Going to a Wedding Solo? Here’s How to Actually Have a Good Time

Ever received a wedding invitation with just your name on it to an event where you're unlikely to know the majority of the other guests? We could hear that collective internal groan. Going to a wedding alone can be intimidating at best and downright stressful at worst—and the idea of lumbering around the cocktail hour solo or remaining awkwardly at a table while everyone is up and dancing might be enough to prompt an RSVP of "no thanks." But we'd encourage you to pause before you decide against attending. Ultimately, going to a wedding on your own doesn't have to be a big deal—and there are even a few ways to ensure you have fun.

It is, however, normal to feel anxious in these types of situations—but wrangling the nerves you may feel leading up to the event is usually the toughest part. “The anticipation is worse than the actual experience,” affirms Amy Robbins, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist.

Ahead, Dr. Robbins and several etiquette experts share their best advice on how to navigate a wedding as a single so that you actually enjoy yourself.

Recognize That It's Not Uncommon to Be Invited Solo 

“It’s certainly more common today than it was years ago to attend a wedding alone,” says Mariah Grumet, the founder of Old Soul Etiquette and author of What Do I Do? Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered. “Weddings now come with a big price tag and giving out plus-ones may not be an option for couples.” Plus, there are often limitations on the venue’s size, forcing couples to make tough choices. “If you’re single, widowed, or recently divorced, you may not be invited with a plus-one,” shares Elaine Swann, a lifestyle and etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol. “It’s understandable—couples don’t want random Tinder dates showing up in their wedding photos.” 

In some situations, it’s the guest who decides they want to come alone to avoid the pressure of finding a date or the stress of bringing someone who may not know anyone at the wedding. “If that’s the case, the guest is doing the couple a favor by being honest in his/her intentions and allowing them the opportunity to include someone on their guest list who may be on the bubble,” says Swann.

Appreciate That Societal Perceptions Have Changed

In the past, solo guests were often viewed as not being able to get a date or perpetually single. Today, most of that thinking has evolved. “Gone are the days when someone who likes to eat alone, travel alone, or go to a function alone is considered lonely,” says Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “Quite the contrary—they’re now viewed as confident enough to fly solo!” Carlson wonders aloud why it’s assumed couples must be invited together. “For example, what if you have a limited guest list and want to invite friends from work and have never met their spouses? Why should the coworkers’ spouses automatically take the spots of coworkers you may know really well and want at your wedding?” she asks.

Acknowledge That It's Okay to Feel Anxious

Going to a function solo, especially something as formal as a wedding, can put the most self-confident person on edge. “It's normal to feel a bit uncomfortable when contemplating a wedding alone,” says Dr. Robbins. “Sometimes the first thing that comes to mind is, 'What will people think of me?' Truth is, most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about others, they’re pretty focused on themselves!”

Still, you'll likely be stepping out out for your comfort zone. Start by feeling proud of yourself for doing something that’s difficult—and remind yourself you can do hard things. “The parts of the reception that used to be uncomfortable for me as a solo attendee were when the table of couples got up to slow dance and during the bouquet toss when all the singles were asked to stand up,” shares Carlson. “But I got over that by making an effort to participate in the fun, even if that meant diving for the flowers. I recognized like at any event, I may feel initially anxious, but once the party gets started, it becomes clear most couples are not attached at the hip and everyone usually ends up having fun together.”

Consider the Benefits of Attending Single

There are upsides to attending a wedding solo: You won’t have to keep a partner happy all night, you get to meet new people, you can dance with your friends all evening long, and you can slip out whenever you want. “It's not every day you get a chance to dress up, meet new people, and have fun!” says Grumet. Bonus: Weddings are a great opportunity to meet a new love interest who you may never have encountered if you attended with a date. 

Arrive With Confidence

Instead of going into the wedding with a negative “dateless” mindset, view the event as an opportunity to experience new things. “Focus on the positive and allow yourself to look on the bright side and see all the ‘good’ that’s attached to going to a wedding solo,” says Grumet. It all starts with your entrance. “If you feel uncomfortable showing up alone, and you know others who are attending the wedding, consider traveling together,” says Swann. 

Own the Cocktail Hour

“It’s likely most of the people standing around at the cocktail hour feel just as awkward as you do, even if they’ve come with a guest,” says Grumet. “If you take the initiative and introduce yourself, not only will you radiate confidence, but you'll end up putting the other guests at ease by breaking the ice.”

Make an effort to walk up to a stranger or a group of people and introduce yourself. “Say, ‘Hello, my name is Sue Smith. I don’t know a soul at this wedding, would you mind if I joined you?’” advises Grumet. “You won’t be turned away and it’s your shot at making a new friend.” Swann suggests connecting with two or three key people throughout the hour, like a family member or a co-worker, so you don’t feel as if you’re alone. “Again, this is about easing into the wedding and calming your nerves so you’ll be ready to hit the dance floor later in the evening!” says Dr. Robbins. 

