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Pop the champagne and sparkling apple cider – it’s introspection time. This episode is our annual tradition where the Aunties reflect on what they’re bringing into 2025, and what they’re leaving in the past. Su is haunted by her dimmer-than-normal vanity light, while Ku is kicking it with the mahjong ladies. But no matter what, you know the Aunties are gonna auntie.

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Transcript

SPEAKERS

SuChin Pak, Kulap Vilaysack

Kulap Vilaysack  00:10

Welcome back to Add To Cart. I’m your auntie, Kulap Vilaysack.

 

SuChin Pak  00:14

And your other auntie. SuChin Pak, well, it’s another revolution around the sun. Is that right? Another, another trip around the old star, and we’ve learned some things. I’m more, you know what, in this episode, yes, the in past years, I feel like I had a I had more epiphanies, like, you know what? This is an interesting thing I’m gonna keep this, is what I’m gonna leave this year. Is more like this is an interesting observation. I don’t want to keep it, but I don’t know what to do with that. So okay, I’ll be enlisting your advice. But okay, that’s, that’s where I’m sitting here at the end of 2024 looking, looking, you know, just a just a hop, skip and a jump away at 2025.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:03

I think I’m similar at, well, first of all, I am different in that of lest we forget, I have surgically enhanced eyes, and so my vision, in that way, is quite clear and defined, very juicy.

 

SuChin Pak  01:19

Just, you know. So you’ve got more you’ve got more clarity.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:23

I’m just in the actual physical vision now.

 

SuChin Pak  01:29

Oh, in the literal sense.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  01:31

Yeah, only in the literal sense, yeah. So folks, if you aren’t already aware, this is our annual what to keep, what to leave. Episode The 2025 edition, scrolling forward. I’m really curious, because I know that there’s stories behind this, you know, and I’m really wondering about the bathroom vanity light leaving that behind. But okay, Su, let’s get into it.

 

SuChin Pak  02:02

Bathroom vanity light is a great place to start. Right on the top of my leave this behind. I will send you a picture of my bathroom vanity light, which has four bulbs, and two of them have been burnt out since the dawn of time. At some point, one bathroom vanity light burnt out. And I was like, oh, then just recently a second one, and it’s a very small bathroom, so three lights is still bright, two lights. Now I’m like, fuck, I can’t ignore this. And I’ve been staring at this bathroom vanity light with two missing bulbs, like two front teeth that have been knocked out, and yet, still I’m out there on the red carpet, smiling, waving to the people living my life, getting up in the morning, putting on my serums, brushing my teeth, flossing aggressively at Night, for a long time, looking at my life reflected at me.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  03:04

to the mirror. Yes, through the mirror.

 

SuChin Pak  03:08

I’m looking at this and being like, Get your shit together. How can you live like this? The symbolism and the thing is, I do have these extra bulbs now, as you know, we can only have incandescent bulbs in our house. And so on my last trip to New York, which was almost a year ago, on the cusp of a pretty much a federal ban on incandescent bulbs across this country, you cannot get incandescent bulbs anymore. I used to get them from New York, and now no longer. And so I went to Annie’s light bulb lady, who’s lovely in Chinatown. And she was like, you may want to just stock up. So I went home with a giant luggage case full of incandescent bulbs. Wow. To for this problem. Don’t know where that suitcase is. Sorry, it’s in the garage. Maybe Mike took out the boxes and they what I’m saying is the bulbs are in my house, even, and all I have to do is look for it. I don’t live in a mansion. I live in a small house, and yet I can’t manage it. Didn’t do it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:23

So you wish to let them when you say leave it behind, you mean you’re gonna go dark?

 

SuChin Pak  04:30

What I’m trying to leave behind is this thing that I do when I’m faced with something very inconsequential, something that should be minor, and yet I turn it into Mount Everest.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  04:49

Okay.

 

SuChin Pak  04:50

It becomes a months long journey, and I’m I, and I torture myself. I drag myself through. Through razor blades for months and months and months till I finally fix the problem, which should take 15 minutes, tops. And here I am with the bulbs out. This is, this is the metaphor. Yeah, I see what 2024 has been and what I would like to leave behind in 2025, so I don’t have a solution for that just yet. I just know that I have to leave this, this thing of like, this is my story, and it’s been my story for as long as I can remember. I’m overwhelmed. I’m too tired. I can’t help me. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough energy. This is my story. This is the bang on loop.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  05:46

And so much energy to floss, so much energy of energy.

