28:12 - Obviously.

00:28:13 - This is what I picture.

00:28:14 - What did you picture?

00:28:15 - I walk in there like a fucking gangster

00:28:17 and blow his little fucking ass away on television.

00:28:20 This is a major television event.

00:28:23 You don't wanna blow it with an off-screen death, okay?

00:28:27 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot.

00:28:31 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it.

00:28:33 - And then right before they finish,

00:28:35 you cut to black and say,

00:28:36 "Oh, don't worry, 12 hours later,

00:28:38 they came all over each other"?

00:28:40 Oh!

00:28:41 You want the all-over close-up,

00:28:43 all over his face!

00:28:45 The end!

00:28:46 [laughs]

00:28:49 Bam!

00:28:50 - What kind of porn are you watching?

00:28:51 - What happens when all of his guards

00:28:53 start firing back at you

00:28:54 for killing their leader right in front of them?

00:28:57 - That's a good question.

00:28:58 - My bulletproof vest.

00:28:59 - No, you don't have a bulletproof vest.

00:29:01 You don't have one of those.

00:29:02 - I will dodge those bullets.

00:29:03 - What happens after you escape the compound, Dave?

00:29:06 - I look back over my shoulder.

00:29:07 I see Aaron.

00:29:08 I grab him by the hand.

00:29:09 We run out into the woods.

00:29:10 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there.

00:29:13 We exit said tunnel at a designated spot.

00:29:17 Seal Team Six swoops in,

00:29:19 puts us on one of those inflatable motorboats.

00:29:22 We hit the waters.

00:29:23 We're out of there, on our way to you.

00:29:25 - If you did try to do this, what would kill you first?

00:29:28 Sub-freezing temperatures.

00:29:30 - I don't like the cold, okay?

00:29:31 - Starvation.

00:29:32 Starved to death.

00:29:33 - You're telling me the CIA

00:29:34 doesn't have North Face jackets and some pirate booty?

00:29:37 Captain Crunch?

00:29:39 - What about Siberian Tigers?

00:29:40 Did you think about that?

00:29:41 - What?

00:29:42 - You're not going to shoot him.

00:29:43 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest,

00:29:45 and nobody is going to know

00:29:47 that you had anything to do with this.

00:29:49 That's it.

00:29:50 That's the plan, period.

00:29:51 - Okay, two years later,

00:29:53 I come out with my best-selling tell-all,

00:29:55 "An Unexpected Journey, Dave Skylark's Adventures

00:29:59 in North Korea."

00:30:00 - You can't write a tell-all.

00:30:01 - We were in an oddly-shaped gray room

00:30:03 at the CIA headquarters.

00:30:05 The titillating Agent Lacey--

00:30:07 - Stop doing that. - Why?

00:30:08 - There's no tell-all.

00:30:09 - There's no tell-all, Agent Lacey said.

00:30:12 She looked at him.

00:30:13 She trembled with rage.

00:30:15 Or was it passion?

00:30:17 - Stop it.

00:30:18 - I just want everybody to know

00:30:20 that I know what you did to me.

00:30:22 - What? - With the glasses, honeycombing.

00:30:24 - What does that even mean?

00:30:25 - You honey-potted him. It's honey-pod.

00:30:27 - You honey-potted me? - You honey-potted him.

00:30:29 - Uh, no, I didn't.

00:30:30 - He said a lot of stupid shit in the last ten minutes,

00:30:32 but for reals, you did honey-pod him.

00:30:34 I bet you got him in here as a honey-dick

00:30:36 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not.

00:30:38 But if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away.

00:30:40 - You honey-dicking? - Look, she's not honey-potting you,

00:30:42 and I'm not honey-dicking him.

00:30:44 - It's very offensive, 'cause basically,

00:30:45 if you think about what you're saying to me,

00:30:47 you're saying because I'm a girl

00:30:48 and because I'm attractive,

00:30:49 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men.

00:30:52 - I think it's offensive, too,

00:30:54 and that's exactly what I said to Erin.

00:30:55 I said, "That bitch is blind as a bat."

00:30:57 - Can we please move on?

00:31:00 We have a dictator to kill.

00:31:01 When handling the rice in the strip,

00:31:04 operate with extreme caution.

00:31:06 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal.

00:31:09 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours.

00:31:12 After it passes the blood-brain barrier,

00:31:14 your heart rate would shoot up to 160.

00:31:16 Your body will strain to reject the poison

00:31:18 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting.

00:31:21 Within minutes, you will be dead.

00:31:23 - Okay. - Got it?

00:31:25 ♪ ♪

00:31:27 - Erin peels off the film marked "A,"

00:31:30 exposing the adhesive coating.

00:31:32 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm.

00:31:35 - Okay.

00:31:36 - Erin will then remove the film marked "B,"

00:31:38 exposing the ricin.

00:31:40 - There. - Okay, glad.

00:31:41 - Okay.

00:31:42 - Dave needs to appear casual

00:31:44 as he is transferred from his room

00:31:46 to the broadcast facility.

00:31:48 It is critical that he keeps his hand open

00:31:51 and touches nothing.

00:31:53 - Dave Skylar.

00:31:55 - Mr. Kim.

00:31:57 - Just shaking hands.

00:31:59 - Hi. Nice to meet you.

00:32:02 - Dave will bow to Kim, then shake his hand,

00:32:05 immediately disposing of the strip in his jacket pocket,

00:32:08 which will be lined with an absorbing agent

00:32:11 that denatures the poison.

00:32:13 ♪ ♪

00:32:21 ♪ ♪

00:32:29 - [sneezes]

00:32:33 - Oh, no.

00:32:34 - [screaming]

00:32:36 Angeliki, what's this mean?

00:32:38 - You're dead.

00:32:39 - All right, Mr. Skylar,

00:32:40 so you'll just place the ricin case in this pouch here.

00:32:43 It will magnetically seal, and then you're good to go.

00:32:46 - So you want me to carry this bag?

00:32:48 - This is the bag. This is a douche bag.

00:32:51 - The watches conceal an array of tactical functions.

00:32:54 How you stay in contact with me in the command center.

00:32:57 - Aaron to Dave.

00:32:58 - All radio communication should be done using call signs.

00:33:01 - Cool.

00:33:02 - Dave, you are Dung Beetle, and Aaron, you are Artur.

00:33:05 - I can't even carry this thing.

00:33:07 - What do you mean you can't carry it?

00:33:08 - Aerodynamics are all off.

00:33:09 It's hitting my leg. It's, like, bulky.

00:33:11 - Please remember, gentlemen,

00:33:13 you are entering into the most dangerous

00:33:16 and unpredictable country on Earth.

00:33:19 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator.

00:33:22 Those people revere him as a god.

00:33:25 They'll believe anything he tells them,

00:33:27 including that he can speak to dolphins,

00:33:29 or he doesn't urinate and defecate.

00:33:32 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:33:34 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poo?

00:33:36 - I'm telling you he does, and he lies to his people,

00:33:38 and they believe him.

00:33:39 - Everybody pees and poos.

00:33:40 Where would he go otherwise? He'd explode.

00:33:42 - But he does talk to dolphins.

00:33:44 - [sighs]

00:33:45 - ♪ I'm a bit of America ♪

00:33:47 ♪ I'm a bit of the world ♪

00:33:50 ♪ I'm a bit of Canada ♪

00:33:53 ♪ I'm a bit of Canada ♪

00:33:56 ♪ I'm a bit of America ♪

00:33:59 ♪ ♪

00:34:02 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:34:05 - All right, now I look fucking awesome.

00:34:07 - Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice.

00:34:09 - I know. - Just...

00:34:12 What the fuck is this?

00:34:13 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful.

00:34:15 This is not the bag the CIA gave you.

00:34:17 - Oh, that bag? - Yes, that bag.

00:34:19 - That bag was fugly with a capital "FUG."

00:34:21 - Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison

00:34:23 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country.

00:34:25 - Kim is a super fan.

00:34:26 He knows I take fashion risks.

00:34:28 - Look, I show up with that other bag,

00:34:29 Kim's gonna be like, "Oh, no.

00:34:31 "You got an ugly bag?

00:34:33 "You know Skylock, you secret agent.

00:34:35 Terminated."

00:34:36 - Where's the fucking poison strip?

00:34:38 - I put the strip in a pack of gum.

00:34:41 They'll never find it.

00:34:43 - I am not cool with this.

00:34:44 - It's showtime. - Showtime?

00:34:45 - It's not showtime.

00:34:46 - Dave "Skylock" Thune!

00:34:49 - Hello!

00:34:50 We are going to North Korea.

00:34:52 - Yo, Skylock, which side of President Kim's ass

00:34:54 you gonna kiss?

00:34:55 - I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say

00:34:57 I might give him something special with my hand.

00:34:59 - You gonna Turk him off?

00:35:01 - What? No.

00:35:02 - That's a double encephalopathy.

00:35:03 - Shut up! Shut up!

00:35:05 Get in the fucking car!

00:35:06 Shut up! Shut up!

00:35:08 Why would you say that?

00:35:10 Why would you say that?

00:35:12 - All right, here we go.

00:35:19 - What's that noise?

00:35:22 - Did you put it out? - Yeah.

00:35:24 - Oh, oh, oh.

00:35:34 Wow.

00:35:36 This is crazy.

00:35:39 - Hello, North Korea!

00:35:42 - Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

00:35:44 - Okay, North side.

00:35:46 - Okay, hi.

00:35:47 Sorry about what he's doing.

00:35:50 - Hello.

00:35:51 - Wow.

00:35:53 I like your style.

00:35:55 - Good to see you again.

00:35:57 How are you?

00:35:58 - Hi. - Hi.

00:35:59 - Hello. - Hello.

00:36:00 - This is great.

00:36:01 - Dave, this is Suk In Park.

00:36:03 - Suk? Lee Suk?

00:36:05 - Yes. - That you won't stop talking about?

00:36:07 - That's not true.

00:36:09 - We are different people.

00:36:27 We speak different languages.

00:36:29 Huh?

00:36:31 We have different faces,

00:36:34 but inside

00:36:36 we are same same.

00:36:38 Same same,

00:36:40 but different.

00:36:42 But still same.

