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HIDING BATHROOM Paperback – May 23, 2018
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“Introverts will love this practical and moving guide to building a career, network, and life you love.” - Susan Cain, author of Quiet
From the marketing guru and host of the popular podcast Hiding in the Bathroom, a breakthrough introverts' guide that broadens the conversation sparked by Quiet and moves away from the "Lean In" approach, offering wisdom and practical tips to help readers build strong relationships and achieve their own definition of professional success.
Most ambitious people believe that reaching the peaks of success means being on 24/7—tirelessly networking, deal-making, and keynoting conferences. This is nonsense, says Morra Aarons-Mele. As an eminent entrepreneur with a flourishing business and a self-proclaimed introvert with lots of anxieties, Morra disagrees with the notion that there’s only one successful "type": the intense, super social, sleep-deprived mover and shaker, the person who musters endless amounts of "grit." Hiding in the Bathroom is her antidote for everyone who is fed up with feeling like they must always "lean in"—who prefer those moments of hiding in the bathroom to constantly climbing the ladder or working the room.
Morra knows what it takes to make your mark, and now, this entrepreneur who has boosted the online strategy of clients such as the Malala Fund, President Obama, the UN Foundation, and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation shares the insights, tricks, and knowledge she’s learned. Filled with advice, exercises to help readers evaluate their own work/life fit and manage anxiety, valuable tools, and stories of countless successful people—entrepreneurs, academics, and novices just beginning their careers—Hiding in the Bathroom empowers professionals of all ages and levels to take control and build their own versions of success. Thoughtful and practical, it is a must-have handbook for building a fantastic, prosperous career and a balanced, happy life—on your own terms.
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateMay 23, 2018
- Dimensions5.31 x 0.76 x 8 inches
- ISBN-100062666096
- ISBN-13978-0062666093
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Christine Koh interviews Morra Aarons-Mele about her book, Hiding in the Bathroom: An Introvert's Roadmap to Getting Out There (When You'd Rather Stay Home)
Christine Koh: I would imagine that anyone who has seen you speak or move through a crowd at an event would never guess that you identify as an introvert! You are tall, glamorous, well-spoken, impassioned, and accomplished yet also totally relatable!
Morra Aarons-mele: You are very kind to say that! I still always feel like I’m walking into lunch in middle school and no one wants to sit with me. But I’ve learned how to spot an opening in the conversation, and make my way. Even more important, I’ve learned when I have had enough and am allowed to leave.
CK: What’s it like to be an ambitious overachiever and also an introvert?
MA: Being an ambitious overachiever means I am always negotiating between selves. Like, I might be standing at a cocktail party with my two sides arguing, one who wants to make a beeline for the exit, and the one who knows she needs to stay and talk to colleagues. It’s a battle between what you’re intrinsically driven to accomplish and what your temperament makes you feel.
CK: You say that networking is a skill, and that you’d be 37% more successful if you liked cocktail parties. Is there truth to this? And how does one go about developing their networking skills?
MA: It might be more like 38%! In business, networks are everything, especially if you are responsible for sales or business development, as I am. But LinkedIn senior executive and current Silicon Valley tech CEO Arvind Rajan (who also used to hide in the bathroom) has another suggestion: just reframe your expectations of yourself as a leader. 'Networking is a skill we learn just like we learn how to do Excel', he says. 'At some level you need to master the basics. But you’re better off playing to your strengths.' Arvind is a skilled practitioner of cultivating leadership without pressing the flesh, and he has coped with his social anxiety through a very successful twenty-year career in Silicon Valley.
CK: What’s your best piece of advice for anyone at a party?
MA: Channel your inner Oprah! BlogHer cofounder and CEO Lisa Stone’s former career as a journalist was key to helping her learn to work a room in Silicon Valley. 'I’ve always been that person behind the reporter’s notebook, asking other people their opinions,” she told me. “What I don’t like is the spotlight.' If you feel alien, unworthy, shy, or nervous in a room full of powerful players, pretend you’re there to report a story. Ask people lots of questions-this is your strength as an introvert! Listen actively. Draw them out. Even the most powerful person enjoys telling their own story. You can even use it to produce content. And the truth is, when you ask people lots of questions about themselves, you’re remembered as a great conversationalist!
CK: How do you rally yourself in those moments when you just want to hide in the bathroom (or stay home in your pajamas)?
MA: I give myself a pep talk, put on my big girl panties (sorry, I’m potty training my toddler) and get out there. I need to work, I love my work, and I always feel better once I’m in the flow of it. Just because you want to hide doesn’t mean you can, or should. So I leave the house and I hustle with the best of them, and reward myself with quiet time later.
Christine Koh is the founder/editor of Boston Mamas, co-host of the Edit Your Life Show, co-author of Minimalist Parenting, and creative director at Women Online.
Editorial Reviews
Review
“Introverts will love this practical and moving guide to building a career, network, and life you love.”
— Susan Cain, author of Quiet
“Morra Aarons-Mele has written a great guide for anyone who’s feeling the anxiety of introversion and ready to find a way to be true to yourself and feel successful and connected at the same time.” — KJ Dell’Antonia, New York Times Well Family columnist
“Ambitious introverts finally have a career coach! Morra Aarons-Mele knows from personal experience that we shy people have burning desires to build businesses, brands, and careers, too. Her expert playbook shows how to leverage every opportunity—without sugarcoating some of the trade-offs we need to make to succeed.” — Lisa Stone, cofounder and CEO emeritus, BlogHer Inc.