 

SuChin Pak  05:51

So much energy to move.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  05:53

To move the slate, foster the slate flosser from level one to level two, back down to level one.

 

SuChin Pak  06:01

So much energy to go through my 14 steps, then my laser, then my masks.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:09

I wanna swing back to the slave philosopher. She texted me Lauren Lapkus, and she said I took it down from two to one, because why am I rushing it. That’s what she said. She said, why am I rushing the process? This bitch can’t change a light bulb.

 

SuChin Pak  06:32

Exactly what I’m saying is, the stories we tell about ourselves aren’t true. They’re just not. It’s not a non fiction tale I tell.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:44

Look, believe it or not, I can relate. You know.

 

SuChin Pak  06:49

No you can’t.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  06:50

Yes, I can. Okay, by now, would I have changed the bulb? Yes, or at least outsourced it. But there are things sometimes where I feel like I just can’t that feeling of overwhelm. And I’m like, This is so hard I don’t have time. I And then, and then it always, when it gets done, it’s like, oh, like, it got done. It always gets done. It always kind of works out, like it’s the dance before. I mean, I do it, I do it, I do the procrastination dance, and then it gets down. It’s like, oh, why was I, like, fucking making this so much harder than it needed to be? And it’s like, well, whatever, I’m tired, hungry, like, overworked, underpaid, the mental load. Just as a mother number one, it’s not the same. What guys have and what we have, like, the mental load is totally different. So give yourself all of us moms, then women in general, we have way a way heavier mental load. We’re always thinking about, you know, the collective. And we’re not as individualistic as the guys are. We’re always seeing how these things connect, and to make those sort of connections, takes brain power and takes effort, and it’s exhausting.

 

SuChin Pak  08:03

So yeah, that’s my bathroom Vanity Light your turn you want to go into, leave or keep key.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  08:10

Guess what to keep. So you know how I have vertigo Christmas Eve last year, and I was like, I gotta do less to do more. I’m gonna keep that. I’m gonna keep that. I’m gonna do. What do you mean by that? I feel like, even for this, like, this holiday season, I was very cognitive of like, not to not overdo it. And so, you know, look, my doing less probably looks like a lot to say SuChin Pak.

 

SuChin Pak  08:43

But you only have to compare it to the Kulap last year, who had to go to the emergency room.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  08:51

That’s right, and but see, that was so tricky for me because I didn’t feel stressed. I didn’t feel stressed.

 

SuChin Pak  08:57

But interesting how the body keeps that.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  08:59

That’s it, gotta keep score. So it’s like, so whatever in my intellectually, I think about my workload or whatever I’m up to my body, I have to listen to my body that you know that I need to shift what these like, what I’m able to do and what my capacity is. So I’m like, okay, even though I don’t all right, sure I gotta. I mean, like, I don’t want to be in the ER and like, having vertigo sucks in one way, it is making me have to be more mindful and conscious of my body, which is so annoying. But like, as we get older, is what we have to do, so annoying. I gotta just do less. And sometimes it’s like nobody wants as much as I’m giving, like people are fine with less.

 

SuChin Pak  09:46

Yeah, like you said, you started off saying you’re less is everybody’s a lot more. So it’s but it’s never been about that. It’s always been about, you know, we do it for ourselves, true? I mean, nobody gives a shit that, you know. No, I have a village like no one. It sits in the back next to a deep freezer and a printer on the floor, like nobody even sees this thing. But I’m, I’m out there, you know, brushing down the snow and rearranging it. I noticed there was some repairs that needed to happen.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  10:16

But nobody did we do it? Do we do it to ourselves? Yeah, you’re mayor of Christmas Village.

 

SuChin Pak  10:21

I am mayor of Christmas Village, and my destiny, I have to say, she’s, we’ve been joking about it, but I’m like, you’re on the firing list.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  10:30

Oh, she could. Well, you know, sometimes, sometimes probation gets people to write, right? You know, their shit.