Make Friends at Your Table

This starts with being prepared. “Be sure to introduce yourself to everyone sitting at your table and have a few good opening questions ready to kick off the conversation,” suggests Dr. Robbins. “People like to talk about themselves, so having a few questions in your back pocket can be handy.” Walk up to people you don’t know and extend your hand, advises Gottsman. “It’s a basic tactic that radiates confidence. Then stay attentive and get involved with table conversation," she says.

Find a Purpose

Winning folks over with your hospitality is one way to feel less anxious when you’re alone at a wedding. “Be present and find ways to support the couple,” advises Swann. “This way, you’ll be viewed as part of a team. If you see an elderly guest in need of assistance or a windstorm is messing with the outdoor decorations, jump in to assist. Without stepping over the bridesmaids’ boundaries, hold the bouquet while the bride is welcoming guests or about to cut the cake. Supporting the couple you’re there to celebrate is one way to feel less awkward.”

Go Beyond Small Talk 

There’s really no way to avoid small talk at a wedding, so it’s best to embrace it. “Think about the things you would want to talk about if someone approached you, and start from there,” says Dr. Robbins. If the Oscars or the Super Bowl are on the horizon, for example, use those events as conversation starters. And if you want to stay away from the, “How do you know the couple?” type questions, you can opt for something such as, “What’s your favorite part of a wedding?” or “Where’s your favorite place to stay when you’re in town?” Coming prepared to do a little storytelling, like sharing a funny tale about something that happened with you and the bride on a college road trip, can also help diffuse an uneasy situation, suggests Swann. “And remember, you don’t have to talk to tons of people. Go there with the idea you’ll connect with a handful of folks,” she says.

Look Your Best

Feeling confident starts with your appearance. “Putting effort into how you look may give you the boost you need to introduce yourself to others, create a great first impression and communicate your enthusiasm for being at the wedding,” says Grumet.

You don’t need to spend a fortune on an outfit—just wear something you feel good in. “Opt for a jewelry statement such as a standout necklace or earrings, or consider a beautifully colored scarf, dress or jacket. These are all great conversation starters,” shares Gottsman. You may also want to consider treating yourself to a little beauty pampering prior to the nuptials, so you walk into the reception feeling extra special and good about yourself. “Perhaps this is the time to invest in that new makeup you’ve been eyeing up or get your hair blown out,” says Dr. Robbins. 

Talk To the Couple Ahead of Time 

Going to a wedding alone and concerned about the seating chart? If you're close with the couple, you can certainly let them know if there’s someone you’d like to sit with who is also attending the wedding, rather than be relegated to a singles table, adds Gottsman.

But if you feel a seating request will put pressure on the couple (or you don't know them well enough to inquire), consider accepting your place at the table. "They’re most likely already stressed out dealing with seating issues when it comes to people like stepparents, grandma and coworkers,” says Swann. It's also perfectly acceptable to ask the couple who else is being invited solo. “In fact, I strongly recommend it so you can use that person as an advocate and buffer for the occasion,” says Swann. “Connecting with other singles in advance will create a built-in buddy system prior to the wedding.” 

Don’t Overstep Your Boundaries

It’s in poor taste to ask the couple if you can bring a guest if you were already invited solo. “Unless the invite says plus-one, you should not be requesting to bring another guest,” advises Gottsman. Grumet agrees: “Making that ask is a tabu even if you have a very close relationship with the couple. It’s very important to respect the invitation you received.”

If you can’t stop yourself from inquiring about bringing a date, you’ll need to be prepared to respect the couple’s response. “If it’s no, it’s a no, and you’ll need to move on. From there you can decide if you want to accept their invitation or not,” adds Swann.

Know That It’s Okay to Leave

While you don’t want to leave in the middle of the reception, nothing says you have to stay until the last dance. “Knowing you have an expiration date helps,” says Swann. “Maybe stick around until the cutting of the cake. Then give yourself permission to leave when you’re ready.”

Remember Why You’re There

Putting in the effort and being present for the couple is what really matters most when it comes to attending a wedding solo. “Make the best of it,” advises Swann. “This event only lasts a few hours, you’re there to celebrate the couple, and if you’re a little uncomfortable, well that’s just what life looks like. Embrace the awkward!” 

And remember going alone should not be looked upon as a struggle or a sacrifice. “Life is all about showing up, even when it can be more challenging,” says Dr. Robbins. “There’s no greater gift than being able to do that for a friend. That, in itself, should give you the confidence you need to put on a dressy outfit and step out the door.”

What Not to Do If You're Going to a Wedding Solo

These things are easy to do when you're going to a wedding alone—but don’t.

Don’t Hide Behind Your Phone 

It’s easy enough to glue yourself to your phone and scroll through Instagram all evening long. “Avoid relying on your cell phone. It will make you appear disinterested and you want to be present for the couple,” says Grumet. 

Don’t Park Yourself at the Bar

While a glass of wine may lower your inhibitions and give you a shot of courage to interact with new people, drinking too much is a reputation killer. “You don’t want your single story to be the story of the wedding,” warns Swann. 

Don’t RSVP Right Away

Give your single invite some thought. “Your initial reaction may be to decline, but after some time you may come to realize it’s in your best interest to attend,” says Swann.