Captured Words/Free Thoughts, Volume 16, Winter 2020

Captured Words / Free Thoughts Writings From America’s Prisons Winter 2020 Volume 16 CAPTURED WORDS/FREE THOUGHTS Volume 16, Winter 2020 —Writing and Art from America’s Prisons— Captured Words/Free Thoughts offers testimony from America’s prisons and prisonimpacted communities. This issue includes poems, stories, letters, essays, and art made by men and women incarcerated in California, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, Texas, and Wisconsin. To expand the scope of our project, we also include works made by folks on the free side of the prison walls whose lives have been impacted by crime, violence, and the prison-industrial complex. Volume 16 was compiled and edited by Stephen John Hartnett and Ardita DervishiAnderson at the University of Colorado Denver. Layout, design, and this volume’s gorgeous photography were all handled by Andrei Howell. Our new correspondence editor is Dr. Benjamin Boyce, who has made the miraculous voyage through Michigan prisons and on to success as a teacher, scholar, and activist. MISSION STATEMENT We believe that reducing crime and reclaiming our neighborhoods depends in part on enabling a generation of abandoned Americans to experience different modes of citi-zenship, self-reflection, and personal expression. Captured Words/Free Thoughts therefore aspires to empower its contributors, to enlighten its readers, and to shift societal perception so that prisoners are viewed as talented, valuable members of society, not persons to be feared. We believe in the humanity, creativity, and indomitable spirit of each and every one of our collaborators, meaning our magazine is a celebration of the power of turning tragedy into art, of using our communication skills to work collectively for social justice. CONTRIBUTORS & SUBSCRIBERS If you would like to contribute work to forthcoming issues of this magazine, please send your poems, stories, testimonials, or art to Stephen John Hartnett, Professor, Department of Communication, CU Denver, 1201 Larimer St., Room 3016, Denver, CO 80204; [email protected]; 303.315.1914. BACK ISSUES & ACCESS For those of you who would like to use Captured Words/Free Thoughts in your classes or for other purposes, you can access volumes 7 through 16 by logging on to the Acedemia.edu webpage of Stephen Hartnett (http://ucdenver.academia.edu/StephenHartnett). 2 Captured Words / Free Thoughts THANKS · Thanks to the CU Denver Department of Communication Chair, Dr. Lisa Keranen, for her support for this project. · Thanks to Dr. Eleanor Novek at Monmouth University (New Jersey) for her continuous support of the magazine and for sharing her students’ work with us. · Thanks to Dr. Jonathan Shailor at the University of Wisconsin Parkside for his work with the Shakespeare Prison Project and for sharing his collaborators’ creations with us. · Thanks to Dr. Kamran Afary at California State University, Los Angeles, for his work inside California prisons and for sharing his students’ work with us. · Thanks to writer and teacher Shelley Diamond, who leads an InsideOUT program in California, for sharing both her testimony and the works of her students. · Thanks to the Colorado Department of Corrections (DOC) for supporting our project, with special thanks to everyone at Faith and Citizen Programs, including Kirk Machin, David J. Chaffee, and the new Program Coordinator, Kerri Delarosa; great thanks to Danyel Fox, who is always so helpful in processing our volunteer applications. · At the Colorado Correctional Center (CCC), thanks to Officers Michael Albritton and Misha Showalter for welcoming our teams into the facility. · At the Denver Women’s Correctional Facility (DWCF), thanks to Officer Jason Smith for his support. · Thanks to the Colorado Division of Youth Services for supporting our Democratic Communication Workshop in the Gilliam Youth Services Center, where we send thanks to Officer Lindsey Miller for her good work. · The Democratic Communication Workshops hosted at the facilities mentioned above were staffed by Ashley Anaya, Sarah Burlin, Ariel Sena-Calvillo, Rob Hatcher, Natalie McAnulla, Katy Parr, Jessica Rangel, Heidi Roberts, Vincent Russell, Andi W. D. Savage, and Claire Shannon. · Special thanks to the CU Denver Department of Communication’s awesome Program Assistant, Michelle Medal, for all of her expert support on this and so many other projects. · Thanks to Dr. Mia Fischer and Dances for Solidarity-Denver, a prison-pen-pal project connecting folks all across the country through various forms of artistic expression, for sharing works submitted to them. You can reach DFS at PO BOX 300562, Denver, CO 80218; [email protected]; Instagram: @denverdfs · For generous financial assistance, thanks to the Max and Anna Levinson Foundation (https://www.levinsonfoundation.org), where they bring a joyous energy to working for social justice. Writings From America’s Prisons 3 Dedicated to Our Dear Friend, Dr. Buzz Alexander Volume 16 of Captured Words/Free Thoughts is dedicated in loving memory to our dear friend, mentor, inspiration, and activist hero, Dr. Buzz Alexander, who passed away this September, at the age of 80. Buzz was the Founder and long-time Director of the Prison Creative Arts Project (https://lsa.umich.edu/pcap), a program that runs workshops in prisons and high schools around Michigan, and that hosts the Annual Exhibition of Art by Michigan Prisoners. An award-winning teacher and renowned scholar, Buzz dedicated his life to the belief that education is empowering, that listening is an art form, and that everyone has stories to tell. We send our love to Buzz’s wife and collaborator, Janie Paul, and to everyone whose life was enriched by Buzz’s commitment to social justice. 4 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Table of Contents Reverie - 6 Opposite Ends - 6 He’s Gone Now - 7 America in My Eyes - 7 Moral’s Meadow - 8 The Monster - 9 Special Section from LA’s Juvenile Hall - 10 Juvenile Hall - 10 Lyric - 12 Freedom - 12 Greek Myth and Me - 13 If I Was In the Woods -13 Thoughts on the Wilderness -13 Untitled - 14 Mountain tops - 14 Death’s Time Frames - 15 Shine - 18 A Motivational Moment - 20 Special Section from the Lancaster State Prison, California - 21 The Ripple Effect of Communication Reshaping Prison Culture - 22 Communication Theory Within and Without the Walls - 23 No Longer a Conversation like Every Other - 25 What the Future Holds for Me - 26 Internalizing Communication Ethics - 27 Debating Immigration - 29 On the Paradox of Knowledge - 29 Community Performance Aesthetics - 30 Shitty Tattoos - 31 The Misfit Army - 31 Owl - 32 Birth - 34 I Refuse to Break - 36 A Reflection - 37 Candle - 38 Memorial - 39 Writings From America’s Prisons 5 Reverie By Jordan Carr I touch things that are lovely In an inane reverie Hoping their galactic beauty Might rub off on me Opposite Ends by Ronnie Randon From opposite ends of the Earth we came You from Money Me from Shame What you see as beauty I have no name You say love, I say it’s a game You use a crystal glass I lap water from my hand You eat from a table I rummage in garbage cans You felt