 

SuChin Pak  10:36

And I said to her, I said, do would you like to just keep the village as is and not expand it. And she was, you know, verge of tears. And I said, well, then it needs to be maintained. And when there’s repairs, I gave you a repair kit. The repairs have to be made. Yesterday, I saw a little hoof came off of one of the deers on the Christmas ride that she has a repair kit for that. I can’t do it all. I have to find vanity lines. I just want to circle back really quick to the vanity, because I was like, What else about it? Because it’s a really bothersome like, I look at it and it shuts me down. And I’m like, what is this? What’s wrong with you? Like, what do you what? Why is this shutting you down? Go fucking change the bulb. And some of it is also too. Is I grew up in? Oh, yeah, this is it because my heart is beating fast. I grew up my whole childhood in that just nothing working, nothing turning on, everything breaking down, nothing paid for, no, you know what I mean? Like I grew up with that so like, when I see that any type of, even just like a little bit of carelessness, dilapidation, poverty, anything can trigger that, and it triggers me, and I just don’t even want to look at it or deal with it. We’re so crazy.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  12:14

It’s not really.

 

SuChin Pak  12:16

But we carry these like monstrous, just like huge, huge polar bear sized things around, and they’re invisible. And then one little thing, like a bathroom vanilla, you’re like, Holy shit, that is a giant monster that has been in the passenger seat this entire time. And it’s crazy. Anyway, it’s still, every once in a while, it’ll knock me to my knees, like how persistent that is.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  12:45

I think it’s tough because it’s like, you know, I mean, I’m just saying with this, with love to Mike, and more of an observation, and not, it’s not a cognation at all, but it’s like, you had to go to New York to get the light. We don’t know where the light is. It’s just something that it’s like, on you to do. I think it’s frustrating. It’s on you to do. But the reason you have to do it is not you. And there’s there’s resistance there. Look, I’m just stating fact. There’s just, I would feel feelings. We’ve made choices and like being in partnership with somebody, and we don’t need to really go down the road of what marriage is and what we do, like to, you know, in the conversations that we have, but that’s also there too, you know.

 

SuChin Pak  13:30

That’s part of the load.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  13:31

That is part of it.

 

SuChin Pak  13:32

So, yeah, so, okay, so doing less to do more. That was, sorry, I jumped into your cart.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  13:39

Like with Emmy, you know, like, the that additional effort need, like, I like to do, I like to be with her, and like to do with her. And, like, it’s just any the.

 

SuChin Pak  13:49

Extra stuff, like, with vertigo, no, I really you can’t do it. Now, when you have a kid, there’s no sick days. You can’t just, like, no and meaning that, like, like, there are no sick days. Like, of course, you have the privilege of, like, having vertigo and making sure she’s okay, because there’s someone there that can do that for you. But you, you want to be there. That’s what I’m talking about. It’s like, you want to be there for your kids. And when you want to be there, Vertigo is not going to allow that period. There’s no way around.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  14:19

Yeah, because, like, I also, I wrote, you know, what’s heap is, like, i i It’s traveling with Emmy, but I think after, like, the Hawaii trip, it’s like, it’s doing small road trips with Emmy, like the best, and just, but I also want to just, like, go out with her. And like, I want, you know, us to, like, mix it up. And I like, you know, I did a recent trip to Solvang, and went, saw you first, then went to solving with my sister, and I just want to just go see things outside of our little bubble. Yeah, like little trips she, I mean, she doesn’t even like, she doesn’t love the car, and so, you know, it’s kind of a two hour radius, but it’s still, I think it’s good for. For us to just, like, get out and you’re right. Like, Vertigo is not it sucks, guys, like, it comes up. It has come up a few times. I was like, Oh no. Like, I turned too hard on my right. Like, it’s just now I understand that it’s just going to be something I have to to be careful about, yeah. Like, it’s just something. I was like, oh, that sucks. Like, Christmas shopping was, you know, I was later than what we did the year prior, which was like, try to be done by November 1. And I’ve done things a lot later, like Christmas cards coming late, lot later. But it’s also been like, fine, fine. And in terms of shopping, I kind of, it doesn’t have to be so fucking perfect, like, it can just be something thoughtful. And the other piece for me was like, I don’t need to spend a lot of money, like, I’m already doing a lot. Like, I don’t need to, like, aside from Scott, like, who I want to and even em, like, honestly, like I explained to our family and actually asked them not to buy her anything, is that she has so much. I’m already donating so much monthly, and she’s gonna be getting presents from us and Santa this year, and she just has a lot of stuff. And even if they do want to give her a present, she may not open it on the day, because what we learned on her birthday is that in succession, it’s overwhelming. Also nothing means anything at that age, yeah, and for me, it’s like, I’m just at the point where I cannot keep track of what you’ve given her. She’s everything she needs, you know, like and, and the true factors for some people is like it, she may open it, and I might be giving it away the next week, like that. These are just them facts, you know, I mean, it’s just at two. It’s just not really cognitive, like she, you know, what she loves is what Auntie Su gave her. It was Play Doh. She’s loving that. Play Doh. No. Thanks to suchin. Now we have to deal with that, and then thanks No. Thanks to Auntie SuChin is just like her thing of rocks.

