11 Common Mother-of-the-Groom Responsibilities

When it comes to planning your wedding, figuring out your loved ones' roles early on makes the entire process run much more smoothly. By doing so, you'll know who is responsible for what, when each person has the final say, and exactly what you do (and don’t) want input on. And while you might know exactly what your partner will take on and where your mother's strengths lie in the preparation process, you may be left wondering: What are the responsibilities of the mother of the groom?

Traditionally, the role of the groom’s mother is a little more limited than that of the mother of the bride. When it comes to involvement in wedding planning, it's usually at the discretion of the couple. However, depending on your relationship with your future mother-in-law, it can be a kind gesture to include her in different aspects of your wedding. Giving her defined responsibilities can also help take some of the stress off of you—just ensure that any of these additional asks don't result in you feeling more stressed out.

"Wedding planning is an emotional time—there’s excitement, but also a lot of stress, and family dynamics can quickly become complicated," says Kara Levenbrook, the founder and coach at Your Bride Coach. "Many of my bridal clients feel the pressure to keep everyone happy, especially their future mother-in-law, which can add even more anxiety to an already overwhelming process. Weddings bring families closer in new ways, and it’s easy for boundaries to blur." To successfully manage this relationship, she suggests setting boundaries and listening to your future mother-in-law's feelings. While much of the focus on your current dynamic will be on your upcoming nuptials, remember that you're also setting your relationship up for longterm success.

If you’re wondering what typical mother-of-the-groom etiquette is and how involved she should be in your wedding, here are a few common responsibilities to consider assigning to her.

Attend Vendor Meetings or Dress Fittings

If your partner's mother has great taste, invite her to come to a meeting with your caterer or florist. While you may decide to keep dress shopping a strictly mother-daughter event, inviting your future mother-in-law to your fitting is a fun moment for you two to share. By inviting her to tag along, you may also create an unexpected beautiful memory. "One of the sweetest moments we’ve witnessed was the groom’s mother helping our client select her dresses for her wedding weekend," says Summer Newman, the founder and lead planner at Summer Newman Events. "She gave compliments that were honest and chose her words carefully when pointing out why a dress may not work. She made sure to give guidance that was aligned with what the bride truly wanted. This means she took the time prior to the appointment to find out what the bride truly wanted."

Coordinate Her Wedding Look With Your Mom's

Being the middle man between your mom and your partner's can be a challenge, especially when it comes to finding mother-of-the-bride and -groom dresses for your big day. Feel free to pass ownership of this task over to your partner's mom, who can directly speak with your own mother as they plan cohesive ensembles.

Connect With Your Parents

Building a strong relationship between your parents and your future in-laws will help make your wedding-planning process that much easier. "Introducing the in-laws can definitely be an anxiety-ridden experience for many couples, but with the right approach, you can help both families connect in a way that makes the process smoother and more enjoyable," Levenbrook says. "I always advise my brides to focus on creating opportunities for genuine interactions rather than forcing connections." If you're wondering where to start, she suggests planning multiple causal get-togethers, such as dinners or barbecues. In such a setting, your future in-laws and your parents will be able to feel relaxed and at ease.

On the day of your nuptials, Levenbrook suggests cultivating a special moment for your in-laws and parents to feel bonded. "Consider setting aside a moment for a large family dance, a special acknowledgment during speeches, or a group photo that highlights both families coming together on the big day," she says. "This can help create lasting memories and strengthen the sense of unity."

Help With the Guest List

There might be some back-and-forth with the mother of the groom when it comes to how many people from her side of the family she wants on your wedding guest list. After you’ve sorted through who will make the final cut and you’ve gotten your guest list down to a reasonable number, the she can assist you with collecting names and addresses for any family members and friends who will be invited to the wedding (and with collecting their RSVPs). As the wedding gets closer, the mother of the groom can also help with seating arrangements.

Suggest Traditions for the Ceremony

In an effort to take the groom’s religion or family traditions into account, you might want to consult with his mother to see if there are any special readings, rituals, or customs that you should consider including in the ceremony. If there’s a poem that’s been read or a tradition that has been passed down and used at weddings in their family for many years, the mother of the groom can give you insight into those practices.

Offer Financial Support

While the groom's family is traditionally expected to cover the rehearsal dinner, couples also appreciate when they pitch in for things like the bridal party's hair and makeup, the wedding cake, and even—in some cultures—the bride's wedding dress, Newman says.

Attend the Bridal Shower

Ensuring that the mother of the groom is invited to your bridal shower can be meaningful touch. If your mother isn't planning on hosting your shower (or is feeling a bit too overwhelmed to do so), this could also be a great role for your future mother-in-law to take on. "If the mother of the bride has no intention to plan a bridal shower, it’s a great opportunity for the mother of the groom to step in, but make sure you keep the lines of communication open to ensure that you have the bride’s blessings," Newman says.

Host the Rehearsal Dinner

Depending on how you've delegated the wedding-planning decisions and costs, the mother of the groom may offer to host the rehearsal dinner. But just because she's offered to plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner, it doesn’t mean you have to be hush-hush about the kind of party you want to have. Be upfront with her about your and your partner's preferences when it comes to the scale of the event, location, and cuisine.

Manage Breakfast and Refreshments the Morning of the Wedding

It's often a forgotten responsibility: Ensuring that you and your wedding party are well-fed before you walk down the aisle. Newman says that this is a great task to assign to the mother of the groom , particularly if she's participating in your getting-reading session.

Provide Emotional Support

Your wedding can quickly turn into a stressful time. In addition to members of you own family, consider leaning on your future mother-in-law for emotional support. Whether it's a need to vent about a wedding vendor who won't return your emails or your favorite florals needing to get cut due to your budget, asking her to be there for you can help bring the two of you closer—and give her a critical role in your big day.

Help Round Up Guests Before the Reception

On your actual wedding day, one of the major responsibilities the mother of the groom can take on is making sure that guests are taking their seats at the ceremony on time, are all set with transportation to and from the venue, and don’t get lost—especially if you're hosting events at multiple venues. After the ceremony, when it comes time for group photos, she can be a big help in confirming that the groom’s side of the family is waiting and ready to step in and out.

Take Part in the Mother-Son Dance

The mother of the groom should be involved in selecting music for the mother-son dance, working with your partner to find something that both suits your wedding and speaks to their relationship. After that dance unfolds on the big day, be sure to remind your new mother-in-law that the main thing you want her to do is spend the rest of the evening having fun. Turn to your bridal party for last-minute help with tasks and pop-up problems, so she can dive into the celebration and enjoy the excitement of having you as a part of the family.