00:36:44 Thank you.

00:36:46 Konnichiwa.

00:36:48 - You know, I'm very, very interested

00:36:51 in the history of your young nation.

00:36:53 I hear that absolutely everyone here

00:36:56 is starving to death.

00:36:58 - It's quite all right.

00:37:01 This is a common misconception.

00:37:03 - Oh, okay.

00:37:04 - See for yourself.

00:37:06 - Oh, wow.

00:37:09 It's a grocery store.

00:37:10 Looks like the whole food's around the corner from my place.

00:37:12 - Yep. Guess no one's hungry here after all.

00:37:15 - We have an abundance of food here.

00:37:17 - And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid.

00:37:20 Hi, little fatty.

00:37:21 Hi.

00:37:23 - We have many fat children in North Korea.

00:37:27 The Supreme Leader believes it is a hallmark

00:37:29 of prosperity and self-sufficiency.

00:37:32 - I don't know about all that,

00:37:34 but this one is the one that I heard.

00:37:36 - I heard he doesn't pee or poo.

00:37:38 - He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside.

00:37:41 - You're telling me my man doesn't have to think of poo?

00:37:43 Does he have a butthole?

00:37:45 - He does not have a butthole.

00:37:47 He has no need for one.

00:37:49 (upbeat music)

00:37:52 (upbeat music)

00:37:56 (upbeat music)

00:37:59 (upbeat music)

00:38:25 (upbeat music)

00:38:28 - Whoa.

00:38:29 - Oh, damn, son.

00:38:31 - Like this way?

00:38:33 (upbeat music)

00:38:36 (upbeat music)

00:38:39 - Tell me, why am I stopping?

00:38:41 (upbeat music)

00:38:44 (upbeat music)

00:38:47 (footsteps)

00:38:53 - These are officers Ko and Yu.

00:38:56 They are the heads of our Supreme Leader's personal security.

00:38:59 They have been with him since he was a little boy.

00:39:02 They will search you one last time

00:39:04 before entering our Supreme Leader's home.

00:39:07 (footsteps)

00:39:10 - Just a Gucci bag.

00:39:12 (suspenseful music)

00:39:21 - What's this?

00:39:23 - Uh, gum.

00:39:26 That is gum.

00:39:28 - Uh.

00:39:30 - Oh!

00:39:33 - Oh, you fucking tried it.

00:39:35 - This gum has no flavor.

00:39:37 - You don't like it, just spit it out.

00:39:38 - Spit it out.

00:39:39 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spit it out.

00:39:40 (laughing)

00:39:42 - Your gum tastes like shit.

00:39:43 - Okay.

00:39:44 (speaking foreign language)

00:39:45 - You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home.

00:39:48 (footsteps)

00:39:50 (door slams)

00:39:52 (footsteps)

00:39:55 - This room for Mr. Skylar.

00:39:57 - Cool. - Thanks.

00:39:59 (footsteps)

00:40:02 - This room for Mr. Rappaport.

00:40:04 - Ooh, lovely.

00:40:05 - Thank you. - Cute.

00:40:06 - Point.

00:40:07 (laughing)

00:40:08 - You know, I'm tired.

00:40:09 How are you feeling?

00:40:10 - We go now.

00:40:11 - Okay.

00:40:12 - You're a motherfucker.

00:40:13 - Hey, uh, you know.

00:40:14 - How's your tummy feeling?

00:40:15 - You should have some tums.

00:40:16 - Maybe you should have some tea.

00:40:17 (door slams)

00:40:18 (whispering)

00:40:23 - Lovely room.

00:40:24 - Yeah.

00:40:25 - Oh yes.

00:40:26 - I'm gonna go take a shower now.

00:40:27 - Okay, I'll take one with you.

00:40:29 - Why would you take one with me?

00:40:30 - I'm just making up fake conversations.

00:40:32 - Shut up, shut the fuck up.

00:40:33 (sighs)

00:40:34 - What the fuck?

00:40:37 Dude.

00:40:38 - He ate it.

00:40:39 He fucking ate it.

00:40:40 - You're not even supposed to touch it.

00:40:41 - He ate it.

00:40:42 - Chewing.

00:40:43 - Shit.

00:40:44 - Chewing it.

00:40:45 - Shit, he's gonna die.

00:40:46 - Look, look, look, look.

00:40:47 He's probably like Kim's trigger man, okay?

00:40:50 He's probably killed like tons of people.

00:40:52 - He's probably worse than Kim.

00:40:53 We're okay with killing Kim, right?

00:40:55 - Yeah, how the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way?

00:40:58 We don't have any poison anymore.

00:41:00 - What happened to it?

00:41:02 - Somebody ate it.

00:41:03 - Someone ate it?

00:41:04 Why the fuck did you switch bags?

00:41:06 - All right, all right.

00:41:07 I shouldn't have switched the bags, I'm sorry.

00:41:09 - Listen, just sit tight.

00:41:11 I am going to contact you.

00:41:13 Do not fall asleep.

00:41:15 Figure out a way to fix this.

00:41:17 - Thanks, why'd you tell her?

00:41:18 - Tell her what?

00:41:19 Because it's the truth.

00:41:20 - Why'd you tell her that he ate it?

00:41:21 - Because he did.

00:41:22 - Dude, that was a cock block.

00:41:25 - Get me Major Frank Sotios on Air Force Base.

00:41:28 (upbeat music)

00:41:30 (engines rumbling)

00:41:33 (speaking in foreign language)

00:41:37 (upbeat music)

00:41:43 (alarm beeping)

00:41:46 (alarm beeping)

00:41:49 (alarm beeping)

00:41:52 (alarm beeping)

00:41:55 - ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes.

00:41:57 (engine rumbling)

00:41:59 - We have a bird en route.

00:42:01 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes.

00:42:04 Hard bark.

00:42:05 Your watch will transmit the coordinates

00:42:07 to guide in the package.

00:42:08 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover

00:42:11 where you can't be detected, okay?

00:42:13 - What, what, what?

00:42:14 Lacy, why do I have to do it?

00:42:16 - Why you?

00:42:17 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught or killed,

00:42:19 then we don't have a mission anymore, do we?

00:42:21 - You really think I could get caught or killed?

00:42:22 - Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now

00:42:26 and make sure that you are at least

00:42:27 20 yards away from the building.

00:42:29 (dramatic music)

00:42:32 - Approaching launch zone.

00:42:34 (dramatic music)

00:42:36 (breathing heavily)

00:42:40 - You ready?

00:42:41 - I think so.

00:42:42 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay.

00:42:45 I think I can do it.

00:42:47 - What are you doing?

00:42:49 - I'm gonna cherish all the memories we have.

00:42:51 - Don't do this.

00:42:52 - What?

00:42:53 - Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay?

00:42:54 - I'm gonna be fine.

00:42:55 - I know.

00:42:56 - I'm trying to psych myself up here.

00:42:57 You're bringing me down.

00:42:58 - I will love your mother like she was my mother.

00:43:00 - Just shut up, okay?

00:43:01 Shut up.

00:43:02 (dramatic music)

00:43:05 - It's really scary out there.

00:43:07 - Yeah, super dark.

00:43:08 - Yeah, super duper scary.

00:43:10 - Be careful.

00:43:11 - Okay, good, you got me?

00:43:12 - I got you.

00:43:13 I will not drop you.

00:43:14 - Just don't drop me.

00:43:15 - I got you.

00:43:16 (screaming)

00:43:17 (thudding)

00:43:18 (gasping)

00:43:20 - Hartberg, are you all right?

00:43:22 - I'm fine, shut the fuck up.

00:43:24 (dramatic music)

00:43:27 - Hartberg is hot.

00:43:28 I repeat, Hartberg is H-O-T, hot.

00:43:31 (dramatic music)

00:43:34 (thunder rumbling)

00:43:38 (dramatic music)

00:43:41 - It was so scary.

00:43:42 - Hartberg, you're being extremely brave.

00:43:44 Everybody here is very proud of you.

00:43:46 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet.

00:43:48 - Hartberg, I'm gonna rub your tummy

00:43:49 when you get back, don't worry.

00:43:51 - Just a few more feet, okay?

00:43:52 Just five to 10 more feet.

00:43:55 - I gotta keep going?

00:43:56 I don't wanna keep going, fuck.

00:43:58 - Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom.

00:44:03 (alarm blaring)

00:44:04 - Package is inbound.

00:44:06 Arrival time, two minutes.

00:44:08 (thudding)

00:44:10 - Just five more feet, five more feet

00:44:12 and you're on your mark.

00:44:14 - Hey, hey, hey, don't move.

00:44:17 I think I see something.

00:44:19 - Huh?

00:44:20 - There's something out there.

00:44:21 - What do you mean there's something out there?

00:44:23 - What is it, can you zoom in on that?

00:44:25 - What do I do?

00:44:26 - Coughlin, are you seeing this?

00:44:28 - Zoom in on that thing, what is that?

00:44:30 - There's something crawling towards Aardvark.

00:44:33 - What the fuck, what is it, talk to me.

00:44:35 - I'm seeing four legs connected to one body.

00:44:38 - What the fuck are you seeing, I'm not seeing anything.

00:44:40 - Dog, big dog.

00:44:42 - Like big dog?

00:44:43 - It's like Clifford size.

00:44:44 We're talking Falcor in The NeverEnding Story.

00:44:47 It's like a dragon dog, this is like a dragon dog.

00:44:50 - Is that a fucking--

00:44:51 - Guys, what am I looking for?

00:44:53 I don't know, it's like a big dog, it's orange,

00:44:56 got stripes, it's like a big orange stripey dog.

00:45:00 (growling)

00:45:02 (tires screeching)

00:45:04 (roaring)

00:45:06 - There's a tiger.

00:45:07 - It's a fucking tiger.

00:45:08 - It's a fucking tiger.

00:45:10 - Yes, a tiger.

00:45:12 - You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch.

00:45:14 - I told you there were tigers there.

00:45:16 - Guys, I'm very unhappy right now.

00:45:17 - Look, it's really dark out there,

00:45:19 he probably doesn't see you.

00:45:20 - Oh, it fucking sees me.

00:45:22 - It has night vision.

00:45:24 - They have night vision?