 

SuChin Pak  17:08

Guess where I got the rocks and the crystals from? So he’s from. Still has them. Still has guess what? Kids love Play Doh and rocks.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  17:19

Loves that she loves that. She’s fun with that. But it’s like, you know, we have a lot like, it’s, it’s too much stuff. It’s just too much stuff. So just as I’m asking my family members like to understand that, like, you know, I guess Sue, what I think I have like stuff with is like, when people and I feel more of like, maybe, maybe Scott’s family more than anybody, where they like, not only do they want you to love it, they want you to use it all the time, and then experience when you use it, and yeah, and it’s just like, that sort of added is too much. It’s, yeah, I don’t like it load. It’s more mental load. So if I’m asking that, then I also reciprocate that as like I give you something, and if you like I hope you like it. I really want you to like it, but if you don’t let it go.

 

SuChin Pak  18:10

Just let it go. That’s what it gives. That’s right. As soon as you the credit card bill goes through, it is out of your mental load, gone, done. It evaporates.

 

SuChin Pak  18:33

So one of the things I’m leaving behind is decision fatigue. I have five good decisions a day. It’s not I don’t know if that’s normal. I don’t know if it’s more or less. I don’t know if I’m a superwoman or just barely getting by, but I got five really good decisions a day, and one of those has to be for food. The other one has to be figuring out when I need a nap, because if I don’t schedule that in after 4pm is a nightmare. And then I’ve got three other decisions.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  19:08

Two was kind of like basic need stuff. So now, yeah, we really down to three.

 

SuChin Pak  19:12

You were down to three frivolous decisions a day, and then I make all other decisions. They’re not good decisions. And so it just is, like, at the end of the year, I’m like, wow, this is so on one hand, my personality gift giving and shopping, and then the other side is not my thing, which is making decisions. I hate making decisions. I’m not good at it. I don’t enjoy it, and it’s very draining for me, but it helps me kind of realize that, like I am that person that does not like to make decisions, and I only make a few decisions a day, I think, with clarity and with groundedness. And so I want to make sure that I am building my. Day and a life to support me making good decisions. And that means a lot of things. That means I’m wrapping up work by two o’clock. That means that I have to meal prep for the week. I don’t do any of these things. So that’s why I’m at this place of like, I don’t know, you know, I don’t have the answers, by no means am I wrapping up work by two and not getting on a phone until the kids are like, usually, like, if it’s a good day and it’s working, I’m wrapping up work by two the kids are home at three, after they’ve eaten dinner and in their showers. Then I’ll do another hour of work around six. Totally fine, just catching up on everything that I missed in the afternoon, and then I’m with the kids the rest of the evening. No screens, that’s a beautiful day for me. It just happened maybe once a week tops. The rest of it is, this is me staring at a vanity light bulb that’s missing. And like being like, what’s wrong with you, and being very upset about it and not being able to move like that. So like, what I’m saying is what I’m leaving behind, I guess, is a lifestyle that only supports decision fatigue and not makes room for who I am, which is five good decisions. I want to be that other person. I want to be making decisions all the time and be productive, but I’m not. So how do I build a life that is true to who I am? Because I’m just going to be happier.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  21:33

I think also Su, I think there’s something about like, because I know, I know you listen to some optimization, what do they call it? Is that, that sort of, like, date body.

 

SuChin Pak  21:42

Yeah, that’s also, I’m leaving that behind. I gotta stop.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  21:45

I think that shit like, that’s all like, that’s some snake oil.

 

SuChin Pak  21:50

That’s all dudes with no kids and not Yeah, partners generally, I’m making, I’m making what, you know, general statements. But that’s a lot of what that is from.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  22:02

Yeah, I don’t, I just don’t think it applies. You know, like some like, it’s also, like, intermittent fasting is not necessarily good for most women. You know, like, things aren’t one to one for a lot of reasons.

