Cara Delevingne says she was ‘homophobic,’ ‘suicidal’ before coming out

Model Cara Delevingne admitted she was “disgusted” by same-sex relationships — and “suicidal” — before coming to terms with her sexuality.

“I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay,” Delevingne, 28, said on Gwyneth Paltrow’s “Goop” podcast Tuesday. “I didn’t know that was a thing and actually, I think growing up … I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic.”

She continued, “The idea of being [with] same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.’”

The “Paper Towns” actress — who identifies as pansexual — also said that her fear of admitting her sexuality contributed to her struggle with “massive depression” and the “suicidal moments” in her life.

“I was so ashamed of ever being that,” she said, adding, “But, actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

Still, she admitted that some days she wants to “just be straight,” and explained that her sexual orientation is “constantly changing” and “really complicated.”

Delevingne — who previously dated Ashley Benson and singer St. Vincent — has been open for years about her sexual fluidity, and announced in 2020 that she identifies as pansexual.

She also shared that her sexuality really impacted her when it came to her modeling career.

“I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model,” she said. “That whole thing of having to fit into the box — I’m an androgynous person.

“I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’”

But she’s learned over the years that she feels the most like herself when she’s being authentic.

“I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are,” she said, adding, “To trust in your own instincts.”

She previously told Variety, “Once I could talk about my sexuality freely, I wasn’t hiding anything anymore. And the person I hid it from the most was myself.”