00:45:25 - That tiger has night vision goggles.

00:45:27 - It doesn't have night vision goggles,

00:45:28 it just naturally has night vision.

00:45:31 - Listen, just keep the line clear, Dug Beetle, please.

00:45:33 - Mark Farquhar's in trouble.

00:45:35 - I do, I do.

00:45:37 - Talk to me, talk to me.

00:45:38 - He didn't want it to come to this,

00:45:39 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger.

00:45:41 - No, do not, do not fight the tiger.

00:45:43 - Do not be a gentleman,

00:45:44 you go right for the fucking balls.

00:45:45 - I don't see his balls.

00:45:47 - Do not fight the tiger, you will lose.

00:45:48 - If that's a girl tiger, you gotta cut, putt that bitch.

00:45:51 Hey, shut the fuck up.

00:45:52 Cut, putt that fucking bitch.

00:45:53 - Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea.

00:45:55 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger.

00:45:57 (roaring)

00:45:59 - I'm gonna make her run for it.

00:46:01 - Do not run for it, you will die.

00:46:02 - Let's go.

00:46:03 (screaming)

00:46:05 - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

00:46:07 Look out, look out, it's coming after you,

00:46:08 it's coming after you.

00:46:10 (screaming)

00:46:12 (thudding)

00:46:14 - Oh God, I'm alive, I'm alive.

00:46:25 - Are you in the tiger, Aardvark?

00:46:27 Are you inside the tiger?

00:46:28 - Are you okay?

00:46:29 Do you have the package?

00:46:31 - This is Aardvark, I think the package

00:46:33 just killed the fucking tiger.

00:46:35 - Fantastic, you have to secure the package.

00:46:38 - Secure the fucking package.

00:46:40 (grunting)

00:46:42 - He's got the package, he has the package.

00:46:48 - I got it, what do I do with it?

00:46:49 - Aardvark, there are people coming, you have to act now.

00:46:52 Secure the package, secure the package.

00:46:54 - What do I do with it?

00:46:55 - They're coming right towards you.

00:46:56 - They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it.

00:46:57 You gotta hide that little missile.

00:46:58 - I have to hide it somewhere, where the fuck do I hide it?

00:47:00 (grunting)

00:47:02 What do I do with it, what do I do with it?

00:47:05 - What if you hide it in your butt?

00:47:10 - I don't wanna stick it in my ass.

00:47:14 - You gotta put it in your butt, Aardvark.

00:47:15 Come on, please tell me I don't have to

00:47:16 stick this thing in my ass.

00:47:17 - Okay, you're right, just give us one second

00:47:19 to come up with a better plan.

00:47:21 - Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it?

00:47:23 - I think he should put it in his asshole.

00:47:25 - We don't have a better plan,

00:47:26 you're going to have to stick it in your ass.

00:47:28 - No, no, no, I've never done that.

00:47:33 - I've been there before, it looks huge.

00:47:35 That tiger blood will lubricate it.

00:47:37 - This will mess up my asshole.

00:47:39 - Aardvark, there are people there,

00:47:41 they are closing in on you, they have guns,

00:47:44 you need to secure the payload,

00:47:46 and you need to secure it in your ass.

00:47:48 - Just stick it in your butt.

00:47:49 - Okay, fine, fine.

00:47:50 - I'm there with you, bro.

00:47:51 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice, just breathe.

00:47:55 - Oh, it's cold.

00:47:56 - Just let everything go loose.

00:47:57 - Oh, I don't like it.

00:47:58 - The tip is, it's the worst part.

00:48:02 Trust me on this one.

00:48:03 - Inhale as you do it.

00:48:04 (air horn)

00:48:07 - The tip of the package is secure.

00:48:08 - Come on, that thing is in his butt.

00:48:11 - Owie, owie.

00:48:12 - You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark,

00:48:15 just take it home.

00:48:17 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:20 - The package is secure.

00:48:26 - You are a hero.

00:48:27 - You are a goddamn hero.

00:48:29 - All right, they're coming in, they're coming in.

00:48:30 I gotta go, over and out.

00:48:32 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:34 - Hey, hey, don't shoot me!

00:48:36 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:39 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:42 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:45 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:48 - Aardvark!

00:48:49 - There's nothing in here, there's nothing in here!

00:48:52 - What?

00:48:54 (Aardvark growls)

00:48:56 - Ow!

00:48:57 Come on!

00:48:58 - What the fuck?

00:48:59 - Why?

00:49:00 Why'd you do that?

00:49:01 Why'd you do that?

00:49:03 Is this what you want?

00:49:04 There, you like it?

00:49:06 You like it?

00:49:08 It's all yours, fuckers!

00:49:10 - Stay in the room, American.

00:49:12 (speaks in foreign language)

00:49:16 - Hey, they're gone.

00:49:22 - Did they look in your butt?

00:49:23 - No, they didn't look in my butt.

00:49:24 - Still in there?

00:49:25 - Yes, it's in there!

00:49:26 - Wow, must be deep.

00:49:28 - It is.

00:49:29 - Get it out!

00:49:30 - I'm gonna fucking get it out.

00:49:31 - I'm here to help.

00:49:33 (water bubbling)

00:49:36 (eerie music)

00:49:51 - Hey, how'd it go?

00:49:53 - One ricin strip with your name on it.

00:49:55 - Got it.

00:49:56 All right, see, not so bad.

00:49:59 - Yeah, not so bad.

00:50:00 - What?

00:50:01 - Yeah.

00:50:02 - That?

00:50:03 - This.

00:50:04 - In your butt?

00:50:05 - Asshole.

00:50:06 - No!

00:50:07 - Yes.

00:50:08 - I was picturing something like this big.

00:50:09 - Yeah, that I could live with.

00:50:10 - As soon as you get home,

00:50:11 you need to see a proctologist.

00:50:12 - I'm afraid to fucking look.

00:50:13 - You got fucked by a robo-cop, dude.

00:50:14 (knocking)

00:50:16 - Uh, who is it?

00:50:19 - It is Kim Jong-un.

00:50:21 - What?

00:50:22 - Kim Jong what?

00:50:25 - I am the supreme leader of North Korea.

00:50:29 - What?

00:50:30 What the fuck?

00:50:31 - It's him.

00:50:32 - It's fucking him.

00:50:33 What is he doing here?

00:50:34 What the fuck?

00:50:35 - Hide it, hide it, put it back up.

00:50:36 - No, I'm not putting it back up.

00:50:37 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room.

00:50:38 - Okay, okay.

00:50:39 - Don't say hi to him.

00:50:40 - What do I do with this?

00:50:41 Do I put it on right now?

00:50:42 - No, then he'll die when we're still here.

00:50:43 Just put it in your pocket.

00:50:44 - Okay, fine.

00:50:45 - Okay, fine.

00:50:46 - Come with me.

00:50:47 - No, I gotta hide this.

00:50:48 - No.

00:50:49 - Aaron, Aaron.

00:50:50 - Good morning, Dave.

00:51:02 - Good morning.

00:51:04 Hi.

00:51:05 - Dave Skylark.

00:51:06 Ah, that's crazy.

00:51:09 Oh, I have a gift for you.

00:51:12 - Oh, really?

00:51:13 - Yeah.

00:51:14 This.

00:51:16 - Oh.

00:51:17 - Oh, this is me.

00:51:18 - It's you.

00:51:19 - Oh, that's great.

00:51:20 I always wanted one of these.

00:51:21 A bust.

00:51:23 - Dave Skylark.

00:51:24 - Hey, thank you.

00:51:26 - You like that?

00:51:27 - So you really like the show?

00:51:28 - No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out.

00:51:31 - You're like a super fan.

00:51:32 - I really am.

00:51:33 - Yeah.

00:51:34 That's so cool.

00:51:36 - Don't say something stupid again.

00:51:39 Okay, so I thought you might enjoy a breakfast

00:51:44 and a tour of my home.

00:51:47 - I'd absolutely love to.

00:51:49 - You know, I have to admit, before I came here,

00:51:52 I thought this place was gonna be a dump.

00:51:55 - Of course.

00:51:56 For decades, you've heard the false rumors.

00:51:59 North Korea is a failed state.

00:52:01 We can't feed our people.

00:52:03 It's all propaganda.

00:52:05 - I see.

00:52:06 Well, yeah, I mean, I did see a fat kid

00:52:08 in a really nice-looking grocery store.

00:52:10 - Oh, we have a beautiful grocery store

00:52:13 here in North Korea.

00:52:14 You know, one of my favorite things to do

00:52:16 is strolling up and down the aisles

00:52:18 to see the beautiful fruits of my country's land.

00:52:21 - I can believe that.

00:52:22 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often.

00:52:25 - Oh, screw you, Dave.

00:52:27 You want to see something cool?

00:52:29 - Yeah.

00:52:30 (hip hop music)

00:52:33 - Holy fuck, a molly.

00:52:42 - Holy molly.

00:52:43 Is that real?

00:52:44 - It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin.

00:52:47 - In my country, it's pronounced "Stalone."

00:52:51 - You're so funny, Dave.

00:52:54 - Ah, right.

00:52:55 Well, can we look inside?

00:52:57 - Fuck yeah, we can.

00:52:59 Come on.

00:53:00 - This is so cool.

00:53:03 A tank.

00:53:04 - Yeah, a tank.

00:53:05 - Whoa.

00:53:06 Is it still alive?

00:53:08 - I don't know.

00:53:09 Maybe we should find out.

00:53:12 - Look.

00:53:13 - You have a sound system in here?

00:53:15 - Oh, no, no, no.

00:53:16 Don't touch.

00:53:17 (soft music)

00:53:20 - Katy Perry?

00:53:22 - Oh, uh.

00:53:23 Oh, you know, my wife must have put that in there

00:53:26 'cause I've never heard this before in my life.

00:53:28 - I love Katy Perry.

00:53:30 ♪ Baby, you're a firework

00:53:33 ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth ♪

00:53:37 - I love, I mean, I have this on,

00:53:38 I listen to this all the time.

00:53:40 - Really?

00:53:41 - I love her.

00:53:42 You know why I really like her?

00:53:43 Because she has such a strong message

00:53:46 for young women and girls across the planet.

