Wedding Thank-You Card Etiquette: What Every Newlywed Needs to Know

The days leading up to your wedding can feel like a blur. You're passing along final requests to your vendors, chatting with your coordinator, and running through your rehearsal. Luckily, the weeks following your big day are just the opposite, giving you (and your partner!) the opportunity to enjoy some much-deserved rest and relaxation. Though the stress of planning is behind you, there's still one more task to complete: writing your thank-you cards. In theory, it seems simple enough, but this having item on your to-do list can often feel confusing and complicated, particularly when it comes to wedding thank-you card etiquette.

What might compound that pressure is the fact that they're necessary. "Thank-you notes are always appropriate, and they never go out of style," says etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. "It is proper etiquette to send out thank-you notes to let your family and friends know that you received the gift, you and your spouse appreciate the gift, and how you plan to use the gift." And even if someone didn't give you a gift, there's a very good chance a thank-you note is still appropriate and called for.

To help ensure you send a message of gratitude to everyone who deserves one (and that your message is appropriate for the occasion!), we put together an etiquette guide you can follow as you sit down to tackle that daunting stack of cards.

Are Wedding Thank-You Cards Necessary?

Absolutely! Thank-you cards are necessary and important to express your gratitude for the gifts you received—and the support people gave to you on your big day. If you had a large wedding with over 150 guests, writing out individual notes for each present can feel overwhelming. However, these messages of gratitude don't have to take hours. "The thank-you note does not have to be lengthy or elaborate," Whitmore says. "But do personalize each note to each gift-giver." Think of how meaningful your message may end up being to the recipient and remember that a little bit of gratitude can go a long way.

When to Send Wedding Thank-You Cards

Timeliness is key. Aim to send your thank-you notes one to three months after your wedding. This window provides ample time to ensure they are ordered, written, addressed, signed, sealed, and delivered promptly. If you have quite a few to complete, don't go it alone or try to cram it all into one session. Break up the process into smaller tasks, and set a goal to complete a certain number each day.

Who Gets a Wedding Thank-You Card?

There are a lot of people who contribute to making your wedding day special, and it can be confusing to know who needs a note of gratitude. To make it simple, Swann recommends using "the onion method." Like the vegetable, you'll consider your recipients in layers, uncovering one at a time.

Close Family Members

Think of the innermost layer first. "This would be parents or godparents or grandparents," she says. "Anyone who really helped to make the day happen." Even though you may have already thanked these people in person, Swann says it's important to send a note as well. "It really takes it a step further," she adds.

Your Bridal Party

The next layer is your bridal party. However, since you've likely already given your bridesmaids or groomsmen thank-you gifts, Swann says it's okay to skip the additional note.

Your Vendors

Your vendors make up the next layer. It's no secret that your florist, caterer, DJ, and venue coordinator helped make your big day be spectacular, and, as a result, it's important to send a thank-you note.

Anyone Who Sent You a Gift

The last layer is the everyone who sent you a gift. Regardless of whether or not someone attended your wedding, if they sent you a present, it's important to show your appreciation with a note.

When it comes to your recipients, double check your list. While mistakes do happen, nobody wants a valued guest to feel slighted upon not receiving a thank-you message. By being organized and thorough, you can make certain you've done all you can to ensure that every person who should receive a thank-you note gets one.

What to Say in Wedding Thank-You Cards

As overwhelming as this task may feel, what you write in your thank-you notes doesn't have to be complicated. "I like to give my thank-you note in three simple steps," Swann says. "Number one is you greet the person. Number two is you say 'thank you.' And then number three, you can say something about the gift—what you'll do with the gift or what you did with the gift, and that's it."

Can You Send Digital Wedding Thank-You Cards?

When it comes to modern etiquette, digital thank-you notes are absolutely acceptable, Swann says: "They are something that I believe is part of our modern society and something we should embrace from an etiquette perspective." In some cases, however, a handwritten note may be more appropriate, depending on how you typically communicate with the recipient. "If you are sending a thank-you note to grandparents or godparents or maybe a vendor who does everything by hand and is still analog, then send them the thank-you note that is handwritten," Swann says. On the other hand, if you and your photographer have exclusively communicated via email, she says it's perfectly okay to send a digital note. Think about the person you're wanting to express gratitude to.

If you're still torn on what to do, opt for the analog version. "A handwritten note goes a long way," Swann says. "Keep in mind, we do receive so much correspondence from a digital perspective. There are all sorts of filters on our email accounts that can send things into spam or junk mail. If it's really important that you get that heartfelt thank-you to the person, then my recommendation is to send the handwritten note."