 

SuChin Pak  22:13

You’re right. Like, I’m that’s the that’s you’re looking at the wrong thing. The thing that you should be looking at is, is, accept who you are, and it’s great and perfect as it is. So how do you have a life that supports that period listening to those podcasts optimizing you’re not an optimizing person. That’s not even what makes you happy, like that’s not even who that’s not in who you are. You’re 50, that time is done like this is who you are, you know, and so I think there is like that settling into this like decade for me, like the 30s is for me, was just all about work, and then 40s was like trying to figure out, like, All of these intimate relationships, my kids, my husband, my my my parents trying to figure that out. And these aren’t like closed loops. I’m just saying that, like that was a greater thing of my focus, yeah, and the 50 is the vanity light in the mirror, like, who are you? Yeah, to stop, stop fighting who you are, and stop living a life that, like, I don’t know what this is. It’s making you so unhappy. So anyway, right? And that acceptance, whatever, however way you want to couch it, like, for me, it’s like, when I think of the word decision fatigue, that’s like, for me, my nut to crack.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  23:38

To that, like, not so dissimilar, like, one of the things I wrote, what to leave is, like, sort of self doubt. Is self doubt, and it has to do with decision making and this mulling over that you’re talking about because, like, I am a very decisive person, and when I kind of just like, start to like spin out, it’s just a lot of noise, and it drains the adrenals, like we always say. And the truth of the matter is, is that when I take breaths, as I ask Emmy to do when she’s frustrated and is take a deep breath and ask for help if she needs it, when I do that, I can make pretty clear headed decisions, and if they’re not the perfect move, it’s not life or death like you know. So I actually am very confident of what I know, and I don’t feel bad about what I don’t know, because what I don’t know I can ask questions, and I can learn I feel that I become more secure in myself every year, and I want to have faith in that and continue to do that and lean into that. So sometimes, with these this self doubt and this critical voice in my head that says I can’t do something or it’s not enough, or that where, you know, when we when I think about work, where, where do I fit in in this landscape, in entertainment? And I go, what I think, nowhere. I have those, I have those thoughts of like, well, it doesn’t seem like, you know. And then I go, Well, fuck you, man, this is what I want to do, you know. And this is, and when I do the thing, it’s good, it may not be the outcome that I want, which is to be the Asian Shonda Rhimes that has not happened yet, and the fucking truth Sue and it may not ever. And like that’s also this sort of like acknowledgement of like in thinking about, well, how do I want my day to day to look like, and how do I want to feel and so I think, as I, you know, I turned 45 this year. I think, Wow, that’s a big in itself, a big accomplishment, you know, like, self doubt is kind of like, I don’t need it anymore, so I’m keen on leaving that, leaving that behind, yeah. I mean, that’s a good one. Gray haired, silver haired. Like, What the You know what I mean, like, it’s not like a look doesn’t go together, especially with your juicy eyes.

 

SuChin Pak  26:09

My juicy eyes dripping juice.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  26:22

Other things that I want to keep surprise surprise, the election didn’t go my way. What I wanted, but what I walked away from that was wanting to spend more quality time with my community, with my various communities that I have and I’ve been doing that, you know, had a Los Angeles had its seventh year anniversary. Recently, I’m having people over again, friends of mine. We’ve started to play Mahjong, and now that’s my personality, and that’s something that I really like to do. And yes, does it seem that I am retired as well? Does it does it does seem that way to be playing my young, silver haired with my girlfriends almost weekly. But God, it feels good. It feels really nice just to have face time with people. I think post election, I have been really seeing social media for what it is, yeah, and thinking.

 

SuChin Pak  27:25

That shits garbage.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  27:27

This shits garbage in it. It’s just having me, as with all things, you need to have a really strong boundary, because back to what you’re saying. It’s like, Look all the people that you know, who who meal plan and who do all this, all the the TRad wives, or whatever. It’s like, one thing to look at it is, like, those, that’s their their job. They’re making money from the social media. That’s their job. You know, that’s a production. They are that’s what that is. It’s not just like a dip into their real life. They’ve got sponsors, they’ve got, you know, all and so, like, that’s a production.