00:53:50 - It's so empowering.

00:53:52 - Yeah.

00:53:53 - You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag.

00:53:58 - Drifting through the wind?

00:54:01 - Wanting to start again.

00:54:03 - Oh, oh.

00:54:04 - As she crosses the sky, sky, sky.

00:54:07 (laughing)

00:54:09 - Oh, good times.

00:54:10 - Yeah.

00:54:11 - Dave, do you think that margaritas are gay

00:54:15 because they are so sweet?

00:54:16 - Did someone tell you that, that margaritas are gay?

00:54:19 - No, it's just a question I have.

00:54:22 - Liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay?

00:54:25 Who wants to be straight?

00:54:27 - Oh, not me.

00:54:28 - Boring, margaritas are great.

00:54:30 - And whoever planted that in your head is crazy.

00:54:34 (laughing)

00:54:35 - Let me ask you something.

00:54:37 (upbeat music)

00:54:39 - Is this thing still running?

00:54:42 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

00:54:44 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪

00:54:47 ♪ Come on, let your colors burst ♪

00:54:51 ♪ Make 'em go, oh, oh, oh ♪

00:54:54 ♪ You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe ♪

00:54:59 - Oh, man, this is great.

00:55:01 (laughing)

00:55:02 - Can we fire the gun?

00:55:03 - You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way?

00:55:06 - Really? - Close that shit.

00:55:07 - Close my ass!

00:55:09 - Okay, boom, boom, boom!

00:55:11 (explosion)

00:55:12 (screaming)

00:55:15 - Oh, shit!

00:55:16 - Fuck you, tree.

00:55:19 - The control room will be fully staffed

00:55:22 to ensure an uninterrupted transmission.

00:55:25 - All right.

00:55:26 - This is the kill switch.

00:55:28 During the interview, if any parameters are violated,

00:55:31 I will use it and cut the signal.

00:55:33 - Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here.

00:55:35 - I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission.

00:55:38 - Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me

00:55:41 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show.

00:55:43 - I know, I've watched every episode

00:55:45 in preparation for this interview.

00:55:47 - Wow.

00:55:48 - I particularly enjoyed the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode.

00:55:51 - Oh, the camel toe episode, that was good.

00:55:53 - I've never heard this expression before,

00:55:56 but after seeing it,

00:55:57 it is a perfect representation of her vagina.

00:56:00 - It is, it looked exactly like that, yeah.

00:56:02 - Very deep. - Very deep.

00:56:04 - Yeah, she has quite a hardy moose knuckle.

00:56:06 - You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos.

00:56:09 - We do it very well.

00:56:10 - Many animal references. - Oh, yes, tons.

00:56:12 - Please, take this printed copy of the questions.

00:56:23 It's crucial Dave reviewed them before the interview.

00:56:25 Officers Cole and you will now take you to your room,

00:56:28 where you will be served lunch.

00:56:29 - Call my medic in. Time to get even fatter.

00:56:31 - Oh, ha ha, great, thanks, guys.

00:56:33 - Whoo!

00:56:34 - ♪ Hey, yesterday ♪

00:56:36 - Oh! - ♪ Baby, I got your money ♪

00:56:38 ♪ Don't you worry ♪

00:56:39 - Making you my little Korean bitch!

00:56:41 - ♪ Baby, I got your money ♪

00:56:42 - What are you gonna do, you gonna drop some nukes on L.A.?

00:56:45 - Nuke your mama.

00:56:46 - I bet they can't even make it to Australia!

00:56:48 - Oh! - Oh!

00:56:50 - Ha ha! - Peace!

00:56:51 - Ha ha ha ha ha!

00:56:53 - Ha ha.

00:56:55 Man, this is so nice.

00:56:58 Let me ask you something.

00:56:59 Now, don't take this the wrong way.

00:57:01 - You can ask me anything, Dave.

00:57:04 Do you pee and poo?

00:57:06 - Ha, you've heard the stories, huh?

00:57:09 Yes, I pee and poo.

00:57:11 - So you have a butthole.

00:57:12 - I've got a butthole, and it's working overtime.

00:57:15 - You are awesome.

00:57:17 You know, this is so weird.

00:57:19 You are, like, the coolest guy.

00:57:22 But a lot of people say that...

00:57:25 you're batshit crazy.

00:57:28 - They're not wrong.

00:57:30 I'm 31 years old.

00:57:33 The fact that I am running a country

00:57:35 is batshit crazy.

00:57:37 What am I to do when 24 million people

00:57:41 look to me as their leader, their god?

00:57:45 What am I to do when my father's dying wish

00:57:48 was for me to carry his torch?

00:57:51 - Wow.

00:57:52 You wanna know what my father said to me on his deathbed?

00:57:57 - What did he say, Dave?

00:57:58 - I'm disappointed because you haven't done enough

00:58:01 with your life.

00:58:03 - That is fucked up.

00:58:05 - Yeah, tell me about it.

00:58:07 - Jordan!

00:58:08 They call me incompetent.

00:58:13 - That's exactly what they said about me

00:58:15 when I scored this interview.

00:58:16 - No way.

00:58:17 - They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent."

00:58:20 - Your handsome, competent swab.

00:58:22 How dare they?

00:58:23 - I pretend like their insults don't get to me.

00:58:28 But they do.

00:58:30 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb?

00:58:33 Words.

00:58:35 - And the people are jealous of a man like you and me.

00:58:39 It's as though they despise us because they are not us.

00:58:43 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us.

00:58:48 - Exactly.

00:58:49 They hate us because they ain't us.

00:58:52 That's a great saying, okay?

00:58:54 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us!

00:58:56 - They hate us because they ain't us!

00:58:59 - Kim!

00:59:00 You got it, boy!

00:59:02 - Okay.

00:59:03 - And you!

00:59:04 - Oh!

00:59:05 Oh!

00:59:06 - It's all right.

00:59:07 It's all right.

00:59:08 - Oh, my ankles.

00:59:10 - Okay.

00:59:11 - Hey, Kim.

00:59:12 (panting)

00:59:13 Let me ask you something.

00:59:19 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay?

00:59:24 - He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine.

00:59:29 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals.

00:59:33 (footsteps)

00:59:36 I don't have to worry about that anymore

00:59:39 because guess what I get tons of?

00:59:42 (upbeat music)

00:59:45 - Pussy!

00:59:47 - Oh, my!

00:59:48 (upbeat music)

00:59:51 (singing in foreign language)

00:59:55 (singing in foreign language)

00:59:59 - Hey, dude.

01:00:24 You just spent the fucking day with Kim Jong-un?

01:00:26 What happened?

01:00:27 - Oh.

01:00:28 It was amazing.

01:00:29 - It was amazing?

01:00:30 - Yeah.

01:00:31 I think it was one of the best days of my life.

01:00:34 - What?

01:00:35 - Smoked joints, played basketball,

01:00:37 fucked chicks, we had the best margaritas.

01:00:41 - Are you saying you fucked chicks?

01:00:43 - Oh, my God!

01:00:44 Kim Jong is an animal!

01:00:47 - You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right?

01:00:50 - I've been thinking a little bit about the mission.

01:00:53 - Okay.

01:00:54 - America, you know,

01:00:56 always putting its nose in things and screwing 'em up.

01:01:01 - The truth is,

01:01:02 Kim is a master at manipulating the media.

01:01:05 - Yeah.

01:01:06 - You're the media.

01:01:07 Get what's happening here?

01:01:09 - Maybe the media's manipulating you.

01:01:12 - Maybe the media's manipulating--

01:01:13 What the fuck does that even mean?

01:01:14 - I'm the only one who spent real time with him, all right?

01:01:17 Spent face-to-face time, dick-to-dick!

01:01:20 It's just, man, I can sympathize with people

01:01:23 that get dumped on by the media,

01:01:25 and it sucks!

01:01:26 - You know what else fucking sucks?

01:01:28 Concentration camps, famine, firing squad--

01:01:31 - I didn't see any here. Have you?

01:01:33 - No!

01:01:34 - Your attendance is required

01:01:36 in the banquet room of the eternal leader.

01:01:39 - Hey, how you doing?

01:01:40 - Yeah, seriously, you are looking fantastic.

01:01:42 - Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being

01:01:45 is only making me more suspicious of you, too.

01:01:47 - Oh, you don't have to be suspicious.

01:01:49 - No, no, I just wanted to know what your routine is, man.

01:01:52 - Do you take vitamins?

01:01:53 - Doing something, right? - Yeah, you look good.

01:01:54 - Do not ask us any more questions.

01:01:56 Meet us in the banquet hall.

01:01:58 [upbeat music]

01:02:05 ♪ ♪

01:02:12 ♪ ♪

01:02:22 ♪ ♪

01:02:33 - You see how big the guitars are compared to their bodies?

01:02:37 [laughs]

01:02:38 I think it's funny.

01:02:40 [laughs]

01:02:42 [laughs]

01:02:44 [coughs]

01:02:46 ♪ ♪

01:02:49 Oh, what's happening?

01:02:52 ♪ ♪

01:03:00 Hey.

01:03:02 Hey.

01:03:04 ♪ ♪

01:03:06 Ow.

01:03:08 ♪ ♪

01:03:18 ♪ ♪

01:03:20 - Wait, what?

01:03:21 [gibberish]

01:03:23 ♪ ♪

01:03:29 - [gibberish]

01:03:31 ♪ ♪

01:03:39 - [gibberish]

01:03:41 - He's getting a bone.

01:03:43 [grunting]

01:03:45 ♪ ♪

01:03:47 - [gibberish]

01:03:49 [grunting]

01:03:51 ♪ ♪

01:03:57 - [gibberish]

01:03:59 - [gibberish]

01:04:01 - Oh, no. Oh, no.

01:04:03 - [gibberish]

01:04:05 - [gibberish]

01:04:07 - [gibberish]

01:04:09 [gunshot]

01:04:10 - [gibberish]

01:04:12 - [gasps]

01:04:14 - [gibberish]

01:04:16 - [gibberish]

01:04:18 - [gibberish]

01:04:20 - [gibberish]

01:04:22 - [laughs]

01:04:24 - [gibberish]

01:04:26 - [gibberish]

01:04:28 - [laughs]

01:04:30 - [gibberish]

01:04:32 - [laughs]

01:04:34 - [gibberish]

01:04:36 - [gibberish]

01:04:38 - [laughs]

01:04:40 - [gibberish]

01:04:42 - [gibberish]

01:04:44 - [screams]

01:04:46 - [screams]

01:04:48 - [gibberish]

01:04:50 - [screams]

01:04:52 - [growls]

01:04:54 - It's okay, man.