hopeless one summer night Took pills to end your life I on the other hand Have lived this way forever Yet never considered taking my life From opposite ends of the Earth we came You from Money Me from Shame 6 Captured Words / Free Thoughts He’s Gone Now By Douglas Craig Forgiveness Too late So much to say Now just to a cloud The hurt that was caused The hurt that was done The scars will always be there Never to be forgotten He was my best friend My family In a better place now, I hope is he A huge sadness he left in me So much we did together Such a better person I am Until my dying day Till we meet again He’s gone now America in My Eyes By Eryk Smith I’m talking about walking into an apartment building. The lights in the hall dim. The carpet dank with dirt and piss. The smell of boiled shrimp mixed with peanut oil and frying chicken. Pork tamales being sold by the daughter of an old lady named Maria. The coke in my nose is Russian, the meth in my pocket is Mexican. My clientele is White and as American as apple pie. My Lexus parked in front is Japanese, but the weed in my console is European. America, land where everything has a price, it’s all for sale. Writings From America’s Prisons 7 Moral’s Meadow By Joey Dellert Morality is the reality of doing what is right Doing so whether you are seen or out of sight I believe it is a compass to our soul It gives us responsibility and shows us our role Would you provide help to a stranger in need? Or be a hero, running into danger with bravery and speed? Are we loving our neighbors even if and when we disagree? I plead that you and I take a look at our principles Do they persuade us to do what is right? Or does it separate individuals due to age and sex Or if their skin is brown, black, or white? The beautiful thing about morals and life Is that both can transform into meaningful light That grows souls like flowers in a meadow Where the good that we do resembles those petals Morality is the fork in a backcountry road Which way are you going to choose? The direction you know, just go with the flow? Or do we take the road less known Ultimately, the path where you grow? 8 Captured Words / Free Thoughts The Monster By Dan Leiter (aka Orange) The taker of lives, a killer The Monster, and always inside me it lives Its roots are abandonment, the sickness of depression And the feelings of sorrow it often gives At first dance it was the “good life” False images seen through faded eyes But then a loss of freedom, real life, real love And now all feeling slowly dies I was brought up right That poison was not allowed to be around But it was glamorized and glorified by many It nearly left me six feet underground I got up just to get down Always moving, flying around Making, using, and then distributing The Monster inside me from town to town Now here I sit, sentence sealed My fate playing out inside my casket Smiling, laughing and joking around Simmering as I try not to blow a gasket This vicious monster I hope you have never met It brings chaos, destruction, loneliness, and death Its name is addiction—I call mine Meth Writings From America’s Prisons 9 SPECIAL SECTION FROM L.A.’S JUVENILE HALL Juvenile Hall By Shelley Ring Diamond I walk the yard at L.A.’s Central Juvenile Hall. On my way to the classroom where I teach, I pick up writing paper, a roster, and snacks (Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are a favorite). The gleaming towers of USC’s medical school and hospital are visible just beyond the compound’s fences. I’m always struck by the contrast of opportunity and care that vista represents. I pass through multiple gates, which open with a loud snap and then bang metallically shut. These sounds define juvie. Boys and girls cross the yard stand in orderly lines and under guard. I’ve been teaching a while, so I’ll get a shout out from a student or two: “Shelley D!” I say “Yo” back to my girls, these bright, joyfully unruly, funny, pottymouthed 14-to-18-year-olds. Some are mothers. They’ve committed crimes— some stupid, some serious—but now they show up for class to write, and most importantly, to be listened to. For more than a year, I’ve been a teacher for InsideOUT Writers, a nonprofit that uses creative writing to empower youth and reduce recidivism. My purpose is to guide my teens to a written expression of feeling, imagination, and life experience. I ask them to read their writing out loud to me and their peers so they can not only be heard but also respected for what they have to say. My classroom reverberates with finger snaps and applause. I enter my unit and set up the desks. I never know exactly how many girls will show. The roster tells me one thing, but if you’ve been fighting or were written up, you’re barred from class. Today, I’ve got a party of six. Once my group sits, I can hand them pens. Pens are treated as weapons, carefully distributed and collected, but I never feel unsafe. There’s a guard in the room with me who can be motherly or tough, depending on the behavior and the mood in the room. Today’s lesson is meant to take the girls away—to expose them to a new environment and have them imagine being there. I’d fallen in love with the great outdoors when I was 12, on a family kayaking trip to Maine, and I can still conjure up the sounds and softness of tall grasses in the breeze, water lapping. Now I want to share this experience with my girls. To create the lesson plan, I’d spent a week as an artist in residence for the Angeles National Forest. Each day I snapped pics of mountain vistas, dusty lizards, and ponderosa pines. Upon descending the San Gabriel Mountains, I’d deliver these photos to the grim halls of juvie, where we would meditate on what it’s like out in the wilderness. 10 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Class begins as I pass around the iPad of photos. “Girls, take your time to look at these pictures. These mountains are about an hour away. How do you feel about these pictures? Does this landscape inspire you? Imagine being there. Explore. Fly outside the walls! Write!” Silence. They hold their pens aloft, expressions neutral. Cute lizards, splendid vistas—Mother Nature holds no sway here. Soon a verbal chorus erupts. “What the hell am I doing up there?” one student asks. “Snakes? Thirst?” “This is not gonna happen,” another girl replies. Trauma shadows these girls’ lives, and gaining their trust is difficult. Trust isn’t part of your nature when your mom doesn’t show up for a visit, or won’t pick up when you call. When you take your baby to a park you think is safe only to have bullets start flying. Clearly, I’ve got to pivot, and my own imagination needs a booster shot now. How am I going to make this more interesting for them? “OK, you’re stuck on a mountain top and you have to get down,” I say instead. “What are you going to do?” My dubious flock grants the pictures one more look. I sit and watch them start to write. When they’re done, they take turns reading, and I realize with relief that the lesson has landed. In fact, they’ve written with as much depth, thought, and humor as I could have asked for. One 17-year-old lays it down like the slam poet she is: “Stuck