 

SuChin Pak  28:00

Yeah, and it’s a personality.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:01

That’s right.

 

SuChin Pak  28:02

They’re characters.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:03

And I know we all know this, but it’s so hard to just not like, scroll and go, Oh, wow, they’ve done this, and they do that. They can do that. And it’s like, Well, life is a wheel of many, many quadrants of things that you need to tend, to tend towards, and you’re only seeing a few on the social media, and it’s garbage otherwise. And to just like, really acknowledge that we’re on it too much and that it can if you let it affect how you feel about yourself, it’s a problem. And also, I’m like, fuck these technocrats, oligarchs. You you’re using me. I’m gonna fucking use you. I don’t know how to do it yet. I’m not gonna like, you know what I mean? I know what you’re about. You’re not gonna fucking rule me. You’re gonna rule me a little bit. Of course, you’re gonna rule me a little bit, but I’m not gonna let you just the tip. Just the tip.

 

SuChin Pak  28:54

Oh, spicy sauce.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  28:56

Nope, I’m not sitting on it. But, yeah, do you got me a little bit?

 

SuChin Pak  29:00

You sure do? Yeah, just a little finger.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:03

Su, what else? What else do we do? Oh, I mean, I do need to. And here’s the thing, Su, it’s on me to do this, by the way. And that’s annoying is to, like, fucking set up date night.

 

SuChin Pak  29:17

Why is it on you? I do everything?

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:19

Maybe that’s yeah. And I think he knows, he understands that he’s got it good, and I know that I got it good. And we work, we do work, we do work absolutely.

 

SuChin Pak  29:33

Which is why you have two giant Christmas trees. He doesn’t say shit.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  29:38

Or that we’re gonna talk about my tits or my eyeballs. Oh, he loves those too. And for him, it’s like, he’s like, Okay, you got really got into Christmas one year, and now it’s changed. But he doesn’t, does he enjoy it? I don’t even really ask him if he enjoys it,

 

SuChin Pak  29:52

But, no but he knows you enjoy it. So he he does know that. And that’s very politely, steps aside. You don’t need value. Validation from your partner. When you’re married, did that you as soon as you say, I do, that’s when you stop needing validation from your partner.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  30:09

I do at times go I look at him straight in the eye. So I say, are you happy? Are your needs met? Right now? Because I’m making sure my needs are met. Are your needs met? I do that. I have to do that. I have to pull things out of him. Are you okay? Do you need a massage? What do you need? Like, he won’t. It’s like, I have to.

 

SuChin Pak  30:26

Yeah, you really have to walk him through it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  30:29

For me, I feel that, like, if he sends me a link to, like, oh, like, there’s a new restaurant in LA, I need to pick that up doing, yeah, but I need to pick that up and make the reservation I need, then make sure that that we have a babysitter. I need to see, you know what I mean? I’m like, do you want to you know what I mean? Like, it’s just, and again, I’m taken care of so, yeah, we all know that he takes care of me. He takes care of me. But I’m just saying, I hope we gotta do, we gotta do monthly date nights, and you know, we haven’t, it has been harder with the baby.

 

SuChin Pak  31:04

Of less of you going around.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:07

That’s right, less of him, less of me. We’re more tired. He also was touring so much this year, which I’m grateful for. And to maintain my lifestyle, I might send him back out.

 

SuChin Pak  31:19

And you’ll take him out to dinner. That’s right, even stevens. That’s your nickname. That’s right. In 2025 I see her. I’m gonna be like, Look at Stevens.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  31:28

So evens, I’m complaining, you know, I am, I know. But at the same time, he was also like, the day before Thanksgiving, he was like, you gotta stop. I’m like, Okay, I just have to do this. He’s like, he is very worried about me.

 

SuChin Pak  31:46

Well, to be worried about you is to be worried about him. The House of Cards that would fall down. I mean, Mike says it all the time, like, if this lady here slows down or has to lay down nothing. We’re we’re all fucked.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:03

We’re all fucked.

 

SuChin Pak  32:04

So I suggest you guys pipe down and let her take her nap, because nobody’s getting fed tonight if she doesn’t go down. Yeah, it’s, it is interesting, because it it my, I see I’m married 12 years, probably 10 years for him, to figure that one out, for both of us to figure it out, takes time. Takes some time guys, don’t let it take 10 years for you listening. This is, yeah, we’re doing this so, you know, but this is get it done quicker.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  32:38

So I am contemplative of like me turning 45 you turning 50? What do we want the stage of our life to look like? As we para menopausally strut.