01:04:56 - Oh, come on, man.

01:04:58 - We just killed two innocent men.

01:05:00 - Look, Dave, first of all, it's not your fault that those men died.

01:05:04 Second of all, they had to go. They knew we were up to something.

01:05:07 - I'm out.

01:05:10 - What? You cannot pull out of this.

01:05:12 - I'm pulling out. - You're way too deep to pull out.

01:05:14 - I'm pulling out. - No, we are not. You are leaving it in.

01:05:16 - I've been pulling out for years, son.

01:05:18 - You are not fucking pulling out of this mission.

01:05:20 That's the only reason we're here. We are doing this.

01:05:22 - Kim is not evil. He was just born into a hard situation.

01:05:25 - You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave.

01:05:28 - Mm! Mm!

01:05:33 - Who you calling ignorant? - You, motherfucker.

01:05:36 - You're fucking arrogant.

01:05:38 - Everything he's shown you is fake.

01:05:40 He's shown you what you want to see.

01:05:42 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot!

01:05:44 - God, look how ready you are to betray me.

01:05:47 This whole time, I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo.

01:05:51 But you're just Boromir.

01:05:53 - I don't know who the fuck that is.

01:05:55 - I don't know who Boromir is. That's such a Boromir thing to say.

01:05:58 - This is fucking done. You are fucking done after this.

01:06:00 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over.

01:06:03 But you are going to kill him.

01:06:04 - You just turned me into a gun,

01:06:06 and you're pointing me at the one guy who actually gets me.

01:06:08 And you know what, cowboy?

01:06:11 A gun can't fire without no bullets.

01:06:14 - What the fuck are you doing? No! No! No! No!

01:06:17 No! No! No!

01:06:20 - You like what you just did?

01:06:21 - I just saved a life, you murderer!

01:06:23 - You piece of-- - Mr. Skarlark.

01:06:25 The Supreme Leader requests your presence

01:06:27 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner.

01:06:29 It will be at your door in 30 minutes.

01:06:31 [knocking]

01:06:40 - Hey.

01:06:44 - Hey, Dave.

01:06:47 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow.

01:06:50 - Oh.

01:06:52 - That was super gross and fucked up.

01:06:56 - Hi.

01:06:58 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader?

01:07:00 I'm Aaron.

01:07:02 - Aaron?

01:07:05 - Hello. Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet,

01:07:08 Mr. Great Leader.

01:07:10 I just wanted to shake your hand.

01:07:12 - Yeah, any friend of a Dave is a friend of mine.

01:07:15 [dramatic music]

01:07:18 ♪ ♪

01:07:20 - [growling]

01:07:23 ♪ ♪

01:07:29 - [growling]

01:07:30 - Don't shake that hand.

01:07:31 - Why not? - Yeah, why not?

01:07:33 - Because Aaron's a Jew.

01:07:35 - Oh, gross.

01:07:36 - Let's go, Supreme Leader.

01:07:38 - Hey, it was nice meeting you.

01:07:40 - Don't you know Jews are bad luck?

01:07:43 - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:07:45 Friends don't kill friends' friends.

01:07:47 - [growling]

01:07:49 - [breathing heavily]

01:07:51 Okay.

01:07:53 Fuck.

01:07:55 [knocking]

01:07:58 - Mr. Rappaport, we need to review some new data

01:08:02 the leader wants included in tomorrow's interview.

01:08:04 - Now's not really the best time.

01:08:06 - It will only take a moment.

01:08:08 - Yeah, okay, great.

01:08:12 - Would you like to share a drink?

01:08:14 - Yeah. - [speaking Korean]

01:08:17 - [speaking Korean]

01:08:19 - Ko and Yu!

01:08:20 - Ko and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have--

01:08:26 loyalty.

01:08:27 - I know how you feel.

01:08:28 My dog Digby died when I was a kid,

01:08:30 and I'm still fucked up about it.

01:08:32 - Digby?

01:08:33 [speaking Korean]

01:08:35 - Loyalty is what made my father and grandfather

01:08:39 so successful.

01:08:40 - That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You.

01:08:43 - Without a loyalty, a country is a lawless jungle.

01:08:47 - [speaking Korean]

01:08:49 - Welcome to the jungle, baby.

01:08:51 Welcome to the jungle.

01:08:53 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-knees.

01:08:56 - How else can I prevail against so many enemies?

01:09:01 Defectors, South Korean capitalists,

01:09:04 the people in this room

01:09:07 who don't think I can feel my father's shoes!

01:09:10 These bastards deserve no humanity!

01:09:14 To those who seek to undermine me at home and abroad,

01:09:21 I cannot respond with anything less

01:09:24 than the totality of my strength!

01:09:27 If a billion people across the Earth

01:09:30 and in my own country must be burned to prove it,

01:09:34 then my worthiness as a king will be demonstrated!

01:09:39 - Um...

01:09:52 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. Is that okay?

01:09:56 I'm just feeling too much, uh, soju, whatever.

01:10:01 Okay.

01:10:04 I'll be back.

01:10:06 - So how'd you, uh, wind up, uh,

01:10:08 as one of the heads of a, uh, dictatorship?

01:10:11 - Ah, one day, party officials came to my classroom

01:10:14 in search of a young woman

01:10:16 to serve on the Kim family personal staff.

01:10:19 They selected me.

01:10:21 Over the years, I grew closer with Kim Jong-un.

01:10:25 When he rose to power, he took me with him.

01:10:29 And here I am.

01:10:32 - I kinda have a guy like that in my life, too.

01:10:35 - You've been with the Dave a long time.

01:10:38 - He's a hard guy to leave.

01:10:40 - You just like the money. I can't say no to Dave.

01:10:42 - No? [laughs]

01:10:44 - Yes! I know you.

01:10:46 - You're fucking awesome.

01:10:48 - No, I don't understand you.

01:10:50 - It's a little bit weird.

01:10:52 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country?

01:10:54 Is that too forward of me to ask?

01:10:57 - Uh... - What are you looking at?

01:11:00 - I should leave. - Why?

01:11:03 - I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you

01:11:07 will cause me to make mistakes.

01:11:09 - Your feelings of attraction for me?

01:11:11 - Fuck this.

01:11:13 [grunting]

01:11:15 - Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop,

01:11:17 this is all I've been thinking about.

01:11:19 - Me too. [grunts]

01:11:21 [grunting]

01:11:23 [soft music]

01:11:26 ♪ ♪

01:11:33 ♪ ♪

01:11:40 ♪ ♪

01:11:47 ♪ ♪

01:12:15 [knocking]

01:12:18 ♪ ♪

01:12:25 - Fake.

01:12:43 Fake carrots.

01:12:45 Fake fruit.

01:12:47 Fake!

01:12:49 Fake!

01:12:51 Fake grapefruits!

01:12:54 Fake!

01:12:56 Liar!

01:13:00 You liar!

01:13:04 [screams]

01:13:06 [grunting]

01:13:08 - [panting]

01:13:11 - Why aren't I naked yet?

01:13:13 - Uh...

01:13:15 [grunting]

01:13:17 - [grunts] - Yeah.

01:13:19 - You're hairy. You're so hairy, like a bear.

01:13:21 - You're fucking sexy, yeah.

01:13:23 - Your nippers are so pink!

01:13:25 - Yes, they are. - I love it.

01:13:27 [grunting]

01:13:29 - No! Whoa! No! No hands!

01:13:31 - No hands? - I'm not into handsy shit.

01:13:33 That's how I like it.

01:13:35 - Well...

01:13:37 Take it off. - Okay.

01:13:39 - [grunting]

01:13:41 - You said no hands!

01:13:43 - You didn't fucking hit me with your hand!

01:13:44 How do I get it off?

01:13:46 - Use your big, fat American teeth.

01:13:49 - Okay, I will.

01:13:51 This is awesome.

01:13:53 [grunting]

01:13:55 [grunting]

01:13:57 [grunting]

01:13:59 It's hard.

01:14:01 [grunting]

01:14:03 [grunting]

01:14:05 Shit.

01:14:07 - Shit, what's wrong?

01:14:09 - The numbers I gave you on potato output...

01:14:13 were exaggerated.

01:14:15 - That's okay with me.

01:14:17 I don't really care about that.

01:14:19 If you want, you can give me the real numbers,

01:14:21 and we can get back to what we were doing.

01:14:23 - No, it's not just the numbers.

01:14:25 I am a terrible person.

01:14:27 - No, you're not. You're the best person.

01:14:29 You were about to have sex with me.

01:14:31 That's, like, the best thing someone could do.

01:14:33 - I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship.

01:14:35 - It's an area you can improve,

01:14:37 but you don't have to dwell on it.

01:14:39 - He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him.

01:14:43 - You've knew this this whole time.

01:14:45 Why is this just bothering you now?

01:14:47 - It's been bothering me for a long time,

01:14:49 and I'm not the only one.

01:14:52 But too many people see him as a god.

01:14:56 How do you prove to 24 million people

01:14:59 that their god is a murderer and a liar?

01:15:02 [knocking]

01:15:04 - I need to talk. - Fuck.

01:15:06 - Shh. - [knocking]

01:15:08 - I'll be back. - I'll be too.

01:15:10 - Aaron! - Okay, okay, okay.

01:15:12 - Aaron, you here? - Yeah, one sec.

01:15:14 One sec, one sec. Don't come in, don't come in.

01:15:17 - I need to talk.

01:15:19 - Hey, how's it going, dude? - Not good.

01:15:21 - Maybe now's not a good time. Maybe we should take a walk.

01:15:23 - No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't walk this off.

01:15:25 I cannot walk this off.

01:15:27 Ugh.

01:15:29 I'm so fucking pissed.

01:15:31 I just want to hit something.

01:15:33 - No, no, no, don't punch anything!