on a mountain, I’m trynna get down. The whole scenario reminds me of where I am now. Stuck on a trip with no way down. . . . Is this my mountain forever, or will I find my way down?” A 16-year-old mother is reflective. “When I see your pictures, it makes me wanna go and spend time with my son, take a run with my boy. Go and walk and look at the beautiful trees. This place makes me relax.” One writer has drawn a wide road leading to shelter and safety. “I want to feel the trail road,” she reads. “I want to see the animals searching for more, and shout out any worries that come my way.” She names her piece “Freedom.” With thanks to Shelley for her teaching and writing, we are proud to share some of the pieces written by the young women in her InsideOUT workshop. Some of these pieces are stand-alones, while some are written in response to the prompt discussed in Shelley’s essay. Writings From America’s Prisons 11 Lyric By Darnell (Age 16) I cannot believe I’m in jail I sit here and think about my life and why I chose to do wrong I chose to make the mistakes that I’ve made I chose to boost and do the wrong things For what reason? I’m still trying to find out I come from a good family My mom has never exposed me to struggle I’ve never had to want for anything and yet, somehow, someway I decided to steal when I could just ask I wanted to be grown so bad, and now I see where that’s gotten me I wanted to say I got it by myself so bad But now I’ve seen that some people Would have loved to trade places with me I’ve always been good in school, yet allowed myself to fall off I should be grateful for all that my family has accomplished To give me the life that I have Now I feel as though I need to do my own thing I’m smarter than most, it blows me away I should have always, always stayed true to myself Freedom By Y. (Age 15) Mountains feel like home I want to roam around and explore I want to feel the trail road I want to see the animals searching for more I want to smell the living nature all around me I want to feel the tree bark under my finger tips I just want to be in the open And shout out any worries that come my way 12 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Greek Myth and Me By Dulce Diaz (Age 18) I don’t know why, but I’m thinking of that Greek story about the guy who was trapped and used wax and feathers to build wings for himself. The other guy told him not to fly too close to the sun, but he didn’t listen. As he got close to the sun, the wax holding his feathers melted, and he fell in the middle of the ocean, where there was nobody to save him. That’s how I feel I didn’t listen to nobody who gave me advice, so I fell I don’t even know how I cope, I’m getting hopeless Like the guy in the story, I just want to be free If I Was In the Woods By A. (Age 16) When I see your pictures It makes me wanna go and spend time with my son I wanna take a run with my boy I wanna go and walk and look at the beautiful trees, the views and other things I would sit down and smoke and just enjoy the day This place makes me relax Thoughts on the Wilderness By K. (Age 14) I’m not walking 2,000 miles – that’s out! If I had to imagine being in the forest, I would cry and pray to God that a snake doesn’t bite If I was on a mountain stranded, I would try to find my way to a road and get a ride I’ll just walk down I would eat some snakes and drink my spit! Writings From America’s Prisons 13 Untitled Shemyah McKenzie (Age 15) Being in here has really been making me think about my dad. It’s hard but I tough it out because I know that he’s watching me, along with my brother, who’s also gotten killed. It’s kind of weird, because I never know—I could be next. I know I’m a girl, and it’s maybe a little different, but it’s still hard, because they were the only people on his side I knew about and had a relationship with. The rest of his side, I really didn’t talk to so much. The things that keep me going and happy is thinking about my little sisters and my other brothers, who I’m sure miss me—I miss them so much. Especially my older brother, as he is my best friend and I can’t wait to get home to see his champagne party pictures. Mountain Tops By P. (Age 17) Stuck on a mountain, I’m trynna get down I’ve been here before, but not really forest-bound The whole scenario reminds me where I am now Stuck on a trip with no way out It’s snakes all around me, they rattle all day No physical freedom, only my mind gets away A struggle to survive, trynna live for today Will I stay on the trail, or again will I stray? The road remains bumpy, trees confuse my route Now I’m going in circles battling with doubts Is this my mountain forever Or will I find my way down? End of special section 14 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Death’s Time Frames By Jordan Carr Past Yesterday re-lived every morning Watching his life soak my hands Two bullets eternally screaming Entering his chest and stealing my man My life given back, and his, for mine Sacrificed His life forfeited my lawful crime Innocence crucified Some may ask “Did he say he loved you That one last time?” Now to me falls the task His eyes blinked death’s sign Only because dying stole his tongue Yesterday I awoke to today’s nightmare My lover simply dared To love and, with me His life share Death’s sign his eyes blinked And this became my lover’s creed: Born to live and live for love Born to die and die for love Present Joy in the brightest morning And peace in the moonlit evening Grace for you and love for me Haunting in my every breath These for me are daily death Future If you exist, false God above Can minutes from now be my time To leave this land and see my love? Oh I exist, my little child And let me ask the one you love If today’s the day to be reconciled Writings From America’s Prisons 15 Ask him, I plead, ask him and beg Tell him I’m sorry and I love him so much And remind him he loves me as he once said Dear mortal, why do you think That I must remind him of things he said? Did his love resolve in a seven year blink? You’re eternal, I get it But from my perspective He’s only dead due to my bullshit O dear child… My dear child… No, let me talk for awhile For this you’ll never comprehend You see, us humans are forgetful Please try to understand I cared only for dimes and nothing about nickels I want my drugs and I loved my man Well I guess this is a lie I only loved my drugs Because he died for my high I was trapped, I made a choice, I lied The night my baby died I allowed my folly to taint our bed And now he’s gone God damn it! He’s dead So yes, it was my personal flood Of highs and bullshit and choices Ending in his payment of blood Can’t seem to quiet the accusing voices I still wear the wedding band And I’m ready to make my payment Cause I just want to be held Once again by my husband 16 Captured Words / Free Thoughts I know I died Not a year and a month later And I know he cried And I saw his nightly pain But, God, I chose life for him then One day, I’ll hold him again But in the interim please tell him… And that’s when God told me Those words I’ll hold forever That embrace my nightmares I’ll use his words to sever I’ll find joy