When giving feedback to a standoffish colleague, it's essential to be specific about the behavior and its impact on the team or work environment. Clearly identifying the concern helps to avoid ambiguity and opens the door for a constructive conversation. Using "I" statements to frame your feedback is also crucial in preventing it from sounding accusatory. This approach makes it easier for the recipient to see the necessity for change without feeling attacked, as you’re sharing how their behavior impacts you and the overall team dynamic. By providing clear paths forward and emphasizing the colleague's potential contributions, you create a supportive environment that focus on the growth and benefits for the entire team.

When a team member becomes defensive, it's essential to quickly seek to understand their perspective. I would approach them with genuine curiosity & ask what led to their defensive reaction. This creates a safe space for them to express their feelings & share their thoughts on the situation. I make it a point to intently listen allowing them to speak freely until they finish without interrupting . Through this attentive listening, I gain valuable insights into their emotions & motivations. Ultimately, this understanding enables us to identify effective strategies to address their concerns, improve team dynamics, & hopefully reduce the likelihood of defensiveness in the future. I am a firm believer good leaders listen & then react.

Here are 4 effective points for providing constructive feedback to a defensive team member: Choose the Right Time and Place: Ensure privacy and pick a time when the team member is more receptive to feedback, avoiding high-stress moments. Use Specific Examples: Focus on specific behaviors and situations rather than making generalizations. This makes feedback more tangible and less personal. Practice Active Listening: Show empathy by listening to their perspective and acknowledging their feelings. This can help lower their defenses. Frame Feedback Positively: Highlight strengths and frame areas for improvement as opportunities for growth, fostering a positive and supportive atmosphere. These steps will help deliver constructive feedback

Donner un feedback à une personne défensive, c'est tout un art : 1️⃣ Choisissez un moment calme : Le bon timing évite les résistances inutiles. 2️⃣ Posez des questions : « Comment tu vois cette situation ? engagez avant de pointer les améliorations. 3️⃣ Restez factuel : Parlez d'actions, pas de personnalité : « Ce délai n'a pas été respecté » plutôt que « Tu es désorganisé ». 4️⃣ Proposez des solutions : Transformez le feedback en levier : « Et si on essayait une méthode pour mieux prioriser ? Avec un peu d'écoute et de tact, même le feedback le plus délicat devient constructif.

Build rapport first with that team member. Make sure the environment is private and comfortable. Timing matters, too; avoid addressing issues when emotions are running high. Focus on specific behaviors and their impact rather than making general or personal comments. Allow them to express their thoughts and feelings. Show that you value their perspective by listening without interrupting.

I always use the same technique: "I know you and understand that you... However in my opinion... What do you think if I propose..."

Quando percebo que alguém está na defensiva, minha abordagem é criar um espaço seguro para o diálogo. Começo reconhecendo os esforços da pessoa e deixando claro que o feedback tem o objetivo de somar, não criticar. Trago fatos concretos, evito julgamentos e faço perguntas para entender a perspectiva dela. Além disso, mostro como a mudança pode beneficiar tanto o profissional quanto a equipe. Também reforço a confiança no potencial da pessoa e me coloco à disposição para apoiar no que for necessário. O foco é colaboração e não o confronto.

1.) Build trust by showing your intentions support the team member: Asking, "How do you like feedback?" can help you tailor it in a way that resonates with them. 2.) Create a safe space: Saying, "Our relationship is important to me, and I value your thoughts as we talk," fosters psychological safety and will reinforce that you are there to listen, empathize, and support. 3.) Focus on behaviors, not traits: Use specific, actionable examples rather than generalized statements about character. Use "I" statements to ensure feedback feels personal and constructive. 4.) Be specific, follow up, and recognize: Set clear behavior expectations, schedule follow-ups, and acknowledge progress or areas needing improvement to reinforce accountability.

One of the things that I’ve found that helps is building trust with the employee which allows for good two way conversations. Making sure that when you are having the conversations it’s in a space that makes them feel safe and open to the conversation. Also acknowledging their perspective and taking feedback that allows for over change to the experience moving forward.

The goal of constructive feedback is to foster improvement and collaboration, especially when dealing with defensive team members. By creating a safe environment, offering specific and objective feedback, focusing on solutions, and inviting dialogue, you can reduce defensiveness and encourage positive changes. Balancing constructive criticism with support and follow-up ensures that the team member feels valued and understood, which can ultimately lead to better outcomes for the team and the educational department as a whole.