01:15:35 - [grunting]

01:15:37 - Breathe. Just breathe.

01:15:39 Maybe pace it out. - Fuck, man.

01:15:42 Kim. - What about him?

01:15:44 - He's going crazy. He said he's gonna blow up the world

01:15:46 just to show that he's the shit.

01:15:48 And at first I thought, all right,

01:15:50 maybe he's just talking, you know.

01:15:52 Maybe he doesn't mean it.

01:15:54 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit.

01:15:57 - What?

01:15:59 - All the food in that grocery store is fake!

01:16:01 He fucking lied to me.

01:16:03 - Maybe that--maybe that fat kid isn't fat.

01:16:06 - I mean, ugh, what about the concentration camps?

01:16:09 - And the famine. Maybe that's real.

01:16:11 - God!

01:16:13 - It is. I've been telling you that for weeks now.

01:16:15 - He fucking honeydicked me.

01:16:17 He honeydicked the shit out of me.

01:16:19 - Sucks. - You still got that poison?

01:16:22 You can't speak?

01:16:26 - What the fuck? - I want to know if you had

01:16:28 the fucking poison so we can kill that motherfucker.

01:16:31 - What? - Whoa!

01:16:33 - What the hell? - She's on our side.

01:16:35 - What's going on here? - You can trust me.

01:16:37 - Trust her, man. - Trust her? Are you joking?

01:16:39 - We gotta kill her. - Dude, I was in bed with her.

01:16:41 - What? - We're hooking up. That's why she's here.

01:16:43 - What? - Let him go. Everything is fine.

01:16:45 - No, we gotta kill the girl that you like.

01:16:47 - This is the worst moment ever!

01:16:49 - I'm not killing her!

01:16:51 - She's loyal to Kim. - No!

01:16:53 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us.

01:16:56 - I hate Kim. He is a terrible leader.

01:16:59 - See? - Okay.

01:17:01 - She can help us kill him. - What? No! No! No, Kim!

01:17:04 - Kim must die! - That's the American way.

01:17:07 - How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake?

01:17:10 - As many times as it takes. - Killing Kim won't change anything.

01:17:13 - You said it yourself! We gotta do something, right?

01:17:16 - He will be replaced. He has brothers. He has other generals.

01:17:19 The people need to be shown that he is not a god.

01:17:22 That he is a man. Then they will be ready for change.

01:17:26 - Yeah? How?

01:17:28 - Interviewing him.

01:17:30 Everyone in North Korea will be watching.

01:17:33 - No, look, the interview's scripted.

01:17:35 His people are never gonna let me ask real questions.

01:17:38 - Dave, I am his people. - She controls the broadcast.

01:17:41 - I can't do political interviews. I do entertainment interviews.

01:17:45 - Dude, you can fucking do this.

01:17:48 - Yeah? - Yeah. You don't interview with your brain.

01:17:51 You interview with your heart. - True.

01:17:53 - Your emotion, Dave. - You get Kim Jong-un

01:17:56 to fucking cry like a baby in front of all of North Korea,

01:18:00 they'll know he's not a god.

01:18:02 I think I can do this.

01:18:04 - You can do it!

01:18:06 - I'm Dave Skylark, and I can interview anyone.

01:18:10 - Yeah, you can. - Let's take this motherfucker down!

01:18:13 [rock music]

01:18:16 ♪ ♪

01:18:23 - Oh, God! Oh, God!

01:18:29 You guys wanna pent up energy?

01:18:31 Oh, God!

01:18:33 - Okay, everything's ready.

01:18:37 You ready to rock? You memorize all those facts?

01:18:39 - I'm ready, baby. - Great.

01:18:41 How many people in concentration camps?

01:18:43 - 200,000. - How many people malnourished?

01:18:45 - 16 million. They spent 800 million on nukes last year

01:18:48 and got 200 million in food aid from the U.N.

01:18:51 And I got more where that came from, baby.

01:18:54 - Really good. You're gonna nail this shit.

01:18:56 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan.

01:18:58 - Why don't we go to Japan? - Well, 'cause it's across the sea of Japan.

01:19:01 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that.

01:19:03 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far.

01:19:05 - People have done it. - Nope. - Yep, Michael Phelps did it.

01:19:07 - That's not true. [knocking]

01:19:09 - Who's there? - It's me, Woody.

01:19:11 - Just keep me on the air as long as you can.

01:19:13 - I will, baby. - Maybe we won't get out of here.

01:19:16 - No. We might die.

01:19:18 - I've had a great life.

01:19:20 I had the best, best friend.

01:19:22 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres.

01:19:24 Now it's time for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet.

01:19:28 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all.

01:19:32 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes.

01:19:38 This might be the end of the long road.

01:19:41 But they also knew how much they meant to each other.

01:19:45 And even though neither one could say it out loud,

01:19:49 they were both thinking.

01:19:51 - Bro. Uncle Manny, you got this.

01:19:58 - Okay.

01:20:00 Showtime.

01:20:05 [upbeat music]

01:20:08 ♪ ♪

01:20:15 ♪ ♪

01:20:20 ♪ ♪

01:20:25 ♪ ♪

01:20:30 ♪ ♪

01:20:35 ♪ ♪

01:20:40 ♪ ♪

01:20:45 ♪ ♪

01:20:50 ♪ ♪

01:20:55 ♪ ♪

01:21:00 ♪ ♪

01:21:04 - Dave.

01:21:06 Kim.

01:21:08 Are you ready to share with the world

01:21:10 that gorgeous smile of yours?

01:21:12 - Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see.

01:21:15 - [chuckles]

01:21:17 I have something for you.

01:21:19 - What?

01:21:20 What's this?

01:21:23 - Open.

01:21:25 - [gasps]

01:21:30 Ooh!

01:21:31 - Oh!

01:21:33 Oh!

01:21:34 For me?

01:21:35 - For you.

01:21:37 - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

01:21:40 Oh, he's just like Digby.

01:21:42 - Just like Digby.

01:21:44 - I think I'm gonna die.

01:21:45 I thought--oh, my God.

01:21:46 - Don't die, please.

01:21:47 - I don't know.

01:21:48 - Until after the interview.

01:21:49 - Oh, this dog is killing me with cuteness.

01:21:52 - He's a crazy cute.

01:21:53 - Can I keep it?

01:21:54 - Take him home forever and ever.

01:21:56 - Oh.

01:21:57 Why?

01:21:58 - I live a lonely life, Dave.

01:22:03 And it warms my heart to know

01:22:06 that there is someone in this world

01:22:08 with whom I can truly be myself.

01:22:12 - Whatever they say about you...

01:22:16 they're wrong.

01:22:18 - [chuckles]

01:22:19 I'm just me, and I do my best.

01:22:22 - You're my brother.

01:22:23 - Oh.

01:22:24 - [whimpers]

01:22:25 - You're my brother.

01:22:26 - [claps]

01:22:28 - Let's get this out of the way, okay?

01:22:30 - Okay. - Okay.

01:22:32 - And what are we gonna name you, huh?

01:22:34 You need a name? Yes, you do?

01:22:37 [humming]

01:22:40 [dog whimpers]

01:22:42 - He looks just like Bigby.

01:22:45 - You gotta be fucking kidding me.

01:22:48 - Wish you and him a good boy-boy.

01:22:51 - Okay. - Okay.

01:22:53 - Shall we begin?

01:22:54 - You ready?

01:22:55 - Shut the fuck up, guys.

01:22:56 It's starting. It's starting.

01:22:57 - It's starting, guys.

01:22:59 - And we're on in five, four,

01:23:03 three...

01:23:04 [music playing]

01:23:07 - Good evening, and good morning

01:23:09 to our viewers around the world.

01:23:10 I'm Dave Skylark.

01:23:12 Thank you for joining me

01:23:13 for this historic moment in history.

01:23:16 I'm with President Kim Jong-un

01:23:18 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

01:23:21 We are broadcasting from a station outside of Pyongyang

01:23:25 for this very special edition of...

01:23:27 - Skylark.

01:23:28 - Tonight.

01:23:29 - [chuckles]

01:23:31 - Thank you for joining me, President Kim Jong-un.

01:23:33 - It is my pleasure, Dave.

01:23:35 You know, there is so much misunderstanding

01:23:38 about North Korea and me personally,

01:23:41 and I can't think of a man with greater intelligence than you.

01:23:47 I am grateful for this opportunity

01:23:49 for my government and for the international community

01:23:53 to forge a better relationship.

01:23:56 - So you want to set the record straight.

01:23:58 - Indeed, Dave.

01:24:00 - Camera 3.

01:24:01 - [speaking Korean]

01:24:02 - The tension between your nation and South Korea

01:24:04 are at an all-time high.

01:24:06 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict.

01:24:09 So what I want to know is,

01:24:12 in these times of great stress,

01:24:14 do you do karaoke?

01:24:16 - Yes, I do, Dave.

01:24:18 I believe that it is important for those in power

01:24:22 to remain in touch with the beauty in life.

01:24:24 - You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you?

01:24:27 - Well, how could I not be?

01:24:29 - He's reading the script of the questions.

01:24:31 - He loves them, and then he gets them.

01:24:33 It's his technique.

01:24:34 - The beauty guides you.

01:24:35 - You're the guides in my head.

01:24:37 - This is fucking bullshit.

01:24:39 - Let's take it to a serious tip.

01:24:41 Supreme Leader Kim, when the United States,

01:24:44 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons,

01:24:48 insists that countries like yours have none,

01:24:53 does that feel hypocritical to you?

01:24:56 - Many Americans do not realize

01:24:59 that the war in North Korea

01:25:01 was entirely the fault of the United States.

01:25:04 - Damn! Kim's calling us out.

01:25:06 - You really are still hopeful?

01:25:08 - No, I'm not hopeful at all.

01:25:09 He's totally bailed on the plan.

01:25:11 - America, what you've done to these Koreans?

01:25:13 - This is a little embarrassing.

01:25:15 - So when you think of all that your country has been through,

01:25:18 the wars, the floods,

01:25:21 do you think that your people should be rewarded

01:25:23 for their resilience and strength?

01:25:26 - Of course, Dave.

01:25:28 - Then why don't you feed them?