with the sun And peace with the moon Grace for all acts done And love for me and you And when darkness does creep I’ll echo his words Let them cut my demons deep For this he said to me Just know, my love That all days between now and then I will never forget And always you love But for now, you have a debt To live and fight and hope Just recall my creed And daily water my planted seed Writings From America’s Prisons 17 Shine By Carl Ware i remember the days when i would awaken to the sounds of Sade incense wafting through the air a cigarette burning in the metal seashell ashtray this is the only love i know she would hum the melodies as she cleaned our humble abode looking into her face always made me wonder why i had no freckles beautifully placed on my face what would you like to eat baby? being so caught up in her aura i would always reply i don’t care truthfully i didn’t just having her around was all i cared about before this morning’s surprise visit i hadn’t seen her in a week or two i can tell she hasn’t been eating the hollowing of her cheeks means she’s ten pounds lighter this morning she’s in her mode though Sade’s taking her to another world when things were good and the sun never stopped shining when she would lick her thumb to clean my face draped in gold she reminded me of an Egyptian queen she was the apple in every man’s eye only in mine she was everything, my world as she took a pull from her newport and greased the pan i was reminded of the pain she was going through 18 Captured Words / Free Thoughts in my adolescent mind i thought i was stressing her out too much why else would she leave us? she looked so worn a shell of my beauty queen yet i still loved her more than anything even when her baby daddy sold my backpack on the first day of school nothing could tear us apart no tears as they sold my first puppy they were sick and i only wanted her to get better as she scrambled those eggs and toasted that toast i smiled at her but i was dying inside who knew that in a few years i would leave her for eighteen winters and seventeen summers now i can only wonder within my confines if she is dying inside now i wonder but i won’t dwell because now in my absence my queen shines once again momma you shining shining like new gold and i will too in 6,570 days when we meet again Writings From America’s Prisons 19 A Motivational Moment By Roderick Finley New Year’s Day is special Because it’s a symbol of a new beginning But the reality is that every day is a new beginning A new chance to create life And to elevate into new ideas and goals Each day of our lives As soon as we open our eyes We must keep steady, good energy With a strong focus for a successful day We do not judge each day by the harvest we reap But by the seeds we plant By growing By seeing our fruitfulness With each new day Plant seeds of hope Editor’s Note: Roderick has been writing us letters, poems, and essays for over a decade. He is among our most-often published and longest-running correspdents. Thanks, Roderick, with love from the Rockies . . . 20 Captured Words / Free Thoughts SPECIAL SECTION, FEATURING ESSAYS ON INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION, FROM THE LANCASTER STATE PRISON, CALIFORNIA These selections are shortened versions of work that first appeared in Colloquy: A Journal of the Department of Communication Studies at Cal State LA (Volume 13), with special thanks to Dr. Kamran Afary for sharing this work. This special section begins with a preface by Dr. Afary: The Department of Communication Studies at Cal State Los Angeles started offering a BA degree program inside a maximum-security prison facility in fall 2016. There are currently more than 40 students in the program working on their degrees. Cal State LA is one of 67 post-secondary institutions to participate in the Second Chance Pell Program, and the only one that offers a Communication BA. This one-of-a-kind degree program is the result of several years of creative collaboration by many participants across the university dedicated to abolishing the dehumanizing environments created by mass incarceration and the prison–industrial complex. Faculty and administrators combined efforts to create a learning community inside prisons to both enlighten and empower, as a form of activism for engaged citizenship. We had to create a department infrastructure, train instructors, develop sustainable funding, design courses to meet the needs of prisoners, and develop collaboration between campus and prison students. As faculty working in prisons, we found a new reality behind bars: We met incarcerated men who have lived “inside” for 10, 20, 30 or more years. Most of our students were sent to prison for life because of a crime they committed at a very early age, most during their teens. Here we found a welcoming, engaged, and deeply enthusiastic group of students who were eager to inquire, and to pose questions about communication theories and practices. Many of them had already taken college courses and were building on knowledge and skills they had already mastered. Several of our students were social justice activists working on some form of restorative justice project. Many had made their amends to victims long-ago and were focused on contributing and being of service to other prisoners and to the “outside” world. The following selected writings are a testament to these students’ readiness to engage with what the discipline of communication studies has to offer and to contribute to a dialogue on social justice. The selections included below were written in response to readings from Denise Solomon and Jennifer Theiss, Interpersonal Communication: Putting Theory into Practice (New York: Routledge, 2013) Writings From America’s Prisons 21 The Ripple Effect of Communication Reshaping Prison Culture By Allen Burnett There are thirty-three prisons in the state of California, each divided into separate facilities that have their own cultures created by the prisoners who use their own social rules and speech codes. Traditionally, violence has been the response to conflict in prison; these acts ultimately encourage more violence. A simple misinterpretation of a look or comment can result in an assault or worse. Prisoners combat a multitude of social issues, including stress, depression, and anxiety, yet there are few available mediums or channels to deal with these emotions in a productive manner. Conflicts are inevitable, as social rules are established to either prevent a person from becoming a victim or to promote victimization as a self-defense mechanism to ward off any future harm. Professor Afary introduced me to Interpersonal Communication study this semester. It didn’t take long for me to understand just how important this study is, especially in a prison setting. Focusing on Conflict Management—a particular component of Interpersonal Communication-- would benefit the prison culture and aide tremendously in the rehabilitative process. Conflict Strategy is defined as the overall plan for how people will communicate about their conflict. As I mentioned above, the primary way to end conflict in prison is violence. Developing