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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert Paperback – May 5, 2015

4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 13,977 ratings

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long-lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
 
Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else.
 
Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.


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From the Publisher

Explore these ...seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a long-lasting relationship.

 "Twenty-five years of landmark marital research."—USA Today

"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best qualifications” Newsweek

"Offers something every relationship can benefit from."—Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage The Man’s Guide to Women The Relationship Cure And Baby Makes Three
Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage The Man’s Guide to Women The Relationship Cure And Baby Makes Three
Customer Reviews
4.5 out of 5 stars
578
4.6 out of 5 stars
1,847
4.5 out of 5 stars
1,571
4.6 out of 5 stars
563
Price $12.34 $16.59 $9.11 $13.20
Vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. Unlocks the mystery of how to attract, satisfy, and succeed with a woman for a lifetime. For the first time ever, there is a science-based answer to the age-old question: What do women really want in a man? A powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. Helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent -- and long-lasting -- marriage."        
-- Daniel Goleman, author of
Emotional Intelligence

"Gottman stays refreshingly down to earth, rather than on Mars and Venus."
-- Bill Marvel and Geoffrey Norman, American Way

"Gottman comes to this endeavor with the best of qualifications: he's got the spirit of a scientist and the soul of a romantic."        
-- Newsweek

"Twenty-five years of landmark marital research."
-- USA Today

"Offers something every relationship can benefit from."
-- Seattle Post-Intelligencer

"Astonishing new research!"
-- Woman's World

"Debunks many myths about divorce . . . reveals surprising facts . . . enlightening!"
-- Amazon.com

About the Author

JOHN GOTTMAN, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, is emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington; executive director of his laboratory, the Relationship Research Institute; and cofounder of the Gottman Institute. He held an NIMH research scientist career award for twenty years. Dr. Gottman is the author of more than two hundred professional journal articles and forty-two books, as well as the recipient of numerous prestigious awards for his extensive contributions to marriage and family research.

NAN SILVER is a former editor in chief of Health magazine and coauthor, with Dr. Gottman, of
What Makes Love Last: and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0553447718
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony; Revised ed. edition (May 5, 2015)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780553447712
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0553447712
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.14 x 0.69 x 7.98 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 13,977 ratings

About the authors

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Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
13,977 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book entertaining and useful with many good exercises and examples. They also say it's a great book for couples in relationships of any strength, helping them identify areas in their personality to work on. Readers describe the book as an easy read with many exercises that take up the bulk of the first half. They say the ideas are presented in an accessible but not dumbed-down way.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

355 customers mention "Usefulness"350 positive5 negative

Customers find the book's instructions insightful, practical, and helpful for marriage. They also say it helps with communication and understanding.

"...Gottman’s book “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is an insightful and invaluable guide that provides a beacon of hope and practical advice..." Read more

"...I love all of the topics it covers, it really helped keep my attention...." Read more

"...It not only explains but also offers supportive data, this is not a book of opinion but book of correlations through experimentation...." Read more

"...Great tool to use before and during! Has helped with communication and understanding!" Read more

162 customers mention "Family relationships"162 positive0 negative

Customers find the book great for couples in relationships of any strength. They appreciate the sections that include suggested conversation starters. They say it's a great way to re-wire their brains and helps them identify areas in their personality that they need to work on. Readers also appreciate the compassionate approach and actionable advice. They love the structure and applications.

"...Dr. Gottman’s expertise, compassionate approach, and actionable advice make “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” an essential read for anyone..." Read more

"It provides great examples and activities for couplesA bit long at times, with many examples and anecdotes sometimes similar to each other." Read more

"Great book for marriage and relationships desiring marriage. Great tool to use before and during! Has helped with communication and understanding!" Read more

"...I love the structure and the applications that are so easy to use. 10/10 would recommend for any couple as these are tools to use forever!" Read more

107 customers mention "Readability"100 positive7 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They also say the research is simple and non-technical, with specific steps and examples. Readers also say it's a well-structured tool with a good foundation.