 

SuChin Pak  32:51

I would say, and Ku, you tell me if I’m wrong, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I know it’s not, doesn’t sound like it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  33:00

And I know a lot of you’re like, oh, fuck, this is heavy.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  33:06

Tiffany are you okay? Let’s check in with Tiffany.

 

SuChin Pak  33:08

Yeah, she’s like, bug eyed, and like, you know what? I mean, she could be drunk at this point, and I wouldn’t blame her, but yeah I know it’s shocking. This is what happiness can also sound like. And I’m just telling it. I am definitely 100% the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’m miserable, but anyway.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  33:35

But the pitivity message I’m shivering.

 

SuChin Pak  33:39

Yeah, that’s the correct Yeah, of course, I spooked her. If you’re not spooked by this tiff, you’re not that smart, you know, yeah? Like, yeah. It doesn’t take a lot of smarts to be spooked by by what’s being said. So what I’m saying is, I don’t know. Like, I think that. Like, I hope once you get over the depression of what I’ve just said, the other thing that you’ll get from it is is that, like there’s no pressure, yeah, like there’s no such thing. It doesn’t exist. Because this is what happiness could look like, meaning that like it doesn’t have to look like a prairie dress on a farm, milking goats into your mouth, like baking pies with 14 kids, you know what I mean, and private jets. Like, it doesn’t have to look like that, like, all that pressure of like, well, if it doesn’t look a certain way, does that mean that I don’t get to feel it? No, like there’s things about my life that like the vanity light thing, but.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  34:41

But, that’s capitalism, Su though.

 

SuChin Pak  34:43

Even, but even in that like, I can so quickly get to like, but I I’m so happy, you know, I get to do whatever the fuck I want. I don’t have to sit here in front of this microphone. You don’t have to do that. And nothing will change in our. Lives like that’s a privilege. That’s amazing. We worked really hard for that. Yes, true. I spent so much of my time thinking that once I see happiness and I’ll be happy. It’s like that just doesn’t work. That’s not how it works, you can find that.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  35:16

It’s not a destination.

 

SuChin Pak  35:18

No, and you can find it even though it all looks like shit.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  35:21

In summation, it almost feels like I didn’t even realize it at the top of this episode of just like, I think we’re, you know, we’re stepping into the great unknown. I mean, we are who we are. It’s like we know who we are, we know what we’re good at. We certainly know our limitations, as described in this last hour, but it’s just we. There is something of this desire, of like, wanting to it does feel like we’re stepping into something new.

 

SuChin Pak  35:50

Yeah, and that does feel different. I know it, it does. I think for a lot of our regular listeners, like they’ll hear the nuance in that. But it is different, because I think I feel like I had answers, you know, at the same time last year, I had, like, I said, big revelations. This year, it’s, it’s not, I think it’s a little bit more, yeah, I don’t really know what’s happening, but I’m, I’m okay with that.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  36:16

Blessings all around.

 

SuChin Pak  36:18

There it is, another year in the can.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  36:21

That’s right, if you aren’t already make a resolution to follow us on Instagram @AddtoCartpod.

 

SuChin Pak  36:27

And you guys, we love it when you send us comments and DMS and what you’re keeping and what you’re leaving behind, we’d love to hear about that. You know that always sparks some introspection here on our end, you can also leave us a voicemail. We love hearing your guys’ voices and imagining who you are at speak pipe. It’s so easy. The link is in our bio. You literally just click it and then start recording. It’ll also be in our show notes, and that’s it. Let’s wrap it up. Put a bow on it.

 

Kulap Vilaysack  37:00

Happy New Year everybody. Let’s make it a good one.

 

CREDITS  37:08

There’s more Add to cart with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content, like where we tell you about the last item we bought or returned, and why subscribe now in Apple podcasts. Add To Cart is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producers are Kegan Zema and Tiffany Bui. Brian Castillo is our engineer. Theme music is by Wasahhbii and produced by La Made It and Oh So Familiar with additional music by APM music. Executive producers or Kulap Vilaysack, SuChin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Wittels Wachs. Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram at @AddToCartPod. Follow Add to Cart wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon music with your Prime membership.