a comprehensive conflict strategy would provide prisoners with an alternative to violence. Interpersonal Communication offers a “win-win” solution to conflict called Integrative Conflict Strategy, where each party ask important questions to determine what is mutually beneficial. This is an ideal strategy for cellmates. It has been my personal experience that men living together in a room the size of a Honda Civic will develop negative emotions about one another, including resentment, frustration, even jealousy. Prisoners need to have alone time (cell time). The problem is that prisoners try to avoid conflict and uncomfortable conversations that may lead to physical conflict. However, avoiding exacerbates negative feelings and leads to hostile episodes. In contrast, Interpersonal Communication and Conflict Management offer opportunities to improve your personal relationships by providing guidelines that can help prisoners (and all people) to restructure their activities, identify values in the person in conflict, or find points of agreement. This study suggests as a solution to conflict that the focus should be on a specific behavior rather than the individual. This will prevent the person in conflict from feeling as if they are being attacked, thereby putting them on the defense. I would like to see Interpersonal Communication offered to the population here on the Progressive Programming Facility (PPF). Interpersonal Communication Studies would help provide the population with new social rules that could help to quell violence, encourage self-help, and advance higher education, therefore reshaping the prison culture and prisoners’ mindsets, ultimately leading to change in our communities as a whole. The majority of the men here are potentially returning home to their families and communities. This study would not only improve their/our social rules here at the prison, but we will then carry these tools with us when we are released, taking our newly acquired social rules into society. 22 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Communication Theory Within and Without the Walls By Dortell Williams Many new and intriguing themes were offered in Interpersonal Communication, giving me more insight into the overall communication process. I will focus on listening and support strategies, with an emphasis on perspective taking. Personally, I make earnest attempts to listen to the communicator. Yet I find myself hearing, more than practicing active listening. On occasions, I have listened to the communicator to an extent, but then found myself presupposing what they were going to say. Of course, this extracurricular mental activity distracted me from the communicator’s message. Most of the time I was wrong in my supposition about what was going to be said. These personal bad habits diluted the message and negatively affected the communication process. Active listening helps me focus, like blinders on a horse. This concentrated focus helps me note subtle cues expressed by the communicator, and helps me interpret and attach meaning to their overall message more accurately. For instance, non-verbal cues have helped me time an interjection, or ask for clarity without a mid-sentence interruption. Repeating, or as the text says, “paraphrasing” what the speaker just said, helps me understand better and assures the communicator that their message has the necessary clarity. Paraphrasing also helps me remember what was said, as well as evaluating the message. All of these individual techniques, like single threads, weave themselves into support strategies that aid in the communication process. For example, the subtle, non-verbal cues mentioned earlier can also signal the need for an empathetic response from the listener. A sullen face, for example, may signal the need for a pat on the back, the grasp of their hand, or to simply lean in closer. Eye contact and nodding my head can signal to the listener that I care without verbalizing it. Certainly, I knew some of these concepts, but in the aggregate, as the “tools” weave themselves together, I am made more conscious, and understand their affects more intimately. Touching is another effective way of validating the communicator’s feelings. This component of the process is referred to in the text as “person-centeredness.” Personcenteredness requires empathy, and there’s no doubt that our apathetic world could use just a little more empathy. For me, the most insight offered in the text was on perspectives. This chapter reminded me of, and put into context, the wonderful world of diversity we are now enjoying. In the past, I have interpreted someone else’s message from my own myopic worldview, not taking into account nuances in perspective such as culture, age or gender. By broadening my perspective to include the worldviews and experiences of others, my understanding widens and the entire world becomes more relevant and relational to me. Through this wider lens of culture, age, and gender, misunderstandings are minimized, conflict is avoided, and problem-solving increases. Writings From America’s Prisons 23 In the overcrowded world of confinement, where egoism and pride run men, interpersonal skills are the perfect panacea to conflict deescalation, violence diffusion, and calming, making the world—inside and out—a more peaceful and civil place to live. Interpersonal communication reminds me of how valuable collectivism and interdependence are as opposed to our culture of individualism. In fact, in my opinion, communication theory, and the study of communication as a major, makes the world a better place, both within and without the walls. Editor’s Note: And see Dortell’s poems, “What Prison Feels Like” and “Priceless and Majestic Sight,” published in Captured Words/Free Thoughts 15 (Summer 2018), p. 7 and 32. 24 Captured Words / Free Thoughts No Longer a Conversation like Every Other By Tin Nguyen Perhaps it is difficult to believe that a 16-week course can have such an influence on an individual’s life style that it changes the way he or she lives. In the beginning of this course, I felt arrogant about what a course in Interpersonal Communication could teach me. I have survived nearly two decades of incarceration, and that takes a well-versed individual in interpersonal communication. In hindsight, I recognize my ignorance... Interpersonal Communication has taught me a wealth of information, techniques, and tools that I have at my disposal when the occasion arises. However, the three most important aspects of interpersonal communication are perception, listening, and interpersonal conflict. I have found that in perception and interpersonal communication, understanding attribution biases has influenced my thinking, decisions, and actions when I engage in a conversation with a friend or family member. For instance, a friend and teammate of mine has not cleaned the dog crate for quite a while. In the past, I would assign this behavior as internal, for his laziness, which is a fundamental attribution error. However, I now would consider the external factors that cause his actions, including his long work hours and academic obligations. Another