Memoirist Michael Ausiello on the bizarre experience of watching Jim Parsons play him in Spoiler Alert

Entertainment journalist Michael Ausiello has interviewed just about every TV star you can think of — but he never thought he'd be played by one.

"I wasn't one of those people who had a list or a dream casting," he says of seeing The Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons portray a version of him in the new film Spoiler Alert. "Mostly because it just seemed such a remote possibility that it would ever happen."

Based on Ausiello's 2017 memoir Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies, the new movie from director Michael Showalter follows the author and his 13-year-relationship with his partner, Kit, particularly over the period of Kit's terminal cancer diagnosis and eventual death. Parsons stars opposite Pennyworth's Ben Aldridge as Kit.

It's easy to imagine it being strange watching Parsons, who Ausiello has interviewed many times, re-enact love scenes or devastatingly emotional moments from the writer's own life. But for Ausiello, the most out-of-body moments were watching Parsons put on his reporter hat.

"That was maybe the weirdest stuff, when Jim was sitting there interviewing other actors and introducing himself as Michael Ausiello," he says. "More than anything, it's those moments that were the most surreal because it's like, 'That's Jim Parsons, this famous actor who I've admired for so long on a show that I covered profusely throughout my career, now filling my shoes in a weird way.'"

"He wasn't doing an impersonation of me," Ausiello adds. "But in those moments when he is saying my name and when he is sitting in front of the TVLine logo or in the TV Guide office, it's like, this is just bizarre."

Our wide-ranging conversation with Ausiello (also an EW alum) touches on the experience of seeing his life story brought to the big screen, what it's like having Sally Field star in your movie, and what he thinks his late husband would have thought of the film, which is now in theaters.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Jim Parsons and his husband came to you with the idea of optioning this and adapting it for the big screen. What was your initial reaction? Excitement, trepidation, all of the above?

MICHAEL AUSIELLO: All of the above. In that moment though, it was mostly excitement, because it felt like the best kind of confidence boost for the book. It was the week the book came out. Jim was moderating this Q&A for me at Barnes & Noble. I was feeling vulnerable and a little scared putting this book out into the world. The fact that Jim and Todd connected to it so much to the point where they were interested in turning it into a movie made me feel really good about the book I had just written.

Does it feel a little full-circle? You've spoken about how you've used television as a coping mechanism.

It absolutely does. Those flashback scenes, it's this younger soap-opera-obsessed version of me. Thinking back to that kid being bullied in high school and feeling so codependent with my mom. If that little kid only knew some of the exciting things that were to come. It's the best kind of full-circle moment.

Jim Parsons is playing a version of you. What do you feel he captures well about you?

I'm glad you mentioned that Jim is playing a version of me because that really is it in a nutshell. He never set out to do an impersonation. I never wanted him to do an impersonation. It was always about him putting his own stamp on this role, and he did it beautifully. One of the things that touched me the most about the performance is just how vulnerable he allowed himself to be. I'm someone who often has his walls up and has a tough time letting people see the real me. Jim seemed much more open to putting himself out there in some really emotionally, grueling moments. I often marveled at that.

What was it like seeing the movie come to life? Was it harder than writing the book? I would imagine reliving some of these moments were not the easiest days.

Writing the book was torture. Because it came so soon after Kit had died. I was deep in the grieving process and here I am every day ripping the band-aid off and diving back in. I'm glad I did it. But it wasn't a pleasant experience. It was isolating, it was lonely, it was hard. The movie experience was the opposite of that. Filmmaking is a collaborative experience. So, it was a joy to be working with other people and working with other people who I've admired for so long. In terms of it being difficult to be on set, we weren't making a documentary and, and because Jim and Ben were putting their own stamp on these roles, I never felt like I was watching my life be replayed before my eyes.

That's generally speaking. I will say there were several moments that are so true to what the real life experience was that it was emotional for me. Two scenes stand out for me — it's the beach scene with the bubbles, which is basically, frame for frame, word for word, exactly how that moment unfolded on the Jersey Shore. And then the deck scene at the end where Kit and I lay all of our relationship cards out on the table and have the best kind of reckoning. That was very true to the actual experience, right down to a lot of the words that were said.

Were there ever any moments or days where you had to step away because it was overwhelming?

Never. I would say the hardest day emotionally for me was the day that we shot Kit's death scene. That was more because I was just so moved by the performances I was watching, not because I felt like I was getting a glimpse into my past or reliving that painful moment. I know the cast and crew really worried about me that day, and I was emotional, but maybe not for the reasons that they thought I was. Even though I was very invested and I wanted the story to be faithful and true to the original story, I knew we were making a movie, so I was able to have some emotional separation from the real-life experience and the work that we were doing.

I know you gave Ben Aldridge access to a lot of Kit's photographs and things. Were there moments where you felt like he was channeling him?