01:25:34 (speaking Korean)

01:25:39 - I...

01:25:45 Camera two.

01:25:47 (speaking Korean)

01:25:49 - I beg your pardon?

01:25:51 - Why don't you feed your people?

01:25:53 They are hungry, specifically two-thirds of them.

01:25:57 Isn't that a little embarrassing?

01:25:58 Since you're the one they view as a provider and a god,

01:26:01 and you spend $800 million on nukes every year,

01:26:04 and you have 16 million people who are starving?

01:26:07 (speaking Korean)

01:26:09 - Are you sure you don't, uh,

01:26:16 mean to ask me about potato yields?

01:26:19 - No, I want to know about that other thing I just asked.

01:26:22 - Okay, uh, well, Dave,

01:26:24 as you have seen for yourself,

01:26:27 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea.

01:26:30 What I saw for myself was a fake grocery store

01:26:35 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it.

01:26:38 (speaking Korean)

01:26:40 - Okay, uh, this is, uh,

01:26:43 an offensive line of questioning.

01:26:45 - I don't think it's offensive.

01:26:46 - I think it's super important.

01:26:48 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions,

01:26:50 you can just get up and walk away.

01:26:51 I can't keep you from retreating.

01:26:53 - He's not. He's sitting there. He's not moving.

01:26:55 - He's going for the button. He's going for the button.

01:26:57 - He's not. He's not. - He's going for the button.

01:26:58 - He's not. Shit, he's making a move.

01:26:59 - He's making a move. Don't move, homie!

01:27:01 - (speaking Korean)

01:27:02 - Get your hand away from there!

01:27:03 Get over there! - (speaking Korean)

01:27:04 - Over there! - (speaking Korean)

01:27:06 - (speaking Korean) - I will cap you!

01:27:09 I'm exploding with energy. I can't believe this is happening.

01:27:11 I feel so alive right now. This is so real.

01:27:14 He's got him. Nice!

01:27:16 - Dave, I'm okay.

01:27:19 - (speaking Korean)

01:27:22 - Dave, perhaps the question you should ask

01:27:29 is how have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished

01:27:33 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions

01:27:36 imposed on North Korea by the United States?

01:27:40 - Sanctions? Uh...

01:27:43 - Don't you know that the United States

01:27:44 has a more incarcerated people per capita

01:27:47 than North Korea? - No, but--

01:27:49 - So perhaps now you would like to return

01:27:51 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon.

01:27:55 - Uh...

01:27:57 No!

01:27:58 (both grunting)

01:28:00 - (speaking Korean)

01:28:03 - Oh, shit! - You're on camera one!

01:28:06 (grunting)

01:28:08 (grunting)

01:28:10 Camera three! Camera three!

01:28:13 (grunting)

01:28:16 Do not move, homie!

01:28:18 (screaming)

01:28:20 (screaming)

01:28:23 (screaming)

01:28:25 (screaming)

01:28:27 - Get me something! Get me fucking something!

01:28:29 Okay. - (speaking Korean)

01:28:31 - Why? Fuck!

01:28:34 Shit, that hurts!

01:28:35 - We don't have concentration camps, Dave.

01:28:38 Have you seen one person mistreated

01:28:41 since your arrival here?

01:28:43 - (speaking Korean)

01:28:46 - Oh, shit! Someone's coming! Someone's coming!

01:28:49 (doorbell rings)

01:28:51 (speaking Korean)

01:28:54 (speaking Korean)

01:28:56 (grunting)

01:28:58 (grunting)

01:29:00 (grunting)

01:29:02 - Oh, fuck! Fuck!

01:29:05 - Dave, unless you can show me a person--

01:29:07 - (speaking Korean)

01:29:09 (grunting)

01:29:11 (grunting)

01:29:13 (grunting)

01:29:15 (grunting)

01:29:17 - Aaron!

01:29:19 (grunting)

01:29:21 (grunting)

01:29:23 (grunting)

01:29:25 (grunting)

01:29:27 (grunting)

01:29:29 (grunting)

01:29:31 - Do not fuck with my angles!

01:29:33 (grunting)

01:29:35 (grunting)

01:29:37 (grunting)

01:29:39 (grunting)

01:29:41 (grunting)

01:29:43 (grunting)

01:29:45 (grunting)

01:29:47 - Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

01:29:49 - (speaking Korean)

01:29:51 - Sit still!

01:29:53 (speaking Korean)

01:29:55 - Oh, fuck!

01:29:57 (grunting)

01:29:59 (grunting)

01:30:01 (grunting)

01:30:03 (grunting)

01:30:05 (grunting)

01:30:07 (thunder rumbling)

01:30:09 - Thank you!

01:30:11 - Face it, Dave, you have failed.

01:30:13 You've made wild allegations,

01:30:15 but you have proven nothing.

01:30:17 You made this a long journey just to show the world

01:30:19 that they were right about you.

01:30:21 You are incapable of conducting a real interview.

01:30:25 You're a joke!

01:30:27 - (sighs) Maybe you're right.

01:30:34 Yeah, it sucks,

01:30:36 because I need people's approval.

01:30:38 Desperately.

01:30:42 Because I could never get it

01:30:44 from my father when I was a kid.

01:30:46 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim.

01:30:56 Your father...

01:31:00 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures.

01:31:04 He told you that margaritas are gay.

01:31:07 - I have no comment on margaritas.

01:31:10 - Then why don't you drink them?

01:31:12 - I don't like brain freeze.

01:31:15 - Fuck you, Dave!

01:31:18 You fucking asshole!

01:31:20 - I just have one more question for you.

01:31:23 Do you ever feel

01:31:27 like a plastic bag

01:31:30 drifting through the wind,

01:31:33 wanting to start again?

01:31:35 - (sobbing) What is that? I don't know what that is.

01:31:38 - Oh, yes, you do. - No, I don't.

01:31:40 I never heard that before in my life.

01:31:42 - Do you ever feel

01:31:44 feel so paper-thin,

01:31:46 just like a house of cards,

01:31:49 one door from caving in?

01:31:51 - (sobbing) I don't know what you're singing.

01:31:54 - You know exactly what it is. - No, I don't.

01:31:56 - You don't need to lie anymore.

01:31:58 Katy Perry's your favorite.

01:32:00 - Katy who? I don't know who you're talking about.

01:32:04 - You just got to ignite

01:32:06 the light

01:32:08 and let it shine.

01:32:11 - Not the chorus, please.

01:32:13 - And own the night

01:32:15 like it's the Fourth of July. - Stop!

01:32:18 - 'Cause, Kimmy, you're a firework.

01:32:21 - Stop!

01:32:23 - Go on, show 'em what

01:32:25 you're worth,

01:32:27 and make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh!"

01:32:30 As you sail across the sky.

01:32:32 - I, I, I...

01:32:34 - Kimmy, you're a firework!

01:32:38 - No!

01:32:40 I don't need my father!

01:32:42 I am strong!

01:32:44 - What?

01:32:46 - (sobbing)

01:32:48 (sobbing)

01:32:50 (sobbing)

01:32:59 - Oh, excuse me.

01:33:11 - Did you just shart? - No, I didn't.

01:33:14 It was the dead camera guy.

01:33:16 - Oh, my God. - Ladies and gentlemen,

01:33:18 Kim Jong-un has just pooed in his pants.

01:33:21 - (speaking Korean)

01:33:23 - Hurry up!

01:33:25 - (shouting)

01:33:27 - Let's get the fuck out of here.

01:33:29 - Yeah, let's go.

01:33:31 (shouting)

01:33:33 - (shouting)

01:33:37 (fanfare playing)

01:33:44 (gunfire)

01:33:46 (gunfire)

01:33:48 (gunfire)

01:33:50 (gunfire)

01:33:52 (gunfire)

01:33:54 (gunfire)

01:33:56 (gunfire)

01:33:58 (gunfire)

01:34:00 (gunfire)

01:34:02 (gunfire)

01:34:04 (gunshot)

01:34:06 (gunshot)

01:34:08 (gunshot)

01:34:10 (panting)

01:34:12 - Damn, girl. You the badass.

01:34:15 - I thought you were my friend, Dave.

01:34:18 - I thought you were my friend, Kim.

01:34:21 I thought everyone lied about you.

01:34:23 And then I saw that fake grapefruit

01:34:25 in that fake grocery store,

01:34:28 and I realized that you were a fake friend.

01:34:30 - (sobbing)

01:34:32 - And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up

01:34:34 just to show what a big guy you are?

01:34:36 No friend would blow up another friend's country.

01:34:39 You're just a flawed man with a big old butthole.

01:34:42 And you pee and poo like the rest of us.

01:34:45 (panting)

01:34:47 (panting)

01:34:49 (panting)

01:34:51 (panting)

01:34:53 (panting)

01:34:55 Well, tell me this, Dave.

01:34:57 (sniffles)

01:34:59 Will you be so cocky

01:35:01 when I slay you in front of the whole world,

01:35:04 you Yankee motherfucker?

01:35:06 If you shoot me, you'll just be proving me right.

01:35:10 You're just a sad little man.

01:35:12 (gunshot)

01:35:13 (screaming)

01:35:16 - Dave! Dave, no!

01:35:19 (gasping)

01:35:23 - This is Dave Skylark, signing off.

01:35:27 (door slams)

01:35:29 (shouting)

01:35:33 - Goodbye, Dave.

01:35:35 (shouting)

01:35:40 (door slams)

01:35:42 (exhales)

01:35:50 (chuckles)

01:35:53 - Bulletproof vest.

01:35:55 - Genius!

01:35:56 (cheering)

01:35:58 - He's alive, everybody!

01:36:00 - He's got a bulletproof vest on!

01:36:02 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on.

01:36:04 - Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un.

01:36:07 This is Dave Skylark, signing off.

01:36:11 - No! - Aaron!

01:36:13 - Let's get the fuck out of here.

01:36:15 - Wait!

01:36:16 The puppy!

01:36:17 - Hey, what happened to your hand?

01:36:19 - Someone bit my fucking fingers off.

01:36:21 - It's just like Frodo!

01:36:22 - Oh, shit!

01:36:23 (shouting)

01:36:24 - Don't shoot, I have a puppy!