element of attribution biases that has influenced my thinking is the actor-observer effect, which is defined as “explaining one’s own behavior in terms of external, rather than internal, causes” (107). When I fail an exam, I no long place the blame on the instructor using ambiguous and vague questions, but evaluate if I had put enough time in on my study. These two elements have increased my understanding of perception and interpersonal communication. The chapter on listening has altered my style of communication. I realize that throughout my life, I hear more than I listen. By recognizing the barriers to effective listening, my interpersonal communication has improved immensely. As I begin a conversation with a friend, I observe my internal and external environments for noise, noticing any obstacles that impede our conversation. During the conversation, I attempt to comprehend the feature of the message, and evaluate my thoughts and feelings to consider factors that might influence our conversation. I make an effort to be engaged in our conversation and be aware of all of the forms of non-listening, such as pseudo-listening, monopolizing, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening. Becoming aware of the barriers to effective listening has made me a more effective interpersonal communicator who appreciates and values each conversation. However, the chapter on interpersonal conflict had the most impact on my life. By understanding conflict strategies, I recognize the strategy I am using. If my strategy is distributive conflict (win-lose), which is always the case, I make every attempt to guide my conflict strategy to a more integrative conflict strategy where everybody can achieve a “win-win.” Using these interpersonal conflict strategies, I can resolve my conflicts—this is especially significant in a prison environment. In conclusion, I have found this course to be very resourceful. Beside the benefits that I have stated above, Interpersonal Communication has not only mended many of my relationship with family members and friends, but also, it has improved my relationship with those current relationships that I love and value. Interpersonal communication is no longer just a conversation like every other, but a more personal and positive attitude toward my interactions with the people I value. To be concise, interpersonal communication has taught me to be a better communicator and, thus, I am a better man. Writings From America’s Prisons 25 What the Future Holds for Me By Thomas Wheelock When I came to prison I found myself wanting to change who I was and wanting to repair all of the damage from my past. It all seemed to stem from my school experiences. So I decided to teach myself and to develop my education in meaningful ways, yet I soon became complacent with my education. It was not until the daily prodding of my best friend, Charlie Praphatananda, that I finally gave in and enrolled in Community College. I was so terrified because I still felt that I was not smart enough for higher learning. My parents could not believe that I enrolled in College. I think that they just assumed that I would give up soon after I enrolled. I was fortunate to have a really great support group around me that kept me motivated and focused. As the semesters passed by, my self-confidence increased and I felt really proud about my grades. My parents were so happy and proud of my accomplishments. I told them that I wanted one of my majors to be a math and science degree because those where my two worst subjects. My Dad would always talk to me about the benefits of school and he would say that it doesn’t matter where you are at the moment; the only thing that matters is what you do in that moment. I began to get As and Bs in college and realized that maybe I really am smart enough for school. When the Cal State LA Communication Studies bachelor program became available to the prisoners on this yard, I had doubts that I could handle being a part of the program and take junior college classes. Once again, Charlie Praphatananda was there to prod me to go with him into the Bachelor program. So while I am in the Communication Studies BA degree program, I am also finishing up my community college courses. I just wished that my Dad could have seen me graduate from college. He passed away last December from cancer. I was so devastated when he passed away, I wanted him to see me graduate. I wanted to prove to him that I was somebody; I wanted him to be proud of me. His passing is something that I am still trying to work through. I know that he was proud of me, I hope, at least he knew that I was trying to become a better person and student. This summer I will be graduating with four degrees and yes, one of those degrees is in math and science. Now I cannot wait for what the future holds for me. I want to continue my college education and I really hope that I will be able to get a master’s degree after the bachelor program has ended. In going to college I discovered that I could suceed in whatever I try to do. I also learned that it is no big deal to ask for help when I really need it. College has changed my life immensely for the better. 26 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Internalizing Communication Ethics By Jeff Stein It is with gratitude and enthusiasm that I reflect on this course, what I learned, how I applied it, and the immediate benefits of doing so. Whether one majors in theoretical physics or mass marketing, I recommend at least a course or two in communication studies. Having interpersonal communication skills has made me a better employee, scholar, friend, and family member. I am confident that I have not only the good intentions, but the valuable and much needed skills required to be someone’s intellectual and emotional equal, a good lover, and a suitable mate. I owe a significant part of that to my study and application of the interpersonal communication skills. Today I understand my community and myself in a deeper way that allows me to appreciate the contexts we interact in. Interpersonal communication skills helped me to develop consequential aspects of my character that were largely underdeveloped... I have become a much better communication partner and can also recognize a good communication partner more easily. Since communication is the foundation of any collaborative effort, it puzzles me that the study and development of quality communication skills is not as strongly encouraged as subjects such as math, science, or other “core” courses. For example, I was taught to solve math problems that take up the whole blackboard—yet somehow I went through life for decades with woefully inadequate interpersonal communication skills. I can only conclude that many of my personal and interpersonal difficulties such as substance abuse, deviant behavior, and poor relationship quality are directly linked to my lack of situational awareness and emotional intelligence. Although I was becoming a fully functioning, psychologically healthy person, I still lacked a few pieces to the puzzle, therefore the new skills I developed over the course of the semester