Yes, there were moments. Ben looks like Kit. They're not twins, but sometimes when Ben tilts his head or will say something or laugh in a certain way, he really captures the essence of Kit and it's eerie. It's eerie, but it's also amazing. That beach scene where Kit is blowing bubbles was so similar to how Kit was in that moment, which is one of the reasons why when we were thinking about what clip to show in the credit sequence, that was the first one that came to mind.

I was going to ask if you always knew you were going to show something of the real Kit, and how you chose that clip?

I always thought that might be a nice touch, but it wasn't a conversation that we had until after the film was shot. We were deep in the editing stage. I had sent [director] Michael Showalter some video and some photos that I thought might be a nice touch. I forget exactly how it all happened, but it was a conversation Michael and I had. Ultimately it was his decision to use that one video clip.

You tweeted about that Smurf collection on screen being entirely yours. How much of the set decoration or props are things that belong to you or Kit?

The Smurf collection was 100 percent mine. Every piece of Smurf memorabilia you see on that set belongs to me. And I'd just like to point out, that's only a fraction of the overall collection. That is not everything. But there were a lot of pieces in Kit's apartment set when we first meet him. And then in Michael and Kit's apartment set, most of the photos on the wall, that's Kit's photography. Many of the tchotchkes there are things that meant something to Kit, meant something to both of us. It was amazing that the set dressers were really interested in adding that bit of authenticity to the environment. It was a beautiful thing to see, particularly Kit's art. He was such an amazing photographer. It was so nice to just walk through those sets and see his photography hanging on the walls. And to see the producers and the cast and the crew fawning over them. There were fights over who was going to take them home. Everybody was just so in awe of his talent.

I really adore the framing device at the end where Michael's imagining himself on a TV set saying goodbye to an actor leaving a show. When did Michael Showalter and David Marshall Green first come to you with that idea, and what did you think of it?

So that was David and Dan [Savage], the screenwriters, both of them. That was their idea. That's how they pitched this movie. Their version of this story was: Let's lean into television. Television was such a big part of my life, a big part of my childhood, a big part of my relationship with Kit, and they found a really clever, interesting way to use that obsession to tell this story.

Kit's parents, played by Sally Field and Bill Irwin in the film, are very private people as I understand, but have they had a chance to see it yet?

They haven't seen it. I don't think they are going to see it. I've told them I respect and understand whatever decision they make. This was their only son. They're still going through their own grief process. I don't think seeing the movie is going to be part of their grief or healing process. But I visit them once a year. I spend the day there. love that town. I love them. I've been keeping them updated as the process of the movie unfolded. I wanted them to hear it from me before they read about it anywhere else. So they obviously are aware of it. But beyond that, I want to be respectful and understand, and give them the space to grieve and mourn on their own terms.

What was your reaction to learning Sally Field was going to play your mother-in-law?

To this day, I'm still in disbelief that Sally Field is in this movie. I've seen this movie six times already. Every time I see it, when she pops up on screen, I'm like, "Holy s---, Sally Field is in this movie." It's insane. What a privilege to have her be part of this story. It's unbelievable.

This story has a lot of emotional restraint and doesn't veer into maudlin territory. I am guessing that came from your voice and the way you tell your story on the page. But was that something that was really important to you?

It was so important to me, because the book — I wouldn't describe it as overly sentimental at at all. I'm not an overly sentimental person. If anything, I tend to lean in the opposite direction. But I knew when Michael came on board as the director, that we were of like mind there. I knew that in many ways, we were speaking the same language. Some of that is because he told me he had no interest in making an overly sappy movie. But he was interested in leaning into the messiness of love and the imperfections of relationships and the flaws of people in love. He remained true to his word. I had no interest in sugarcoating myself or my relationship and my story. And Michael had no interest in doing that either.

In pop culture, for a long time, we only got stories of gay tragedy, not gay joy. I feel that Spoiler Alert is both in equal measure. Was that something you were conscious of, as a cultural critic?

Remarkably, I didn't really focus or think about that too much. I had this story to tell. I wouldn't describe this as a tragic story necessarily, just because there's so much humor and dark humor in it. Maybe it's because I always approached the material from that perspective, I never saw this as a gay tragedy. Honestly, it's cheesy to say, but at the end of the day, it's a love story. It's about these two profoundly imperfect, flawed people who found each other miraculously two months after 9/11, fell in love, and fought to stay together until the universe split them apart.

What do you think Kit would think of the movie?

He'd be thrilled that we hired Ben Aldridge to play him, because he's so f--ing hot.

Related content:

• Spoiler Alert review: A ridiculously charming leading man anchors a genre-defying love story
• Michael Ausiello on reliving the worst year of his life to write Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies
• Will Smith returns in the brutal Emancipation, while Jim Parsons and Tilda Swinton grapple with grief