Here's Why Grooms Traditionally Don't See the Bride Before the Ceremony

In today's day and age, first looks are becoming more popular. Whether it's because couples are bucking tradition or trying to streamline their photography timelines, individuals are no longer afraid to see each other ahead of their wedding ceremonies. That said, the practice of not seeing your partner before you walk down the aisle isn't entirely gone, and if you're interested in integrating this tradition (or "superstition") into your big day, it might be intriguing to learn more about its history.

In general, not seeing your partner before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged, as it was seen as bad luck if the bride and groom met before they were at the altar. That's because people believed that the groom would call off the wedding if this pre-nuptial exchange happened, based on the premise that the groom may not have found the bride to be attractive. Thus, this superstition was birthed out of the desire to ensure one's son would follow through with his commitment to marry someone's daughter—a commitment that was often made for business purposes.

Below, we provide a detailed breakdown of the history of this tradition, in order to further explain why it's considered bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. Plus, we tapped Devin Wilson and Skylar Stetten, the owners and wedding photographers behind Stetten Wilson Photography, to highlight alternatives to this tradition if you and your partner are searching for other pre-ceremony practices. Read on for more.

The History of the Tradition

As mentioned above, the tradition has a less-than-romantic origin. Given that arranged marriages used to be the norm, serving more as a business deal between families than a love match, couples didn't just spend the morning of the wedding apart: There was a time when it was totally normal (and even expected) for the couple to have never seen one another before the wedding at all.

The deal was usually made by the bride's father, who wanted his daughter to marry rich to help his own family. However, many parents would worry that if the groom saw the bride before the ceremony, he might not find her attractive and could call off the wedding—leading to serious shame for the bride and her family. So to avoid risking the family's reputation, the tradition that the couple didn't see each other until the ceremony was born. The veil comes into play here, too. By having a veil over the bride's face, the groom wouldn't see her until the very last moment—at the end of the ceremony once it was time to kiss, and when it was too late to back out.

Today, the superstition about a bride and groom not seeing one another before the ceremony has evolved into the (much more romantic) idea that couples should allow their ceremony attire to be a surprise until they're at the altar. Plus, given that arranged marriages aren't the norm within today's society, coupled with the fact that individuals are now choosing to make their weddings personal and unique, not adhering to this superstition has become more of a standard practice for modern nuptials.

Tradition Alternatives to Know

Searching for ways to make your wedding personal and unique? Here are a few alternatives to consider if you're okay with seeing your partner (or other individuals) before walking down the aisle.

First Looks

Instead of waiting to see their spouse while walking down the aisle, a lot of contemporary couples have opted to incorporate a first look into their big day. As Wilson and Stetten explain, the first look is "the moment you first see each other on your wedding day. It is evolving into simply being a moment for the couple to appreciate each other." You still get the emotions that might come up during the ceremony (including the genuine surprise of how great the other person looks) but without an entire audience looking on. Usually, there's a photographer and/or videographer there to capture the moment. Afterward, the bridal party will gather for some pre-ceremony pictures.

Wilson and Stetten say they often receive questions from couples about whether or not they should do a first look. Their advice is simple: "Some couples are concerned that a first look might spoil the feeling they’re anticipating of seeing each other walking down the aisle. To this, we always say, 'Your first look should not be defined by spending the previous night apart, walking down an aisle, or staging a big reveal, it should simply be the look you give each other knowing that this is the beginning of your life together.'"

Father-Daughter First Looks

If you still want to stick to the tradition of not seeing your soon-to-be spouse until the ceremony but like the idea of a first look, some brides opt to have a father-daughter first look moment instead. Trust us, this can be just as (if not more) emotional.

Pre-Ceremony Vow Exchanges

If the thought of exchanging vows in front of family and friends makes you nervous, consider designating a time before the ceremony for you and your partner to privately share your words of love. This is especially great for couples who want to spend alone time together before the festivities of their nuptials begin, and for those who aren't interested in complying with the vow exchange tradition at the altar. Not to mention, it's a lovely way to start your marriage off on your own terms.