filled some of those gaps in my personal make-up. Continued on next page... Writings From America’s Prisons 27 Since I meant well, but did not have the most ideal role models growing up, I would often start off great when it came to jobs, relationships with others, school, sports, or just about anything you can name. Yet because I “improvised” my way through life, I often compromised what few scruples I had. By internalizing interpersonal communication ethics, I am more careful now to communicate (and think) ethically rather than to say “The end justifies the means.” Not only does this have me feeling much better inside, but I can see how careful attention to my motives and techniques as a communicator now promote the health and wellbeing of others. I am conscious to promote and attend to those values that need to be protected rather than cast aside! Additionally, I consider the impact of my communication with others and preserve relations with them instead of seeing them as a means to an end. Finally, I help others and myself to make informed decisions instead of stubbornly clinging to old, worn-out positions derived from pride and selfishness. In Solomon and Theiss (2013) I found out that “emotional intelligence is revealed as a consequential aspect of people’s personality” (196). Now that I have wrapped my head around that concept, I have well-founded confidence in my abilities as a communication partner. Another key concept that I quickly internalized is the “win-win” Conflict Strategy. Also called the Integrative Conflict Strategy, this approach to resolving conflict involves cooperating with a conflict partner to reach a mutually satisfying solution. When I was younger, I had no definitive conflict orientation. I was all over the place. Sometimes I would achieve a “win-win” with a conflict partner, but it was rarely a decided goal on my part. Often I would damage the relationship at least temporarily over a relatively trivial disagreement—and more than half the time I was the problem, not the other party. Over time this led to resentment that manifested itself in many areas of my life that were unhealthy. In addition, I harmed others around me in various ways that they did not deserve: I lied when they deserved the truth, I was selfish when they needed me to be considerate of their feelings. But now, by making a conscious, informed decision to always find a win-win outcome, I will be a blessing to others who really need me to be at my best. What happens if there is no win-win outcome possible? Well then I reframe the situation; at the very least, for me, a win-win is a result where I do not harm anyone in any way and do not use substances or break laws. While my main objective at that moment may not be realized, I can see someone else happy while I continue to have a life worth living. So no matter what, a win-win is the result. 28 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Debating Immigration By Mark Warner The topic of immigration What does it mean? The world’s population flooding our borders Many getting through unseen Those with hopes and dreams Wanting a new life Sparking a heated debate A nation in strife You look at your neighbor Only to see the enemy within Should we build walls or tear them down Where to begin? The battle between right and wrong People today take it to the extreme Now they use social media To take the topic of immigration mainstream On the Paradox of Knowledge By Robert M. Mosley IV I am over 63 years of age and have been incarcerated for more than 20 years. I have been striving to complete a bachelor’s degree since 1970. Along the way, one paradox keeps presenting itself. I have summarized it in the following poem: Do You Know? The more you know, the more you know you do not know So many times, one has decried, from the wishful state of ignorance That things observed With nouns and verbs Do not really make a difference Contrary to that train of thought Which leads to lengthy damnation Is the truth of years of proof, brought in by a summation . . . As you know, you grow And The more you know The more you know you do NOT know Writings From America’s Prisons 29 Community Performance Aesthetics By Levaunt Peterson The black community performs in a social system that criminalizes and antagonizes men of color. In response to this painful and discriminatory social web, black men body bounce, arm swing, and head lean, magically expressing self-propelled black masculinity, courage, and grit. I’m talking about the “Pimp Walk.” The Pimp Walk is unique to the black community; it publishes fearlessness, vividly illustrates black culture, and creates black identity. Have you ever seen this pimp walk? His steps are delicate and dramatic, visually vibrating like a drum. Check it! Following the lead step, the body bounces, the feet plant, and the arms swing with an informal cadence, head leaning to the left. As Arnold says in The Creative Spirit, “[T]he impulse to perform is part of the way we survive” and “seek to transform ourselves or to emphasize a compelling characteristic, such as courage . . . that will carry us safely through danger” (p. 4). Historically, the word “pimp” is one of many negative labels used to describe unique black male expression, although men from many ethnic groups may perform some version of the Pimp Walk as a masculine performance. Pimp walking physically shows human victory over inferiority complexes and social norms that require black men to creatively survive and strive in the face of racism and injustice. As the pimp walk is performed, the walker celebrates and educates. There is a procedure that follows this walk: the community honors the victor for his success and return, and the victor educates the community on how to avoid problems. He answers two key questions: what is he afraid of? And what are the mechanisms and knowledge he uses to be fearless? Pimp walking, a magical Black force, is an exceptional ritual as old as humankind. Arnold writes that “through dramatic rituals we reinforce community values . . . that preserve a way of life” (p. 6). Dramatic steps, body bounces, arm swings, and head leans are aesthetic forms that invite the community to a celebration that provides lessons for both young and old on how to be undaunted while surviving an unjust social system. Does popular culture appreciate these self-commissioned performances? Quotations from Stephanie Arnold, The Creative Spirit: An Introduction to Theatre, 5th edition (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2010). 