01:36:26 (shouting)

01:36:30 (shouting)

01:36:32 (gunshots)

01:36:34 (gunshots)

01:36:36 (shouting)

01:36:39 (shouting)

01:36:41 - Go!

01:36:42 (shouting)

01:36:44 (shouting)

01:36:46 (shouting)

01:36:53 (shouting)

01:36:56 - You're a hero! Thank you, sir!

01:36:59 (shouting)

01:37:00 (speaking foreign language)

01:37:03 (speaking foreign language)

01:37:07 (shouting in foreign language)

01:37:11 (speaking foreign language)

01:37:14 (speaking foreign language)

01:37:18 (shouting in foreign language)

01:37:30 (crying)

01:37:33 (speaking foreign language)

01:37:37 (shouting in foreign language)

01:37:43 (shouting in foreign language)

01:37:47 - That's the only way out.

01:37:55 - Hey, I have an idea.

01:37:57 Follow me.

01:37:59 (dramatic music)

01:38:02 (explosion)

01:38:11 (screaming)

01:38:13 - Is this Kenny fucking Perry?

01:38:16 - Just leave it on, it's helping me concentrate.

01:38:18 (dramatic music)

01:38:21 Oh shit, are those fucking nukes?

01:38:34 - Let me check.

01:38:35 Oh, we really fucked up.

01:38:40 - He's harming his fucking nukes.

01:38:43 (dramatic music)

01:38:45 (shouting in foreign language)

01:39:04 (shouting in foreign language)

01:39:09 (shouting in foreign language)

01:39:13 (explosion)

01:39:18 (gunfire)

01:39:22 - I'm being grazed.

01:39:28 - How's the puppy?

01:39:29 - Puppy is okay.

01:39:30 - You protect that puppy with your life.

01:39:32 (gunfire)

01:39:37 (shouting in foreign language)

01:39:41 - We gotta do something, he's gonna fucking kill us.

01:39:45 - We're in the tank, shoot him back.

01:39:48 (gunfire)

01:39:50 - It's loaded.

01:39:52 - Let's barbecue this motherfucker.

01:39:55 (gunfire)

01:39:57 (shouting in foreign language)

01:40:01 - On three.

01:40:04 (shouting in foreign language)

01:40:05 - Bounce to the wall, motherfuckers.

01:40:07 (shouting in foreign language)

01:40:11 (explosion)

01:40:15 - Look at that.

01:40:23 (explosion)

01:40:27 ♪ The light ♪

01:40:31 ♪ The light ♪

01:40:34 ♪ Let it shine ♪

01:40:36 ♪ Just own the night ♪

01:40:41 ♪ Like the fourth of July ♪

01:40:46 ♪ Baby you're a firework ♪

01:40:51 ♪ Come on let your colors burst ♪

01:40:56 ♪ Make 'em come alive ♪

01:41:01 ♪ As you're leaving for the downtown ♪

01:41:06 ♪ Born and born and grown ♪

01:41:09 ♪ Even brighter than the moon ♪

01:41:14 ♪ It's always been inside of you ♪

01:41:20 ♪ You just have to let it go ♪

01:41:23 (shouting in foreign language)

01:41:31 (panting)

01:41:33 (explosion)

01:41:37 - Yes, yes.

01:41:40 - Yes!

01:41:44 - Okay.

01:41:44 - That way, it's an old mining tunnel.

01:41:51 - Holy shit, where does that go?

01:41:52 - West, away from Pyongyang.

01:41:55 Keep moving until you reach the coast.

01:41:57 I wish you both luck.

01:41:58 - You sound like you're not coming with us.

01:41:59 - Yes, sir.

01:42:00 - What are you doing?

01:42:01 - I'm going to Pyongyang.

01:42:01 - That's going right back into the snake pit.

01:42:03 - I can't leave North Korea.

01:42:05 I just have plunged into chaos.

01:42:06 - So did we.

01:42:07 I'm okay with leaving.

01:42:08 - I have to ensure that the power

01:42:10 does not transfer to the wrong hand.

01:42:12 I can't deny that we have a chemistry,

01:42:14 but I have to stay here for my people.

01:42:17 - Okay.

01:42:20 - I'm glad to meet you.

01:42:23 - Okay.

01:42:24 Kiss her.

01:42:26 Kiss her, dude.

01:42:30 Yeah, get in there.

01:42:32 How are you?

01:42:37 - I'm happy to have met you, Aiden.

01:42:44 - Me too.

01:42:45 Bye, sir.

01:42:49 Have fun with the war.

01:42:50 (somber music)

01:42:53 - All right, it's clear.

01:43:14 - Okay.

01:43:15 Okay, here we go.

01:43:19 - You got him?

01:43:20 - Yeah.

01:43:21 - You heard of that big old scary hole?

01:43:23 (grunting)

01:43:26 - Where are we?

01:43:28 - I don't know.

01:43:29 - This China?

01:43:30 - I don't know.

01:43:32 Looks like North Korea.

01:43:33 - Yeah.

01:43:34 Man.

01:43:35 - Which way's the coast?

01:43:36 - I have no idea.

01:43:38 Does that do something?

01:43:39 - Dogs always run to the sea.

01:43:40 - That's not true.

01:43:41 - You gotta find the sea.

01:43:42 - I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave.

01:43:44 (screaming)

01:43:46 - Shit, shit, shit, shit.

01:43:47 - Get him off me.

01:43:48 Protect him on me.

01:43:49 - Stop.

01:43:50 It's them.

01:43:51 Echo Romeo five, Echo Romeo five.

01:43:55 We have contact with Dung Beetle and Arnbark.

01:43:57 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung.

01:44:00 Still team six.

01:44:01 - Holy shit.

01:44:02 How'd you guys find us?

01:44:03 - We tracked you using the GPS on your wristwatch.

01:44:05 - Oh my god. - Let's get you boys home.

01:44:07 - Oh my god.

01:44:08 For you.

01:44:09 - Me?

01:44:10 - Is it the president?

01:44:11 - Mr. Obama?

01:44:13 - Nope, just me, Agent Lacey.

01:44:16 - Agent Lacey.

01:44:17 Fancy hearing from you here.

01:44:19 - I enjoyed your interview, guys.

01:44:22 Try not to fuck up your extraction.

01:44:25 Get home safe.

01:44:26 - Guess who's going to America

01:44:28 where they don't eat doggies?

01:44:29 And you get all the good stuff.

01:44:30 - Okay, let's just go.

01:44:31 Let's get out.

01:44:32 Can we please go?

01:44:33 Okay.

01:44:34 (whistling)

01:44:36 (upbeat music)

01:44:39 ♪ I follow the most part ♪

01:44:58 ♪ And down to Gorky Park ♪

01:45:01 ♪ Listening to the wind ♪

01:45:04 ♪ I'm a change ♪

01:45:09 ♪ Another summer night ♪

01:45:12 - She honey-potted me.

01:45:14 - What?

01:45:15 What are you talking about?

01:45:16 - Suck.

01:45:17 Think about it, man.

01:45:18 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me,

01:45:21 she commandeered my plans, made them her own.

01:45:24 I mean, she used me.

01:45:25 I'll admit it was for like a really good fucking cause,

01:45:29 but she honey-potted me.

01:45:31 - Yeah.

01:45:33 - Well, good riddance.

01:45:33 I hated that fucking bitch.

01:45:35 - No?

01:45:36 - No.

01:45:38 She's trying to make you feel better.

01:45:41 That was your one true love.

01:45:43 Now she's gone.

01:45:44 - Doesn't make me feel any better.

01:45:46 - Well, you have us.

01:45:50 And we love you.

01:45:51 We all love each other.

01:45:57 (upbeat music)

01:46:00 (crowd cheering)

01:46:03 ♪ Take me ♪

01:46:07 - And as the North Korean coastline receded in the distance,

01:46:12 we heard the crackling of gunfire.

01:46:14 It was the beginning of a revolution.

01:46:17 A revolution Aaron and I had started.

01:46:22 Of course, in a tale like this,

01:46:26 you might expect to find some hot CIA honeypot bombshell.

01:46:31 (speaking in foreign language)

01:46:39 Maybe a few drones or a secret CIA watch.

01:46:47 - You got Skype.

01:46:48 - So good to see your face.

01:46:50 - Wait, someone else wants to say hi.

01:46:52 (laughing)

01:46:53 Guess who we named him?

01:46:54 Kim Jong-un.

01:46:55 - Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no?

01:46:57 - Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute though.

01:47:00 - But there was none of that.

01:47:02 No.

01:47:03 This was a revolution ignited with nothing more

01:47:08 than a camera and some questions.

01:47:12 Questions that led a man once revered as a god among mortals

01:47:17 to cry and shit his pants.

01:47:22 The end.

01:47:24 (audience applauding)

01:47:27 (dramatic music)

01:47:32 (upbeat music)

01:47:34 (upbeat music)

01:47:37 (upbeat music)

01:47:39 (upbeat music)

01:47:42 (upbeat music)

01:47:53 (upbeat music)

01:47:59 (upbeat music)

01:48:06 (upbeat music)

01:48:09 (upbeat music)

01:48:20 (upbeat music)

01:48:30 (upbeat music)

01:48:33 (upbeat music)

01:48:52 (upbeat music)

01:48:54 (upbeat music)

01:49:07 (upbeat music)

01:49:18 (upbeat music)

01:49:21 (dramatic music)

01:49:28 (dramatic music)

01:49:36 (dramatic music)

01:49:39 (dramatic music)

01:49:58 (dramatic music)

01:50:01 (dramatic music)

01:50:03 (dramatic music)

01:50:06 (dramatic music)

01:50:13 (dramatic music)

01:50:30 (dramatic music)

01:50:32 (gentle music)

01:50:50 (gentle music)

01:50:54 (gentle music)

01:50:56 (gentle music)

01:51:00 (gentle music)

01:51:04 (gentle music)

01:51:06 (gentle music)

01:51:23 (gentle music)

01:51:26 (gentle music)

01:51:35 (gentle music)

01:51:50 (gentle music)

01:51:52 (gentle music)

01:52:01 (gentle music)

01:52:05 (gentle music)

01:52:08 [BLANK_AUDIO]

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