"...the book is supported by real-life examples and exercises, making it accessible and relatable...." Read more

"...It’s a well thought out book that will help change things in your marriage if you really try to understand what the author is talking about...." Read more

"...I love the structure and the applications that are so easy to use. 10/10 would recommend for any couple as these are tools to use forever!" Read more

"...Well written. Highly recommended." Read more

45 customers mention "Entertainment value"40 positive5 negative

Customers find the book entertaining and fun to do with their partner. They say it has a whole section on activities to help them learn about their spouse. Readers also say there are tools and exercises for all couples, and lots of examples and information to assist them.

"...It has helped me see things from different perspectives. I love all of the topics it covers, it really helped keep my attention...." Read more

"...It is practical, has exercises to do, and deepens knowledge of your mate. It is an excellent resource...." Read more

"...But it was still fascinating on many levels, and a good enhancement for the class...." Read more

"...It's an easy read with many good exercises to help you cultivate a successful marriage...." Read more

17 customers mention "Conflict resolution"17 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very helpful for discussing and resolving marital conflicts. They also appreciate the empathetic approach, teachings on forgiveness and communication, and conflict management. Readers also say the book is the holy bible of marriage counseling, capable of starting the healing process.

"...Dr. Gottman’s expertise, compassionate approach, and actionable advice make “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” an essential read for anyone..." Read more

"...the bad habits, relationship-building skills, and conflict -resolution skills are universal...." Read more

"...We both feel lighter & happier & way more positive about our marriage and the future...." Read more

"...It teaches anyone how to overcome their differences and gives great exercises on how to enhance those skills...." Read more

8 customers mention "Focus"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's focus helpful and eye opening. They also say it keeps them intentionally focused on their marriage.

"I honestly love this book. It has helped me see things from different perspectives...." Read more

"I loved this book because it not only makes you focus inward, but truly get to the root cause of issues...." Read more

"So I think every couple should read this book. It really opens your eyes...." Read more

"...There’s a lot of focus on the brain and the study approach is scientifically based..." Read more

13 customers mention "Application"0 positive13 negative

Customers find the application of the book difficult to put into practice. They also say the information is great, but time-consuming. Readers also mention that the book has a slow start.

"...But for the rest of it, I found it to be way too time consuming, and actually found "The 5 Love Languages" to be a much more helpful book..." Read more

"...Again: useful points, at moments irritating execution." Read more

"...Probably my only complaint would be that it's hard to do the exercises at the end of every chapter when you read it on audiobook... But that can be..." Read more

"...Unfortunately, it’s really hard to follow when reading...." Read more

Get the Kindle version
4 out of 5 stars
Get the Kindle version
I love the work of Dr and Dr Gottman. I look forward to finishing this update of their wonderful effort to put their discoveries to practical use. It's so needed. This is a book to use repeatedly and keep a long time, so it's unfortunate that they allowed it to be published with lower quality paper (thin, gray). It's harder to read and won't hold up as long. I've published on Amazon so I know it's cost saving to use this paper, but I chose not to do this to my loyal readers.I've bought other versions of their books (hardback and Kindle), but I can't recommend getting the paperback.Content: 5 starItem quality: 3 star
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2023
Dr. John Gottman’s book “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is an insightful and invaluable guide that provides a beacon of hope and practical advice for couples navigating the complexities of marriage.

This book delves deep into the core principles that foster strong and lasting relationships. Dr. Gottman draws upon his extensive research and clinical experience to outline actionable strategies, allowing readers to understand the dynamics within their relationship and cultivate a deeper connection with their partner.

What sets this book apart is its empathetic approach. Dr. Gottman addresses common relationship pitfalls with sensitivity, offering guidance without judgment. His emphasis on communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding the dynamics of conflict resolution provides a roadmap for couples seeking to improve their relationship dynamics.

Each principle outlined in the book is supported by real-life examples and exercises, making it accessible and relatable. The practical nature of the advice allows couples to implement these principles in their daily lives, fostering a more profound sense of understanding and intimacy.

