My Emotions Matter

What Do We Do? #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

One idea from the book Leadership and Self Deception by the Arbinger Institute to improve your Emotional Intelligence. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

As we make the journey from reacting emotionally to responding with Emotional Intelligence, we start recognizing that we have a choice regarding how we receive another person’s messages. Let’s say, a colleague says to me in a meeting, “Haven’t you finished the report yet?" Option #1: Hear blame and blame myself:  I'm not competent enough; people question me and rightly so. I can never be reliable. Option #2: Hear blame and blame them:  This person is always finding ways to put me down. They want to show everyone that I'm not good enough. Option #3: Understand myself: What is my stimulus, feeling(s), need(s) and request(s)?  I'm feeling insecure, embarrassed and annoyed right now because I'd have liked respect and consideration. I'd like it if this person talks to me one/one about it. Option #4: Understand them: What is their stimulus, feeling(s), need(s) and request(s)? Could they be feeling concerned and impatient because they would like clear communication and accountability? Are they requesting me to deliver the updates about the project before they have to ask? Awareness of this choice helps us respond rather than react. Recognizing that we are reacting from a place of blame/self-blame, we can choose to turn our attention to the feelings, needs and requests behind our own and others’ reactions. This helps minimize misunderstandings and conflicts. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

It can feel tempting to rush into blaming when things don't go the way we had hoped for. However, a more thoughtful way is to identify the 'contribution system' as coined in the book 'Difficult Conversations'. It means recognizing that both parties have some part to play in the existing dynamic and therefore taking responsibility for one's role in the problem. The question then shifts from 'Who is to blame' to 'How did we each contribute to the problem we are experiencing?'. The purpose is to shift from blaming to learning. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

Ravi Timsina reflects on his patterns of making up stories about others based on assumptions. He shares how he has learnt a different approach- that to notice these stories and shift this attention to the feelings and needs of his and others so as to resolve challenges. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

Being self-aware means knowing how we feel. Being self-responsible means taking ownership of our reactions. Being empathetic means developing a respectful understanding of another person's experience. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

Emotional Intelligence is having the mindset and skills to: 1) identify the things you need to know about yourself 2) identify the things you need to know about the person you’re talking to so that: your conversation is a collaboration rather than a competition With our work at My Emotions Matter, we teach that #1 and #2 include: - Knowing what you and the other person are reacting to (what really happened?) - Knowing how you and the other person are feeling about what happened - Knowing why you and the other person care about what happened - Knowing what you and the other person would like These skills are hard for most people because they react too quickly; forming judgments and stories about others instead of connecting at a deeper level. Do you have these skills? #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

You think you're being supportive when offering advice but the other person doesn't want advice; they feel annoyed because they were just wanting to be heard. You think you're a helpful colleague because you're offering feedback but to your colleague, you're coming across as critical and unappreciative. Emotional Intelligence means being able to sense how you're coming across no matter what your intentions are. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

Prajeena Shrestha reflects on how becoming aware of our habitual ways of creating stories about others’ actions can help us improve our wellbeing and relationships. In our Emotional Intelligence Mindset course, we teach this important skill of separating what happened from our interpretations so that we don’t react based on assumptions. #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter

Join us in welcoming our FEEL 2024 fellows, Kriti Lamichhane and Utsav Shrestha! Kriti is a dedicated Communication and Outreach professional at United for Impact, a women-led, youth-focused social enterprise working on SRHR. She is currently contributing to the "Safe Space and Safer World" project, which aims to educate school students, teachers, and guardians about sexual violence and create safer spaces for girls. Through FEEL 2024, she is committed to promoting emotional well-being and understanding within communities, starting with the school communities of the Safe Space & Safer World project. Kriti envisions a world where leaders inspire communities through empathy and mutual respect, along with their knowledge and leadership skills! Utsav is an INFJ personality, driven by hard work, and strives to make a positive impact on the world for both humans and animals. Friends and family mean the world to him, and he loves deep conversations. To unwind, he enjoys anime, YouTube, podcasts, sitcoms, or singing along to his favorite tunes. Utsav is excited to contribute to the mission of FEEL. The Fellowship for Emerging Empathic Leaders (FEEL) is an opportunity for young aspiring leaders to cultivate self-awareness and empathy skills through an Emotional Intelligence curriculum that enables reflective learning, immersive professional engagement, and impactful action projects for hands-on growth and contribution. The theme for FEEL '24 is 'Emotional Literacy in Education.' We will begin with the 3rd cohort in August and are excited to work with our two fellows toward a meaningful, co-creative learning journey. #FEEL2024 #EmotionalIntelligence #MyEmotionsMatter