“It took me twenty years to understand that I could focus on my strengths as a leader and skip the schmoozing. If you read Morra’s book, you won’t have to learn the hard way.” — Arvind Rajan, former VP international, LinkedIn; cofounder and CEO, Cricket Health
“[A] riveting look at redefining personal approaches to work…bolstered with helpful tools including quizzes and worksheets...The author’s attention-grabbing headlines and subheads...keep the pace quick, while her willingness to share illustrative personal experiences, both good and bad, adds vivid color to the strategies she shares.” — Publishers Weekly
“This is THE book for Human Venn Diagrams who identify as introverts (and those who love them)...the perfect guide to help you put yourself out there as well as grant yourself a little grace when you need to recharge.” — Forbes
“In this insightful and enjoyable book, Morra Aarons-Mele offers useful guidelines for creating a schedule and work life that you can control, allowing your ambition to shine while taking the space you need.” — Leslie Perlow, Konosuke Matsushita Professor of Leadership at Harvard Business School
From the Back Cover
Before heading into a meeting or networking event, do you feel anxious?
Do you feel pressure to always say yes when it comes to work?
Do you prefer to work alone or in small groups?
Do you have trouble creating professional and personal boundaries?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, Hiding in the Bathroom is for you!
Morra Aarons-Mele demolishes the myth that there’s only one successful “type” of achiever: the intense, super social, sleep-deprived mover and shaker. Instead, she paves a path for ambitious people who struggle with anxiety, introversion, or just crave a little more control over their lives. Filled with practiced advice, easy-to-follow exercises, proven tools, and real stories collected from personal experience and more than one hundred twenty interviews of successful people—entrepreneurs, academics, and those just beginning their careers—Hiding in the Bathroom helps you tackle the sometimes thorny emotions and issues that accompany a career, so you can create a plan for success and happiness that’s right for you, whether you’re a millennial or at midlife.
About the Author
Morra Aarons-Mele is the founder of the award-winning social impact agency Women Online, hosts the podcast Hiding in the Bathroom, and created the influencer network the Mission List. She was founding political director of BlogHer.com, and has written for the Harvard Business Review, the Huffington Post, MomsRising, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and the Guardian. She has lectured at the Yale Women’s Campaign School, the Harvard Kennedy School, and at the World Economic Forum for Young Global Leaders. Aarons-Mele is a graduate of Brown University and the Harvard Kennedy School, and lives in her pajamas in Boston, Massachusetts.
Product details
- Publisher : HarperEnt; Reprint edition (May 23, 2018)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062666096
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062666093
- Item Weight : 8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.31 x 0.76 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #155,763 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #353 in Job Hunting & Career Guides
- #2,519 in Success Self-Help
- #3,558 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
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If you’re feeling anxious right now, you’re not alone. The world is scary, and nothing seems certain except uncertainty. How can you work with authority and strength when you feel anxious? How can you inspire and motivate others when your mind and heart are racing? This is what I tackle in my new book, The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower, to be released by Harvard Business Review Press in April 2023.
I am a podcast host, writer, entrepreneur, mother, and communications executive. I live outside Boston with my family and an assortment of pets. I host The Anxious Achiever podcast, a top-10 Management podcast and 2020 Webby Awards honoree. I'm one of ten thought leaders named LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Mental Health for 2022. Passionate about helping people rethink the relationship between their mental health and their success, I consult for Fortune 500 companies, startups, and US government agencies.
In addition to my contribution to workplace mental health, I founded Women Online, the award-winning social impact agency and I sold it in 2021. I've helped three US presidential candidates and a range of mission-driven organizations create communications, marketing, and fundraising campaigns. I'm a longtime blogger who's covered the campaign trail, the White House, the lactation room, and the office cubicle. I've written for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Fast Company, among other publications. My first book, the Amazon bestseller Hiding in the Bathroom: How To Get Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home), was published by Dey Street Books in 2017 and is available in 4 languages.
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We often conflate the idea of a "leader" with the fearless extrovert salesperson, the charmer, but the reality is probably a lot different: most of Silicon Valley's entrepreneurs are also awkward introverts and in this book, Morra pioneers a new style of leadership: a quieter, more introspective, softer leader, but one that isn't any less ambitious or driven. Just one that goes after the work in a different way. Bravo, beautiful book.
Unfortunately, in its hyper-focus on social anxiety and fears, the book perpetuates many myths about introverts. In fact:
- Introverts are not necessarily either socially anxious or socially awkward.
- Introverts do not necessarily need to scale back their activities or ambitions, as the author implies. They only need to choose their activities and ambitions so they're compatible with their personality.
- Many introverts have no problem whatsoever saying no. She spends a whole chapter on this issue.
- Some introverts do not experience FOMO (fear of missing out), do not constantly compare themselves with others, and are self-confident and grounded.
Because I am a psychologically healthy introvert, I did not like this book one bit and objected to many of its generalizations.
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