Moreover, the book doesn’t just focus on problem-solving; it also highlights the importance of fostering positive interactions and building a foundation of trust and respect. Dr. Gottman’s emphasis on celebrating love and cherishing the bond between partners resonates throughout the book, inspiring hope and motivation for couples facing challenges.

One of the most compelling aspects of “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is its universal applicability. Regardless of the stage of your relationship, whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for years, the wisdom imparted in this book offers something valuable for everyone.

In conclusion, this book is a treasure trove of wisdom and guidance for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship. Dr. Gottman’s expertise, compassionate approach, and actionable advice make “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” an essential read for anyone invested in cultivating a thriving and enduring partnership.
34 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 5, 2024
I honestly love this book. It has helped me see things from different perspectives. I love all of the topics it covers, it really helped keep my attention. It’s a well thought out book that will help change things in your marriage if you really try to understand what the author is talking about. The book looks exactly like the picture and I am very pleased overall. Will definitely be recommending this book.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on June 19, 2024
It is an amazing book. We used for our classroom reading. It not only explains but also offers supportive data, this is not a book of opinion but book of correlations through experimentation. I can relate his principle not just between wife and husband but in general how to communicate to others. Amazing and must read. Thanks to his study I now know some changes I need to make in my communication. However, he states that there will always be expectations when testing like individual differences.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2023
It provides great examples and activities for couples
A bit long at times, with many examples and anecdotes sometimes similar to each other.
Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2024
Great book for marriage and relationships desiring marriage. Great tool to use before and during! Has helped with communication and understanding!
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 2, 2017
Seeing a marriage counselor and he said he uses this book and its tenets all the time because it's so effective, based on scientific research. I got one each for my husband and myself. We enjoyed doing the exercises at the end of Chapter 4. I read the hopeful parts of the book, the truly practical things couples do to improve and enrich their marriages and, thus, their lives.

Sadly, then I read the chapter on "why couples don't make it." Shoot...they mostly apply to us. I analyze and nag too much, my husband is critical and snide all the time and we've let our friendship dwindle to low ebb. We've been married for over 2 decades and it's hard to see us change enough and in enough time to avoid divorce. We're both that miserable.

The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to "fix" their spouses. So clearly explained, all problems (and ALL marriages encounter problems...you newlyweds are kidding yourselves if you don't believe this) can be divided into the Solvable and Unsolvable.

Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved. And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill. But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children.

Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy. If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow.

It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace. That's not a peaceful existence.

Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted.
1,264 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 10, 2024
I loved this book because it not only makes you focus inward, but truly get to the root cause of issues. I love the structure and the applications that are so easy to use. 10/10 would recommend for any couple as these are tools to use forever!
8 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 29, 2024
The exercises and principles are excellent tools. We have been married for 28 years and it has helped us tremendously. Well written. Highly recommended.
5 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Reviewed in Canada on December 10, 2023
Very straight forward points and a great read whether your relationship is in trouble or not. Definitely beneficial for conflict resolution but you and your spouse must be receptive to change and consistently putting in effort.
One person found this helpful
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Kayla
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommend to everyone
Reviewed in Mexico on February 6, 2023
Whether you're married, in a relationship, or single - I highly recommend to all. This book gives you healthy and essential communication skills to understand and receive one another with compassion and acceptance.
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Kayla
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommend to everyone
Reviewed in Mexico on February 6, 2023
Whether you're married, in a relationship, or single - I highly recommend to all. This book gives you healthy and essential communication skills to understand and receive one another with compassion and acceptance.
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Andrea
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent book - just doesnt work if u r married to a covert narcissist
Reviewed in Brazil on July 14, 2022
the book is amazing and if you are not married to a pathological liar and covert narc, i am sure it can even help couples...easy read and excellent exercises
One person found this helpful
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Arailym Pernebay
5.0 out of 5 stars livre utile
Reviewed in France on June 21, 2024
livre utile
Negar
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice book for couples
Reviewed in Belgium on April 30, 2024
Nice and useful