Would You Try This Woman’s Unique Approach to Handling Late Wedding RSVPs?

A common source of frustration for many couples planning their wedding is late RSVPs from their invited guests. Since future spouses need an accurate head count to tackle the rest of their checklist, such as creating their seating chart and reporting the total number of attendees to their caterer, they rely on these replies to proceed with the rest of their planning duties. Although RSVP cards typically highlight a deadline for everyone to respond by, there are always a few stragglers who are either on the fence about attending the celebration or who simply forgot to fill the piece of paper out.

As part of her job as a marketing manager for an online bridal community and due to her own experience getting married 14 years ago, Nishma Mistry produced a method that attempted to prevent this issue from happening and therefore interfering with couples’ planning timelines. Mistry created “missed RSVP” cards for partners to use when their guests didn’t respond by the specified deadline in time, according to British news agency SWNS. 

Whenever someone fails to complete and mail their RSVP card, Mistry recommends that couples send a message that reads, “We’re sorry you can’t make it to our wedding. Our RSVP deadline has passed, and you unfortunately did not respond. We would have loved to have you attend, but final numbers have now been turned in, and your presence will be missed,” before listing the couple’s signatures.

Mistry’s own experience as a bride inspired this recommended approach. When she tied the knot a little over a decade ago, she said she invited 550 people to her big day, but no one replied on time, so she had to individually call each one of them to check if they were coming. She described the process as “such a waste of time.”

Although Mistry produced this method to efficiently and effectively deal with late RSVPs, she told the outlet that she’s received a lot of negative criticism for it. “People are saying it is a bit tacky, but people have the invite for four months,” she explained. “It’s inconsiderate of them not to reply.” 

Elaine Swann, wedding etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School, told Fox News that she thinks Misty’s method for navigating late RSVPs is an etiquette-approved approach—with a few minor adjustments. “I did advise my brides to send a note to folks when they missed the cutoff, so I do believe that this response is acceptable,” she said. However, Swann recommends revising the original message by removing the section, “You unfortunately did not respond,” to avoid making the guest feel guilty for missing the deadline. “We certainly don’t want to kind of rub it in by saying [that],” she added. She also warns that couples should only send this response if it’s absolutely essential.