30 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Shitty Tattoos By Brandon Johnson Shitty tattoos and sketchy situations stressed about cops and Hep C They’ve faded and left scars for all to see Plans to get some re-done or covered-up Laser some off for my Mom So she can be seen on the beach with me The Misfit Army By Ryan Meyer Who are we? We We We We We We We We We are are are are are are are are are the the the the the the the the the voice of the forgotten youth misunderstood and the abused shadow dwellers overcome by shame nobodies serving for fame psychos with sewn up lips ones to succumb in manic fits men to strike out with white-knuckled fists quick to anger, hold grudges, and stay pissed unknown best to be left alone So sorry For all the pain yet to be blamed Who are we? We are the kings refusing to be stepped on by peasants or fiends We are the alpha and the omega We are the revolution that was carved from stone We are the future that has been foretold We are the misfits that were scattered throughout god’s army Writings From America’s Prisons 31 “Owl,” drawing by Jorge Francisco “Frankie” Muñoz. Editor’s Note: “Frankie” is serving time at the Pelican Bay “supermax,” a controversial facility that has drawn international criticism. Supermax facilities isolate each prisoner in individual cells, where they spend days on end, with no access to educational programming, group exercise, or other means of human contact, thus amounting to long-term solitary confinement. Psychologists around the world, and an increasing number of courts, have determined that this practice amounts to torture. Given this context, we are proud to print Frankie’s art, as it stands as a testimony to the need to create and to communicate, even when held in the worst situations. To learn more about supermax prisons, see Keramet Reiter, “When Prison is Not Enough,” Prison Legal News (November 8, 2016), prisonlegalnews.org. 32 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Writings From America’s Prisons 33 Birth By Jordan Karr I have a story to tell, as so many of us do It’s an age old question about fundamental truth Is it the way I was born or a choice that I made? Is being myself equivalent to not being afraid? My orientation might just entice from you some scorn But to deny who I am would make me a stillborn Science and Lady Gaga both agree, it’s in my DNA It’s the way I was crafted and molded from proverbial clay I’m tired of crying alone in the tub behind my rainbow suds Because you think your self-appointed jury and judge Chanting about Adam and Eve and Sodom and Gomorrah Preaching about how I fail in the eyes of God and Allah Should I be a true hell-bound me or a robotic version of you? I think I’d rather live with the Devil than be seen in heaven as taboo In the end, isn’t this argument pointless? Let me say something to make all sides acquiesce Humans are simply human, let’s leave judgements to G-O-D Love is love and that’s what will set all of us free Heaven or hell or reincarnation or purgatory That’s next life, so why spend this one acting discriminatory? I have a story to tell as so many of us do Agree or not, I’m just looking for love like you Choice I have a story to tell, as so many of us do It’s an age old question about fundamental truth Is it the way I was born or a choice that I made? Is being myself equivalent to not being afraid? I was born in His perfect image and a choice I made If I admit this is a sin, at least my soul is still saved Maybe I’ll be judged, but I’m just living my life Before I one day settle down with my love, my wife 34 Captured Words / Free Thoughts I’m not worried about my eternal well-being Because my God is loving and wholly forgiving Let me be young and ferocious and free Because at least I am brave enough to be 100% me In the end, isn’t this argument pointless? Let me say something to make all sides acquiesce Humans are simply human, let’s leave judgements to G-O-D Love is love and that’s what will set all of us free Heaven or hell or reincarnation or purgatory That’s next life, so why spend this one acting discriminatory? I have a story to tell as so many of us do Agree or not, I’m just looking for love like you Straight I have a story to tell, as so many of us do It’s an age old question about fundamental truth Is it the way I was born or a choice that I made? Is being myself equivalent to not being afraid? Ma, this ain’t me coming out of the closet— I’m just tired of my brothers and sisters playing Russian roulette First thing, since birth I knew I was straight God’s plan for me was to have a woman as a bedmate Secondly, heterosexual supporting LGBTQ? Stances like this are desperately overdue Hold up, wait a minute…let’s talk about the issue It’s humans supporting humans…damn, what a break I was born a man loving women, but I’m opened minded Because I can recognize we all bleed blood-red In the end, isn’t this argument pointless? Let me say something to make all sides acquiesce Humans are simply human, let’s leave judgements to G-O-D Love is love and that’s what will set all of us free Heaven or hell or reincarnation or purgatory That’s next life, so why spend this one acting discriminatory? I have a story to tell, as so many of us do Agree or not, I’m just looking for love like you Writings From America’s Prisons 35 I Refuse to Break By Brother Manuel Bey My life done slightly changed I went from purification To living with this pain Just seeing all those wires Her brain done started to leak They called it an aneurysm I call it Devil’s Peak She reached the upper streets But told heaven reach The Angels cured my sista And brought her home to me They saved momma too Her heart had started to weaken She died in that house These demons are chasing me And pops had tried to escape His pace had slowed Now pops done left us too And all I have is faith They tried to cage my mind But I refuse to shake They want me to lose my culture But I refuse to break This life has many lessons Which come in all degrees No matter what’s your preference Just know we gots to leave I love you Uncle Lee! You taught me everything I pray your hear these words As you lay down to sleep 36 Captured Words / Free Thoughts A Reflection By Tammy Englerth I looked into the mirror And saw a reflection of you! All the scars and pain you brought Tears burning down my face, but nowhere to hide I turned away but still felt your presence Nightmares after nightmares, you still haunt me A human punching bag, you took my soul Gave me a lost spirit, gave me no hope Almost took my life Gave me no confidence Living a nightmare every day Grief, sadness, and pain No one to understand Hoping and praying Everyday My nightmares turned into dreams Looking back into the mirror In hopes of seeing a reflection I once knew And the dreams you took Writings From America’s Prisons 37 Candle By Todd Reid Put it there In the window By the door So one could see it Should they pass Upon the road From who was to – Perhaps turn Through the gate (Winds at their back Pushing in their face Pushing back) To find themselves Home 38 Captured Words / Free Thoughts Memorial By Mia My life was like a train gone off the tracks My mother cried, so I said “Mom I’ll be back” Stressed and worried about the life choices I made She sometimes wonders if not getting that abortion was a mistake I was a hard-ass living a wicked way In deepest need and in touch with reality The violence wouldn’t stop I had too much pride Wondering how will I die? By a bullet wound or knife in my side? I have a loving mother And can’t stand to be the reason of her pain So I want to let my mom know: I love you I’m sorry for all the heartaches All the pain I caused you Hopefully after you read this book I will have made you proud Writings From America’s Prisons 39